Hikaruland

Moving Home

2011-03-15T10:51:00.002+11:00

Well, Blogger, 'twas fun, but I'm a bit older and while you're good, I just need that new symbolic change.

Catch me over at Hikarublue*

*Blue as in Australian, but perhaps I may say a few off-colour things.

A Long Time Between Drinks

2010-12-31T21:46:00.002+11:00

Well, it's been over a month since I've updated this corner of the Internet, and the main reason why is not laziness, but concern for my company.

I could easily state that "my opinions are my own and do not necessarily reflect my employer,"as you often see on many blogs or Twitter pages, but there's a bit of an interesting twist when one is one's own employer and responsible not just for oneself but the livelihood of many, ergo, I've opted not to say anything. (Believe you me, my tongue is now very swollen from all the biting.)

Next year, I will be launching (after much clearance with what I can and cannot say) a new Hikaruland, which will have a new title (also befitting my relocation to Melbourne).

For now, I would invite everyone to take a look at the 5 year run of Hikaruland, and please feel free to share your favourite posts.

It's a new decade ahead, and I reckon it's going to be a cracker.

Constructing A New Normal Censored

2010-11-05T17:10:00.000+11:00

It's been a tidal wave of change over the past few months. I've gone from being a semi-bohemian journalist and teacher's spouse to an international CEO. As a result, I've found posting on this corner of the Internet nigh on impossible either due to time pressures* or due to corporate censorship (tragically, this is my own doing as I'm not going to do my own company over by my own words).

*(Oi! America, realise that a significant part of the world is 10 hours plus ahead. In other words, stop forcing me to be "on" at midnight when I need some sleep)

This new business normal I hope and pray will not be in perpetuity, because I believe in a passion both for and in one's work. I believe wholeheartedly in what my company stands for and the ideals of its industry. I do not, however, have a passion for the details, nor do I like being vague when expressing myself. (Confused by that statement? So am I, yet it's the best way I can safely express my opinion at this moment in time.)

So please bear with me.

The upside is that there are things I can talk about. One major one: the midterm elections. As a business owner, this Republican House is going to bugger things up for me. I cannot say much more than that, but just you watch. This lot is still believes in trickle-down economics.

Mind you, the Australian dollar hit A$1 = US$ 1.02 this morning, so I'm quite happy being in the Antipodes.

Location:Melbourne, Victoria

It Ain’t A Small World after all

2010-10-26T02:57:00.001+11:00

“This is a pen” is the basic English phrase that many Japanese learn at school. It’s also a bit of a pun on the famous Magritte painting about a pipe. My time in Tokyo did feel a bit like a step into Belgian absurdity.

Having not really used my Japanese conversational skills in yonks, I was a bit nervous in resuming them, particularly since I was travelling a more Japanese tourist route rather than Western.

I say tourist route, but basically I mean going to and from Tokyo Disneyland.

Once again, I got socked with long lines, but this is mostly my own fault as circumstances found me going to Tokyo Disneyland on the weekend, when families, couples, and high school students all converge on the world’s only non-Disney owned Disney park.

If you do a search on YouTube, you can find many clips of the rides on tap at Tokyo Disneyland, and I must say, there’s a certain charm and precision at Tokyo Disneyland that’s lacking at the other parks. (Et tu, Hong Kong?)

Whether that justifies 3 hour waits for a Winnie the Pooh ride or a jacked up version of the Haunted Mansion, I’m not entirely certain. All I know is that Disney really needs to export the Tokyo DisneySea park to at least Florida, as that was the first Disney park I went to where it felt like it worked for adults as well as children.

But I digress. One of the things that has somewhat gotten me down in this unexpected Tour de Disney is that It’s A Small World seems to be shutdown at virtually every Disney park (except Hong Kong).

Tokyo? Shut.

Florida? Shut.

California? Shut.

(Were it not for factors involving my Chinese visa I would’ve been able to verify as to whether it was shut in France, but I reckon it probably was.)

Now, the ride admittedly is naff, but given what I’ve been through and the hassles of modern day travel, it would’ve been a nice boost to remember that we’re all the same.

I accept that as a writer, I have a tendency to see metaphors everywhere, and this one was written in bold and underlined twice: The World is really not so small anymore.

True we may be able to travel between in continents in half-a-day, but we’ve lost the sense of commonality. Travelling now for nearly 20 days, I get the sense that as someone doing a long trip home, I’m regarded with a touch of suspicion. Granted, 11 September 01 played a major role in this, but why is it so hard to get back almost a decade later?

Just because we have proof that humans are evil buggers, does that mean that we can no longer accept that we have (and that the vast majority of us are) decent people committed towards peaceful co-existence.

Apparently only in Hong Kong, which seems to be the only place where an American citizen permanently residing in Australia barely raises an eyebrow.

And the local Disneyland still has It’s A Small World.

Next destination: If birthdates would determine where one should live then I should be living there as opposed to its (probably more fun) neighbour. It’s the Antipodean Canada.

World Expo of Queues

2010-10-24T03:48:00.002+11:00

As I write this, I’m actually in Tokyo, but before I delve into things here, I wanted to talk about Shanghai.

The purpose of the Shanghai stop was pretty much exclusively to see Expo 2010. See it, I did. See pavilions? I saw some.

Why only some?

The queues.

Perhaps it shouldn’t come as a surprise that there would be nasty queues at a major global event hosted by a country over a billion people, but it certainly did to me.

Everything had massive queues attached to it. Even the most obscure country’s pavilion that you’d think close to no one (at least in China) would have any interest in visiting had at least a 20 minute minimum wait.

I wish I was exaggerating for effect, but I waited 20-40 minutes to get inside the following pavilions:

- The Caribbean Community (which apparently now includes Guyana & Suriname)

- Kyrgyzstan

- Cuba (which was a bit of a letdown…architecturally stunning on the outside with a beautiful mural of Havana inside, but basically was a shabby stand selling rum and cigars on the inside)

- Slovenia (“I Feel sLOVEnia” is a brilliant slogan, and the wittiest one I saw…in English.)

- Myanmar (Everything’s peachy keen in Myanmar apparently.)

- Timor-Leste/East Timor (I saw everyone walking about with Timor-Leste bags, yet I couldn’t find a single shop at the pavilion.)

- Peru (A trippy journey up a metaphorical Macchu Picchu, and into a Peruvian restaurant.)

It was over an hour’s wait to get into these:

- North Korea (Quite frankly, there was no way that I was going to pass that opportunity, and North Korea had propaganda by the tonne on sale, yet all everybody wanted to buy were stamps and purified water.)

- South Africa (I’d like to cut the South Africans some slack since they did practically blow the national budget on the World Cup, but it was letdown after the exterior featured a very rousing quote by Nelson Mandela. Honestly, close to no mention about being a “rainbow nation?”)

- Venezuela (Full of rhetoric, but extremely moving Socialist rhetoric about equality and striving to improve economic disparity between the races. Coincidentally (or not), it was located next to the Cuban pavilion. The spirit of Chavezism took hold of me and I proceeded to order some empanadas from the staff at the pavilion’s restaurant in Spanish. The Chinese staff stared at me blankly in response.)

- Australia (“Come visit/invest in Australia! We’ve got natural resources galore and a multiethnic population the size of Shanghai.” That was the message I took away from the flashy Mandarin—subtitled in English—film at the Australian Pavilion. Mind you, the Australian Pavilion seemed to be staffed exclusively by Euro-Australians fluent in Mandarin.)

With those sort of waiting times, I didn’t even bother attempting to visit these pavilions:

- The USA (Although for once the US was making a serious effort at a World Expo. Apparently, Congress passed some law that forbids the US government from using money to do a pavilion, so our piss-poor previous efforts are the fault of corporate America being cheap. Amongst the sponsors this time around? Amway. I kid you not.)

- Iraq (located as far away from Iran as they possibly make it.)

- Kazakhstan/Uzbekistan (and every other -stan out there, save for Kyrgyzstan)

- The Netherlands (which was entitled “Happy Street,” and scene of some of the most vicious queuing behaviour I saw.)

- China/Hong Kong/Macau/Taiwan (As much as I wanted to see any potential friction going down “One Country, Three Systems” street, I was not going to wait 4 hours in the sun for it.

Architecturally, this was an amazing event. Truly it was, I really will be keen to see what Shanghai will do with the pavilions after the event ends on Halloween.

As a visitor, however, this Expo left me feeling a little bit left out. For the most part, the pavilions were more about selling the country to the Chinese as opposed to the world at large. While China may be making millionaires by the second, it still somewhat contravenes the purpose of a World Expo--at least to my eyes--to heavily cater to one crowd as opposed to the world at large. Ironically, the organisers seemed to be selling the Expo to foreign visitors as a way to meet China and the World.

I think something got lost in translation.

It’ll be interesting to see what Yeosu (Korea) has in store for 2012.

Shanghaied

2010-10-21T10:30:00.001+11:00

As I type this, I am in Shanghai for the World Expo. I am not certain whether I mentioned this on this corner of the internet before, I considered myself a slight China-sceptic. Politically, I was always in the French vein of Socialism, not Chinese. China just seems to be growing and growing without abandon and that gives me serious pause for thought. Yet, actually being here in Shanghai, I am presented with a very cosmopolitan and just as important, ethnically diverse city. I think it if the government encourages this sort of growth, China will truly live up to the potential given to it. The word "People's Republic," is not just a phrase, it's a genuine belief that I think a lot of countries should aspire to.

Now for the delay in posts. Well, I unfortunately fell sick in London and experienced an almost "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" style hospitalization at an NHS hospital. The illness (I'll spare you the details, but it's not serious) also reared its head in San Francisco and delayed me there. In New York and Los Angeles, I was stymied by my other job (again, I can't be frank about that at the moment).

I believe that work and health will not delay me for the remainder of the trip. (Although that being said, the air here is not the healthiest in the world.)

The next stop shouldn't be a major surprise to anyone who has followed this corner of the internet: it's not Korea, but close by.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The Nation at Work?

2010-10-05T07:54:00.001+11:00

Let’s just say that my first leg didn’t begin auspiciously. I had an absurdly early flight which led me to absent-mindedly leave my mobile behind back at my hotel room in Milwaukee. Normally, that would trigger a sense of neuroses and a flurry of phone calls to rectify the situation. However it’s a bit hard to do a flurry of phone calls when you are missing a mobile and just barely make your flight because you’re lugging around 2 big pieces of luggage and come across the very efficient TSA at Milwaukee.

So it wasn’t until I got to wet suburban Maryland that I was able to locate a phone store who could do me a prepaid deal so I could beg the hotel to ship it to Stop #2—no shipping service is fast enough to arrive same day. This is where things got interesting: this store (company and specific location will not be named, but it’s a company that has really grown too big too fast) had just opened a few minutes earlier. There were 3 people there already. So I choose to just wait. Suddenly, I get politely accosted by an employee who tells me to use some computer check-in system.

Him: It’s really simple.

Me: Fine.

(He makes a few selections which seem to suggest that I’m already a customer.)

Me: Wait! I’m not already customer.

Him: What’s your name?

Me: Hikaru Freeman.

And like that I manage to bounce to #3 in the queue…according to the screen. According to reality, I am still #4 behind 3 men who clearly have all the time in the world to either buy gadgets for their phone or haggle over charges. The employees seem to be more interested in being friendly as opposed to effective.

The polite accoster is nowhere to be found.

After about a half-hour I manage to get some degree of service by another employee who never quite grasps that I want the cheapest basic phone because I just need one for two days.

Then there’s a computer glitch.

What should’ve been a 10 minute transaction winds up taking a half-hour.

And this was a corporate store!

After some fun talk with my aunt, I make my way to the hotel, and I start thinking about the DC metro area, especially about how everything seems so hidden down here. You wouldn’t realise that it’s as big as it is because everything is hidden behind hills, trees, and inclines. That’s one thing I really like about the Upper Midwest, you can’t really hide sprawl because it’s so flat.

I was hoping to get some glimpse of a national monument as the car crossed over from Maryland into Virginia, but rain and geography conspired against me.

That said, I will say that Alexandria really is beautiful and quaint. Being the Airline fan that I am, however, I’d rather go eat at the DCA (I am not going to call that airport Reagan) food court.

I am rather struck by the fact that the most interesting thing on television is NHK’s World News/Lifestyle channel. You’d think given the US’s current economic ties that they’d at least have China Central Television’s English Service.

Now onto the hint for tomorrow: It has a twin which is far from a Saint. We’re happy for its rice and Milk, but unfortunately its alien son refuses to completely go into oblivion even though his career trajectory would suggest that would be a wise move.

I’m quite happy to be going there if only for the fact that I can finally unpack a bit by virtue of staying there more than one night.

Goodbye, Milwaukee

2010-10-04T12:55:00.002+11:00

Well, it has been probably been one of the most absurd and yet fulfilling months I have ever had. And yet, the ultimate conclusion is that my “home” is no longer here. By “here” I mean not just Milwaukee, not just Wisconsin, nor even the Upper Midwest, but the United States.

Regular readers will probably sigh and think that this is another one of my sly anti-American screeds, but this time, it has more to do with just where my life is at as opposed to politics. It really has more to do with (cue music) “when I think of home.” I think of seeing Karl Stefanovic make a tit of himself every morning; I think of ordering a Schooner while looking at Central Station; to be honest with you, I think of all the clichés of a Qantas advert.

Yet, going to my new home won’t be as simple as jumping on the Flying Roo. Actually, it’s going to involve a bit of work and travel across the US, Europe, and Asia. Therefore, this new chapter of this corner of the internet will begin with a travel diary. I’m not going to tell you where I’m going until I actually get there, but you can guarantee that the final stop will be Sydney.

Some parting thoughts on Milwaukee:

I used to dream about living in Downtown Milwaukee, now that I’m staying Downtown, it’s shockingly dead. Considering that Tom Barrett (as well as Norquist) have done a lot to bring life to Downtown, there remains even more to be done. There’s only little bit of “there” here, to paraphrase Gertrude Stein’s famous comment about Oakland.
Wisconsin is in the midst of both a Senatorial and Gubernatorial race. The Senate race is between Russ Feingold (D) and some cornball in-over-his-head company owner Ron Johnson (R). Johnson is one of those types who swears up and down that all Washington needs is “common business sense.” The funniest thing is that this lot seems to think that they are going to succeed where many others have failed. Frankly, after a failed MBA presidency (GWB) the last thing the US needs is another business owner.

The Gubernatorial race is much more interesting. The incumbent Democrat Jim Doyle is running, so Milwaukee’s mayor Tom Barrett is running to replace him with Jim McGreevey-lookalike (and possible act-alike) Scott Walker running for the GOP. This race is going to be nasty as hell. Scott Walker seems to be playing the no-jobs and high-taxes card and Barrett is working sympathy (he got beat up defending a woman at the State Fair a few years ago). I will be very honest here and admit that I loathe Walker. He instituted a very comprehensive public smoking ban for one main reason: making money from the fines. He also just looks…dodgy. Seriously, Wisconsin politicians are either saints (Feingold, Kohl) or massive sinners (Thompson, Joseph McCarthy). I totally see a big scandal coming down the Walker path.

After driving down to O’Hare for the last time, I truly believe like all of my fellow Statesmen and Stateswomen that Illinois drivers are insane.
Apparently inter-political affiliation marriages are quite the shocker in Milwaukee. I made mention of this is in my eulogy and people were just SHOCKED that my parents married despite being political polar opposites.
Milwaukee is still the best city to drink beer in.
This last one is not so Milwaukee-centric, but more America-specific, but we really need to start taxing the churches. The clergy are getting away with living the high life while their flocks are stuck trying make ends meet. That’s not cricket.

Easy hint as to my first post-Milwaukee destination: It’s what Canberra wishes it could be, what Auckland thinks it is, and what "Pretoria" still is.

Vale

2010-09-02T14:25:00.001+10:00

Well, to be honest, August was not a good friend of mine.

Late in July, I received a call from a family friend that my mother’s illness had gotten worse. I jumped on the first flights I could in order to get from Sydney to Milwaukee. From that point onwards, I was very fortunate spend the month of August with my mother. Sadly, last night (CDT) she passed away.

I would like to mention several of my mother’s accomplishments:

She performed in the title role in a production of Carmen at Howard University.
Also, while at Howard, she toured South America with the university’s choir (beating out an unknown Roberta Flack for a spot).
She was one of the first ever management consultants to specialise in affirmative action in the United States, heading up her first business in New York City during the late 1960s.
In the face of many local (Milwaukee) critics at the time, she was able to build her second business into a nationally respected firm surpassing the success of her first.
She openly encouraged everyone that she met to truly believe that they can succeed at their dreams and aspirations provided they truly believe in them and work hard at it daily.

My mother & I, both being only children had a very special bond. You often hear about parents trying to be their children’s friend instead of being a parent. I can truly say that my mother succeeded in both areas.

Mother told me that upon hearing that her only child resided in Australia, people would express shock that she could feel comfortable with the situation. She would respond with a smile and state that it would be a sign of poor parenting if she never allowed her own child to go his own way.

Mother’s passing marks a major transition in my life, as you’d expect. You see, as an only child from a very small family (both immediate and extended), I find myself in the position of no longer needing to be in the US for any extended length of time in the future. She marked my closest and arguably sole reason to come here. Her passing now means that I have to say goodbye to the US as well.

My mother’s family has long believed that good parenting is that which allows the child to go as far as possible with the proper tools to deal with it.

I believe that I can deal with being away from the US for the rest of my life, courtesy of my mother. She will always travel with me no matter where life finds me.

Thank you, mom.

It’s Been A Rough Day

2010-08-27T15:25:00.001+10:00

At least for me. The kind of a day where a little pop music list would just do the trick.

Via Twitter, I found out that Defamer Australia is doing a list of “The Greatest Australian Pop Songs of All Time.” If you think Australian pop is all Kylie Minogue, think again.

As for our Antipodean cousins, take a look at NZ On Screen’s very thorough music video section.

Good for what ails ya!

RIP Satoshi Kon

2010-08-25T23:26:00.001+10:00

Satoshi Kon, a real visionary of the anime world has passed away.

I’ve always enjoyed everything that Kon ranging from the TV series Paranoia Agent to films like Millennium Actress, Tokyo Godfathers, and Paprika.

His work was touching, but also thought-provoking. He eschewed the ultra-cute type of characters prevalent in anime, preferring instead to create multi-dimensional characters in fantastical, but very real situations and worlds. His work definitely inspired me as a scriptwriter and playwright, and I’m looking forward to seeing his final film.

In tribute, this is the opening of the TV Series Paranoia Agent.

Wednesday Jukebox Says Imitation is…

2010-08-25T00:59:00.001+10:00

…the sincerest form of ~~flattery~~…getting attention without effort.

At least in Korea.

It should be easy to guess which “controversial” video by two worldwide successful artists was the inspiration for Mamma Mia.

Good thing that the song isn’t too bad, though the video helps it…majorly.

Election Day Aftermath

2010-08-22T13:41:00.001+10:00

Is it really an aftermath when to some extent it’s not decided.

The ABC News Homepage at the moment says “Deal or Deadlock.”

The House of Representatives is at 70 Labor, 72 Liberal/National, 1 Green, and 4 Independents. Convincing the 4 Independents and the 1 Green (Yay!) to side with either Labor or the Coalition will decide which party will rule, albeit as a minority.

Rational thinking puts Labor as the better suitor, but you can never rule out randomness in Australian politics.

So perhaps we’ll call it Election Day Ceasefire? Election Day Stalemate?

The really big silver lining: The Greens now hold the balance of power in the Senate, so I’d say that whoever does the courting would be wise to swing to the Left.

Australia will likely get Same-Sex Marriage before California.

Hours Away…Election Day

2010-08-21T00:08:00.000+10:00

In the coming hours, Australia will either legitimise its first female Prime Minister or give it to a North Shore freak show who knifed his colleague.

Since voting is compulsory in Australia*, I won’t trot out my “voting is a right that many people have died for” spiel, but I would just encourage anyone in Australia to really make a concerted effort to think about what they’re being asked for at the polling booth:

Should we do something more about climate change?
In this day and age, should we continue to withhold rights from same sex couples?
Do you feel that you’re sharing in the prosperity they are always talking about in the news?

* Technically it’s only compulsory to show up at the polling station to have your name crossed off on the electoral rolls, but most people do the right thing and vote.

Have a laugh before and after you vote…

Election Comedy in Australia

2010-08-16T23:39:00.000+10:00

Via Daniel Burt, I found this selection of Lego comedy sketches about Election 2010. Nothing beats Australian political comedy.

My Little Political Dilemma

2010-08-16T21:08:00.001+10:00

As this election season goes on, I find myself at a bit of a crossroads. Shortly after moving to Australia, I figured I was an Australian Democrat (centrist, although still rather left by American standards).

Then the Liberal Party (centre-right, although centre by American standards) put Malcolm Turnbull in charge. I started out indifferent towards Mal, but despite his Republican (as in turfing the Monarchy, not as in GOP) sensibilities, Scrooge McDuck background, and disinterest in same sex marriage, he actually seemed rather decent and willing to make the Liberal-National coalition more moderate. He also was more charismatic than Rudd.

Through some bizarre twist that oddly mirrored how Rudd fell, Mal got the boot in favour of Tony “Mad Monk” Abbott…by one vote. Poor Mal said that he was going to leave politics, but fortunately stayed. Still, he’s not leading the Coalition at the moment, so the Liberals got struck off my list.

As for Labor, I’ll be honest with you, I did not like Kevin Rudd at all. He seemed too socially conservative and travelled too much as opposed to dealing with domestic concerns. I was happy when Gillard took the reins (although as an American, watching Westminster-style politics in action is very strange…it comes across as almost too secretive and devoid of public input).

Now the AusDems are making a play for disaffected Liberal voters (particularly those who are horrified by the Mad Monk), and by all intents and purposes, I should be quite happy for the party to be gaining strength.

Yet, I now find myself attracted to a party that I used to be horrified by: The Greens.

As left as I am, I just always found the Greens to have their priorities in the wrong place. Call me selfish, but I’m “people over plants.” I care about the environment, but not enough to make it a political ideology.

The Greens must have heard enough people with similar reservations, because they have moderated their message.

Health, infrastructure, and in favour same-sex marriage, I’m sold…for now.

Just keep things sane, Bob. Please.

Running Scared of the Churches...in Australia?

2010-08-16T16:58:00.002+10:00

Granted ever since Mark Latham started riding the crazy train, I generally ignore everything he says, but he has come clean on why he did support the ban on same-sex marriage during the Howard era: he was afraid of parish priests.

In one of the most non-churchgoing countries in the Western World?

Still, as the GayNZ.com article posits, what's Julia's excuse? She's an atheist and open about it, so the religious argument doesn't hold much water with her already being PM.

Monday Jukebox is Like A Queen

2010-08-16T16:18:00.002+10:00

One last jukebox clip for today. I’ve posted the first person POV version of Like A Queen previously, but I discovered that there was another version which has its own charms. Enjoy!

For a Japanese jazz-pop video, both versions seem to be shot in Sydney, or a part of Japan that is very similar to it.

Recovery Jukebox Catches A Wave

2010-08-16T06:13:00.000+10:00

After a day in hospital, and a day and a half of doing the fun logistics of insurance and home repair, I wish it was the early 1980s and I was a surfie listening to neo-Beach Boys pop as performed by Tatsuro Yamashita.

A Little Comedy Interlude

2010-08-14T13:49:00.001+10:00

I was raised pretty much religion-free, and I pretty much intend to do so whenever I have a child. There will be some out there who might think this clip is blasphemous, but I think it’s hilarious myself.

Drum n’ bass and taking the piss? Priceless.

Thursday Jukebox Says Go-Go KPop

2010-08-12T12:32:00.000+10:00

So there’s another Korean girl group…Wait!

Seriously, there is no need to run for the hills. The group’s name is Secret and their latest Madonna, is actually pretty decent. Apparently, the Go Go revival which Amerie and Beyonce began has finally caught up to Korea. If there’s any auto-tune going on in this song, then it’s pretty well-hidden.

Bonus: New Zealand has kind of a burgeoning soul music scene. Prime example: Fat Freddy’s Drop. This is their rather well-executed video for Boondigga.

My New Electoral Home

2010-08-11T16:15:00.000+10:00

Yep, the other half & I have moved on up to the East Side…to Wentworth

I lurve Australian politics.

“Normal” Service Resumes

2010-08-11T14:19:00.000+10:00

First, I want to thank all you out there for your patience during this unscheduled hiatus. Over the past few weeks, I’ve moved neighbourhoods (swapping Redfern for Darlinghurst) and now come across a bit of a bad trot health-wise.

Now onto the fun!

You know, I was eager to rip into Penny Wong with regards to her bizarre choice of toeing the party-line with gay marriage, but let’s start out with something uplifting…Antoine Dodson.

The sudden interne celebrity rise of Dodson first made me think that this would be yet another case of inner-city crime turned into hipster fodder, but actually, I’m quite pleased to find that higher profile is helping raise funds for him and his family via the iTunes auto-tuned version. (Buy it!)

Now, Ms. W®ong.

I think she’s done her soul a serious disservice by supporting the party line, but I think it’s also important for those not familiar with Australia to know a few things about the gay marriage debate in Oz.

In Australia, more than in the US, it’s ultimately a debate over the word “marriage.” Australia is one of the least religious countries in the Western world, and the idea of “shacking up” is not as frowned upon. Both gays and straights use the word “partner” to refer to their significant others.

What we Americans call “common law” marriages are called “de facto relationships.” These de facto partnerships effectively are equal to married couples in all the states and territories. For example, unlike the US which would require marriage for an American to stay with their foreign partner, the foreign born partner of an Australian can remain in Australia under the interdependency/de facto visa scheme (which interestingly enough is the same visa that many Australian men used for mail-order brides).

The interesting thing in Australia is that the popularity of de facto partnerships along with the Australian sense of fairness has led to a majority of Australians supporting same-sex marriage in poll after poll. So it really is an argument over a word, and in my opinion the government should either get out of the marriage business or declare civil unions (and de facto partnerships) for all. *

The religious argument that often colours the same sex marriage debate in the US and other countries doesn’t really hold much water in Australia. Case in point: a Family First senatorial candidate in Queensland has gotten a serious public bollocking in the media for homophobic tweets comparing same-sex marriage to child abuse. Queensland has a strong redneck reputation. It’s where Pauline Hanson (she who would gladly have the White Australia policy back and the Apology to the Stolen Generation rescinded) is from. If those comments don’t work in Queensland, they don’t work in Australia full stop. It’s also worth noting that a majority of Queenslanders also support same-sex marriage.

While my partner & I have considerably more legally enforced rights in Australia as a same sex couple than in the US, I am hesitant to paint the Antipodes as LGBT paradise. Why? Well, in New South Wales we have a bizarre law from 2000 which prohibits same-sex couples from adopting, but not LGBT individuals. This restriction may be lifted this month, as the Premier is going to allow a conscience vote on the issue.

The light at the end of the tunnel may very well be in sight.

Monday Jukebox Talks Fashion and Electropop

2010-07-26T20:06:00.001+10:00

The comeback is not just lurching, it’s coming so fast I can feel it breathing down my neck.

But it isn’t here yet. (And after what Penny Wong said, my opinion gun is locked and loaded.)

No, today it’s another jukebox. Another Korean jukebox in fact.

I have no problem admitting that I like electropop, but as innovative as it can be…

…its success creates some shoddy imitators.

Se7en, for example has come back with a somewhat disappointing song, and even worse, either he and/or his management has seriously pissed off the costume department.

I am far from a fashionista, but everyone in that video looks like they are dressed in rejects from a Devo video.

And then there’s the new one from [god, I hate typing their daft name] SHINee. Ring Ding Dong wasn’t profoundly ground-shattering, but it wasn’t dross either. This time around they have a song called Lucifer (interesting lyrical theme) and outfits last seen from when The Village People went New Wave or the cinematic clunker The Apple. I think they must’ve pissed off the costume department too.

Shiny indeed.

Sunday Jukebox Says I’m Coming Back

2010-07-25T11:58:00.000+10:00

Apologies for doing my due diligence on here, but I’m in the process of moving home (and suburbs), and not able to give my all. Still worry not! There’s heaps of things I’m eager to muse about on this corner of the internet:

The Australian election: Julia vs. Mad Tony (Blair) Abbott
How The Australia-US Free-trade agreement leaves some of our (Australian) channels with schedules that look almost exactly like the Z-list has-been programming on barely watched US broadcast channels (think WLNY/Channel 55 in Long Island).
The weirdness that is Masterchef Australia

And guess who’s also making a comeback (to Korea), BoA, and her song and video for Game has SAW (Stock Aitken Waterman) meets 80s Swing Out Sister written all over it…in Korean. In other words, this is aural heaven to me, the video ain’t too shabby either. Enjoy.

Monday Jukebox Schools A Fool

2010-07-12T07:29:00.000+10:00

Alright, I’m 31. I embrace it fully.

I am also in Australia, and embrace that fully as well.

That said, I nearly spat out my drink when someone (admittedly a twentysomething, but a music journo who still should’ve known better) told me he thought the “I wanna rock right now” in Rock That Body was not sampling.

So kids, get in the time machine and experience one of the best rap songs ever.

Yes, we weren’t afraid of wearing lots of colours in those days.

Friday Jukebox Says What?

2010-07-09T09:47:00.001+10:00

What a interesting video that arrived in my inbox today. It’s like the product of a diluted Thriller (Michael Jackson) and Frozen (Madonna).

I don’t know whether I like the song or the choreography, but from a visual standpoint, it’s rather impressive.

I Left It, I Loved It : The Independence Day Post

2010-07-04T01:25:00.002+10:00

I'm going to ask you to indulge me a bit.

Astrologically, the USA is considered a Cancerian (no pun intended). So was my father, who was born a few days earlier.

It wasn't until recently that I managed to see a parallel between my relationships with the two.

I'm an Aquarian, and for those who don't follow Astrology, we don't really get along well with Cancers. We think they're drama queens interested in inanity, they think we're cruel sadists out to break their hearts when it hurts the most for the sake of proving our individualism.

I spent the majority of my childhood being somewhat idolised (admittedly due to sexism) in my father's eyes. He was a Vet two times over, and subscribed to the 1930s-era of children being subservient to their parents. In his eyes, I was like The Little Prince. It also helped that it was the 1980s, and there was some degree of innocence left in popular children's culture.

Then came my rebellious years, wherein I horrified my father.

Now, everyone in general is expected to rebel while a teenager, but I saved mine until I went to college. Coming Out was not a rebellion, and to be terribly honest, I did not expect to be, nor was the news treated as such. (It was more of a "that's nice, son.")

My rebellion came when my father realised that the pleasant, well-mannered, slightly independent boy left for college and came back a pleasant, well-mannered Socialist young man.

I was never one of those "down with the tyrants" type of Socialists, but rather a "everyone deserves a fair go." And by "fair go," I do mean a level playing field.

This sort of thinking doesn't go down well in the US, because the US is about maintaining a certain facade, and maintaining that facade is paramount for its own mental health.

"Liberty and equality for all?"

Sure, the US is practicing that.

Never mind that it's been under a century since I, as a Black American have had a vote.

Never mind that my own state thinks that it is wrong to deny me even recognition of my partnership because it is with another man.

Never mind that in order to build that American Dream, it must be built on the backs of underpaid, underprotected workers and a mainstream society gone Cuckoo for Credit Card Capitalism.

I truly believe that the US is a nation that cannot at all afford to take such a hard look at itself, because it would disintegrate.

Yet, it's my literal homeland, and I can't help but have affection for it.

Remember how I said that I horrified my father? It wasn't because I was gay. It wasn't because I spoke my mind. It was because I could point out where the flaws were in the national dream that he, and many others Americans like him, had. I could also point out that it was not one that I wanted.

And that brought a chill to our relationship as father and son. One where he would bemoan my cigarette smoking*, and I his provincialism.

* Interestingly, when I was growing up. My father would castigate anyone who smoked in front of me--including relations. He also nearly burnt our house down whenever I ran the risk of catching him smoking. The image of being a non-smoker was more important than the action.

Nonetheless, when my father passed away in February 2002, I could honestly say that we had reached a honest, lasting civility. One where we could understand that the bond we had as family did not mean that we had to blindly accept the other.

That's how I feel about the US. I care about it, because it is where I grew up and I still have family there, but I cannot bring myself to truly accept that it is the Zion it likes to believe itself to be. The US just can't bring itself to reconcile its dreams and its reality, and I could only see myself turning into someone I was not meant be, the longer I remained.

Australia is certainly far from perfect, but I have to truly applaud it at how Australian society does value each person and how Australians are proud of their ability to call the proverbial 'bullshit" when there is discrimination.

I'm proud that I now live in a country where a majority of the populace straight and gay says that it is wrong to deny same sex couples marriage...no matter what the ruling party says. I'm also proud that I now live in a place where it is truly believable that discrimination will get reversed. I'm proud that the nation is willing to work at improving life across the board, and not still confused by the failure of trickle down economics.

And yet, I'm still proud of Obama. I'm still proud that there is hope for American society to truly learn to embrace its citizens, even if it must be long and arduous, and fraught with residual bigotry at every turn because it does not fit some absurd national myth.

I just don't want to live in that kind of society and I don't want my future child to live in that one either.

So the US & I are civil with each other. I can never be as close to it as I used to be, and that's fine.

At this moment, I'm enjoying a very chilly winter's night in NSW. It's -4C. This is the kind of weather I love. If every 4 July from here on in will be like this, I will be happy.

I'll just make sure to spend Australia Day in the Upper Midwest.

Oh, It’s Canada Day, don’cha know?

2010-07-01T12:40:00.002+10:00

Love all you hosers up dere.

It’s a crying shame that I only have gotten a chance to see some of the best Canadian programming (The Border, Being Erica*, Billable Hours, etc.) since going Austral.

* Does anyone watch SOAPnet?

Though it’s a damn shame that Flashpoint isn’t airing regularly down here. (We are fortunately spared the inanity of Red Green, however, which airs constantly in Wisconsin.)

I still would move there (well Toronto or Montreal) in a heartbeat…especially in the middle of the Australian summer.

No Canadian tribute is complete without Celine Dion of course:

et pour le Quebec libre:

An Advertorial Break

2010-07-01T11:58:00.001+10:00

Remember hearing about those days when adverts were actually part of the show? As in Lucy & Desi spruiking for cigarettes? Well, the morning chat shows down here in the Antipodes still use that form of advertising. Most of them are mind-numbingly camp (yet still not as annoying as the full half-hour beasts.)

However, here’s a rather smart one using drag star Courtney Act.

Australia Jumps Into Eurovision

2010-06-30T09:26:00.000+10:00

Any singers and/or songwriters out there? Want to get into Eurovision but still support Australia?

Well, it’s time to get off your duff and put on your Green & Gold.

Entries are now open for the first Australian representative to the Asia-Pacific Song Contest.

Ok, the name Our Sound is naff, but the opportunity is worth it.

The Kiwis are planning to be in it, so we’re guaranteed at least a 12 points there.

Tuesday Jukebox Says “Could You At Least Try To Be Original?”

2010-06-29T10:41:00.002+10:00

Case in point: Gwak Hyun Hwa’s video for Psycho.

Apparently they’re only just getting around to copying Single Ladies in South Korea.

Just to tie this into the Adelaide Radio campaign, I promise that I will not wear a leotard, but I will pretend to do so for an Adelaide radio station. (You hear me, Nova 91.9?)

(Ah, the magic of radio.)

By the way, what do you think of the new look over at this corner of the internet?

Hear, Hear

2010-06-28T13:20:00.001+10:00

One thing you can always count on with Uncle Rupert’s papers is that they have a knack for coming up with a good headline.

Read this one about the US exiting the World Cup (upper centre).

Sums up my feelings exactly…at least at the moment.

With Australia, New Zealand, and now the US out of the World Cup, it really is off my radar.

The World Cup that matters is next year anyway.

The Adelaide Campaign: Day 5 (Pride Edition)

2010-06-27T11:30:00.000+10:00

So I’ve eaten a floater and (gulp) liked it. Now I’ve made the discovery that the Crows official magazine is called The Pride.

And then there’s Don Dunstan

The man wore pink shorts in 1972 to Parliament House, helped destroy legalised anti-gay discrimination (and the White Australia policy) founded the South Australian Film Corporation…just to name a few of his achievements.

Ok, he died on my 20th birthday, but still I’d call him a hero, one who is truly missed.

Especially on International Pride Day.

Pride 2010: The Theme Song

2010-06-27T10:47:00.001+10:00

(drum roll)

After much deliberation, here’s the Hikaruland official theme song for Pride 2010.

Congratulations Nhojj!

Can La Perry Take A Joke?

2010-06-27T09:45:00.001+10:00

A recent episode of The Boondocks took the mickey out of La Perry…and made me very happy that La Perry’s work does not export.

According to Oh No They Didn’t, La Perry is really hopping mad about it.

Good.

Pride 2010: Commercial Break

2010-06-26T11:37:00.000+10:00

LOGO (alas, still not available here in Australia) celebrates Pride by featuring a list of the most ridiculous gay-themed commercials over the past ten years.

I’m partial to the Vodafone & Absolut entries.

Enjoy!

Adelaide Campaign: Day Three

2010-06-25T14:50:00.001+10:00

Ok, Adelaide just to prove how serious I am, we’re kicking the promises up a notch!

In case you don’t know what a [pie] floater is, here’s the Wikipedia entry.

More Nominees for Pride 2010

2010-06-25T10:52:00.000+10:00

The race isn’t over yet! Blame the fracas over the new PM down here for causing me to omit the South Korean entry, but also another entrant who could be filed both as US/Guyana/Trinidad & Tobago. (Making the total nominees a Super Six.)

Nhojj – Gay Warrior Song (US/Guyana/Trinidad & Tobago)

Sistar – We Never Go Alone (South Korea)

The Theme Song Nominees for Pride 2010

2010-06-24T15:45:00.001+10:00

Believe it or not—and in the Northern Hemisphere it probably is more plausible—Pride comes this Sunday.

Down here however, it’s quite nippy with frequent showers. Plus we have a new PM (an atheist, unmarried-but-partnered, childless PM! Take that, Abbott!)

I remain hopeful that Julia was merely toeing the party line with regards to the ALP stance on same-sex marriage, and that the new Gillard administration will wizen up.

It certainly seems like the mood on the ground is one of relief at the change.

Now onto the nominees for Pride 2010 Theme Song. This year, I thought it would be rather appropriate to have artists from the five countries (Australia, Japan, New Zealand, and the US) that get major rotation over at this corner of the internet.

Manama - Yellow Stop (Japan)

Gabriella Cilimi – Hearts Don’t Lie (Australia)

Gin Wigmore – Hey Ho (New Zealand)

Scissor Sisters – Fire With Fire (USA)

Which song do you think best captures the LGBT zeitgeist?

Adelaide Campaign: Day Two

2010-06-24T10:25:00.001+10:00

Today, I appeal to the sporting sensibilities of Adelaide radio.

I would like every one in Adelaide to know that the message I have written could get me done here in the heart of Rabbitohs territory. (Not to mention that I’m also a Souths fan, but I’ll go Crow too.)

Oh, and the new Prime Minister we have? She’s from Wales via—guess where?—Adelaide.

The Adelaide Campaign

2010-06-23T12:31:00.001+10:00

I am going to take the serious risk of being perceived as a bit of a kook here.

(Deep Breath.)

For several weeks now, I have been having a recurring dream wherein I find myself working at an Adelaide radio station (I think it’s Nova 91.9, but it could very well be SAFM).

I can’t for the life of me figure out why I keep having this dream:

Adelaide is hot (as in temperature), I like cold.
It’s a metro area of 1 million +, on par with Milwaukee (a lateral move…I don’t like lateral moves)
Radio is considered a swear word in my family, after some dodgy business dealings.
Its nickname is “city of churches.” I’m aggressively non-religious.

Yet, the dream keeps popping up. So I’m now embarking on a “Get on Adelaide Radio” campaign both here and on Twitter. Here’s the result of Day One of this campaign:

Any suggestions for Day Two?

Wednesday Jukebox Doesn’t Want Nor Needs

2010-06-17T02:11:00.001+10:00

It’s my last day in America and this hemisphere (at least for another 4 or 5 months), and I’m choosing to comemmorate this occasion by having the jukebox play Polish rock (the songtitle translates as “I don’t want. I don’t need”) from 2001.

‘Cause I’m random like that.

Why You Can’t Go Home Again: A Fortnight in the US

2010-06-13T16:31:00.000+10:00

Well, this corner of the internet is back for June.

I’ve gone back Stateside for the first part of this month due to family matters, and I have to say that after a year living in Australia, it’s put an interesting spin on American life.

One of the things that does irk me a bit about living in Australia is that I’m constantly asked “what do I think of Australia?” It’s well-intentioned, but I want to scream “I LIVE HERE! Of course I like it.” Now, I’m getting the reverse from my fellow Americans. Here’s a typical conversation:

Fellow American: Where are you from?

Me: Here [meaning Wisconsin].

Fellow American: Really? You don’t sound like you’re from here.

Me: I live in Australia.

Fellow American: Seriously?

Me: Yes.

Fellow American: Why would you want to move there?

Me: Work.

Fellow American: Really?

It’s like no one can fathom the idea of an American living in Australia. I’ve even been asked what language Australians speak…by people who have completed college degrees!

Fair enough, every country is pretty insular (particularly away from the major cities), but it still blows my mind at how myopic things can be Stateside: The oil spill, as bad as it is, has been framed as US v. UK standoff. It’s almost like CNN & NBC are keen to restart The War of 1812!

If that wasn’t bad enough, every single local and state politician from the affected region is trying to get their 15 minutes of fame. Fine. Yet, it reached a certain level of absurdity when there was a huge line of them in Louisiana at a press conference, each of them saying the same critiques about how they aren’t getting any assistance. Heaven forbid they just chose a spokesperson and then got on with trying to do some clean up.

Then there is that Sunderland debacle. When half of Australia was losing its collective mind over Jessica Watson, the other half was saying “who cares?” I was in the latter camp. Personally, I think it’s a daft thing, and I can’t imagine why it’s so impressive to go around the world solo. Now, an American needs rescuing after attempting to do the same and the US media is all “aww, bless.” Meanwhile, not a single word about the fact that the Australian taxpayers are footing the bill for her rescue, not even a clip of a Sunderland saying thank you made the national news. (I’m going to assume that at least one of them did.)

The one major thing that has really blown my mind, however—and I mean in a good way—is how things seem less segregated here. Most likely demographics have not changed radically in one year, but the slight apprehension that I used to feel as a minority has largely disappeared. It used to feel like there were so many different Americas co-existing within the same borders and that it was only a matter of time before we all declared war on each other. Now, it feels unified…at least on a racial level, and the one good thing the GFC has done is that it has made conspicuous consumption something to be frowned upon.

In respect to LGBT matters, I can honestly say that I’m extremely glad that DADT looks likely to be overturned. That said, I still have no idea why the Federal Government (not to mention most of the states) can’t at least say “civil unions for all” and just get out of the marriage racket all together. (The same applies for Australia, too, although the de facto legislation is a major step that the US could at least consider.)

Even though as an American citizen (which I still am—boy is it fun explaining how I can be an American citizen but resident elsewhere), I benefit from all of these changes, there’s one thing that has made me realise that I’m not emotionally American anymore: I don’t take everything so seriously.

This is the land of extreme emotional reactions to everything. If someone wins, it’s like the second coming. If someone loses, it’s the apocalypse. Everything is put into an “us-versus-them, point-of-no-return, we’re-all-gonna-die” perspective. I mean everything from oil spills to box office receipts to celebrity relationships. Stop taking yourself so seriously, America.

Reading some of my pre-Australian posts, I definitely can tell that I’m guilty of this as well. There is just something about the atmosphere in this country* that just puts you in this frame of mind that everything you do must be written in bold and underlined three times, or else it doesn’t matter.

* I blame it on the fact that this country was settled by ultra-capitalist and ultra-religious zealots.

When all is said and done, it matters most that you just enjoy your life. Wherever you happen to be.

Eurovision 2010 Final: Do I Have To Sing Now?

2010-05-30T23:16:00.002+10:00

Just ask Croatia, who didn’t make it to the final.

Let me tell you all out there, it was not easy to stay oblivious of the result. Dodging internet information was easy, however, Australian television news was not.

Every single broadcast network—save for SBS (they kindly suggested that those of us not wanting to know the results go have a cuppa during their own news broadcast)--felt compelled to reveal the winner in their morning and evening broadcasts. I combated this by switching over to Max (a music channel on cable which actually broadcasts music videos) frequently.

I wonder whether next year SBS will consider broadcasting it midday Sunday. Although it might conflict with some sport they’re airing.

Adverts: The Socceroos scarves look like crime tape. I’m just saying.

Before Te Deum we have a bunch of Eurosong-celebs waving hello to us in Australia. Julia & Sam (all dressed up and smiling!) make mention of the Big 5 and dash off.

And we have Te Deum.

New opening! Very dramatic, starting out in Lugano 1956 with a Swiss family huddled around the first Eurovision. The pink bubble appears and travels through Vienna 1967, Brighton 1974, Paris 1978, Dublin 1981, Munich 1983, Brussels 1987, Istanbul 2004, and Moscow 2009. This is like watching an opening to an Olympic Games! Good job, NRK.

And we’re in Telenor where the words SHARE THE MOMENT appear onscreen. The words give way to various Eurofans wishing good luck to their respective countries’ representatives. Alexander appears and wishes good luck to everyone.

He then appears alive and sings a very dramatic version of Fairytale. Ol’ Alex is in good voice, although he looks like he still has yet to reach puberty. Oddly enough he’s doing the same performance with only a few more performers.

HEN say “Good Evening Europe.” Julia coos. Sam calls him “the little brother who never writes or calls.”

Nadia is in red, Haddy is in beige, and Erik is in a tuxedo. Only Nadia looks good. HE give us the spiel about voting being open. Julia & Sam do the same with regards to the unofficial Australian voting.

It’s actually a pretty quick start compared to Eurovisions past.

Azerbaijan: Apparently the choreographer behind this did Beyonce’s Single Ladies. (Explains the hood-esque moves) Ever since I saw this song yesterday, I have had visions of Beyonce pulling Safura’s hair and saying “Gurl, just give up.” Anyway, Safura does the same thing, and since we here in Australia know she can’t speak English, odds are that she doesn’t really know what she’s singing about.

Spain: I had never really rated this, but the staging with the backing dancers dressed as toys does work. It’s nostalgic Eurovision at its best. Oh, there’s someone running onstage who isn’t supposed to be there. Impressively Daniel gets even stronger with the interruption. Good on you, mate.

Norway: Julia & Sam discuss the intruder animatedly during their intro for Didrik. Didrik does a more operatic version of this year’s Israeli entry. I’m really trying to find anything different here, and apart from the backing singers (who are using the traditional Israeli backing singer formation, ironically), I see little that is different. Eh.

Moldova: Sam warns us about the saxophonist. Yes, mate, very wise to do that. The saxophonist is still verging on annoying, but the paucity of upbeat songs makes me loathe him less. The Moldovans do pretty much the same thing they did on Friday [for those of us in Australia]. That is a good thing. Chisinau 2011, not quite, but if they build on this it could happen sooner than Euroland might think.

Cyprus: Julia & Sam still rabbit on about the gatecrasher. Jon Dice shows his midriff. I still don’t care. Since Jon annoys me, I chose to focus on The Islanders who I’d much rather hear sing this. The performance is pretty much the same, so I chose to take a quick smoko.

Someone in the audience waves an American flag. Eh?

Bosnia-Herzegovina: Julia says that the song is about a couple in strife and that it’s a metaphor. (Really?) Vuk seems to be even more aggressive than he was on “Friday.” He hams it up onstage, although the Businessman/Chorus Girl combo singing backup are still unintentionally funny. The song unfortunately just. ends.

Julia & Sam send us off to adverts and they both manage to smile. Shock!

Adverts: Now that’s saving money. Sam is also part of the presenting team for SBS’s World Cup show.

Alright, I am going to make a blatant appeal to SBS for me to do co-presenting duties next year. SBS, I’m acerbic, a new Australian, and willing to undergo whatever training regime to make me photogenic.

Back from adverts, Julia asks Daniel about his role in Mamma Mia (via translator). Sam gets Safura’s backing singers to sing and whether they’d sing for Australia. Julia asks Alexander about his Facebook friends. Alexander says that he would like to sing Satellite.

Belgium: Sam says the Belgians can’t believe that they are in the final. He also makes the astute observation that only 12% of the people in the world can get away with a song like this, and Tom is one of them. Well, not with me, Sam. Not with me. Anyway, The Dice does the same “Friday” performance. I realise that Jon Dice is slightly more annoying (even though Tom does an “Oslo” shoutout mid-song) because he tries to upstage The Islanders. Tom, on the other hand is alone onstage. Hold on. Let me revise that, they’re equally annoying.

Serbia: Ooh! It’s the Serbian Akiko Wada. Julia says that Milan believes that it is important to have a “strong look onstage.” Yes, and unless you’re Boy George, you generally can’t get away with androgyny. Sam calls it the “quickest 3 minutes ever.” Milan gives us the same circus sideshow complete with dancers wearing outfits that look like they were designed by a bunch of bored Serbian homemakers. The female backers shake their things. I check to see if I set the PVR to record Underbelly.

Nadia comes onstage to remind us that Spain will perform again at the end. (I guess that was the smackdown. She uses the word “assaulted.”) She also gives a shout out to Australia.

Belarus: That one male singer still sounds dodgy as hell, although they have strong accents to overcome. This song and performance scream barely qualified. I don’t care if the three girls sprout wings, it still looks weak. I don’t think Belarus will be troubling the scoreboard tonight.

Ireland: Sam mentions how Niamh is Eurovision royalty. Julia quotes Peter Allen (“there’s a lady onstage”). Niamh seems to be a bit stronger in voice than she was on “Saturday.” Of that run of Irish winners in the 1990s, I must admit that I liked Niamh the most, because she seemed the most soulful. Not a winner, but a respectable showing. Sam says that we shouldn’t rule her out.

Greece: How’s this for contrast? Giorgos toady-ups the crowd from backstage. This is probably the most aggressive performance so far, even though it looks like they aren’t doing anything different from “Friday.” Giorgos’s “Friends,” however manage to drown him out with their “OPA!” On a symbolic level, I like how this is a bit like a finger to the world in the face of all the bad press Greece has been getting lately. Crowd goes wild. Sam makes a Sakis Rouvas-hand-me-down joke.

United Kingdom: Julia & Sam get all giggly over the Stock-Aitken-Waterman connection. (Kylie Minogue is Australian, remember.) Josh looks oddly like a very young Sakis Rouvas. He sings a pleasant danceable Hi-NRG tune that would probably storm the charts in 1993. He’s charismatic in the “aw, bless!” way, but it just is missing that X-Factor (no pun intended). You just get the feeling that it was developed more, it would be a contender.

Julia & Sam send us off to break. Julia smirks. Sam manages something approaching a grin.

Adverts: Sergeant Croydon wants you to give him your superannuation money. (Apologies for international viewers as that’s a real Australian reference there.)

Back from adverts, Julia talks to Giorgos & His Friends. The Friends take centre stage. Sam talks old SAW songs with Josh. Julia asks Giorgos if Greece could afford to host. Giorgos is diplomatic in his response. Sam & Josh bond over the state of each other’s hair. Sam tells Josh that the UK has no chance.

Georgia: Julia brings up the fact that last year’s Dutch entry and this year’s Georgian entry share the same name. She is quick to point out that this is a very different song. Anyway, Sofia & Co. do the same acrobatics that they did on “Saturday.” Oh, she winked. Didn’t notice that earlier.

Turkey: Julia finally explains that the origin behind the band’s name. The lead singer toady ups the crowd. It is the second aggressive song of the night and that is a good thing. The lighting really helps this (more so than the Helmet-headed dancer), and I suspect that the Turkish rock scene better prepared to be raided for year’s to come. It’s still no Deli. Sam calls it “not the best song if you’re an epileptic.”

Albania: Sam calls this a song of “absolute commitment” given that Juliana has competed in the Albanian final for several years. I still hear Knock on Wood, but I don’t mind it much. It’s rather interesting how little choreography there is (save for the mad violinist) for a dance song. Still I think Eurovision will be heading to Albania in a few years if they build on this performance.

Sam reminds us about Spain performing again.

Iceland: Julia says that “if you aren’t singing this by the end, you aren’t human.” That’s right, Europe, we’re full on biased down here. (Love it!) This is another dance song with little movement, and I suspect that Albania & Iceland will be cannibalising each other’s votes all night. Hera pretty much gives a more energetic version of her “Friday” night performance.

Ukraine: Julia calls Alyo another powerhouse voice [after Albania and Iceland]. Alyo is in even stronger voice, although she can’t really alter her performance that much from “Saturday.” I must say that I’m surprised by how much better she is live.

France: Julia is not a big fan of this. (Julia is French-Australian.) The crowd yells in approval when Jessy comes onstage. It’s very catchy (although a bit dated) dancehall pop. The sort of song you’d expect to hear at Club Med. There’s a lot of dancing, which unfortunately the camera doesn’t catch enough of. They do a version of a Haka (Shoutout to NZ!) onstage. Jessy & co. give their all, I must say.

Romania: Sam recycles his Eartha Kitt joke, and calls Ovi a “Romanian Adam Zwar.” (I’d take that as a compliment.) Compared to the French entry this is very restrained. Catchy as hell though. They also bring more energy than they had on “Saturday.” I’m surprised that there are only 6 more songs left.

Russia: Julia says sarcastically that she “doesn’t hope [the song title] comes true.” This song looks extremely weak coming at this point in the running order. I get the joke now, and it’s still not all that funny. It’s just daft. I get the feeling that this year (due to the GFC), it’s more a case of aiming to place high, but not necessarily win it.

Oh, it’s HE again. I had forgotten all about you lot. Erik talks to already manic French and the subdued Brits. Sam recycles his Norwegian Josh Thomas joke.

Armenia: Sam finally explains the whole symbolism behind the apricot stone. He also talks about her hair. (Seriously, mate, your obsession with hair is unhealthy.) Since Eva is singing about national identity at the final she is less about bouncing breasts and more about performing. A tree grows from the apricot stone! Didn’t notice that before. Sam pervs on her.

Germany: Julia mentions that this is a hot favourite and that Lena’s English is a bit odd. Sam calls her this year’s Alexander. The staging is oddly low-key, preferring to rely on Lena’s charisma, which I must say she does have in buckets. The mockney accent does grate a bit. It is a toe-tapper (as opposed to a foot stomper) though. Crowd does go a bit crazy after her.

Portugal: Filipa does her thing. It’s a stark contrast to Lena, although Filipa smiles a bit too much. Now, I like this song, but this is a field full of tortured love songs, and while she does her best, and this is the best of that lot, it doesn’t have that extra bit of WOW.

Julia & Sam send us off to adverts promising that we’ll see them interview some Australians in the audience.

Adverts: According to my other half, these health reforms are really needed. I’ll take his word.

Back from adverts, and we have a bunch of fans’ messages…and the North American who apparently wrote the Turkish fans. You would be surprised at how many Australians are there.

Israel: Julia is in favour of countries singing in their own language. I like you, Julia. Harel does his dramatic Sakis Rouvas thing like he did on “Saturday.” Didrik take notes, Harel manages to stay closer to the key. (Mind you, the whole gatecrasher entry probably made Didrik shaky.)

Denmark: Julia & Sam call it a “catchy number.” Julia mentions that it sounds like The Police. I think it sounds more like Jon Waite (“I ain’t missing you at all!”) I read that this was rejected from Melodifestivalen. Given that Sweden missed out on the final, I think SVT might be radicalising Melodifestivalen next year. Anyway, Chanee still steals the show and N’Evergreen still does his Ronan Keating imitation. Brilliant song nonetheless.

Spain (take two): Sam gives us more information on the “serial pest.” (A Catalonian nationalist activist.) Crowd goes wild. Only thing different that I notice is that Daniel & co. really seem to be dramatic the second time around it. He also brings the house down. The backing singer seems to be almost redundant. I reckon they could have done without him.

Haddy tells that we’ve seen amazing performances. Australian commentators agree. Julia & Sam rattle off several of their (re: Australia’s) favourites. Erik tells us how to vote. He then strips off into a low cut green shirt as we go to the recap. This lot is no Ingvild.

Recap: Safura goes ghetto and is hilarious… Daniel gives his all…Didrik does a A- version of the Israeli entry…Moldova and that saxophonist…Jon Dice (usch)…Vuk and his businessmen/chorus girls…Tom Dice aggravates…Milan and his fringe (Julia & Sam like him)…Julia & Sam call 3+2 the “slowest minutes of the night”…Niamh is regal…Giorgos and his bare-chested friends…Josh tries hard but his song didn’t…Sofia does acrobatics…Turkey brought the rock and rap (“Not a good song for an epileptic” says Sam)…Albania knocks on wood…Hera impressed…Alyo brought.it…But so did Jessy…Although Paula & Ovi did even more…Peter and his friends should be forgotten…Eva does her bit for Armenian nationalism…cute ickle Lena (“this year’s Alexander Rybak” says Sam)…Filipa sings her heart out…Harel Rouvas…Chanee took advantage of her moment, n’evergreen not so much.

Other half says he would’ve voted for Denmark. I would’ve voted for Ukraine. I like a growling singer, what can I say?

Adverts: I still can’t get over how Hyundai is pronounced as “HI-Undai” here in Australia.

HEN tell us that we had 25 “fantastic performances.” Nadia takes over the difficult English bit from the pretty HE.

This introduces a video clip about how multi-lingual they are with the artists. I’m going to guess that it is meant ironically. Haddy & Daniel talk about hair, and had I not heard Sam go on about hair all night, I would laugh more.

HE talk about how anyone can win. (In front of the German delegation.)

Recap. No changes in my opinion, save for the fact that I think Moldova would KILL if they were late in the running order, Belarus has no place in this final, and Denmark had the best place in the running order for that song. It really becomes apparent that this is a race for 2nd, not 1st.

HEN are back, giving us Eurovision voting history in respect to close victories. They lead us in the countdown.

Julia & Sam appear briefly to tell us to go vote on the website.

HE ask us if the audience is the best-looking audience ever. (Not going to say anything.) They tell us that it is time to dance.

Two men sing a bunch of incomprehensible lyrics as a bunch of people dance in a section of the Telenor.

Oh, it’s a trans-continental dance party? From Iceland to Slovenia to Sweden to Lithuania, we see shots of people dancing. It’s like an extended version of the dancing segment on Ellen Degeneres’s show. (Speaking of which, the Gold Coast really wants her to come to Australia.)

There are black people in Norway…NRK really wants us to know this.

Alright, NRK, if you are willing to give me residency and/or citizenship, I’ll gladly become Norwegian. I pick up languages easily.

Julia & Sam tell us that this is a celebration of having Eurovision parties at home.

There’s a shot of some Norwegian royals.

Dammit, I want to be Norwegian now. Or at least Norwegian-Australian.

Ok, now this is fun. Julia & Sam sound like they are having a blast.

GREAT INTERVAL!

HE welcome us to the Green Room and do their whole fun facts with the artist thing. I continue to crack up at how wooden they are. Erik wears butterfly wings. Erik, you are no Ingvild…don’t even try.

Sam tells us that it is time for Nadia to do plenty of hard work. (No shit.)

Nadia introduces Svante as “his majesty.” This is met with loads of dramatic music and lighting….and….Svante (who is loving it.) He calls her “princess Nadia.” (No shit as well.)

Oh lord, 39 votes…and I have an early morning flight. Sleep isn’t going to happen, is it? (Current time: 1015 pm AEST.)

Romania: 8 to Turkey…10 to Moldova (shock!)…12 to Denmark (YES!).

Ireland (perky Irishman, Sam slags him): 8 to Germany, 12 to Denmark.

Germany (good to get this one over quickly, you can never make out the German vote, the crowd sings “Seven Nation Army”): 8 to Greece, 10 to Turkey (shock), 12 to Belgium.

Serbia: 8 to Germany…10 to Greece…12 to Bosnia-Herzegovina (Sam calls it bloc voting, Julia doesn’t care)

Albania (he’s got charisma): 8 to Turkey…10 to Germany (crowd goes wild)…12 to Greece.

Greece is in the lead. Sam expresses shock that Giorgos is 33. I agree.

Turkey (she can barely get through her intro): 8 to Bosnia-Herzegovina…10 to Germany (crowd goes wild again)…12 to Azerbaijan (GURL!)

Sam tells us that the mobile phone company in charge of votes can handle 7 million votes.

Croatia: 10 to Bosnia-Herzegovina…12 to Turkey.

Julia points out that Belarus is on zero.

Poland (apparently she’s a morning show presenter): 8 to Azerbaijan…10 for Belgium…12 to Denmark. (Danes oddly subdued.)

Bosnia-Herzegovina (some funny English there): 8 to Germany…10 to Turkey…12 to Serbia (Sam is happy with that…eager for Milan to stay in touch).

Adverts: George Negus is pissed that Dateline won’t be seen until July due to Eurovision and the World Cup. You can tell it by the snarl in his voice in the promo.

Back from adverts and a compilation of the “Hello Australia” greetings that the contestants have recorded.

Finland: 8 to France (YES!)…10 to Israel (that’s a surprise)…12 to Germany.

Sam expresses surprise as to why there is a French translation.

Slovenia (no Peter!? What gives? This guy is funny though): 8 to Serbia…10 to Germany…12 to Denmark (Crowd goes wild, though Germany still in the lead).

Estonia (“quite a jacket” say Julia): 8 to Georgia…10 to Russia (boos from the crowd)…12 to Germany. Sam says “I don’t think we’re going to Ireland.”

Russia: 8 to Ghetto Gurl…10 to Georgia (Shock!)…12 to Armenia.

Julia is pissed about Jon Dice.

Portugal: 8 to Greece…10 to Romania (Finally!)…12 to Spain. Sam wonders if we could vote for Jimmy Jump.

Azerbaijan (Sam likes her, because she’s “all business”): 8 to Georgia…10 to Ukraine (Julia & I agree on that)…12 to Turkey.

Julia & Sam talk about how the jury votes are already factored in.

Greece (Sam says “he looks like my banker”)": 8 to France…10 to Albania (Good)…12 to Cyprus (not a shock).

Iceland: 8 to Greece…10 to Belgium…12 to Denmark. Julia & Sam remark on how Belgium is doing well.

Denmark (isn’t he cute and elfin): 8 to Romania (YES!)…10 to Belgium…12 to Germany.

Leader board: Germany/Belgium/Turkey.

France (elegant presenter): 8 to Portugal…10 to Serbia…12 to Turkey.

Turkey now in 2nd. Germany still in 1st.

Spain (it’s Georgie Gardner!): 8 to Armenia…(Julia & Sam shocked at how bad Ireland & the UK are doing)…12 to Germany.

Germans oddly subdued.

Nadia gives us the top 5: Germany/Turkey/Belgium/Denmark/Romania. She tells us that anything can still happen…if you’re German or Belgian at this point.

Erik talks to Lena who is, um, verklempt im Englisch.

She talks to Germany in English. Lena is acting like she’s already won.

Haddy talks to maNga. They are diplomatic.

Back to Nadia at the lectern of Winning. Long shall she rule.

Julia & Sam are surprised at how well Turkey is doing and say it’s all about the diaspora.

Slovakia (he’s smooth): 8 to Israel (Julia is happy)…10 to Belgium…12 to Germany.

Julia is shocked at how well Germany is doing. Sam is shocked at how well Tom Dice is.

Bulgaria: 8 to Armenia…(Julia expresses shock at how badly Norway is doing)…10 to Turkey…12 to Azerbaijan.

Ukraine (It’s Miss Ukraine 2008): 8 to Turkey…10 to Russia…12 to Azerbaijan (slight boos from crowd).

Latvia (Julia & Sam call him a “cool cat.” He sounds like he’s got something stuck in his mouth.): 8 to Russia (boos from crowd)…10 to Denmark…12 to Germany.

Lena in shock.

Malta (oh, it’s Chiara): 8 to Denmark…10 to Belgium (the Maltese like their ballads)…12 to Azerbaijan.

Sam mentions that we can safely say that Norway won’t win this year.

Norway (oddly subdued): 8 to Denmark…10 to Romania…12 to Germany.

Julia complains that Norway should’ve given their 12 to Iceland.

Cyprus (lots of happy Cypriots behind her): 8 to Romania…10 to Azerbaijan…12 to Greece.

Sam calls it a “race for second.” Hear, hear.

Lithuania (is that David Bowie?): 8 to Spain…10 to Germany (Julia is happy they didn’t get the 12, so they could “even it up.”)…12 to Georgia (Sam makes a comment on the unnecessary choreography.

Lukashenkoland: 8 to Israel…10 to Ukraine…(Sam laments Josh)…12 to Russia (boos all over, and Julia is surprised).

Switzerland (wow, she’s blonde, and a Chook Lotto girl): 8 to Albania…10 to Serbia…12 to Germany.

Sam calls it for Germany. Julia mentions that it’s a dry commentary box.

Belgium: 10 to Germany…12 to Greece.

Sam resolves to keep an eye on the UK.

UK (is that the Irish spokesperson doing an accent?): 8 to Romania (been awhile)…10 to Turkey…12 to Greece.

The Netherlands (“X Factor” shout-out): 10 to Israel…12 to Armenia (she says that “a lot of Dutch men must’ve voted.”)

Israel (Perky linguist): 8 to Romania…10 to Russia…12 to Armenia. (Julia remarks that it would be a surprise if it did go to Germany.)

Julia is pissed that Germany running away with it.

Macedonia: 8 to Germany…10 to Turkey…12 to Albania.

Julia & Sam grouse about how Lena must know that she’s won by now.

Moldova: 8 to Ukraine…10 to Russia…12 to Romania.

Georgia: 8 to Azerbaijan…10 to Armenia (that’s balanced)…12 to Belarus (which puts the UK at the end of the scoreboard).

Sweden (cheeky lad): 8 to Denmark…10 to Romania…12 to Germany (Nothing for Iceland.)

Julia calls it for Germany.

Armenia (“apricot greetings”): 8 to Ukraine…10 to Russia…12 to Georgia.

Germany wins it with 246 points. Sam says she’s overwhelmed. I’m still surprised at how subdued they are in contrast to other winners.

Julia & Sam mention that it’s two years in row that the favourite has won it.

Julia mentions that Norway wanted to reveal the winner in a special way…by having the winner march onstage direct from the Green Room, escorted by HE. Lena is overcome. Alexander looks manic and kisses her.

Lena struggles to say anything.

I’m quite pleased with a German win. I’d be really happy with a Danish or Romanian win, but still, she’s a good winner.

I love how Lena says “Do I have to sing now?”

Nadia excitedly says “next year the final will be in Germany!”

Everyone is thinking it, but at least the one country that could afford to host it is hosting it.

Lena sings it with a look of total surprise on her face.

She says “Oh my god, this is so crazy” during an instrumental break.

Based on the way she reacted, Lena is the most deserving winner ever.

Eurovision 2010 Semi Final Two: Once Again, With Feeling (this time)

2010-05-29T21:51:00.000+10:00

Fun fact: As I write this, Iceland is leading the voting on SBS’s website. Is this a good sign? I reckon so.

Tonight however brings contenders Armenia, Azerbaijan (supposedly really popular amongst the bookies), Denmark, and Romania into the mix.

Add on my personal favourites The Netherlands and Switzerland, and tonight ought to be interesting.

Will Julia & Sam manage to crack something approaching a smile?

Will HE prove themselves to be more than pretty faces?

Will Nadia deliver the smackdown that we all know that she’s dying to deliver? (And I don’t think she’ll care whoever it’s directed at.)

We can only hope.

Te Deum is played and we’re off.

Julia & Sam in their intro call it “The Semi Final of Death,” while passing Norwegians laugh at them. They also talk up Azerbaijan, and surprisingly (for me at least) Lithuania and Israel.

Same intro video with the floating bubbles of many colours.

Haddy does the “Good Evening Europe” tonight.

Sam mentions that only 10 of the 17 countries will proceed to the final. Those are really good odds frankly.

HE do the voting and final spiel. Nadia must’ve demanded a better dressmaker as she looks a lot more stylish than HE. (Was that the smackdown?)

Sam mentions that he’d vote for Armenia “55 times.” I wonder what he sees that I don’t.

Lithuania: Julia & Sam really like InCulto, who they call the “funnest act” this year. InCulto arrive on stage making funny noises and in checked pants. They proceed to do a very ska song and call it “funk.” It’s kind of cute and pleasantly daft, and they harmonise well. Julia and the audience like the strip. Eh, say I. Julia remarks that they are all straight. (Seriously, do we care?)

Armenia: Julia & Sam remark that there’s a lot of imagery. Just after they mention it there is a close up of Eva’s bosom. Anyway, Eva cavorts about the stage while the backing dancers do their calisthenics. It’s a pleasant bouncy number although I definitely see why it could inflame some old historical grudges too. I don’t see contender here, but that’s just me.

Israel: Julia says the bookies went berserk over Harel. Sam wants to put his hand through Harel’s hair. Harel looks a lot like Sakis Rouvas. He sings a pretty ballad and tosses enough “come hither” looks at the cameras to last a lifetime. It’s very simple staging and I must say this is screaming dark horse to me, especially as it builds up. This is working very well on television. Dodgy ending, but the audience goes crazy according to Julia & Sam.

Denmark: Sam calls it a “breakup song.”Interesting, I never thought about it that way. N’Evergreen does his mediocre Ronan Keating imitation (seriously must all Danish male singers do that?), meanwhile Chanee busts out her Shirley Bassey gear and vocal pipes. She’s definitely the stronger of the two and frankly she’s also doing the heavy lifting. It still sounds dated, but it’s such a rousing song that you don’t mind it. That said, the wind machine makes it very OTT. Julia likes it, Sam doesn’t.

Switzerland: Michael looks quite elfin backstage and onstage. His backing singers have their war faces on, and their march enhances it. I’m tapping along, but I‘m biased too. There really should be more movement onstage, and it’s really letting it down. I still get children’s show opening song from it, and even though Michael & Co. are giving it their all. It still doesn’t quite get there. Shame.

Julia & Sam send us off to ad break from the booth. Oh my god, Sam smiled! He also says “sometimes three minutes is longer than you think it is.” (Yes Sam, like Armenia. Ha!)

Adverts: SBS is the Australia’s World Cup channel. They REALLY want you to know that.

Back from adverts and it’s time for our commentators to harass the contestants. Julia talks to InCulto and they mention that they’re straight. (WE DON’T CARE.) She talks to N’Evergreen who slags off ABBA (those are fighting words), and also comes across as a bit of an arrogant tosser.

Sweden: Sam mentions that this is a big hit in Sweden. I think girl with a guitar at Eurovision and think Ase Kleveland back in the Sixties. Anna is no Ase, especially with that warbling. Now Anna is definitely trying to go the cute route, but the song is calling for whinging uni student. It improves as the song gets faster but she keeps on going vibrato and jumping around like preteen is rather daft….especially since the song is all about becoming an adult. Eh.

Azerbaijan: Safura busts out in blue while walking down some stairs. The song starts out like a power ballad, but verges into comedy territory when she tries to go all ghetto during the chorus. There’s also some unintentional comedy with the manic dancer, but it’s all about the chorus for me. Why? Because she looks like a spoiled princess trying to act like she’s down with ‘hood girls. Well sung, but hilarious…for me, at least.

Ukraine: Sam tells us that Alyosha didn’t like him. (I wonder why?) Julia calls her voice very “rocky.” Alyo is alone onstage in a cloak with her deep voice and STRONG accent. She takes off the cloak and reveals that she is Ukraine’s answer to Avril Lavigne. The wind machine kicks up, the guitar kicks in, and Alyo gets more incomprehensible beyond the words “Sweet People.” It’s a lot better than I thought, and this is the performance that I think Anna should’ve done. Alyo does the traditional Ukraine-at-Eurovision yodel.

Netherlands: Woo hoo! Julia mentions the Father Abraham connection as well as the fact that it is so vintage that it might win. So two dancers dressed as music clock musicians move around woodenly as Sieneke bounces about to unabashedly kitsch music. I’m sorry, but I just love it for this reason. It also can’t be more of a contrast to anything that has proceeded, and that’s a good thing. Ok, the male backing performer may be hamming it up unnecessarily, but so what.

HE are back in the green room acting all self-important, promising that they will make everyone “feel at home.” So why do you look like dear caught in the headlights?

Sam makes note that Australia didn’t care for Alexander in SBS’s vote.

Romania: I personally think this is a serious contender for the lot. Paula hits the keyboard hard. They also are camping it up a bit, which really works. Paula’s big hair and catsuit being camp enough for several entries. Then there’s the operatic singing she does towards the end. I foresee a Romania vs. Moldova battle in the voting. Sam calls Paula “a Romanian Eartha Kitt.”

Slovenia: This is like a really charmingly quirky version of last year’s Macedonian entry, except it’s meant to be a bit silly. I suspect there’s a witty element to the lyrics. It’s camp fun, though not a vote-getter. At least they having tonnes of fun onstage.

Ireland: Julia warns us that Niamh is feeling under the weather. Niamh gets a round of applause after the first few notes. She looks very regal and sounds in good voice. It’s not a terribly remarkable ballad (In Your Eyes mk. II and slower), but does the business. Niamh brings a lot more charisma than Thea did last night and that may save Ireland from the same fate. Crowd goes wild.

Bulgaria: Julia says that it has “very powerful choreography.’ I see women dressed in the leftover Maltese costumes. And men as well. The men do acrobatics and then shift into pure Hi-NRG dance moves as the dance beat kicks in. Miro is kind of a non-entity in this performance which is a terrible mistake. It’s not that bad of a song nor performance, but the main problem is that Miro’s lack of presence makes you forget it.

Cyprus: Julia really likes the song, though it’ll take a lot for me to like this. Why? This is Tom Dice: Welsh/Cypriot version. Even worse, Tom was better. Everyone is good voice, but there’s not a single thing I like about it. The lyrics are corny. The performance is smarmy.

Julia makes a overly excited gasp of joy/lust at the end of Cyprus. She recovers quickly enough to join stone-faced Sam in sending us off to adverts.

Adverts: Qantas really wants you to know that you can fly the A380 and be comfortable. Your flight will be delayed for days due to mechanical issues…but you’ll be comfortable….at some point.

Back from adverts for more harassment from Aussies. Julia does all but kidnap poor little Jon Dice. She talks to Safura who talks through a translator (who isn’t that hot in English either). She spends more time talking to Safura’s choreographer who is straight out of the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

HE remind us that there are three countries left. Sam does his Norwegian Josh Thomas joke again, and it still works.

Croatia: So Femminem are in their nightgowns on a park bench singing about how everything is easy. There are so many jokes I could make about that, but why go for the easy ones? (hahaha) The song sounds like it going to build up into a dance stomper, but it doesn’t. No, it builds up into them just singing louder. Then there’s that very impressive but still out-of-place dance break. They have great voices, and look excellent, but the song like many last night…just. ends. Julia remarks on how many of the female singers are barefoot this year. (She fails to mention Sandie Shaw though.)

Georgia: Sofia is in red and being pushed about by male dancers. This is another acrobatic performance for everybody onstage. It’s rather interesting choreography that also distracts from the fact that song is rather bland. Interestingly, I’m reminded of last night’s Polish entry, except there’s no dramatics onstage.

Turkey: Finally, bring on the Rock! Nice staging with the screens being black. It’s oddly like last year’s Bosnian entry but with a lot more bite. I like it. It’s no Deli, but oddly charming. I don’t quite get what the helmet dancer is supposed to symbolise. Ooh, someone’s scratching on the turntable. Nice. Not too bad. Symbolically, I’d like this to win, doubt it will. Qualification, however, is assured.

HEN remind us that only 10 will make it. They fail mention that the odds are still pretty much pretty good for everyone.

Recap: InCulto strip (but want us to know that they’re straight)…Eva’s bosoms and that stone bounce about…Harel was dreamy and shouty…but not as much as Chanee & N’Evergreen…Michael did the best he could, but didn’t quite make it…Anna was too cute for her good…Safura tried to be ghetto and was hilarious…Alyo brought the drama and mangled pronunciation…Sieneke was kitschy kool…Paula & Ovi brought it…Slovenia just had fun (sod the score)…Niamh got everyone’s attention (but was it just because she’s a former winner?)…Miro was there (or was he?)…Tom Dice managed to annoy me tonight even though he wasn’t onstage…Croatia took it too easy…Georgia got pulled all over…MaNga impressed with their fusion.

NE (not HE) talk about last place Eurovision hits. Amongst the featured are Jahn Teigen, Jemini, and PingPong. It’s sadly too quick.

Erik says that the Norwegians celebrate last-placers. Nadia says that “no one comes last, but only 10 make it to the final.” Um, Nadia, there still will be last-placers.

Recap again. My opinions stay the same. In fact, I think Alyosha was even more impressive the second time around. Those playing the Eurovision drinking game would be drunk just by the recap alone.

HE give us a bunch of silly facts about the performers in the green room. The Irish delegation are already hitting the sauce. Christ, Erik is wearing the shiny InCulto hotpants. Usch.

Stone-faced Sam and Julia send us off to adverts. Hold on, Julia cracked a little bit of a smile. Caught ya!

Adverts: Bettie Page doco after Eurovision. World, welcome to SBS…Sex, Sport, and Eurovision.

Back from adverts and Sam tries to get Anna to say Sweden is better than Norway. Julia speaks with Niamh, who is charming and funny. She also talks to Safura (via translator) and she’s still kind of stuck up.

Interval…I think…and it’s another video/live one. This time involving a kid going around Oslo forcing a poor group of people to mimic the noise he makes. Given that some countries are only showing one semi, I understand why we’re having this interval again, but it really is a one-trick pony.

And the kid runs onstage and we have the whole a capella finale involving beatboxing and break dancing.

Yes, Norway, we know you’re modern now. Several thousands of UN surveys have told us that already.

Nadia talks to 2 Australians in the audience. Julia & Sam comically gripe about the fact that SBS wasn’t mentioned.

HE do the age joke again, this time with senior versions in addition to the junior versions. This as we learned last night is their intro to the 5 countries in the final. It dawns upon me that Harel does Didrik’s song better.

HE tell us that “you can feel the tension.” You certainly can’t tell it in HE’s voices, because they are wooden. Please tell me Ingvild makes some appearance to liven this lot up.

Nadia is back at the lectern of Qualification, and she definitely enjoys the power.

Dramatic drum roll and Georgia gets it. Julia is relieved. I’m indifferent.

Drum roll…Ukraine gets it. (Well-deserved.) Julia is 2 for 2 on her top ten.

Shot of the Swiss and the Dutch (I hope they make it!) Turkey makes it! Julia & Sam are surprised. I’m pleased.

Julia & Sam barrack for Denmark and Israel. Israel gets it. (Slightly pleased here.)

Drum roll…Ireland gets it. Irish fans go crazy at Telenor.

Shot of Romania (please make it!)…Cyprus gets it. Julia screams in delight.

Drum roll…Sam really wants Lithuania…Azerbaijan gets it. Safura freaks out. Australian commentators indifferent, in fact, slightly peeved.

Drum roll…Julia & Sam really want Lithuania & Denmark. I want Romania…and they get it!

Drum roll…Armenia gets it. Australian commentators getting pissed at who is going to miss out.

Drum roll…Shot of the Danes looking sullen. Chanee is happy, N’Evergreen is indifferent.

Julia & Sam are pissed that Lithuania didn’t make it. I’m glad that Denmark & Romania made it.

So here are some potential bloodbaths I see happen on the scoreboard:

Armenia vs. Azerbaijan
Romania vs. Moldova
Norway vs. Israel
Greece vs. Iceland
Germany vs. Spain
Belgium vs. Cyprus
Turkey vs. Bosnia-Herzegovina

What does this mean? I have no idea who the hell will win this.

Now here comes the real tricky part of my Eurovision blackout. By the time I wake up tomorrow, the winner will be known. SBS, however, will be airing the final at 7:30pm tomorrow night. Still, I’ll do my best to stay oblivious.

I also have an early morning flight on Monday, and with Eurovision voting being the cruel beast that it is, I reckon I needn’t bother with sleep at all.

Saturday Jukebox Goes Anthemic

2010-05-29T16:52:00.000+10:00

Taking a slight break from Eurovision (Semi Final Two tonight here in Australia, Final in Europe), here’s a little trio of signoffs* from the US, Australia, and New Zealand.

* The old tradition of playing the national anthem before a station closed for the night.

First off, the US. Given how much I talk about singers being disconnected from a song’s lyrics, it’s rather odd that I never really put together how militaristic The Star Spangled Banner is. It’s basically a war report put to music. I, like most Americans of my generation, grew up with this signoff, and still it took me awhile to draw the war connection. (I hanged my head in embarrassment over being slow to pick this up.)

Now, Australia.

Advance Australia Fair (yes, that’s the anthem—not Waltzing Matilda, although a song about suicidal thief running away from authority would work) talks mostly about geography, but the images shown are all about the military.

Finally, New Zealand.

Good Ol’ TVNZ wins in my opinion. Why? They have vocals, and these vocalists don’t just sing Aotearoa/God Defend New Zealand, they sing it as if they are rallying the troops and preparing for Armageddon. All the while we get tranquil scenes of nature, farm life, and the arts. This kind of singing is what I mean by “bringing the crazy,” and they do…brilliantly.

Eurovision 2010 Semi-Final One: It Just Ends

2010-05-28T21:48:00.000+10:00

One admission: I have somewhat cheated.

Curiosity got the worst of me and I just had to see the Albanian performance.

I didn’t check any results, just wanted to see it.

Phew! I feel pure again.

Well, this will be the first time I watch Eurovision on a proper television in Australia, and with English language commentary (courtesy of SBS).

Doing the commentating will be Julia Zemiro & Sam Pang. I can only hope they lean more on the Wogan style.

Anyway, Te Deum begins and we have…Julia & Sam walking through Oslo. They spruik Eurovision and mention Aisha & Milan as possible Eurovision stars. (I doubt it.)

Then the real show begins.

Happy little bubbles travelling through Norway. It’s all very modern in stark contrast to 15 years ago when Norway was all Viking-ed out the last time Norway hosted.

(By the way, Ingvild Bryn was the best Eurosong presenter in my book. This trio will be judged against her…harshly.)

The bubbles spell out SHARE THE MOMENT and voila…we are in the Telenor Arena.

The short female presenter does the traditional “Good Evening Europe.”

Julia & Sam start talking and either SBS really is short a penny or there’s some tech difficulties because their microphones are woeful.

So the presenters are Haddy (tall, dark, and statuesque), Erik (blond male cipher), and Nadia (short and competent) or HEN. I think Nadia will be running things while the others look pretty.

Norway is definitely keen to show that is a multicultural nation, and it is worth noting that to my Anglophone ears, HEN sound Scandinavian.

I like that symbolism.

What’s new this year? Juries and televoting from the start. SBS is also taking votes as well.

Julia compliments the presenters.

Postcards are a bit like ESC 1996 & 2003, some shots of the performers getting ready to go onstage and a little clip of the performing country.

Moldova: One of the few that I really liked from the start this. It begins with a violinist spinning around. Olia is looking like a demented ballerina who thinks it is still 1984. Oh lord, that “saxophonist” is milking his time for all it is worth. It’s a bit like Euroband, in fact I dare say they are better than Euroband, since there’s A LOT of movement onstage. (I still want to shove that saxophone down his throat!) The male singer is doing his best to belt this out and actually overpowers poor Olia at times. Bloody hell, that was quick! J&S agree that it was good.

Russia: From a song that I liked to one that I loathe. I know this is supposed to be a joke, but usch…it isn’t working for me. Anyway, Peter literally warbles his way through this song with help from his “friends.” Peter is at least photogenic. Ok, the spoken passage makes the joke a bit more apparent…it’s still a weak joke. The song also seems like a pisstake of doo-wop. Eh. Julia & Sam try to be sarcastic about it, and fail.

Estonia: I also rewatched this song, and I have to revise my opinion. It’s like a deconstruction of a Four Tops song. I like that as a concept. The lead singer seems to be channelling The Divine Comedy, but just.can’t.pull.it.off. By the way, the song has got the most absurd lyrics. I like absurdity, but I do like it to have a point. There is none here. Just style without substance. Plus it just ends. Julia & Sam try to be upbeat about it.

Slovakia: Julia says that it wouldn’t be out of place in Wicked, and she is right. Kristina is dressed like a wood nymph surrounded by male dancers in vine-covered coats. It’s a catchy little tune although the backing singer does some bizarre vocal gymnastics during the bridge. I’m liking this performance and hope that Slovakia isn’t scared by this journey into upbeat songs. Oh, the Vine Boys have ribbons. How twee. This song as well just ends.

Finland: Julia pronounces the band’s name correctly. Sam won’t attempt it. Unpronounceable does a Finnish folk version of the song that just proceeded it. They also bring bags of charisma to it. The fact that they are dressed in white also helps create a fun atmosphere. It’s the sort of song you could imagine singing in a pub.

Cut to J&S in the booth and yes, they do have pretty bad headpieces to talk into.

Ad break! (What do you think you’re watching? The ABC?)

Back from adverts and we get a clip of Julia touring the backstage dressing rooms during the dress rehearsal. Julia speaks to Juliana, and Juliana is funny. Sam speaks to Unpronounceable and brings up Lordi. Unpronounceable is charming. Sam is not.

Latvia: Julia has been mentioning this song all week long, which means CAR CRASH ahead. She all but says so in the intro…”but enjoy the music.” Aisha is very pretty and does her best audition for Oliver! She is a decent singer who is singing a crap song. “Mr. God?” “What for are we living?” Usch. It’s clear that the Latvians are trying to do a foot stomper, but it’s so not necessary. J&S dismiss them.

Serbia: J&S talk about Milan’s hair, and I am still not convinced that he’s a he. (Akiko Wada…think about it.) Anyway, the performance is pretty much drunk Balkan circus sideshow: hiccups, men flinging themselves about, singer of indeterminate gender…It’s catchy, and the female dancers/backers are pretty decent. I don’t think the song calls for break dancing. Sam talks about “Milan-mania” with derision.

Bosnia-Herzegovina: I didn’t really rate this before, but Vukasin has charm and looks, and the Bosnians have gone for dramatic staging with the backing singers. It’s like all the Montenegrin entries but updated for 2010. Although the lyrics are corny as hell, Vuk performs the hell out of it. The mix of businessmen and chorus girls singing backup is a bit of unintentional humour. Still, the song just ends.

Poland: Julia warns that “this might be a bit violent.” Really? Bloody hell, the Poles have got some vocal pipes on them. Marcin seems to stare out into the abyss while folk dancers cavort around him. Julia had mentioned that there was a bit of “Eve & The snake” theme going on. I see it now, though Marchy isn’t doing a good job of being that seductive. Wow…he just “choked” her. I’m liking this for being different. Julia says “it just ends.” Yes, Julia, it just does.

HE go to the green room. Yes, they are meant to be just pretty, no heavy lifting for them. They welcome the very jubilant Poles.

Belgium: Alright, I honestly really really don’t like this kind of music. Still, Tom is considered a bit of a favourite. I find the song awfully self-indulgent like Silvia Night, but without the irony. It is basically Tom Dice playing his guitar. If you like John Mayer, then you’ll like this. I can’t stand John Mayer (the music and the man), so I loathe it. Still, I think Tom has yet to become the arse that John Mayer has become. Good performance of a song that I would dislike no matter who sang it.

Malta: Sam says that Thea’s dream is to resemble Liza Minnelli. So true. Anyway, Thea sings the umpteenth Maltese ballad about dreams and love. If you’ve seen Maltese entries from say 1991 onwards, you pretty much have seen this. Think Disney movie castoff. She sings it well, and there’s no “disconnect” between her and the song, but it’s all about her hitting the glory notes and her dress attempting to fly away in horror from the banality. Holy hell! It did…and turned into a man spinning around onstage. Trippy.

Albania: Now, I like this. The Australian press has called this “Donna Summer-esque.” The backing singers are apparently gospel singers. Juliana’s accent oddly works with this. Juliana is dressed like Alicia Stewart and I do have the urge to sing “Knock on wood” over the chorus. She doesn’t really move onstage, but yet, I’d call this a foot-stomper…although “wood knocker” would be more appropriate. I get the feeling that this is a dark horse. Tirana 2011? I think it’s a possibility. Sam makes a joke about Juliana thinking about her husband that falls flat.

Greece: Bring on the half-naked men. Sam says Giorgios is 33, I doubt that. Anyway, this is also a foot-stomper. Giorgios does a kick-arse job even though he barely moves. (Although he does have a piercing stare) His bare-chested “friends” do all the moving for him. It’s like a Greek male version of Song #1 oddly enough. Dark horse, I say.

Portugal: J&S say it was wise to sing in Portuguese. I agree. Filipa looks quite cute, but the question is will she bring the crazy when the song builds up. She gets close to it in the middle. C’mon Filipa, don’t think pageant, think “Fuck this! I’ve been done wrong.” Getting there…getting there…um…the Evita gesture isn’t exactly what I meant.

Ad break. J&S look well…bored in the booth. Julia makes kind of an attempt at a smile. Sam looks comatose.

Back from the adverts. Sam takes to Milan and I’m still thinking he’s the Serbian Akiko Wada. Julia talks to the dancer from Malta. Sam kisses Milan three times. Milan looks embarrassed…and there are a multitude of reasons as to why. He also tries to get Milan to fix his elbow since Milan is a medical school graduate.

HE sit in the audience and encourage everyone to vote. They look like low-rent royals.

Sam calls Erik “the Norwegian Josh Thomas.” So true.

FYROM: J gives this song the most ridiculous explanation as to what the song is about. Anyway, Gjoko pervs all over a scantily clad female dancer. The Makedonski Dolls proceed to slut up the stage in a completely different song than what Gjoko is in. Then there’s the rap which really just makes this song seem even trashier than it need be. I think FYROM got it right in 2002, 2004, and 2006, and somehow it’s gone awry. J&S call it a mess…indirectly.

Belarus: J&S talk about Petr from last year (“free vodka”). Oh lord, is that guy flat or is that his accent? It’s another power ballad but with lots of unintentional humour thanks to the accent of one of the 2 in 3+2. Why did they chose this over that nice upbeat song? I will never understand Lukashenko-land. Jesus wept, the 3 just sprouted butterfly wings. Well, this has just secured the granny vote. J&S say the gimmick worked. I disagree.

Iceland: Julia says “Iceland has created havoc all over the world, and she will do so with this song.” That bodes well. She also calls it a “showstopper.” Hera regally walks downstage and pretty much kills it. Not quite Lena Ph killing it, but close. The LED lights add a lot to the performance. Surprisingly for a dance song there is little movement, but the vocals make up for it. This is the Swedish entry that the Swedes should have sent, but foolishly didn’t. The crowd is shouting her name afterwards.

HEN announce the voting.

Recap: Moldova got things started off powerfully…Peter’s joke fell flat on me…Estonia’s attempt to deconstruct Motown failed…Slovakia got lost in the vines…Unpronounceable were accordioningly cute…Aisha’s audition was woeful…Milan’s sideshow of androgyny…Bosnia-Herzegovina was a pleasant rocking surprise…Poland was dramatic agitprop well executed…Tom annoyed me, and probably me alone…Thea’s dream is to sing for Uncle Walt…Juliana knocked on wood…Giorgios had his bare chested friends and that is a-ok with me…Filipa nearly brought the crazy…FYR Macedonia was a bit too much going on (so say J&S)…3+2 was –5…Hera brought it.

I say as long as Moldova, Albania, Greece, Portugal, and Iceland get through I’m happy.

Erik harasses Eurovision fans in Oslo. He really does look like Josh Thomas. Oh, there’s a joke here about how Eurovision fans go crazy in front of cameras…It’s very daft. And so is Erik.

Nadia alone onstage bringing some level of gravitas.

Recap again. No change in my opinions, except Peter is REALLY annoying and Aisha’s screeching isn’t cute. I’m also struck by the similarity between Juliana & Today Show Newsreader Georgie Gardner. Should Albania win, I reckon she’ll be urged to mime it.

HE in the green room. It’s a pretty damn huge one too. Erik gives us a bunch of facts rapidly. Haddy tries to do the same, but is too mannered to go too fast. I want her accent. I think it would be good for haranguing taxi drivers.

Just as the counting stops…we have an ad break here on SBS.

Back from adverts and Sam is interviewing Hera. Hera is regal. He also talks to Milan who sounds…different. Julia talks to Juliana and it’s clear that Julia’s supporting Albania.

Nadia asks the question “how did people start singing?” This introduces us to a clip of the various noises people make.

While this is going on, Darling Harbour has fireworks going on and they frankly are drowning this video interval out.

It’s a very cool interval, I reckon it was probably dull for those at Telenor, but Eurovision is a television programme first and foremost. So there.

The final part of the interval act is apparently all those noises coming together in the Telenor. I can’t help but think this is oddly similar to what the BBC came up with back in 1998.

HE go over the rules as a way of introducing the songs pre-qualified for the Final: Spain is OTT and cute…Norway is OTT and maudlin…UK is cute…France is silly dance pop and not trying to be anything else…Germany is quirky cute (running the risk of being annoying) and a dark horse to win it.

Nadia is back and in front of the lectern of Qualification.

Bosnia-Herzegovina gets through…Moldova gets through (YES!)…Russia gets through (Bugger)…Greece gets through (YES!)…Portugal (J&S are shocked, I’m not)…Belarus (J&S as well as myself are shocked)….Serbia is in (Sam reminds us that he kissed him 3 times)…Belgium is in (eh, I’m not surprised…not pleased either)…Albania (Thank god!)…Iceland is in (J&S say the room has gone berserk…I can understand why).

I’m struck by the fact that it would be rather hilarious (in lieu of recent events) if Iceland or Greece hosts next year.

Eurovision Week: The Hope for The Semi-Finals

2010-05-26T01:29:00.002+10:00

In a few hours, Eurovision 2010 officially starts in Euroland, and while the international sing-along is going on, I’m going to be asleep, and doing my damndest to not find out the results until Friday & Saturday.

Now, this year has been a bit of a challenge as there’s—well—a lot of dross, shall we say. Two years (2007 & 2008) of ballad winners and all of a sudden, everyone decides to start sending dirges in 2010. Why?!

Since this crop of songs has a lot of rocks and few diamonds, I’m just going to sort out the Qualifying Round songs into what I hope qualifies and what I’m indifferent or dislike.

Hope to qualify (in no particular order of preference)

Moldova (Catchy and chaotic, without sounding like a train wreck.)
Romania (Catchy as hell, and very slick. Romania does Eurovision dance very well.)
Switzerland (Still reminds me of The Mysterious Cities of Gold opening theme.)
Denmark (it’s overblown, yes, but after re-watching the performance from the DMGP, I’m impressed and daresay like it)
Portugal (I don’t know if she can bring the crazy, but if she can, it’ll be worth it, and I can’t be help but think Portugal is a dark horse this year.)
Finland (cute and charming)
Iceland (it’s a subdued dance number, but that might work for once.)
Turkey (It’s a water-downed version of the 2008 entry, but still likeable.)
Slovenia (see Finland, though I’d still like it if Slovenia would finally send Alya at some point.)
Slovakia (see Finland)
Albania (the Australian press are suggesting that the song borrows heavily from Donna Summer. I don’t see that, but “it’s got a good beat and you can dance to it.”)
Greece (see Albania, strangely enough.)
The Netherlands (Defiantly and unabashedly kitsch.)

Checking Eurovision.tv, I have apparently selected 7 from Semi-Final 1, and 6 from Semi-Final 2, without trying to divide them by respective night. Might that bode well for some of the 13?

I think The Netherlands is the only real long shot here, but you can never underestimate the power of kitsch over both the jury and the televoter.

Back into Eurosong Blackout go I.

Eurovision Week: Update

2010-05-22T15:43:00.001+10:00

Just a reminder for those who normally come over here for Eurovision coverage. The coverage will still be “live,” but due to time differences and the fact that I’m keen to follow along with SBS, it won’t be at the same time it airs in Europe…in fact it’ll be a day late.

This means I’ll have to go into a bit of a self-imposed “Eurovision news” blackout when the contest is live. (Believe you me, this won’t be easy.)

For those in Australia, here is the schedule:

Semi-Final 1: Friday 28 May @ 7:30pm
Semi-Final 2: Saturday 29 May @ 7:30pm
Final: Sunday 30 May @ 7:30pm

All on SBS ONE.

Tipping Point?

2010-05-20T18:17:00.001+10:00

As Day 1 of the Akermanis/Akermankiss debacle comes to a end, comes the news that NSW Transport Minister has resigned…the reason why?

He used his ministerial car to visit a gay sex sauna (via Yahoo7).

It’s like a McGreevey Redux.

The Akermanis Column: The Responses

2010-05-20T16:43:00.001+10:00

Given that Australia’s entertainment media hub is effectively Melbourne (aka AFL Ground Zero), there have been quite a few witty responses to Jason Akermanis’s column.

Here’s a selection:

* The Herald Sun—which published Akermanis’s column today—is owned by News Limited (aka Uncle Rupert [Murdoch]).

Is It International Foot-In-Mouth Day?

2010-05-20T10:49:00.000+10:00

As a journalist, I am all for people being free to say what they want whenever they want.

Yet, sometimes I honestly wonder if people realise exactly what they are saying.

Today, an AFL player claims he’s gay-positive but thinks it is not the right time for AFL players to come out (via the ABC).

Quite frankly, after all the AFL scandals over the past year and into this year (ranging from drug abuse to well…Brendan Fevola), the best public relations move the AFL could do right now would be to have a player come out.

And hopefully this publicly out player will not wait till the end of his career to say so.

An Interesting Argument for Saving Law & Order

2010-05-20T09:20:00.001+10:00

I freely admit that I’m amongst the group of people saying that cancelling Law & Order was a daft decision by a network that can ill afford to make one.

So it was with great interest that I read this Reuters article about how the venerable show might be spared the axe.

Amongst the reasons not to cancel it…The show offers 30 guest roles per episode.

Actor welfare as a reason to save it? A bit different, but I support it.

The Strange Commonality Between Nine & NBC

2010-05-19T11:50:00.000+10:00

Now, NBC is tanking in the US network race, and Nine pretty much is holding its own down here in the commercial network stakes.

Yet, I was struck by some interesting things they share in common.

Both air a breakfast programme called Today.

Difference: Nine’s has a male anchor who is an occasional drunk and full-time crazy. NBC only lets Matt Lauer have a personality on Thanksgiving Day.

Both have a show that follows their respective Today with an aging cabaret star as a presenter.

Difference: Kathie-Lee Gifford gets crunk on air. KAK gets crunk off air at Sydney Harbour, on air she does her best to embarrass her guests…unless they’re Poms.

Both have a high-rating police shows about lurid crimes.

Difference: Law & Order: SVU is a parody of a morality play; Underbelly is a Russ Meyer film masquerading as a TV series.

Wednesday Jukebox Goes Anglophone

2010-05-19T09:26:00.002+10:00

Let’s do things a bit different today. First, the Bonus video: A remix of the Chemical Brothers’ Galvanize

Now, we don’t necessarily get all of the latest music down here. Sometimes, that is a bit of a blessing.

Sometimes that is a curse. (Seriously, given all the Australia – UK ties, why aren’t The Noisettes getting play down here? Eh, Rage?)

Massive thanks to Random J Pop for The Wonder Girls & The Noisettes' Clip.

Eurovision, You Dropped The Ball This Year

2010-05-17T08:05:00.001+10:00

I must admit this year’s crop of songs just leaves me feeling…blah. According to the betting sites (via TV Tonight), two of the most humdrum songs are pipped to be fighting for the trophy at the end of the month.

The most charitable thing I can say about Germany: It has a decent beat and it would be nice for Germany to win (after a 28 year drought.)

The most charitable thing I can say about Azerbaijan: She’s a pretty girl who isn’t making a fool of herself.

Save for Moldova, Romania, Switzerland, the UK, and to some extent France, it’s just a crappy year.

Still, there’s fun to be had, like the OnEurope blog, which covers the rehearsals and goings on in Oslo during this fun Eurosong time! And the wonderful fact that this year, I can watch English commentary live on television…courtesy of SBS!

Enjoy!

Thursday Jukebox Loves Ridiculous KPop Boybands

2010-05-13T08:17:00.001+10:00

The once 13 strong Super Junior has shed 3 members (one most likely due to BRAWLING!) and gone reggaeton meets electro with their latest, which seems to have a dark video for a song with some very frothy lyrics:

And while I haven’t made too much reference to SHINee (blame the daft name), they apparently made a run for respectablity last year with a song that has the oft-used Eurovision title Ring Ding Dong.

For extra OTT ridiculousness, watch the live performance:

Bonus: Kiwi songstress Gin Wigmore’s Hey Ho, which after these coo-coo KPop boys provides a certain level of gravitas.

Saturday Hakabox

2010-05-08T18:29:00.002+10:00

Last night*, I indulged in a newfound pleasures since coming down under: Rugby. Specifically, International Test Rugby. Even more specific, International Test Rugby featuring Australia & New Zealand.

Now, rugby is one of those sports that tends to get glossed over in the US. Personally, I think it’s because American football players are a bit wimpy, because Rugby League players have close to no protection compared to those in NFL.

And from a purely shallow perspective: Darren Lockyer & Cameron Smith.

That being said—and despite Messrs. Lockyer & Smith—I tend to always support the Kiwis. The main reason: the Haka, which manages to always send shivers down my spine. I’ll be blunt here, it’s damn impressive to watch.

You know, if the Packers attempted to do something like that, then I would’ve probably be less annoyed by them in my childhood. (My sporting heart is pretty much 80% rugby, 15% AFL now, 3% ice hockey, and 2% basketball.)

Bonus: The New Zealand national anthem, God Defend New Zealand, which is rather stunning in its versatility, being both peaceful

…but able to stir with the best of them.

I partly noted this on Twitter last night, but I’m really blown away by how rarely The Star Spangled Banner is sung like the war report that the lyrics suggest. There doesn’t seem to be as much of a lyrical disconnect in other countries with their anthems. (Well…at least with the professional singers, though some of those players were seriously doing their best to make it through.)

Whither the Australian Spine?

2010-05-04T22:27:00.002+10:00

Since this corner of the internet is still mostly visited by non-Australians, I would like to let you in on a little controversy that has popped up today down here in down-under land.

This past Sunday we had The Logies, which essentially are the People’s Choice Awards (in how they are decided) with a heavy dash of Golden Globes (in setting) and The Emmys (in terms of scope and prestige).

Australian Celebrities + Grog should = a good time.

But it didn’t. Jiminy Cricket, it was one big suburban tea party with all the fake smiling and “aren’t-we-having-a-good-time”-ing going on.

And the producers banned/strongly suggested that Tweeting not be done.

Lest we all realise that we have been hoodwinked into thinking this was such an exciting show.

Fortunately, two comedians in attendance Catherine Deveny & Wil Anderson made the ceremony all the more bearable by poking a stick at the proceedings.

Unfortunately, Deveny has lost her column at The Age as a result. (Read Deveny’s take on the situation at her website.)

Personally, I don’t think this is right. For starters, Deveny’s humour and opinions are what attracted The Age to employ her, and Deveny strikes me as the smart and savvy kind of person to use her Twitter presence as a further extension of her column and work, and realise that it is her public face. (If that wasn't the case, then they would be locked.)

The real danger here, I believe, is the fact that when it comes down to it, the Australian media landscape (at least print-wise), is a duopoly, and when there’s only two in town, you get awfully paranoid about offending anyone.

I always thought Australians had a spine. In fact, post-Logie coverage gave the Australian public a self-congratulatory pat on the back for being cool and relaxed about a wardrobe malfunction and the occasional swearword being uttered.

I read both Deveny’s and Anderson’s tweets, and I would say they were sharp and funny, but whether one found them funny or not, this criticism being heaped upon them is unwarranted and reactionary.

Has Australia forgotten the larrikin?

Because it can be a slippery slope.

Just ask anyone who was living in George W. Bush’s USA from 2000 to 2008.

Tuesday Jukebox Goes Shape Shifting

2010-05-04T09:15:00.001+10:00

Still crook in the voice box, but the upside has been that I’ve been able to really get a chance to take some serious musical journeys.

The notion of a Kiwi drum n’ bass band may sound odd, but Shapeshifter quite frankly blows all preconceived notions out of the water, and the band holds its own against the UK dnb.

Here’s a sampler:

Shapeshifter has their own YouTube channel under the username of ShapeshifterLive. Check the lads out.

The Labour Day Post

2010-05-01T09:05:00.002+10:00

As in International…which is not a holiday here in NSW (they celebrate it in September). Still, it deserves to be honoured.

Australian rant: Labor under Kevin Rudd is like Labour under Tony Blair, except Kev has no personality. Every day we are presented with Kev telling us how well-off we are, how desirable Australia is as a destination, and how we manage to have close to zero unemployment. The latter I, and many other people down here have come believe, is a crock. Yes, indeed we have lots of jobs advertised, but only because they are legally supposed to, never mind that the position has long since been filled. So Kev, I ask you on this day that we celebrate Labour, that you look at your party’s name and see if you can do something about cracking down hard on HR. Seriously Kev, because we’re really doubting those employment figures.

American rant: Really, I have nothing to complain about. I guess if I was full-time resident, I would, but I don’t. More jobs, maybe?

Global rant: Dubai is getting its comeuppance, and that is good. Greece is realising the value of hard yakka. Bastard Steven Harper is still in power in Canada. Ditto John Key in NZ, but can anyone ever really swing right in NZ?

Anyway, here is the L’internationale.

Friday Jukebox is Hoarse

2010-04-30T17:27:00.001+10:00

I’m not going to sugar coat it at all, my voice is buggered, and has pretty much been non-existent for the past fortnight, ergo no April video log…and believe you me it is killing me because I have A LOT TO SAY, but the Benadryl tends to make writing it out not a dignified option. (See that pretty cloud, or is it the skylight? You get the idea.)

So in lieu of that, I would like to hype the comedienne Loni Love, whose first comedy special will be airing (in North America) on 8 May. I have no idea when—if ever—it’ll come down here.

Stop at Redfern for Birth Control?

2010-04-12T22:26:00.000+10:00

A little interesting titbit (pun intentional) I picked up via Twitter.

For those who might not know, Redfern has a bit of a dodgy rep in Sydney. Yet, Redfern—or rather specifically, Redfern Station—features in an euphemistic expression for crude birth control according to the Urban Dictionary.

Sunday Jukebox Says “Only You Can Save the Quartet”

2010-04-11T00:12:00.000+10:00

Continuing the trip down nostalgia lane, let’s take in a couple of clips from the quartet Circus.

First off, the very AM friendly Mr. Summertime. (This is their performance at Kouhaku 1978.)

American Feeling was the theme song that JAL (back when they weren’t haemorrhaging money) had for their COME TO AMERICA ‘79 campaign. This likely explains why this mob are pretending they are planes soaring above the clouds. (For some reason it reminds me mostly of the musical clips on The Great Space Coaster.)

Since the revival of boy bands and girl groups in the mid-to-late 1990s, the quartet has been a bit of a dying breed. Pop music seems to favour every combination except for four (bands excepted)…and mixed-gender groups (bands excepted)? Not outside of children’s television, thank you very much.

Bonus: Watch the Mr. Summertime clip again, and follow it up with the Turkish entry at Eurovision 1978.

If you’re thinking here comes a Eurovision retrospective, then you’d be right. That was the first of four quartet related clips.

This last one is a personal favourite of mine. It’s nonsensical and Gemini manage to the trick of harmonising while also looking stunned. (How those sleeves managed to not hit the two male members is a miracle.)

The quartet hasn’t died at Eurovision, but it’s a definite endangered species.

What is it about present-day pop groups having 3, 5, or 6 members anyway?

Ok, just the soothe >4 beast, here’s one another Eurovision quartet clip.

And Circus performing Mr. Summertime in the 1990s, smooth jazz style.

Won’t you please save the quartet?

Thursday Jukebox Loves Vintage Italian-Japanese Duos

2010-04-08T10:00:00.000+10:00

Which pretty much comes down to Hide & Rosanna, who notched up a few hits in the 1960s-70s.

Interesting how present day pop seems averse to duo groups.

Bonus: It’s Eurovision next month, and here are some selections from the 1972 contest, which was chock-a-block with duos.

And the ultimate Eurovision duet (despite not winning) of all time:

What Great Migration?

2010-04-07T23:11:00.000+10:00

I like to think of myself as a very worldly person, but periodically, some story about the US pops up in the Australian press which makes me, as an American, say “duh,” and I have to remember that I am in a foreign country.

ABC News has a story about how cotton has declined in Mississippi. It’s rather unremarkable for the most part, but what struck me most is that the story takes the tone of expressing shock that cotton has declined across the Mississippi Delta, as if it was only a short time ago that everybody was picking cotton galore.

Pardon the pun, but I just have to nitpick this article because it misses one of what I think is one of the most important events in American history: The Great Migration (actually there were several), where millions of American blacks moved from the former agricultural slave-holding states to the industrial states of the North and Upper Midwest.

This event helped shape the American economic engine just as much as the influx of immigrants into Ellis Island. (On a completely popular culture level, were it not for the Great Migration (mk. II), Oprah Winfrey would not have ruled Chicago, and by extension global daytime television.)

Yet, I remember it being glossed over at school, so is it that much of a surprise that it doesn’t feature into international studies of the US?

Sadly, not really.

Have Things Changed in 4 Years?

2010-04-04T17:46:00.003+10:00

Several years ago, I wrote an article for AfterElton, where I discussed the relative invisiblity of gay black lives in film and television. I'm pleasantly surprised to see that the state of gay black imagery is a subject of a panel at the Writers Guild (link courtesy of Mediaweek).

How To Create An Oscar Script

2010-03-29T14:59:00.001+11:00

It may seem a bit silly, but this short does illustrate that film clichés are still here.

A Trailer for Every Academy Award Winning Movie Ever -- powered by Cracked.com

Monday Jukebox Ponders Toshi Kubota and aging

2010-03-29T09:58:00.001+11:00

I don’t know what it is about Toshinobu Kubota, but for some reason I’m a bit of lightning rod for his 1980s OTT performances and videos on YouTube. I certainly enjoy them, and feel free to keep sending me the links, but now that I’m on the other side of 30, I really get how long ago this all was.

One could say, It’s BAD

Personally, I’m rather impressed by his backup singers.

And it’s a damn shame Toshi & The Gap Band never collaborated, he probably could do a killer version of Burn Rubber On Me. (Yes, Kickin’ back is a cover.)

Surprising Bedfellows

2010-03-23T09:37:00.001+11:00

One wouldn’t think that the Nine Network would become an advocate for gay equality, but believe it or not they have.

A sex scene in Dante’s Cove (which airs down under on GO!, Nine’s digital channel) was deemed by the ACMA (the Oz FCC) to risqué for the MA certification.

Nine’s reply via their Chief Classification Officer and TV Tonight: “We said to [the ACMA] ‘You’re overweighting this and bringing, unintentionally, a kind of homophobic judgment into it …because it’s male on male sex you’re judging it differently than if it was male on female.’ They denied it, but I can’t help but feel there is a bias whether they’re aware of it or not.”

This could be a tipping point in the history of Australian television…hopefully.

Get more at TV Tonight.

Eh?

2010-03-22T14:37:00.001+11:00

Gain Healthcare, lose abortion?

Tuesday Jukebox a Go-Go

2010-03-16T15:42:00.001+11:00

I always thought that AI was well-suited for Go-Go music, but Namie Amuro too? Yes, indeed.

This is their new collaboration FAKE, not too shabby.

Kerri-Anne: Subversive Morning Television?

2010-03-16T09:35:00.000+11:00

One of the upsides of my work schedule down here is that I do get to watch Kerri-Anne in the morning.

She is the archetypical lady-who-lunches/Liberal Party voter.

I am not.

Yet, what makes the show work for me is that you get the impression that she is basically just trying to entertain herself before she can hit the champagne down by Sydney Harbour.

To put it bluntly, she don’t care, and it’s television gold.

Here she gets then-Workplace Relations minister Joe Hockey to act like Shrek.

KAK and drag racing don’t mix.

It’s not quite the booze-and-whinge fest that is the last hour of the Today Show(US)*, but it certainly is entertaining.

* Seven doesn’t know what they’re missing by not airing that.

The March Video Log

2010-03-15T16:55:00.002+11:00

The first proper video log from down under. Topics covered:

I have no rhythm, and I’m not lying.
Commercial television
Is television Australia's dirty little secret?

‘Twould be more, but midday Sydney heat and me don’t agree.

Eurovision 2010: Bosnia Joins in the Nostalgija

2010-03-15T11:43:00.001+11:00

Bosnia-Herzegovina debuted their entry yesterday. The song could best be described as Balkan Rock, the likes of which we have seen last year from Macedonia, this year from Macedonia, and way way way way back in 1974 when Bosnia was part of Yugoslavia, except that was also witty and progressive (and Serbian).

Mind you, in style, it’s pretty much Finland’s 2007 entry or Iceland’s 2007 entry. (Why oh why didn’t they aim to nick Finland 2008?)

At least he’s good looking and can move.

And here is Yugoslavia’s 1974 entry just to balance things out:

Fierce NZ!

2010-03-15T09:30:00.000+11:00

As much as NZ is the butt of Aussie jokes, one must admit they are much more inclusive when it comes to Queer representation.

This performance on TV3 (NZ)'s Sunrise was to promo the Aroha festival, which concluded last week.

Fa'afafine duo gear up for Aroha Festival - Sunrise - Video - 3 News

Posted using ShareThis

Meanwhile all Mardi Gras seems to yield is a bunch of giggles from presenters.

Unexpected Oz

2010-03-15T09:05:00.000+11:00

Some more photographs that show the uniqueness of modern-day Australia.

On the road to Southern NSW:

While I’ve posted this before, I still think this is the sign of a decade:

A nice break from the onslaught of Retrovision this year.

Unexpected Sydney

2010-03-15T08:51:00.001+11:00

Mr. Mary's Placard
Originally uploaded by hikarueast

My local in Sydney is probably one of the most unexpected gay bars in all Sydney.

And it's in Redfern.

Eurovision 2010: You Wouldn’t Think We’re in the 21st Century

2010-03-14T19:42:00.000+11:00

Right now, I am watching the Rabbitohs get slaughtered by the Roosters in their opening game, and it ain’t pretty.

Serbia on the other hand has chosen a very pretty boy (in contrast to the sirens, including marijia lang and their dirges) with a very pretty folk song, clearly geared to scoop the votes that went for Moldova last year.

Germany has taken note of Gabriela Climi (shout out to Oz!) and Amy Winehouse (shout out to Narcotics Anonymous!) and actually picked a song that could be seen on present day charts. It’s not terribly remarkable, but at least it’s modern.

Following the lead of its fellow Scandinavian neighbours, Sweden is going s-l-o-w and simple. This Is My Life is livelier than the Norwegian entry, but misses the comical dramatics of the Danish entry.

The last time Flanders went to Eurosong-land, they had a quirky nonsense song in a nonsense language. This time they have some Ronan Keating-esque dross sung by a whinging Idol cast-off about him and his sodding guitar. Denmark did the same last year. The UK did the same some time back, and the Dutch did it even earlier. Come back Kate Ryan, PLEASE!

Speaking of the UK, it’s one of the few countries who could benefit from digging in Eurovisions past, and they have pretty much done that. Pete Waterman arguably is the father of the Swedish-pop sound which has pretty much been on the charts nonstop since 1999. That Sounds Good To Me might remind a lot of Don’t Play That Song Again, but perhaps in 2010, it might get a better reception than in 2000. (Josh’s nerves notwithstanding.)

Shockingly Greece might actually sing in Greek this year, and while OPA might be sung in the standard “More Greek than Ouzo in Athens” style, the fact that it’s actually in Greek makes it really stand out. I’m going to get a bit controversial here, but it’s like a really testosterone-driven Greek-folk answer to Superstar (complete with male dancers in body-hugging outfits).

Now onto Spain. I never quite know what to make out of Spain ever since they’ve decided to rely on MySpace to come up with their entry, but after Soraya’s cruel result on the scoreboard last year, and the inanity of Rodolfo, we have Daniel Diges. What can I say about Daniel? Well, he certainly is not adverse to being photographed in nothing but briefs (aiming for the DNA magazine vote), but his song and performance!

It’s pretty damn bizarre: take the wackiness of Bosnia-Herzegovina 2008, and add on De Oude Muzikant (same writer as this year’s Dutch entry) sung in Spanish.

Croatia has picked former Bosnian entrants Feminnem to fly their flag in Oslo. Last time they were at Eurovision they had a catchy shout-out to former Eurovision entrants, this time they are telling us that everything is easy. So easy as to be near comatose. In other words, it’s pretty much every dull Croatian entry since Severina apparently used up all of the Croatian reserves of upbeat music. (Oh well, at least they are nicking their own lot.)

Not even a very random dance break livens this up, but they are at least excellent vocally.

Ever since realising that Eurosong-land wasn’t keen on their soft-core porn ballads and preview videos, Bulgaria has had more success going the quirky route (be it percussion and screaming or male operatic screaming). This year they have opted for a really shiny looking man singing another knock off of Romania’s 2006 entry. I think it’s a fair bet that the choreography will be more than just Miro sitting down and singing. At least I hope so.

Belarus has generally been playing follow the (Russian) leader at Eurovision, fortunately they aren’t this year. No, this year, they are taking the 2 men + 1 woman line-up from Macedonia’s 2008 entry and singing a less operatic version of Azerbaijan’s 2008 entry.

Be happy they are at least ripping off entries from the past two years, and the singers’ English is comprehensible. (Remember this was the first Belarusian entry.)

Cyprus, poor Cyprus. They just don’t know what to do at Eurovision now. After having some brother & sister warble about butterflies last year, now they have some Welshman doing a musical therapy session with Spring as a metaphor.

I just made the song sound inherently more interesting than it really is, because basically it’s another knock off of Denmark’s 2009 entry as performed by a John Mayer wannabe. (Just play Monika, Cyprus’s excellent Eurovision debut, and you’ll resist the urge to kick in your screen.)

Estonia & Latvia used to be rivals for the quirky Eurovision entry stakes, until Latvia pretty much decided that they will be weird at all costs. Now Estonia has decided to go the serious, artistic route, and while it paid dividends last years, I don’t think Siren (which really comes across as a very cold version of last year’s Lithuanian entry…in comprehensible English crossed with a b-side from an old Cure single) is going to do the same.

Malta pretty much has been sending the same song every year (save for 2002, 2007, and 2008): It’s a woman singing a Disney-esque ballad. Mind you, we’re in a post-Susan Boyle world, and this old hat might work now.

From one dull ballad to another, Georgia now. Georgia had a kickass debut with Sopho and the avant-garde Visionary Dream. They followed that with Diana Gurtskaya’s screeching ballad about peace. After sitting last year out (killjoy EBU), they bounce back with a dull ballad by a young woman called Sofie or Sofia and a song called Shine. She can sing, and manages not to be upstaged by the pantomime act and pyrotechnics going on around her. She also manages to perform a bland version of Hungary’s 2008 entry.

Armenia closes this post out. They are going to be represented by Eva Rivas and the song Apricot Stone. It’s pretty much the classic “let’s put folk instruments over English lyrics that talk about motherland…a lot” (aka VOTE FOR US DIASPORA!), which Armenia has sent pretty much every year save for their debut. I never thought I’d wish for Qele Qele part 2, but compared to this engineered-for-maximum-saccharine song, I do.

The Eurovision rumour mill has it that France is going to go upbeat this year because the head of the French Eurovision team is eager to have a danceable song.

GRACE A DIEU SVP!!!

Mind you the title looks like it could be Allez! Ola! Ole! and the performer’s name is Jessy Matador, so it could be a big fromage-fest

Eurovision 2010: Keep Going Anti-Clockwise

2010-03-11T16:51:00.000+11:00

Russia has also jumped on the retro bandwagon with the internet celebrity Peter Nalitch and his “friends” representing Russia in Oslo with the song Lost & Forgotten. The song could best be described as fulfilling every single cliché that most of the Western world would have of a Russian Eurovision entry.*

* despite the fact that Russia has pretty much avoided musical cliché since 2000.

With hope this dross will be lost and forgotten.

Couldn’t they just recycle t.A.T.u, Serebro or if they must go folk, then La Kirkorov?

Meanwhile, Moldova’s entry Run Away recycles a song title from 2002’s Estonian/Swedish entry and song and performance from Romania’s 2005 & 2006 entries, or Iceland’s 2008 entry. Take your pick, but the entry recalls so much from earlier Eurovision contests that it’s actually kind of…original.

The Moldovans’ neighbours, Romania also raid the Eurovision cupboard and come up with a catchy fusion of Slovenia’s 2001 entry, the UK’s 1977 entry, and well…their own 2005 entry. The end result is Playing with Fire, which pretty much outdoes the Moldovan entry at its own game. (It also is the first Romanian entry that I really like.)

The Slovaks have shockingly gone upbeat, which they have never properly done before on the Eurosong Stage. It may be original to them, but I keep expecting Kristina and her male dancers to break out whips and do a jig like Ruslana did.

Latvia goes for avant-garde theatrical staging to a song which would certainly fit in any midlevel theatre festival. In other words, they took the mind-numbingly dull Polish ballads from 2008-09 and added the staging from Macedonia 2004 or Bosnia-Herzegovina 2006. What for? is a misstep after last year’s pleasantly manic Latvian entry.

Portugal goes for a power ballad, a formula which has never really hurt them recently (2008, 2009), and Há dias assim does sound like the Portuguese version of Poland’s spectacular 1994 debut or Switzerland’s 1988 win.

I don’t quite know what to make out Lithuania’s entry East European Funk, it’s more ska than funk, with a sly political edge to it. It’s almost like a mature version of the Lithuanian 2006 entry, or a defanged version of the brilliant-but-banned Georgia 2009 (which actually has a funk beat in it).

Really holding out hope for the UK now.

Eurovision 2010: More Retro-vision

2010-03-11T12:18:00.001+11:00

It’s inevitable in any Eurovision year that there are former contestants returning to either: a) reclaim past glory or b) outdo their previous score.

Well, this year, it seems that Ireland (which hasn’t repeated an entrant since Johnny Logan’s second win in 1987) is doing option A, with 1993 winner Niamh Kavanaugh flying the Irish flag with a song entitled It’s for you.

Personally, I think her 1993 effort (even if Ruth Jacott/the Netherlands were the true winners, in my humble opinion) is the better of the two entries. I wonder if some of these entrants realise that present-day Eurovision scores are not entirely jury-based.

Here’s this year’s Irish entry:

And here’s Ruth Jacott & Co. doing their best back in 1993 despite blinding lights (blame RTE), dodgy sound (blame RTE), and a peculiar set design (again, blame RTE).

The UK entry is decided on tomorrow, and for no other reason than to warn them off of doing a retread of the past, here’s the British entry from 1966:

And guess what? The big show’s presenters have been named: it’s Haddy, Nadia, and Erik. I think I’ll work with the acronym of HEN, although only HE will do the opening and interval chit chat, while ickle N will do the real heavy lifting: the scoreboard. Alas, I don’t think we’ll have any comedy a la Ingvild Bryn this time, and this lot seem to be stuck in the early 1990s as well.

Wednesday Jukebox says Jealous? This is not a game

2010-03-10T16:13:00.001+11:00

What happens when you take Lady Gaga’s approach to celebrity image, add in R&B, and relatively hazy bio? JASMINE, apparently.

Debuting last year with two relatively bland ballads (saved mostly by her outfits), her 2010 output has fortunately been upbeat. This is her latest: Jealous (which apparently involves her standing totally still)

And just earlier this year she released This is not a game (the lyrics are pretty much “i need a shag” hence the pole dancers and fetish outfit…the merry-go-round, however is beyond me)

Tuesday Jukebox is a butterfly

2010-03-09T09:18:00.000+11:00

Well it is March, so it does seem appropriate (at least in the Northern Hemisphere sense) to feature a song called Butterfly City.

Now, I have never paid much attention to the Yakuza series of games, but apparently they’re a bit like Grand Theft Auto: Japan, which explains why the song seems like techno-gangsta rap.

Is there a connection between Gen-X & Koalas?

2010-03-05T21:46:00.001+11:00

For no other reason than I just found this a funny trip down nostalgia lane, here are two articles (c. 2001- 2002) from a site called Progressive Boink that compare and contrast two stalwarts of Nick Jr.’s old lineup: The Noozles and The Adventures of the Little Koala.

Dripping in classic Gen-X ironic detachment, the first article compares and contrasts the two shows*, while the second focuses in on The Noozles and the show’s trippy comment on police states.

* I actually quite liked David the Gnome, though Maya the Bee worked my preteen nerves.

It would only be fair to close out this nostalgic trip down Cartoon Koala Lane with some opening sequences.

The syrupy sweet original Japanese opening to The Adventures of the Little Koala:

The equally sacchrine (and slightly aggrivating) opening to the English dubbed version of The Noozles:

Surprisingly, Australia got into the animated Koala TV cartoon game late (1993), despite having the original Koala-as-children’s character, Blinky Bill:

Eurovision 2010: Turkey Gives A Glimmer of Hope

2010-03-04T08:54:00.001+11:00

Although it could be argued that Turkey going the rock route is playing it safe (see 2004, and the really excellent 2008 entry), We could be the same performed by maNga is at least not another “watch me shake my belly and bum” song (see 2009, 2007, 2003)*.

*I’m not counting 2006 because it at least was a refreshing twist on that theme, instead of watch me (or my female dancers) shake my belly and bum, it’s watch my male dancers shake their bums and thrush their crotches at lightning speed. Yes, I’m biased.

And 2005 doesn’t count because despite the cheeky title (to Anglophone ears), it’s relatively free of bare skin…and awfully wholesome.

The Devils from Down Under

2010-03-04T07:26:00.000+11:00

Now here’s an interesting critique: Live Performance Australia is complaining that an SBS documentary is “an error in judgement.”

The reason why? Well, the documentary in question, Angels in New York, follows the two Australian creators behind the musical Angels who fly to New York, flanked by a film crew, audition 1500 actors, and hire crew even though they don’t have one bit of the $16 million needed to put the show on.

Live Performance’s complaint is that the doco makes Australian theatre production and producers look bad. Via The Australian:

Australian productions and producers have fought really hard to win the respect of American producers and investors. America is the home of the musical and we're reliant on the flow of productions and funds to create musicals here. Why a government-funded authority would support a program that inadvertently undermines our industry and focuses on negative aspects of it when there are so many positive stories to be told (escapes me)…If a group of American producers came to Australia and replicated what I've seen on TV so far, Australia's musical theatre industry would be up in arms.

Meanwhile, SBS gives a very good “let them eat cake” response:

It's not our job to judge whether those dreams are realistic…They [The creators of Angels] attracted the work of some good people in New York and good luck to them.

The documentary is part of SBS’s Secrets and Lies series.

Aunty Bites Back

2010-03-03T17:14:00.001+11:00

It’s Mark versus Mark, as in Mark Day (whose op-ed piece in The Australian I commented on yesterday) versus Mark Scott (head of The ABC).

This time it’s Aunty’s turn and Mark Scott lets rip on ABC News’s website at Day’s suggestion that the ABC be flogged off.

Some highlights:

Mr Day's assertion that the ABC should be weakened or destroyed to prevent it causing "havoc" among commercial rivals, ignores the fact that the US is the media sector where "legacy" companies are most at threat - and the US does not have a major television public broadcaster like the ABC or the BBC. Monday's edition of The New York Times reports savage cost cutting in the news divisions of American's television networks - even though the public broadcaster offers effectively no news service there at all…

…Those eager to draw a parallel between the ABC and the BBC are ignoring the glaring distinctions that exist in relation to their history, economics and role in society.

The BBC began as the monopoly provider of broadcasting services in the UK and remained so for decades…Australia, by comparison, has always had a mixed environment of commercial and public broadcasters and the ABC's role in that space has always been clear.

…The areas that the BBC is speculated to be withdrawing from are activities that the ABC is not involved in, does not receive specific funding for or is the sole free provider. Mr Day would appear to be attempting to import a "solution" to a very British problem.

Burn.

In defence of the Public Broadcaster

2010-03-02T01:53:00.001+11:00

Yesterday’s Australian featured a very interesting opinion piece by Mark Day, which asked what exact role does the ABC as taxpayer-funded media serve in this modern multi-platform digital age. Does the fracturing of media by the internet and the rise of pay television make Aunty an anachronism?

Day makes some very worthy arguments, particularly when pointing out that under Mark Scott, the ABC is getting more aggressive in pursuing new media at the taxpayer’s expense (mind you, given how incestuous the commercial landscape is, it almost seems like a fair match).

Yet, I think there is and always will be a place for the ABC, although my belief stems from the fact that I believe wholeheartedly in public broadcasting (as in taxpayer funded, not the weird charity case that is the PBS system in the US.)

I haven’t lived in Australia long enough to have a strong emotional attachment to Aunty, but bloody hell, it’s pretty damn apparent that Aunty works very hard and very long. The ABC defines Australia like a state broadcaster should, and it also seems to have no problem being redefined by the public it serves.

There is no real state broadcaster in the US (at least not one within its borders—and the external one is a bit of dull dishrag, given that it’s prohibited from broadcasting to Americans), and at least at this moment in time, there really isn’t a need for one. Americans pretty much have long since come to the conclusion that commercial broadcasting would define us ever since Lucy & Desi started hawking cigarettes without breaking character, probably much earlier.

What we did in the US instead was market the living daylights out of our media both domestically and internationally (thank you WWII). The funny thing about the majority of American media, however, is that it’s inward facing: it’s American lives, having American dilemmas, in a world that is mostly devoid of influences from other outside nations, except for Canada, Mexico, and the UK on occasion.

And surprisingly such inward, navel-gazing entertainment sells overseas! (Again, thank you WWII.) It’s a constant surprise to me that commercial television stations all over the world lap up some of the dregs that US television spits out. Yet, that’s the role that the US media has always desired to have on the global market since well WWII, as the top supplier of filler.

The problem is that, like junk food, we fill you up way too much and you start thinking that you make us your whole diet, which is a grave mistake.

This is where a public broadcaster like the ABC comes in. The ABC doesn’t care about whether it’s cool amongst the 18-35 crowd, it just is. It stands apart from Sevens, Nines, and Tens, because it is defiantly Australian 24/7, or at least attempts to. (Everything ITV touches ain’t gold, Aunty.) I can’t say the same about Nine’s digital channel, GO!, which is constant American cartoons and vintage sitcoms.

This may sound shocking to some, but television plays a significant role in our sense of identity, and it is joined by the other new media which have popped up since its creation.

You would be hard pressed to find any country out there who would contract out its identity to another one who, to be blunt, sees no further than the tip of its nose.

Get your kit off, Grant

2010-03-01T10:51:00.000+11:00

We absolutely looooove Grant Denyer over at this corner of the internet.

And only Grant “unintentionally offensive racial comment” Bonaparte did show some skin for Spencer Tunick’s nude art installation (for Mardi Gras) today at the Sydney Opera House.

Over on Today, Steve “Bonaparte”* Jacobs just gawked at the nude bodies and looked awkward. Mind you, he is just coming off of compassionate leave after his father’s death, so I can understand the awkwardness completely.

*Australian breakfast television shows seem to have requirement that their weathermen be below average height.

Eurovision 2010: Prepare Yourself for Retrovision

2010-02-23T10:45:00.000+11:00

Apparently Slovenia has decided to turn back to clock to the days of Yugoslavia, because this would not look out of place in the 1980s.

Good luck, because they will need it.

Mind you, this may very well be a retro-vision year as the Dutch entry is unabashedly 1970s kitsch (even written by the man who wrote the 1973 entry…which actually is better than this chirpy dross, in my humble opinion)

Finland has gone for the ever-popular two blondes and an accordion combination.

Iceland has also opted go for their traditional strength: dance pop belted out by a woman with a big voice. (Well, they’re also borrowing from Kate-Don’t-Mess-With-Me-Fellas-Ryan)

And Denmark’s winner recalls not the happy-go-lucky Danish entries of the 1980s, but pretty much every 1980s rock ballad ever made.

As for the hosts: Norway has gone moody. Really moody. Not bleak, but 1990s Ireland moody. (He has looks on his side, but that didn’t help Iceland back in 2004, did it?)

Poland sends another ballad, but wait…it’s a male singer and it’s folk(ish).

Macedonia also does the exact same thing they’ve been doing since pretty much time memorable, which is insert rap into some really dated song. This year it’s really bland rock-rap. (And I still bet they’ll get really close into qualifying.)

Finally, Switzerland has an upbeat song in French, which also wouldn’t be out of place in 1980s Eurovision or 1980s French children’s television. (He’s singing about it raining gold, and the first thing that came to my mind was the Mysterious Cities of Gold. Anyone else think the same thing?)

The UK’s entry will be written by Pete Waterman, and if anyone could out-retro this lot, it’s the man who was part of the trio who put Kylie Minogue on the map.

1 Chalet Rendez-vous = 1 more season of Crap TV

2010-02-22T16:14:00.000+11:00

We’re in the ratings season now, and honestly, the most interesting programmes on Australian television continue to be imports from Canada (Little Mosque on the Prairie), New Zealand (Outrageous Fortune and Go Girls repeats), the UK (The Bill 2.0: Bleaker than’ eck), and the US (well, The Good Wife and Two and a Half Men—yes, I said it).

Nine has got the Winter Olympics, so we can cut them some minor slack until that wraps up, but Seven has been coasting on the success of its reality programming (Border Security, which should keep Grant Bowler free to do whatever he wants), and Ten seems think that all and sundry still wants to watch Talkin’ Bout Your Generation—despite sliding ratings.

Not much hope for new Australian drama on the horizon it seems.

Well, thanks to Senator Stephen Conroy (the current Communications Minister), that forecast looks to remain unchanged. Conroy apparently had a meeting with Seven’s boss Kerry Stokes in Vail last month, and magically the government gave the Free-to-Air networks a Scrooge McDuck calibre rebate on their TV license fees. (Read Uncle Rupert’s take on the whole fracas here.)

I wouldn’t have a problem with that per se, except for one fact: the networks can do whatever they want with the money to make whatever Australian programming they want.

No restrictions on whether it is for drama/comedy or reality, which could very well lead to yet another year of constant fly-on-the-wall docusoaps creating more disposable sub-lebrities for them to further flog via their magazine divisions.

Oh joy.

Monday Jukebox is Scandal(ous)

2010-02-22T14:53:00.001+11:00

Some big news: This corner of the internet may be moving to Tasmania by the end of the first quarter of 2010.

Factor in the recent controversy over the TV license rebate that the networks may be getting and it seems that Scandal is an appropriate song for today’s jukebox.