From the "You Must Be Joking" department

Marie Claire magazine declares Milwaukee the "sexiest city," according to an article in The Journal Sentinel. 

They have the most ridiculous rationale whatsoever, in my view:

"A long list of summer festivals, moderate seasonal temperatures and upcoming events such as the Governor's Cup weekend at the Milwaukee Mile, Arab World Fest and the Harley-Davidson 105th anniversary celebration made Milwaukee the G spot - as in a go-to spot, for those of you with your sex-crazed minds in the gutter."

It's spelled C-A-R-T-E-L

You could argue that all these airline alliances are cartels of some sort, but this BA-AA deal is just a little bit too cozy for comfort.

"We believe our proposed co-operation is an important step towards ensuring that we can compete effectively with rival alliances and manage through the challenges of record fuel prices and growing economic concerns," said Gerard Arpey, chairman and chief executive of AMR Corp, the parent company of American Airlines.

Oh really?

If two of the most largest airlines on the planet can't make it work...

Seriously though, this is some serious spin. Granted fuel prices are hitting every business (especially airlines) hard, but please! I'd like to believe that the US government won't approve it, but you-know-whom and his ilk are still in power until January of next year, so it just might squeak through.

August has failed to live up to the hype (so far)

Before you start wondering if I've lost my mind, let me just point out that this particular August was supposed to be action-packed: the Olympics, the DNC, and every tense point in between.

What have we gotten instead? An Olympic games that is like a suburban housewife smiling on the outside waiting for her Percoset to kick in, an almost surreal conflict between Russia & Georgia that is playing out as if it's 1966, and the presidential candidates are sniping at each other like two drag queens giving each other shade--because really there is seemingly little policy difference between the two.*

* That being said, all those "Gore & Bush are the same" people from back in 2000 should eat their words, given what has transpired over the past 8 years.

Times were that even in the slow month of August, there would at least be a new season to look forward to. Fox used to roll out its shows starting in August, but not this year--unless you consider the return of the very suspicious Moment of Truth notable.

The new season--which I'll get into as it gets closer (mid-September! You lazy network bastards had extra time plus a political convention bump--which means people will definitely want non-political programming--and most of you programming execs aren't rolling out shows until mid-September!)--is relatively lacklustre, in my opinion. The only new show that I'm interested in is Kath & Kim (because it will be a car crash, even with extremely talented leads, since NBC has a near perfect record with screwing up adaptations when they should actually just let the writers and performers DO THEIR JOBS) .

Oddly enough, the only new appointment television I've found are the old UPN sitcoms now in reruns. I had studiously avoided All of Us during its original run mostly because I despise Will Smith and suspected that it would be another one of those "moral of the week" shows, and have found that surprisingly it isn't. It's flawed, and I can see why it's cancelled, but it really isn't half bad. As for Half & Half, I didn't even know it was on. (Did anyone know what was on UPN beyond America's Next Top Model & Everybody Hates Chris? And this was UPN's 4th most popular show!) Again, it turned out not to be a "moral of the week" show, and despite some journeys into hack joke land, it showed a lot of potential. Plus there's the added bonus of seeing which old black star from the late 1970s/early 1980s will turn up in any given episode.

Yet to end on a lighter note, it is probably good to have a quiet month to garner up strength before the chaos that is September/October/November/December (four months which seem to fly by in a nanosecond).

Tuesday Jukebox Remembers Isaac Hayes

It takes sheer genius to make Burt Bacharach* songs deep and soulful, but he did it with ease.






* Don't get me wrong, I like Bacharach & David, but the original orchestrations do come across as a bit shallow.

Tuesday Jukebox Watches Daichi Miura Grow Up

Meet Daichi Miura, former child JPop star turned young adult JPop star. (In 12 days he can drink in the US, and he was born in 1987! I remember 1987--vividly--I'm getting old.)

Anyway, Daichi was originally part of a group called Folder, around the time he was 10, and as Wiki.theppn points out, he split when his voice changed. Personally, I think he's better now than as a preteen, but judge for yourself.

The Folder years:







It's pretty standard for any prepubescent male singer to tackle Jackson 5, but he manages a decent job with I Want You Back.



And as a solo artist:







Bonus: Completely unrelated to Daichi, here is something for the comedy files. The jukebox has already paid tribute to Mika Nakashima as well as SMAP, so it's quite appropriate to see what happens when the two collide. This past July, Mika along with a female comedy troupe released a single called I Don't Know under the name MICA 3 CHU. MICA 3 CHU went on SMAP's show and as always the SMAPers perform with them. Given that this is a collaboration with a comedy group, I'm going to say that the lyrics are meant to be funny, but what even makes it funnier is the earnest performance of SMAP--even though I reckon everyone onstage pretty much knew that they were singing a bunch of nonsensical English--and the aural/visual pleasure of seeing a demure Mika Nakashima (via Bif Naked) and a surprisingly mellow Masahiro Nakai sing "you've got a lot of balls."

Thursday Jukebox Says German Rap Is A Different Animal

...and this is a good thing.

The visual combined with the audio with some of these groups is quite interesting, sort of like the balding and paunchy guys from accounting decided to try out their "skillz" on the mike while half-drunk. (Well, no one said that German is a pretty language, an extremely logical language, yes, but not necessarily pretty).

Die Fantastischen Vier - Einfach Sein (Live)
Uploaded by Schutzengerl1205

Ernten Was Wir Säen (Live beim Echo 2007)
Uploaded by fornikist

Fettes Brot - Emanuela
Uploaded by Schutzengerl1205

Erdbeben - Fettes Brot
Uploaded by sgkmuc

Culcha Candela - Ey DJ [New]
Uploaded by bulldozer227

Culcha Candela - Hamma (Live)
Uploaded by foxysoul

WHAT?!

(Still not here.)

Certainly, this was destined to happen, but I certainly am pleasantly surprised to find out that the House has formally apologised for slavery and Jim Crow. I thought we were at least a few decades away from that.

The nation is truly changing.

It's worth looking past the Kilpatrick corruption drama in this regard.*

*But here's a link in case you're curious.

And they thought it wouldn't get past customs?

I'm technically not back, but this story from the ABC is too good not to miss, in fact the headline pretty much says it all:

Gay lube oil contained steroids.

Gives a new meaning to party and play.

Wednesday Jukebox Goes D.I.S.C.O.

In Korean no less.

Uhm Junghwa (KPop diva supreme) has a new release entitled D.I.S.C.O. which should leave no imagination as to what the mini-album's theme is. This song will just embed itself in your ear, I'll tell you. Plus what better way to celebrate the 960th post at this corner of the internet?




In further upbeat news, I'm taking my first vacation of the year, so I'll be away for a good part of this month.

Enjoy midsummer!

Tuesday Jukebox Says "You try to sing 'Without You'"

It's one of these viral videos that everyone has seen, but since it has Kirkorova (aka the co-writer of Shady Lady) in it and makes a point about singers not having a clue what they are singing about, I thought it would be a good inclusion.




So as to give something new, here is Mitsuhiro Oikawa singing Shinin' Star live. Mr. Oikawa pulls off the interesting trick of being both fey and butch nearly simultaneously. ("CLAP YOUR HANDS" he doesn't so much shout as snarl.)



Proving his actor credentials and panache for drag, here is Mikkatsuki Hime (Crescent Moon Princess). Considerably less butch here.



A male trio, SUPER LIVE, covers SOULHEAD's SPARKLE TRAIN. Not bad, but the audio makes it a bit hard to give a good critique. At least they aren't singing "Ken Lee."



Finally, SOULHEAD & Tomita Lab's video for Like A Queen (seems appropriate for this jukebox), which seems to be very Manhattan Transfer-esque.

Happy Canada Day

According to a poll, the Maple Leaf & Hockey still reign supreme as the ultimate in Canadiana.

That said, it's what else made the list that is really interesting:

• Peacekeeping
• Universal Health Care
• The Rockies (I don't think those are exclusively Canadian, but that's just geography nerd that I am)
• Niagara Falls (ditto, although Canada by FAR has the better version)

Personally, I'd add sex scandals, because Canadian sex scandals are just plain more interesting than ours.

Pride 2008: Kill the closet

The 2006 Pride post talked strongly about the tendency amongst gay men to demean or denigrate other gay men in effort to establish themselves as "better than."

2008 sees things pretty much the same on that front. Yet, with the recent developments in respect to gay marriage in California, the current upturn in HIV infection rates amongst males, and well Matthew Rush's breakdown (link not particularly work friendly depending on one's place of employment) to be honest, I wonder if something is afoot.

All of these subjects--in my view at least--are symptoms of one thing: Gay is not sexy.

Lest you think that I've gotten very shallow here, I'll explain. By "sexy," I mean that it is STILL a world where tons of men (and likely a fair amount of women as well, one would assume) have no qualms whatsoever in participating in homosexual sex and activities, but vehemently deny the obvious fact that lies right in front of them: They are gay.

The fact that "gay" continues to be a pejorative amongst ill-informed people--both gay and straight of all ages--is alarming. Even moreso is the fact that they are rarely challenged on it.

The fact that there is still a fetishisation around supposedly "straight" men who are eager to participate in gay sex is alarming. What once was just another cliched porn theme has now emerged into the real world as a belief system complete with its own hierarchy of desirablity on full display on any internet sex site. While to some extent this may only involve fantasy role play, by it spilling into reality it's beginning to cost us our health. Not just our emotional health but our spiritual health as well.

And let us get into this fun subject of "gay for pay" while we're at it. How messed up is one's own sense of self when the idea of watching a man going against his own sexual drive--aided by god-knows-what--is actually a turn on? I could understand it if the point was to ridicule poor sexual performance, but it's not. It is merely a continuation of the belief that to be gay and open and honest about it is to be "less than," and openly gay men are making money off of it.

If I was just recently out these days, the very last kind of guy I would be chasing down would be someone who was closeted or even claimed discretion. It wouldn't be worth the medication nor the hit in terms of self-respect.

Pride 2008: Not Just For Us

But for everyone who has the courage to say this is who I am.

Pause today to think of what strides we have made and also what struggles wait ahead.

One day, perhaps sooner than we think, we may very well live in a world where the bigoted speech of a few is muted by the basic human compassion and understanding of many.

If he's on the list, then what exactly is the criteria?

If it was April, then I would believe this was a joke, but apparently it's not.

Nelson Mandela & The ANC were on the US government's terror watch list.

That's right, Nelson Mandela was on the terror watch list and only now is the US government making an effort to get him off it.

In theory, this would mean that Oprah and a slew of other celebrities associated with a possible terrorist. Publicly. In front of cameras.

What idiot during the past 2 administrations kept the man that helped end apartheid (which ended over a decade ago!) on the terror watch list?

The Zimbabwe Situation as I see it

Read the Wikipedia entry on Ian Smith, particularly on the fact that his old party is now the one of Mugabe's most prominent challenger.

Is anyone else thinking of a certain song by The Who?

And now everyone can shoot themselves (part 2)

Interesting coverage of the Supreme Court handgun decision on the Journal Sentinel's NewsWatch.

Guess who supports the decision? Russ Feingold.

Then again he is from Green Bay and not Madison.

Proof that a broken clock can be right twice a day, I'm with Tom Barrett and Bloomie.

This country is too big with too many variables to really definitively say that handguns in the home are acceptable everywhere...at least when loaded.

Chris Rock was onto something when he said that "what we need is not gun control, but bullet control."

And now everyone can shoot themselves

So the Supreme court says that an individual has a right to have a handgun in their own home.

But the question is why would a person feel compelled to do so?

The one thing that I believe--and I admit that I am not a legal scholar--that the majority is missing is that the Constitution was meant to be flexible. If it wasn't I would (as well as Clarence Thomas) not even be considered a citizen, or even a human being.

Now I wonder if the Court is now courting (no pun intended) lawmakers to put a law--or even an amendment--in place that would put in no uncertain terms that handguns have no business being in someone's home in this day and age where we do not live under the tyranny of British troops marching in unannounced into our homes.

Just nationalise the damn thing

American outlines more cuts.

Dear lord, if the government effectively saved Bear Stearns, then why can't they just take over American and United. It's like the airlines are daring them to come in and do so.

Tuesday Jukebox Says Loneliness Is Such A Sad Affair

Hands down--at least over here--no one beats The Carpenters' Superstar.



KPop singer Wheesung manages to do an adequate version, but I think there's a bit of disconnect between him and the meaning of the lyrics.

Sonic Youth gets the meaning, underlines it, and puts exclamation points on it.

Then there's Luther. Luther got the meaning, and I tell you, if you pay attention to the lyrics, his version allows for the interpretation that this is a love song sung by a man to another man who doesn't know the depth of the other man's feelings.



This interpretation is very clear when Usher sings Luther's version as a tribute.



And this may be just me that see this, but I always thought Karmen Stavec's Lep Poletni Dan is effectively an upbeat interpretation of Superstar.

And manna shall rain from the heavens

Joe Bruno won't be running again!

Now if we could just get rid of Sensenbrenner in Wisconsin. (Not that I hold out much hope that the North Shore bigotry and self-entitled brigade would actually do the right thing.)

Just Give My Social Security Now

It is arguably a bit wrong to criticise fundraisers for AIDS charities, but I'm going to do it.

I just flat out do not understand, nor get the point of Broadway Bares.

You could argue that it's pastiche, but it's just rather inane in my point of view, particularly for 2008.

Is wearing next to nothing while making tons of camp and gay references really that shocking?

What I find surprising is that given that these days HIV is often transmitted via drug-fueled sex parties, the show seems to revel in encouraging a wild sexual abandon often found in (drum-roll please) drug-fueled sex parties.

Call me a crackpot, but it all seems like it's perpetuating a vicious circle: go see the show, get aroused, go off and have bareback sex, and seroconvert. (Not that everyone does this, but it certainly could serve as a tipping point.)

I feel the same way about the White Party.

Photos from this year's Broadway Bares can be found here.

Something Heartwarming

From the Journal Sentinel: A Navy Reservist joins a community theatre group after watching their production during his tour in Afghanistan. (For those from the Milwaukee area: why am I not surprised he's from Shorewood?)

Now as sweet as that story is, one has to wonder what the state of the US military is when the navy is sent to Afghanistan.

The Wisconsin Tourism Industry

Wisconsin Department of Tourism claims that the $13 billion state tourism industry is at risk due to the flooding and gas prices.

My question is this: When did Wisconsin get a $13 billion tourism industry?

Does seeing Frank Lloyd Wright's house and a state full of flat land and trees hold that much interest?

Is it the casino gaming? (That dog track has been losing money since the day it was founded.)

Is it the dairy & grain products?

I know Summerfest is big, but Jesus Wept, it's not that big.

I could understand it--somewhat--if they were concerned about the fall and winter travel seasons, but they shouldn't be worried a whit about summer. The Chicagoans & Twin Cities residents will still come, and I reckon most of the Wisconsinites will stay.

Why?

Because it's too expensive to go anywhere else.

Friday Jukebox Rings That Bell

We love Akiko Wada here at this corner of the internet. So let's take one of her big hits, Ano kane wo narasu no wa anata (or as this site puts it "you're the one that rings that bell") and see the various versions of it through the years.

First up, Miss Wada winning the Japan Record Award in 1972 for the song, performing--I think--it through tears.



Now the Seikima II version. Lordi didn't invent camp rock.



A shaky (in my view) acapella version by BAM B CREW



Next, a unique version by some group called Dynamite Pops. Whether they meant it to be camp or not is up for debate.



And finally--bringing it full circle--Miss Wada sings it in 1994 complete with swaying and clapping choir (note what they sing before Akiko makes her entrance)*.



I like Miss Wada, but yet, I suspect this is the most OTT of the lot, even more than Seikima II.

As for my own personal favourite Akiko Wada song, sadly, I haven't been able to find a clip it yet.

Ooooh, you're in trouble

Well, that is if these 144 defendants get convicted, which is debatable.

The Hikaruland June Video Log

Slightly out of sync, but that is oddly appropriate as I have been relatively out of sync as well.

Nonetheless, here's the June Video Log with a personal update and my thoughts on "change."

Wednesday Jukebox Feels Old

Because I can remember when looking like this didn't look odd...



I have a soft spot for Toshi[nobu] Kubota. It's hard to say why, save for the fact that he's talented and just a little bit comically OTT, particularly during the 1990s.

Further evidence: The videos for AHHHHHH! and Dance If You Want It (of course this may also be the march of time that makes them OTT).






The Japanese Al B. Sure? Keith Sweat? Well, his latest suggests that he's aiming to be Teddy Riley.

Election 2008: So this is the Democrat

Well, thank god that is over. Since I was out of commission when it actually was news, I'm a bit late to the game, but it's worth discussing for a bit.

Obama is the nominee. Full stop.

Shockingly enough--barring some huge scandal--he's likely the one to win in November.

I don't know exactly how I feel about this. It is extremely surprising to me to realise that before I turn 30, I stand a good chance of actually witnessing the first African-American president--I would've preferred Carol Moseley Braun, Shirley Chisholm, or even Jesse Jackson, but that's for parallel universes to hash out.

Then I start thinking about several things:

• This is going to be a thankless job. Obama is going to have to clean up 8 years of Bush II missteps and only 2-4 years to do it, meanwhile a significant and vocal group is expecting manna from the heavens and peace to reign from shore to shore upon his election.
• The Obama supporters have been some of the most childish and arrogant people I have come across ever since I voted in my first stateside election (2000). I don't think the campaign thought that by engaging the youth vote, they would also have to hold their hand when the campaign suffered a setback.
• It's funny how the subject of race goes in and out of the Obama campaign. Some white and black Obama supporters have been thoroughly surprised that I was not behind Obama during the primary, as if my vote was a given because of his racial background. I'm a moderate Socialist, Obama is to the right of me. Hillary was a little less to the right, and Edwards & Gravel even less. I'm going to vote for the candidate that matches my views not my skin colour. (I supported Governor Doyle of Wisconsin because his policies match my views, not because his sons are black.)
• The identity politics also give me pause for thought. If some people assume that because of his race, I support Obama, then by extension, the same small-mindedness may automatically make all blacks a scapegoat when Obama fails. I certainly hope that is not the case, but if you look at how "change" occurs in this country, then it does make one worry: Only last year did we have the Jena 6, the race-triggered murder of James Byrd was only 10 years ago, the heavily biased media coverage and government response to Hurricane Katrina was only 3 years ago, and only 44 years ago did the government agree to help prevent me being discriminated against due to the colour of my skin, but I have yet to have the same protection extended to me in regards to sexual orientation. Quite honestly, I have to wonder whether American society is prepared to have these conversations, and I can only hope that having them will not leave any further casualties.
• Remember that we, as Americans, do not ever vote directly for president under the current system in place. It may seem like a minor detail, but psychologically, I reckon, the fact that our vote is merely a suggestion for our representatives in the electoral college as to who to vote for, provides us with little impetus to choose someone to solve our nation's problems, and a major reason to enshrine our apathy and "right" to complain.

Good luck, Mr. Obama. I'll vote for you without reserve, but I certainly don't envy your position.

Fat Man Dies

A man died of a heart attack brought on (essentially) by obesity.

This man served in both the Korean & Vietnam Wars as a Army Ranger.

He fought in several key Korean War battles when he was 17.

He was also a POW who had his teeth knocked out by Vietcong captures.

He was declared dead by the US government, but managed to escape.

Finding his marriage annulled, he started rebuilding his life, got remarried, and had a son.

This man wasn't Tim Russert. He was my father, and his death was not marked by 5 days of public mourning, followed by a LIVE memorial service.

So let's put this in perspective. Peter Jennings was not given this amount of accolade, and quite arguably he was more influential.

We're all going to die. Get over it.

Wisdom from Overseas

For most of us who were born before pharmaceutical adverts were allowed on television, it is rather interesting and disturbing to realise how much we have come to accept them as a way of life.

Take a gander at this report from the BBC's Kevin Connolly, which points out the rather cynical (and quite likely dangerous) motives at work.

Now where's my Ambien?

This Is Why Wisconsin Elections Are So Crazy

These are our delegates.

A Clinton delegate from Wisconsin is now behind McCain, according to the Journal-Sentinel.

Btw: Normal service will be resumed on Monday.

Broken News

If you are a regular watcher of New York news, then you know that a crane collapsed (again) on the Upper East Side.

Sadly with one dead and two injured.

That's the whole story.

So how come the local news channels have gone wall-to-wall with coverage since the accident occurred?

I would understand if it was a story that is continuously developing, but there really can be no further developments. Bloomie has registered his Napoleonic rage, Patterson registered his own measured thoughts, and that should've been all until 5 PM.

What has been filling in the time since then?

• Assorted Upper East Siders saying variations of "I knew this was going to happen" and "It was like an earthquake."
• Street closures and bus re-routing information.
• Reporters repeating the above.

Without a doubt, there is a story here, but it will take days, weeks, and months to really find out what exactly could've prevented it.

So why are the newsrooms treading the same water? I have no clue.

That Lawsuit

I understand the appeal of wanting to right the wrongs after "a dream vacation" got off to a bad start.

I understand the desire to supposedly make a statement against poor airline service.

Yet, I do not understand the point behind suing for much more than you are out-of-pocket for.

That is greed, full stop.

You are not making a statement, you are purely being greedy.

It also begs the question of how much value do you place on the vacation rather than the people you travel with.

There's Something Kind of Patronising Going On Here

As Suzanne Sugarbaker said on Designing Women: "Anytime someone says they want to see the real something, they mean hanging out with a bunch of poor people."

Apparently, that is the case in Rio. 

If it was held by the community, then I'd think it was good, but the idea of having drug-run and militia-protected parties in the middle of the slums where any supposed protest aspect of the music is lost by perpetuating the same cycle of exploitation. 

Granted there seem to be exceptions, but as with many things in life, it's all about the money trail.

Eurovision 2008: The 3rd Hikaruland Post-Show

Well...he won, and I won't get into a geopolitical analysis, because that is just opening up Pandora's box.

Norway had a good song, but did running order help it to 5th?

Onto the post-show fun!



Surprising news: Sweden was saved by the jury vote on Thursday! Macedonia was 10th. Poland got the jury save on Tuesday. Russia came in 3rd on Tuesday, while Portugal came in 2nd on Thursday. There's some grist for the mill.

Eurovision 2008 The Final: I Have No Idea

The recap is playing right now, and I seriously have no idea who could win.

Some observations:

• Thank god, there was little of Boris & Natasha, unfortunately we were burdened with this blonde woman in "the" Belgrade's city centre who quite honestly added nothing to it, except to my lingering suspicion that Serbian schools are failing in teaching English grammar.
• I kind of like Sebastien's "up yours" presentation; that said, those camera shots were woeful. What exactly was he drinking, or was he inhaling helium?
• I'm tempted to think Kristina & Bane had a kilo before they appeared in the green room. They were that manic. If you were watching Wogan, I would love to hear what he thought.
• No Angels were not as horrible as the previews suggested, but they looked like drag queens.
• For someone whose native language is English, Isis Gee had atrocious pronunciation, ergo, Kalomira gets the honour of being the "unofficial" US entry.
• Kalomira was actually more polished than in the semi.
• Georgia was good but cloying as hell. (WE GET THE POINT, hippies!)
• Andy did well.
• If I really had to put it down to battle for top 3: Ukraine, Greece, and Iceland, with Russia, Portugal, Bosnia, and Turkey as dark horses. (In other words, any of those 7 could win this.)
• As I type, Jovana just hyped the website by saying "I hope people are writing nice things about us." Oh, if she only knew.
• marija lang has morphed from shy into Lea DeLaria.
• Goran Bregovic is about the only decent interval this week.
• Everytime they cut to Ani Lorak in the green room, she seems to want to say "GIVE ME THE DAMN TROPHY ALREADY!"
• I bet we have a winner on countback this year.
• I miss Beatriz, Uribarri isn't bitchy.
• I don't think RTS's presentation of Eurovision has done Serbian tourism any favours, but they haven't been hurt badly either.

And now onto the voting.

Is this Carravision?

I'm watching the TVE pre-show, which is always a bit of an interesting animal, as it is fascinating how TVE can easily fill up 2+ hours of television with what is part-pep rally and part-Spanish Eurovision retrospective. (And they manage to do another version of this for an hour after the contest wraps up!)

Given the way that Raffaela Carra' is swanning about the show, you'd think they've asked her to perform next year.

Seriously, this show is 50% Raffaela, 50% Rodolfo, and it's only 50% Rodolfo because Raffaela keeps on mentioning him. (Everyone else just keeps on heaping praise on Raffaela--I don't know why, she's not doing anything that spectacular beyond acting like the camp diva that she is.)

Don't get me wrong, this is rather funny and enjoyable television, but it is rather interesting how TVE has turned the pre-show into all about Carra. That said, I still miss "Don't-Fuck-Me-With-Fellas" Paula, batshit crazy Patty, and Carlos "I'll sleep with anything with two legs" Lozano. La Carra doesn't quite reach those heights in my book.

For those who are watching this:

• Even though that Pitingo twink butchered "Killing Me Softly," I reckon TVE is hunting him down to represent them as well.
• If I have to see that damn dance one more time...! They are just repeating it constantly and I'm surprised La Carra hasn't gone postal yet.
• Who's this Alaska woman? Is she even a woman?

Eurovision 2008: The 2nd Hikaruland Post-Show

Honestly, could we please do a switch between the hosts? I don't think I can hack Z&J (who are unintentionally coming across as Boris & Natasha) for one more show.

That said, congrats Portugal, Turkey, and Ukraine, now will one of you (or France, Spain, or the UK) please ensure that Dimaland doesn't win this.

All that and more in the medicated craziness that is the 2nd ESC 2008 Post-Show.



PS> Bulgaria & Malta got screwed. Switzerland...not so much. (Did they think it was 1980?)

Kalomira is Lindsay Lohan

TVE is not airing the 2nd semi-final, and--to be very honest--I'm on too many pills to focus in on a streaming broadcast.  Plus, it's still season finale week. 

Speaking of which, Lindsay Lohan is on tonight's Ugly Betty season finale.

Question of the day: have Kalomira & Lindsay Lohan been seen in the same place at the same time? I doubt it. That raspy voice isn't that ubiquitous!

(By the way, get some rest, girl. You sound like you've been up--chemically--for 2 days straight.)

Video courtesy of esctoday.com

When in doubt, blame television

Dear Lisa,

Of course, Sex & The City turned you into a cigarette-smoking slut at 14. 

Not the fact that you were an easily impressionable woman incapable of independent thought.

I mean, why else would you join that bastion of individualism, the Mormon church?

Signed,

Delusion

Wednesday Jukebox Wonders Where That Itch Came From

Kalomira's performance at last night's Semi final in Belgrade. She's all Disney-esque until the dance break...

eurovision GREECE 2008 - Kalomira - Secret Combination
Uploaded by jief75

That's straight up LI hoochie those moves.

I wonder what the logic was behind this...

Eurovision.tv had the first semi-final artists say their thoughts immediately after performing.

Uh-oh.






My thoughts on the artists: Dima Bilan is still a twat (albeit with improved English skills), Rebeka is Slovenia's answer to Bette Midler or Sandra Bernhardt (get her a show on tv now), Andy Kaufman isn't really dead--in fact he's hiding right out in the open as this year's Bosnian entry, The Belgians were delusional --and it's funny, The San Marinese were delusional--and it's kind of sad, and Isis Gee can go all pious as she'd like, but she still looks like she's dressed for the Playboy Mansion.

Eurovision 2008: The 1st Hikaruland Post-show

First and foremost, I'm recovering from surgery (was intubated--or whatever the term is for having tubes down the throat, ergo the hoarse voice).

Secondly, Kalomira skanked up that song!! If there's one thing we Americans do well, it's knowing how to shake it in order to sell it.

Thirdly, Dima Bilan shirtless...oddly unimpressive.

All this and more in the first Eurovision 2008 post-show. (Conveniently in two parts because I forgot about Andorra--apparently so did the voting public--and Azerbaijan).

Happy Eurovision Week

Yes, it's this week.

TVE Internacional doesn't appear to be showing any of the semis, but I will remain optimistic. (I used to watch this on a computer, and I can tell you, it is no fun at all unless you're an optometrist.)

A bit of a change this year, I will be doing a vlog pre-show and post-show instead of live blogging.

Now to kickstart Eurosong Week, here are three of the Big 4: Spain, France, and the UK. Surprisingly, Germany is the weak link in this year's Big 4.

I've said my reservations about Spain, but there is an odd comedic appeal there.



I like M. Tellier, he looks like he just stepped off a ELO video shoot circa 1980, and dammit if the song doesn't make you stop and ponder "what exactly does he mean by 'chivers'?"



And finally, Andy Abraham seems to be strong vocally and the stage is apropos for a funk song, but they've got to: a) lose the pyros, and b) get some different shots, the man is an engaging performer. Use it!

Marriage in California

Quite frankly...Wow.

Freeman Endorses Shrugged Shoulders

Edwards Endorses Obama

The question remains, does he endorse the cult or the man?

A Tale of 50 Nations and 6 Federal Colonies

Some food for thought during this election-mad year.

Fun debate of the day: Was George Washington the real first president of the United States?

Not quite.

George Washington was the first president under the present 1787 Constitution. The honour of being the actual first president of the United States falls to John Hanson, at least according to Washington as well as Thomas Jefferson, but even they got it wrong, according to some.

Say what?

Well, there's a few little gaps in US History as it is taught in many schools:

• 1776: The signing of the Declaration of Independence.
• 1777: The drafting of the Articles of Confederation.
• 1781: The final ratification of the Articles of Confederation.
• 1787: The ratifying of the Constitution
• 1789: George Washington elected as president.

So who was president from 1776 to 1789? Turns out there were a slew of presidents before Washington came into power, and if you include pre-Declaration of Independence days, they stretch all the way back to 1754.

If you just include post-Declaration days, the first president of the United States (meaning the person in charge on July 4, 1776) was...John Hancock! (Although he himself was only the 2nd President of the 2nd Continental Congress.)

Several more present day fun facts to win a round of Trivial Pursuit :

• Who was the president when the United States hit its present border (meaning Puerto Rico all the way to Guam)? Not William McKinley, who was president when the US took over Cuba, Guam and The Philippines (since Cuba & The Philippines are now independent and have been so since 1902 and 1946 respectively); Not Jimmy Carter, who was president when the Panama Canal Zone was dissolved, but Bill Clinton, who was president when The Trust Territory of the Pacific ceased to exist. (Even so, you could argue that as a UN trusteeship, the Trust Territories weren't really a part of the United States, but the Compact of Free Association still binds them to the US.)
• Have DC residents been able to participate in national elections since inception? No. DC residents have only had the right to vote since 1961 (Thank you, 23rd Amendment!). Residents of Puerto Rico, the US Virgin Islands, American Samoa, Guam, and the Northern Mariana Islands cannot vote in national elections, however, residents of some US territories and commonwealths can be drafted and pay some federal taxes that other US citizens pay as well.
• Which US Territory's residents aren't US Citizens? American Samoa. Although they do send a representative to the House of Representatives, American Samoans have to apply for actual US citizenship.
• Which US Territory or Commonwealth doesn't have any representation (voting or non-voting) at all in Congress? The Northern Mariana Islands. (Interestingly, with the exception of Puerto Rico, all of the Commonwealth/Territory members of the House are Democrats. The Representative from Puerto Rico caucuses with the Republicans.)

Truly, the US is more like a collection of 50 nations and 6 federal colonies (9 if you include the COFA nations) than one country with equal rights for all.

Eurovision 2008: Rehearsals of the Day

(Although Russia actually performed yesterday.) It looks like the stagers for Dimaland have thrown everything but the kitchen sink at it. A skating rink? A skating rink?

 

Now onto rehearsals that actually happened today. 

Turkey looks less menacing (drat!), but vocally even better. Still it is just the first rehearsal, so tweaks are likely to happen.

Miss Lorak looks like she's prepared to take everyone out.

By the way, Finland rehearsed yesterday. Apparently they plan to perform bare-chested. This leads to a rather interesting interpretation of the lyrics. If that wasn't reason enough to like Teräsbetoni, they are also rather bitchy about Lordi.

The First Bosnian Rehearsal

I can best describe this as Four Brides for One Brother and his deranged "sister?" or one three minute long epileptic fit.

Eurovision.tv has a Youtube channel. Makes a lot of sense, frankly.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Belgrade

And I don't just mean because Serbia just went through a nasty election, just like we're prepping to do.

No, I mean that it is Eurovision time. 

Eurovision in Serbia, but I reckon this is not quite the old international pariah Serbia, but rather one in transition (especially if the elections are an indicator). If they're willing to forgive us the bombing of the Chinese embassy, as well as send a lesbian as their representative last year (who proceeded to win the whole thing), then I'm going to make nice and build a new rapport.

Since I'm not going (after all the travelling I've been through, I'd like to not live out a suitcase for a few weeks), any coverage on here will be gleamed from online or via TVE internacional. 

For more day to day coverage with a funny, sharp, fans' POV, take a gander at All Kinds of Everything and OnEurope, both of which are blogging the controlled chaos of the rehearsal period.

Saturday Jukebox Likes to Cover Its Mistakes

Tormento's cover of Subsonica's Tutti I Miei Sbagli impressed the hell out of me. (Although it's really the SoulVillaDelics doing the heavy lifting.)



For reference, here is the original version performed by Subsonica at Sanremo 2000.

From The "Obvious Conclusions" Department

Adults in Europe get drunk to have sex.

Much like adults in North America.

And those in South America.

And Australia.

And Asia.

And Africa.

W the Movie

It's not that there's a movie about the current president in the works. (Not a surprise.)

It's not that Oliver Stone is doing it. (One would be surprised if he didn't do it.)

It's that he's planning a late 2008 release.

There is something to be said for allowing the perspective of time to take place.

Thursday Jukebox Is On The Ho Stroll

Yes, I said it, "ho." Now let me explain.

Namie Amuro has a new video out. Well, it's not really hers as it's a duet with DOUBLE (who is really one person, but originally the name of a sister act, except it isn't anymore--see wiki.theppn for more). DOUBLE has got a really good voice, but--how shall I put this politely--her image encourages the viewer to pay attention to things other than her singing...a bit like Mariah Carey (in her current I-know-you-want-my-cookie phase).

Anyway, DOUBLE has a collaboration album coming out soon and her duet with Ms. Amuro, Black Diamond is the lead off single.

A pretty decent song and video, but the choreography and styling! Poor DOUBLE and Namie looked like they should be doing the ho stroll in Hell's Kitchen (and I swear I've seen amateur drag queens do the moves they did during the dance break).

By the way, the chorus can be read in a very interesting way if you apply my crackpot theory about diamonds to it, and look closely at the extras. (I know they're saying "when you meet a guy who's fly," but drag kings do use the male pronoun.)

God Save Those of US With an IQ over 30

Yesterday, the Daily News featured Sarah Jessica Parker's annoyance with Sex & The City girls taking over New York. Now, it brings us the story of how Gossip Girl is trying to recapture the same magic, via the glory that is a modern-day advertising offensive (in both senses of the word).

I manage to avoid Times Square, so the billboards aren't that big a deal (hell, I had one staring at me for several months--by the way, every single male cast member of that show looks identical), but these "IT guides" give me a bit of worry. Apart from the spate of foolish suburban girls getting robbed/carjacked/murdered every other weekend, there's one other concern: these fools will be strolling down 7th Avenue at all hours looking for these "hot places," while 99% of us will be trying to get from point A to B.

I'm not too keen on these talking billboards either.

And What Are You Going To Do About It, Sarah?

Sarah Jessica Parker admits that New York City has lost its "creative energy," in a Daily News article. Admitting culpability, however, doesn't look like it's forthcoming, despite what Matthew Broderick (her husband) says.

Saturday Jukebox is a Soulhead

Maybe I just have a dirty mind due to the Supahead controversy, but Soulhead does kind of sound a little bit risque as a name for a Japanese R&B/Hiphop duo, especially if they're sisters.

Nonetheless, I think they're ace.

First off, the scorching hot video for Fiesta--No prizes for guessing the inspiration, especially if you remember the early 1990s.



Soulhead - Fiesta
Uploaded by False_I_Love_You


Then there's Feel Like Jumping, which looks like it was tailormade for Sesame Street. (FWIW, there is nothing on the planet more sugary than Japanese children's television, so it seems the director allowed the sisters maintain a shred of urban cred.)



SOULHEAD - FEEL LIKE JUMPING
Uploaded by Ozro77

If anyone could explain the video to Sparkle Train, I'd be very grateful. I don't quite get what a suburban train station in pre-revolutionary Shanghai has to do with dedicating a song to "my homies strugglin' through." (Unless the director is showing sympathy for the Chiang Kai-Shek government.)

Dash05da023
Uploaded by dadacha

And finally, the video for Get Up. I can't read the writing at the airport scene (I'm guessing it's Ishigaki, which is part of Okinawa) , so I can't say exactly where the video is shot, but doesn't it just make you want to jump on a plane to wherever it takes place?

SAGging

Uh oh, the rumblings of a SAG strike grow ever closer.

Hikaruland Vs. April

While much has gone on during my absence, it could also be argued that very little has. I'm not really going to debate that, but I'm going to try to pounce on the big stories of April (at least the ones that I've heard).

• Obama-Wright: Personally, I think it's all asinine. I don't disagree with anything that Wright has said (based on the snippets I've heard so far), but the debacle is further proof that people forget that there is a way to communicate your message. I also think that Obama should've realised LOOOOONG before he launched into his candidacy that perhaps this association may be a liability.
• Obama the candidate: It's not really been a secret on here, but I'm finally going to say it out loud. I don't support Obama at the moment. Should he win the nomination, I'll vote for him without reservation. This moment in time, however, I just have trouble understanding why he feels the need to run now, nor do I feel that he should. The issues that he has right now illustrate his naivete and to some degree his arrogance with the rest of us. He just comes across to me as that smug vegan with their own backyard garden that feels the need to lecture you about how sinful you are for not living the way he does. I'd love to see a black president, but he doesn't strike me as the one to bring that to fruition. The only plus he seems to have is that he does not have Bush or Clinton in his name.
• Beijing 2008: This is going to be a shitstorm. Full stop. Not on the level of Munich 1972, but it's going to get ugly.
• Delta-Northwest & United-US Airways: I'm actually for these mergers. Emotionally, I wish Northwest was the surviving carrier, because I think they will be dragged down by Delta, but the weirdness that the market is in dictates that Delta should be the survivor. As for United-US Airways, it also makes sense, in that United gets a serious foothold on the East Coast (that Dulles hub is a joke for domestic connections) , and reinforces its European stance. Cruelly, poor US Airways will barely get a chance to operate its China routes before being swallowed up by United.
• That photo in Vanity Fair: I am constantly amazed that celebrities forget that the puritan mindset that formed the US persists to this day. The American public likes being shocked, but they also (or at least make the appearance of being so) like to see a good modern day witch hunt. My advice to the next teen star anxious to make the transition: do it and say nothing at all.
• Actors Strike?: On a completely petty level, I'd like to see SAG tarred and feathered the way the WGA was during their strike; however, the WGA strike delayed production so much, and a SAG strike with mess up the 2008-09 season, so I hope they resolve it. (Plus SAG stood by the WGA, it's only fair to do the same to them.)
• Zimbabwe: Just give up, Mugabe. You'd think he'd at least try to get rid of the Hitler moustache already.
• I thought she was dead: Laurie Bembenek is appealing to the US Supreme Court. This case is almost as old as I am. I don't think she did it, but there comes a time when you just accept that you can't win.

May Day 2008

It seems appropriate to resume action at this corner of the Internet on May Day.

Where are we as of 2008?

• The US manufacturing base is decimated. (Want proof? Go to China, Indonesia, or Vietnam and see the difference in prices for consumer goods.)
• Lack of economic foresight or just sheer disdain for others is allowing a chasm between the haves and have-nots. Not that this all that shocking, but the fact of the matter is that the face of the have-nots is becoming more diverse with each passing month. The day of people applying for food stamps in Ralph Lauren sounds probable.
• Golden Parachutes are still happening.
• On the positive side, the notion of Universal Health Care has begun to edge its way to the forefront of national dialogue. (As to why it took so long to even get to this level, I have no clue. That said, we're only now realising that trickle-down economics does not work.)
• As isolationist as this sounds, I think that the EU and/or the PRC usurping the US's role on the international stage is a good thing. Too many years of looking outwards has left our house in disarray, and as I see it, getting our house in order seems to be the theme of Campaign 2008.

So perhaps May Day 2009 will see the US taking action--as opposed to rhetoric--towards its citizens. Perhaps, just perhaps, Americans will realise that government has the responsibility to protect its citizens, not just arbiter disputes.

I'll be optimistic.

Monday Jukebox Says Southern Wind, Carry Me Away

There's a lot of posts today, and the main reason is this: I'm going to be away for the month of April.

In fact going very far away (geographically that is) for a business/leisure trip.

Here's a hint:



By the way, here are the lyrics (courtesy of All About Akina Nakamori):

I am being greeted by the sea breeze
Naturally, my body sways to the rhyme
Touring a Panama hat round and round with my finger
The glass of fruit wine that is delivered to my table
is a message from a stranger
I am mesmerised by the intense glare beyond my shoulders

I realise that I have my legs locked to a white chair
and held my chin in my hands
The mood is slightly like in a movie
I tidy my hair melancholically
A dangerous heart


Under the silhouette created by coconut leaves
I take a brief rest
ignoring the piercing stare
The boys who are distracted (by me)
gazed over at me from the seaside
Unexpectedly, a beautiful boy
on a white yacht waves to me
Those dazzling eyes
The boys who were distracted (by me) call out to me at the hotel window
Twisting my washed hair
I winked mischievously at them
Is this dangerous?

Three more hints:

• It's not Japan.
• It's not Panama
• And technically, I'm going Southwest, but Southwest Airlines doesn't fly there.

This Is Payback

An interesting article today on 365gay about a married NYC gay couple who are working for tolerance in Poland after their wedding pictures were used by the Polish president in order to stir up anti-gay feelings and reject the EU charter of rights.

Gives us all hope, I reckon.

Hikaruland Eurovision 2008 Preview Reviews: The Top 5

Here's the player...just so you can have a quick refresher:

Eurovision Song Contest - Belgrade 2008 Preview Player

Picking my top 5 was actually quite tricky because while there was no doubt about which entries would take the top 2 spots, 3rd, 4th & 5th places were tough calls.

1. Ukraine: Ani Lorak, her weapons of male destruction, an AIDS ribbon, and a disco-happy orchestration, made Ukraine easily my favourite for this year. When you think about it, the video is basically a very aggressive remake of Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. I like camp, I'll praise it, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
2. Turkey: I like my rock driving, aggressive with a touch of menace to it, like a Hitchcock thriller. Even better, the lyrics, performance, and mise-en-scene bring the crazy...literally.
3. France: Considering that the theme this year seems to be pastiche, it seems appropriate that the French entry (even though it's practically all in English--although "chivers" is not a word I've ever heard off, and I believe Sebastien is being intentional by writing it that way as opposed to "shivers") , would do the best job in pulling it off superbly, and with New Wave to boot. Note to several other participants this year (whose names I won't mention): the video for Divine also manages to best illustrate absurd comedy, which doesn't mean throwing everything plus the kitchen sink at the viewer.
4. Malta: The lyrics are very campy (and a touch absurd and dated--why would you sing about spying in Russia at a contest held in Serbia?), the music is driving, and the very visually stimulating video pretty much expresses both with a possibly unintentional homage to Benny Hill. Very effective, but not quite unique or quirky enough to launch it into the top 3.
5. Romania: This was an extremely tough call, but ultimately, Nico & Vlad brought the crazy, and deserve to be awarded for it. The lyrics aren't that interesting, but their OTT performance (Nico's losing her mind, Vlad is trying to calm her down like a good co-dependent boy toy, neither of them fazed by the fact that they are in the middle of a Romanian beach/garbage dump/orchestra rehearsal space wearing formal wear) is just too hilarious and engaging to be bogged down by lyrical blandness.

Honourable mentions

• Hungary: Starts out visually striking, but sputters midway. What is the symbolism for the running Doberman?
• United Kingdom: It's cool, slick, and makes you want to dance. Only out of the top 5 (and just barely) because crazy, camp, and angst-driven rock can't help but stand out from the crowd. Sly Stone revival!
• Spain: Offensive lyrics about mixed-race women being easy aside, the general joke does come across (particularly to Americans--although we have no televoting rights, so that's a bit of a misfire), and there really is some wit about it. It's really a straightforward parody in execution, but of who and what, we cannot say. The cheap quality works, however.
• Ireland: Unlike the Spanish joke entry, the Irish joke is much broader, and here again, the cheapness works. It's meant to be outlandish and poke fun at Irish Eurovision history. Dustin's voice, however, can be a little grating and hard to decipher, but that oddly works in the video's favour. (Along with the constant zooms the camera makes.)

Ukraine can probably add another year of coming in 2nd to its record, but they aren't going to win it.