2 PM: Link up and working. Still adjusting to the sing-song.
2:02: More Christer. He's starting to look more like Alan Cumming every time.
2:03: Now they're starting the shinding with flames. The hosts (I think) are singing some sort of jokey, half-spoken folk song since they are dressed like vikings. One of them is dressed like a Native American (Cherokee, I believe). Borderline offensive, in my view.
And we're off!
Song 1: Fredrik & Sanna - Du och jag mot världen
Oh god, these are some bad outfits. Fredrik is wearing a sparkling blue jacket. Sanna is dressed like a Las Vegas cocktail waitress. The song is very standard happy schlager-duet, and it would be vastly improved by the removal of Fredrik--it sounds like he has a frog stuck in his throat. I think this was supposed to go to Denmark instead of Sweden.
2:14: The hosts prattle on for a bit...for some reason. One of them has a mustache which clearly should've left in 1977.
Song 2: Camilla Brinck - Jenny
I can't see much of the performance (due to constant buffering by the real player), but the only similarities I can make out between Camilla and Jennifer Lopez seems to be a penchant for wearing short skirts. The song is completely sacchrine and upbeat (and in Swedish). I like it, but I think it's a total no-hoper.
Song 3: Avalon - Big Up (Find The Treasure)
Eww with the song title. Swedish dancehall music? Oh boy, this is bad. Both of them are dressed like kids after school (even the one with the beard and dreadlocks). I'm all right with crotch thrusts, but this is just...bad. There's a bit in French, but it is said so fast that I still have no clue as to what the "treasure" is. I'm betting it has something to do with the female anatomy.
More prattling with mustache man. Honestly, I'd deal with him better if he just decided to start a leather orgy instead of speaking.
Song 4: Arja Saijonmaa - Vad du än trodde så trodde du fel
Now this (oddly enough) is more like Jennifer Lopez! Arja starts out in a white (possibly fur) coat, which is soon whipped off by one of her (all-male) backing singers/dancers to reveal a sharp but tasteful dress. The song is semi-anthemic dance-pop, and although Arja isn't the greatest singer (very low singing voice) she sells the living daylights out of it. Go Arja!
Song 5: Josefin Nilsson - Med hjärtats egna ord
She still looks like Mamie Van Doren (present day, not in her heyday)! It's another Andrew Lloyd-Webber power ballad, but Josefin has a star quality about her that Cecillia was lacking. Unfortunately for Josefin, Cecillia was the better singer, because Josefin is screaming 60% of this song. I like the low-cut red dress she's wearing, but this does have more than a slight touch of the "I'm embarassed for you" going for it.
Song 6: Cameron Cartio - Roma
Maybe this really is about gypsies, since I can't make out what language he's singing in. There's lots of scantily clad backing singers/dancers (unfortunately Cameron is in a brown coat and pants). You know what this reminds me of? The horrific Maltese entry from 2001 with Fabrizio. Cameron is more charismatic, but the performances are siblings.
A brief bit about the postcards: Arja looks so sophisticated. Sanne looks icy. Fredrik looks dim-witted.
Song 7: Bodies Without Organs - Gone
Ok, I take back what I wrote earlier about lyrics in respect to Bodies Without Organs. The song is basically "Now...now that you're gone I'm ___" over a dance beat. The lead singer looks like Peter Frampton. Is Sweden trying to start yet another 1970's revival? It's not bad, but, boy is this far away from good. Eiffel 65 could beat this lot without breaking a sweat. I have a fear that they'll do well, but I can live with that.
Song 8: Sanne Salomonsen - Higher Ground
Sanne looks more like Shania Twain than a "rock queen." She sounds like Anastacia. She's got a bit of a wonky voice, and I really want to like this song. The lyrics are far from profound, but they aren't bad (like Shania Twain, oddly enough). Musically this is basically Anastacia singing a happy Shania Twain song. If the first song should've been in Denmark, then this should've been in the Netherlands. Not bad. I'd be happy with her going forward.
2:46 The review of the songs. Fredrik & Sanna look like Fame 10 years later. Camilla wants to be Lena Ph but can't loosen up enough. Avalon think they're sexy, but are far from it. Arja is working the gay-fave-camp-diva vibe and succeeds (despite her voice). Josefin goes for the same and bombs. Cameron thinks he's sexy and is, but his performance isn't. The Bodies are a bore. Sanne works her Shania/Dutch vibe adequately.
2:50 Yay! The return of "telefonslussen."
2:51 More presenter comedy bits that I have no clue as to why they are funny. "Checkpoint Charlie" is mentioned...again, I have no clue. There's a close up of Sanne smiling and looking like Stevie Nicks. (Jiminy Cricket, how many looks does this woman have without changing clothes?)
2:54 Oh lord, the Olsen Brothers are the interval act (which explains all the embarassing close-ups of Danish Sanne). They still look geriatric and am I so happy that my feed decides to seize up so I have to restart it. The Olsens are singing their entry from this year's Danish Melodi Grand Prix. It failed and now I know why. It's not as chirpy as The Wallstones, but honestly "Little Yellow Radio?" Blech. We get it. You're old and nostalgic.
2:57 Results, part 1. Sanne gets through. Josefin gets through (lord knows why). The Bodies get through (ditto). Fredrik & Sanna get through. Cameron gets through (the porn vote). No Arja! Evil Swedes.
3:01 Second recap. I'm indifferent to everyone except for Sanne. People, if you want me to care then put Arja through!
3:04 I'm thinking that the tech problems are due to the amount of Danes jumping online to watch this. Attention Danish people, Sanne will make it to the final, there is no need to worry.
3:05 A comedy travelogue about Linkoping (the location of this week's semi-final). The Swedes like it and I learn that city's name is pronounced like "lean shopping." Not a good tagline for English-speaking tourists.
3:08 Ok, the Cherokee jokes are not funny. Apparently the Swedes (or at least these presenters) think that Cherokees speak in a language that involves mumbling in different tones. I am not amused in the slightest. I am cutting them the slightest slack because the joke could be on them. (I do not know for certain since I cannot understand the Swedish subtitles.)
3:10 Second interval. Some overweight duo sing "Bang-A-Bommerang." I have a sneaking suspicion that this is what Svenne & Lotta (the original singers of this song at Melodifestivalen 1975) look like now. Yikes. Lotta is too out-of-shape to wear Lena Ph's dress from last year. I pray that Svenne's Ramones-esque hair is a wig. If it isn't, then that just makes it even more tragic.
3:15 Presenters. Non-mustachoed presenter says something which I think means that 3 million plus votes have been cast.
3:16 Results, part 2. Josefin blows kisses to the audience. Cameron is mentioned and does the same. I believe they are going to the 2nd chance round. (Hmph.) Sanne goes to the final (told you Danes).
3:19 Sanne performs. She seems ten times more energetic now that she's through. Honestly lady, what were you afraid of? Of note, during the latter part of the song, Sanne jumps up and down with her quasi-gospel backing singers. I swear this is so Shania Twain I want to find my leopard coat.
3:22 So who else goes to the final? Fredrik & Sanna. They do a celebratory jump in the air on their way to the stage. Alas, I am indifferent.
3:23 Fredrik & Sanna reprise. Fredrik can't get that frog out of his throat, can he? For a song that is about "you & I against the world," this pair spend an awful amount of time apart onstage. I honestly have no problem with this song save for Fredrik. I reckon it would be ten times better if he was dropped and Sanna sang the whole thing. Boy, do they look like a Las Vegas casino owner and his trampy girlfriend.
3:27 As if I didn't need to be pissed off again...they bring back the offensive Cherokee schtick before the ending credits. And the ending theme? Still "Relight My Fire."
3:28 My reaction: Boy, that semi irritated me something chronic: offensive stereotypes, Arja getting eliminated, constant buffering of the internet feed, and the Olsen brothers. Yuck.
3:30 I'll be watching again next week though. Apparently we get Alannah Myles of "Black Velvet" fame. Is there some sort of Scandinavian-Canadian love fest going on that I don't know about?
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