The Adelaide Campaign

I am going to take the serious risk of being perceived as a bit of a kook here.

(Deep Breath.)

For several weeks now, I have been having a recurring dream wherein I find myself working at an Adelaide radio station (I think it’s Nova 91.9, but it could very well be SAFM).

I can’t for the life of me figure out why I keep having this dream:

• Adelaide is hot (as in temperature), I like cold.
• It’s a metro area of 1 million +, on par with Milwaukee (a lateral move…I don’t like lateral moves)
• Radio is considered a swear word in my family, after some dodgy business dealings.
• Its nickname is “city of churches.” I’m aggressively non-religious.

Yet, the dream keeps popping up. So I’m now embarking on a “Get on Adelaide Radio” campaign both here and on Twitter. Here’s the result of Day One of this campaign:

Any suggestions for Day Two?

Wednesday Jukebox Doesn’t Want Nor Needs

It’s my last day in America and this hemisphere (at least for another 4 or 5 months), and I’m choosing to comemmorate this occasion by having the jukebox play Polish rock (the songtitle translates as “I don’t want. I don’t need”) from 2001.

‘Cause I’m random like that.

Why You Can’t Go Home Again: A Fortnight in the US

Well, this corner of the internet is back for June.

I’ve gone back Stateside for the first part of this month due to family matters, and I have to say that after a year living in Australia, it’s put an interesting spin on American life.

One of the things that does irk me a bit about living in Australia is that I’m constantly asked “what do I think of Australia?” It’s well-intentioned, but I want to scream “I LIVE HERE! Of course I like it.” Now, I’m getting the reverse from my fellow Americans. Here’s a typical conversation:

Fellow American: Where are you from?

Me: Here [meaning Wisconsin].

Fellow American: Really? You don’t sound like you’re from here.

Me: I live in Australia.

Fellow American: Seriously?

Me: Yes.

Fellow American: Why would you want to move there?

Me: Work.

Fellow American: Really?

It’s like no one can fathom the idea of an American living in Australia. I’ve even been asked what language Australians speak…by people who have completed college degrees!

Fair enough, every country is pretty insular (particularly away from the major cities), but it still blows my mind at how myopic things can be Stateside: The oil spill, as bad as it is, has been framed as US v. UK standoff. It’s almost like CNN & NBC are keen to restart The War of 1812!

If that wasn’t bad enough, every single local and state politician from the affected region is trying to get their 15 minutes of fame. Fine. Yet, it reached a certain level of absurdity when there was a huge line of them in Louisiana at a press conference, each of them saying the same critiques about how they aren’t getting any assistance. Heaven forbid they just chose a spokesperson and then got on with trying to do some clean up.

Then there is that Sunderland debacle. When half of Australia was losing its collective mind over Jessica Watson, the other half was saying “who cares?” I was in the latter camp. Personally, I think it’s a daft thing, and I can’t imagine why it’s so impressive to go around the world solo. Now, an American needs rescuing after attempting to do the same and the US media is all “aww, bless.” Meanwhile, not a single word about the fact that the Australian taxpayers are footing the bill for her rescue, not even a clip of a Sunderland saying thank you made the national news. (I’m going to assume that at least one of them did.)

The one major thing that has really blown my mind, however—and I mean in a good way—is how things seem less segregated here. Most likely demographics have not changed radically in one year, but the slight apprehension that I used to feel as a minority has largely disappeared. It used to feel like there were so many different Americas co-existing within the same borders and that it was only a matter of time before we all declared war on each other. Now, it feels unified…at least on a racial level, and the one good thing the GFC has done is that it has made conspicuous consumption something to be frowned upon.

In respect to LGBT matters, I can honestly say that I’m extremely glad that DADT looks likely to be overturned. That said, I still have no idea why the Federal Government (not to mention most of the states) can’t at least say “civil unions for all” and just get out of the marriage racket all together. (The same applies for Australia, too, although the de facto legislation is a major step that the US could at least consider.)

Even though as an American citizen (which I still am—boy is it fun explaining how I can be an American citizen but resident elsewhere), I benefit from all of these changes, there’s one thing that has made me realise that I’m not emotionally American anymore: I don’t take everything so seriously.

This is the land of extreme emotional reactions to everything. If someone wins, it’s like the second coming. If someone loses, it’s the apocalypse. Everything is put into an “us-versus-them, point-of-no-return, we’re-all-gonna-die” perspective. I mean everything from oil spills to box office receipts to celebrity relationships. Stop taking yourself so seriously, America.

Reading some of my pre-Australian posts, I definitely can tell that I’m guilty of this as well. There is just something about the atmosphere in this country* that just puts you in this frame of mind that everything you do must be written in bold and underlined three times, or else it doesn’t matter.

* I blame it on the fact that this country was settled by ultra-capitalist and ultra-religious zealots.

When all is said and done, it matters most that you just enjoy your life. Wherever you happen to be.

Eurovision 2010 Final: Do I Have To Sing Now?

Just ask Croatia, who didn’t make it to the final.

Let me tell you all out there, it was not easy to stay oblivious of the result. Dodging internet information was easy, however, Australian television news was not.

Every single broadcast network—save for SBS (they kindly suggested that those of us not wanting to know the results go have a cuppa during their own news broadcast)--felt compelled to reveal the winner in their morning and evening broadcasts. I combated this by switching over to Max (a music channel on cable which actually broadcasts music videos) frequently.

I wonder whether next year SBS will consider broadcasting it midday Sunday. Although it might conflict with some sport they’re airing.

Adverts: The Socceroos scarves look like crime tape. I’m just saying.

Before Te Deum we have a bunch of Eurosong-celebs waving hello to us in Australia. Julia & Sam (all dressed up and smiling!) make mention of the Big 5 and dash off.

And we have Te Deum.

New opening! Very dramatic, starting out in Lugano 1956 with a Swiss family huddled around the first Eurovision. The pink bubble appears and travels through Vienna 1967, Brighton 1974, Paris 1978, Dublin 1981, Munich 1983, Brussels 1987, Istanbul 2004, and Moscow 2009. This is like watching an opening to an Olympic Games! Good job, NRK.

And we’re in Telenor where the words SHARE THE MOMENT appear onscreen. The words give way to various Eurofans wishing good luck to their respective countries’ representatives. Alexander appears and wishes good luck to everyone.

He then appears alive and sings a very dramatic version of Fairytale. Ol’ Alex is in good voice, although he looks like he still has yet to reach puberty. Oddly enough he’s doing the same performance with only a few more performers.

HEN say “Good Evening Europe.” Julia coos. Sam calls him “the little brother who never writes or calls.”

Nadia is in red, Haddy is in beige, and Erik is in a tuxedo. Only Nadia looks good. HE give us the spiel about voting being open. Julia & Sam do the same with regards to the unofficial Australian voting.

It’s actually a pretty quick start compared to Eurovisions past.

Azerbaijan: Apparently the choreographer behind this did Beyonce’s Single Ladies. (Explains the hood-esque moves) Ever since I saw this song yesterday, I have had visions of Beyonce pulling Safura’s hair and saying “Gurl, just give up.” Anyway, Safura does the same thing, and since we here in Australia know she can’t speak English, odds are that she doesn’t really know what she’s singing about.

Spain: I had never really rated this, but the staging with the backing dancers dressed as toys does work. It’s nostalgic Eurovision at its best. Oh, there’s someone running onstage who isn’t supposed to be there. Impressively Daniel gets even stronger with the interruption. Good on you, mate.

Norway: Julia & Sam discuss the intruder animatedly during their intro for Didrik. Didrik does a more operatic version of this year’s Israeli entry. I’m really trying to find anything different here, and apart from the backing singers (who are using the traditional Israeli backing singer formation, ironically), I see little that is different. Eh.

Moldova: Sam warns us about the saxophonist. Yes, mate, very wise to do that. The saxophonist is still verging on annoying, but the paucity of upbeat songs makes me loathe him less. The Moldovans do pretty much the same thing they did on Friday [for those of us in Australia]. That is a good thing. Chisinau 2011, not quite, but if they build on this it could happen sooner than Euroland might think.

Cyprus: Julia & Sam still rabbit on about the gatecrasher. Jon Dice shows his midriff. I still don’t care. Since Jon annoys me, I chose to focus on The Islanders who I’d much rather hear sing this. The performance is pretty much the same, so I chose to take a quick smoko.

Someone in the audience waves an American flag. Eh?

Bosnia-Herzegovina: Julia says that the song is about a couple in strife and that it’s a metaphor. (Really?) Vuk seems to be even more aggressive than he was on “Friday.” He hams it up onstage, although the Businessman/Chorus Girl combo singing backup are still unintentionally funny. The song unfortunately just. ends.

Julia & Sam send us off to adverts and they both manage to smile. Shock!

Adverts: Now that’s saving money. Sam is also part of the presenting team for SBS’s World Cup show.

Alright, I am going to make a blatant appeal to SBS for me to do co-presenting duties next year. SBS, I’m acerbic, a new Australian, and willing to undergo whatever training regime to make me photogenic.

Back from adverts, Julia asks Daniel about his role in Mamma Mia (via translator). Sam gets Safura’s backing singers to sing and whether they’d sing for Australia. Julia asks Alexander about his Facebook friends. Alexander says that he would like to sing Satellite.

Belgium: Sam says the Belgians can’t believe that they are in the final. He also makes the astute observation that only 12% of the people in the world can get away with a song like this, and Tom is one of them. Well, not with me, Sam. Not with me. Anyway, The Dice does the same “Friday” performance. I realise that Jon Dice is slightly more annoying (even though Tom does an “Oslo” shoutout mid-song) because he tries to upstage The Islanders. Tom, on the other hand is alone onstage. Hold on. Let me revise that, they’re equally annoying.

Serbia: Ooh! It’s the Serbian Akiko Wada. Julia says that Milan believes that it is important to have a “strong look onstage.” Yes, and unless you’re Boy George, you generally can’t get away with androgyny. Sam calls it the “quickest 3 minutes ever.” Milan gives us the same circus sideshow complete with dancers wearing outfits that look like they were designed by a bunch of bored Serbian homemakers. The female backers shake their things. I check to see if I set the PVR to record Underbelly.

Nadia comes onstage to remind us that Spain will perform again at the end. (I guess that was the smackdown. She uses the word “assaulted.”) She also gives a shout out to Australia.

Belarus: That one male singer still sounds dodgy as hell, although they have strong accents to overcome. This song and performance scream barely qualified. I don’t care if the three girls sprout wings, it still looks weak. I don’t think Belarus will be troubling the scoreboard tonight.

Ireland: Sam mentions how Niamh is Eurovision royalty. Julia quotes Peter Allen (“there’s a lady onstage”). Niamh seems to be a bit stronger in voice than she was on “Saturday.” Of that run of Irish winners in the 1990s, I must admit that I liked Niamh the most, because she seemed the most soulful. Not a winner, but a respectable showing. Sam says that we shouldn’t rule her out.

Greece: How’s this for contrast? Giorgos toady-ups the crowd from backstage. This is probably the most aggressive performance so far, even though it looks like they aren’t doing anything different from “Friday.” Giorgos’s “Friends,” however manage to drown him out with their “OPA!” On a symbolic level, I like how this is a bit like a finger to the world in the face of all the bad press Greece has been getting lately. Crowd goes wild. Sam makes a Sakis Rouvas-hand-me-down joke.

United Kingdom: Julia & Sam get all giggly over the Stock-Aitken-Waterman connection. (Kylie Minogue is Australian, remember.) Josh looks oddly like a very young Sakis Rouvas. He sings a pleasant danceable Hi-NRG tune that would probably storm the charts in 1993. He’s charismatic in the “aw, bless!” way, but it just is missing that X-Factor (no pun intended). You just get the feeling that it was developed more, it would be a contender.

Julia & Sam send us off to break. Julia smirks. Sam manages something approaching a grin.

Adverts: Sergeant Croydon wants you to give him your superannuation money. (Apologies for international viewers as that’s a real Australian reference there.)

Back from adverts, Julia talks to Giorgos & His Friends. The Friends take centre stage. Sam talks old SAW songs with Josh. Julia asks Giorgos if Greece could afford to host. Giorgos is diplomatic in his response. Sam & Josh bond over the state of each other’s hair. Sam tells Josh that the UK has no chance.

Georgia: Julia brings up the fact that last year’s Dutch entry and this year’s Georgian entry share the same name. She is quick to point out that this is a very different song. Anyway, Sofia & Co. do the same acrobatics that they did on “Saturday.” Oh, she winked. Didn’t notice that earlier.

Turkey: Julia finally explains that the origin behind the band’s name. The lead singer toady ups the crowd. It is the second aggressive song of the night and that is a good thing. The lighting really helps this (more so than the Helmet-headed dancer), and I suspect that the Turkish rock scene better prepared to be raided for year’s to come. It’s still no Deli. Sam calls it “not the best song if you’re an epileptic.”

Albania: Sam calls this a song of “absolute commitment” given that Juliana has competed in the Albanian final for several years. I still hear Knock on Wood, but I don’t mind it much. It’s rather interesting how little choreography there is (save for the mad violinist) for a dance song. Still I think Eurovision will be heading to Albania in a few years if they build on this performance.

Sam reminds us about Spain performing again.

Iceland: Julia says that “if you aren’t singing this by the end, you aren’t human.” That’s right, Europe, we’re full on biased down here. (Love it!) This is another dance song with little movement, and I suspect that Albania & Iceland will be cannibalising each other’s votes all night. Hera pretty much gives a more energetic version of her “Friday” night performance.

Ukraine: Julia calls Alyo another powerhouse voice [after Albania and Iceland]. Alyo is in even stronger voice, although she can’t really alter her performance that much from “Saturday.” I must say that I’m surprised by how much better she is live.

France: Julia is not a big fan of this. (Julia is French-Australian.) The crowd yells in approval when Jessy comes onstage. It’s very catchy (although a bit dated) dancehall pop. The sort of song you’d expect to hear at Club Med. There’s a lot of dancing, which unfortunately the camera doesn’t catch enough of. They do a version of a Haka (Shoutout to NZ!) onstage. Jessy & co. give their all, I must say.

Romania: Sam recycles his Eartha Kitt joke, and calls Ovi a “Romanian Adam Zwar.” (I’d take that as a compliment.) Compared to the French entry this is very restrained. Catchy as hell though. They also bring more energy than they had on “Saturday.” I’m surprised that there are only 6 more songs left.

Russia: Julia says sarcastically that she “doesn’t hope [the song title] comes true.” This song looks extremely weak coming at this point in the running order. I get the joke now, and it’s still not all that funny. It’s just daft. I get the feeling that this year (due to the GFC), it’s more a case of aiming to place high, but not necessarily win it.

Oh, it’s HE again. I had forgotten all about you lot. Erik talks to already manic French and the subdued Brits. Sam recycles his Norwegian Josh Thomas joke.

Armenia: Sam finally explains the whole symbolism behind the apricot stone. He also talks about her hair. (Seriously, mate, your obsession with hair is unhealthy.) Since Eva is singing about national identity at the final she is less about bouncing breasts and more about performing. A tree grows from the apricot stone! Didn’t notice that before. Sam pervs on her.

Germany: Julia mentions that this is a hot favourite and that Lena’s English is a bit odd. Sam calls her this year’s Alexander. The staging is oddly low-key, preferring to rely on Lena’s charisma, which I must say she does have in buckets. The mockney accent does grate a bit. It is a toe-tapper (as opposed to a foot stomper) though. Crowd does go a bit crazy after her.

Portugal: Filipa does her thing. It’s a stark contrast to Lena, although Filipa smiles a bit too much. Now, I like this song, but this is a field full of tortured love songs, and while she does her best, and this is the best of that lot, it doesn’t have that extra bit of WOW.

Julia & Sam send us off to adverts promising that we’ll see them interview some Australians in the audience.

Adverts: According to my other half, these health reforms are really needed. I’ll take his word.

Back from adverts, and we have a bunch of fans’ messages…and the North American who apparently wrote the Turkish fans. You would be surprised at how many Australians are there.

Israel: Julia is in favour of countries singing in their own language. I like you, Julia. Harel does his dramatic Sakis Rouvas thing like he did on “Saturday.” Didrik take notes, Harel manages to stay closer to the key. (Mind you, the whole gatecrasher entry probably made Didrik shaky.)

Denmark: Julia & Sam call it a “catchy number.” Julia mentions that it sounds like The Police. I think it sounds more like Jon Waite (“I ain’t missing you at all!”) I read that this was rejected from Melodifestivalen. Given that Sweden missed out on the final, I think SVT might be radicalising Melodifestivalen next year. Anyway, Chanee still steals the show and N’Evergreen still does his Ronan Keating imitation. Brilliant song nonetheless.

Spain (take two): Sam gives us more information on the “serial pest.” (A Catalonian nationalist activist.) Crowd goes wild. Only thing different that I notice is that Daniel & co. really seem to be dramatic the second time around it. He also brings the house down. The backing singer seems to be almost redundant. I reckon they could have done without him.

Haddy tells that we’ve seen amazing performances. Australian commentators agree. Julia & Sam rattle off several of their (re: Australia’s) favourites. Erik tells us how to vote. He then strips off into a low cut green shirt as we go to the recap. This lot is no Ingvild.

Recap: Safura goes ghetto and is hilarious… Daniel gives his all…Didrik does a A- version of the Israeli entry…Moldova and that saxophonist…Jon Dice (usch)…Vuk and his businessmen/chorus girls…Tom Dice aggravates…Milan and his fringe (Julia & Sam like him)…Julia & Sam call 3+2 the “slowest minutes of the night”…Niamh is regal…Giorgos and his bare-chested friends…Josh tries hard but his song didn’t…Sofia does acrobatics…Turkey brought the rock and rap (“Not a good song for an epileptic” says Sam)…Albania knocks on wood…Hera impressed…Alyo brought.it…But so did Jessy…Although Paula & Ovi did even more…Peter and his friends should be forgotten…Eva does her bit for Armenian nationalism…cute ickle Lena (“this year’s Alexander Rybak” says Sam)…Filipa sings her heart out…Harel Rouvas…Chanee took advantage of her moment, n’evergreen not so much.

Other half says he would’ve voted for Denmark. I would’ve voted for Ukraine. I like a growling singer, what can I say?

Adverts: I still can’t get over how Hyundai is pronounced as “HI-Undai” here in Australia.

HEN tell us that we had 25 “fantastic performances.” Nadia takes over the difficult English bit from the pretty HE.

This introduces a video clip about how multi-lingual they are with the artists. I’m going to guess that it is meant ironically. Haddy & Daniel talk about hair, and had I not heard Sam go on about hair all night, I would laugh more.

HE talk about how anyone can win. (In front of the German delegation.)

Recap. No changes in my opinion, save for the fact that I think Moldova would KILL if they were late in the running order, Belarus has no place in this final, and Denmark had the best place in the running order for that song. It really becomes apparent that this is a race for 2nd, not 1st.

HEN are back, giving us Eurovision voting history in respect to close victories. They lead us in the countdown.

Julia & Sam appear briefly to tell us to go vote on the website.

HE ask us if the audience is the best-looking audience ever. (Not going to say anything.) They tell us that it is time to dance.

Two men sing a bunch of incomprehensible lyrics as a bunch of people dance in a section of the Telenor.

Oh, it’s a trans-continental dance party? From Iceland to Slovenia to Sweden to Lithuania, we see shots of people dancing. It’s like an extended version of the dancing segment on Ellen Degeneres’s show. (Speaking of which, the Gold Coast really wants her to come to Australia.)

There are black people in Norway…NRK really wants us to know this.

Alright, NRK, if you are willing to give me residency and/or citizenship, I’ll gladly become Norwegian. I pick up languages easily.

Julia & Sam tell us that this is a celebration of having Eurovision parties at home.

There’s a shot of some Norwegian royals.

Dammit, I want to be Norwegian now. Or at least Norwegian-Australian.

Ok, now this is fun. Julia & Sam sound like they are having a blast.

GREAT INTERVAL!

HE welcome us to the Green Room and do their whole fun facts with the artist thing. I continue to crack up at how wooden they are. Erik wears butterfly wings. Erik, you are no Ingvild…don’t even try.

Sam tells us that it is time for Nadia to do plenty of hard work. (No shit.)

Nadia introduces Svante as “his majesty.” This is met with loads of dramatic music and lighting….and….Svante (who is loving it.) He calls her “princess Nadia.” (No shit as well.)

Oh lord, 39 votes…and I have an early morning flight. Sleep isn’t going to happen, is it? (Current time: 1015 pm AEST.)

Romania: 8 to Turkey…10 to Moldova (shock!)…12 to Denmark (YES!).

Ireland (perky Irishman, Sam slags him): 8 to Germany, 12 to Denmark.

Germany (good to get this one over quickly, you can never make out the German vote, the crowd sings “Seven Nation Army”): 8 to Greece, 10 to Turkey (shock), 12 to Belgium.

Serbia: 8 to Germany…10 to Greece…12 to Bosnia-Herzegovina (Sam calls it bloc voting, Julia doesn’t care)

Albania (he’s got charisma): 8 to Turkey…10 to Germany (crowd goes wild)…12 to Greece.

Greece is in the lead. Sam expresses shock that Giorgos is 33. I agree.

Turkey (she can barely get through her intro): 8 to Bosnia-Herzegovina…10 to Germany (crowd goes wild again)…12 to Azerbaijan (GURL!)

Sam tells us that the mobile phone company in charge of votes can handle 7 million votes.

Croatia: 10 to Bosnia-Herzegovina…12 to Turkey.

Julia points out that Belarus is on zero.

Poland (apparently she’s a morning show presenter): 8 to Azerbaijan…10 for Belgium…12 to Denmark. (Danes oddly subdued.)

Bosnia-Herzegovina (some funny English there): 8 to Germany…10 to Turkey…12 to Serbia (Sam is happy with that…eager for Milan to stay in touch).

Adverts: George Negus is pissed that Dateline won’t be seen until July due to Eurovision and the World Cup. You can tell it by the snarl in his voice in the promo.

Back from adverts and a compilation of the “Hello Australia” greetings that the contestants have recorded.

Finland: 8 to France (YES!)…10 to Israel (that’s a surprise)…12 to Germany.

Sam expresses surprise as to why there is a French translation.

Slovenia (no Peter!? What gives? This guy is funny though): 8 to Serbia…10 to Germany…12 to Denmark (Crowd goes wild, though Germany still in the lead).

Estonia (“quite a jacket” say Julia): 8 to Georgia…10 to Russia (boos from the crowd)…12 to Germany. Sam says “I don’t think we’re going to Ireland.”

Russia: 8 to Ghetto Gurl…10 to Georgia (Shock!)…12 to Armenia.

Julia is pissed about Jon Dice.

Portugal: 8 to Greece…10 to Romania (Finally!)…12 to Spain. Sam wonders if we could vote for Jimmy Jump.

Azerbaijan (Sam likes her, because she’s “all business”): 8 to Georgia…10 to Ukraine (Julia & I agree on that)…12 to Turkey.

Julia & Sam talk about how the jury votes are already factored in.

Greece (Sam says “he looks like my banker”)": 8 to France…10 to Albania (Good)…12 to Cyprus (not a shock).

Iceland: 8 to Greece…10 to Belgium…12 to Denmark. Julia & Sam remark on how Belgium is doing well.

Denmark (isn’t he cute and elfin): 8 to Romania (YES!)…10 to Belgium…12 to Germany.

Leader board: Germany/Belgium/Turkey.

France (elegant presenter): 8 to Portugal…10 to Serbia…12 to Turkey.

Turkey now in 2nd. Germany still in 1st.

Spain (it’s Georgie Gardner!): 8 to Armenia…(Julia & Sam shocked at how bad Ireland & the UK are doing)…12 to Germany.

Germans oddly subdued.

Nadia gives us the top 5: Germany/Turkey/Belgium/Denmark/Romania. She tells us that anything can still happen…if you’re German or Belgian at this point.

Erik talks to Lena who is, um, verklempt im Englisch.

She talks to Germany in English. Lena is acting like she’s already won.

Haddy talks to maNga. They are diplomatic.

Back to Nadia at the lectern of Winning. Long shall she rule.

Julia & Sam are surprised at how well Turkey is doing and say it’s all about the diaspora.

Slovakia (he’s smooth): 8 to Israel (Julia is happy)…10 to Belgium…12 to Germany.

Julia is shocked at how well Germany is doing. Sam is shocked at how well Tom Dice is.

Bulgaria: 8 to Armenia…(Julia expresses shock at how badly Norway is doing)…10 to Turkey…12 to Azerbaijan.

Ukraine (It’s Miss Ukraine 2008): 8 to Turkey…10 to Russia…12 to Azerbaijan (slight boos from crowd).

Latvia (Julia & Sam call him a “cool cat.” He sounds like he’s got something stuck in his mouth.): 8 to Russia (boos from crowd)…10 to Denmark…12 to Germany.

Lena in shock.

Malta (oh, it’s Chiara): 8 to Denmark…10 to Belgium (the Maltese like their ballads)…12 to Azerbaijan.

Sam mentions that we can safely say that Norway won’t win this year.

Norway (oddly subdued): 8 to Denmark…10 to Romania…12 to Germany.

Julia complains that Norway should’ve given their 12 to Iceland.

Cyprus (lots of happy Cypriots behind her): 8 to Romania…10 to Azerbaijan…12 to Greece.

Sam calls it a “race for second.” Hear, hear.

Lithuania (is that David Bowie?): 8 to Spain…10 to Germany (Julia is happy they didn’t get the 12, so they could “even it up.”)…12 to Georgia (Sam makes a comment on the unnecessary choreography.

Lukashenkoland: 8 to Israel…10 to Ukraine…(Sam laments Josh)…12 to Russia (boos all over, and Julia is surprised).

Switzerland (wow, she’s blonde, and a Chook Lotto girl): 8 to Albania…10 to Serbia…12 to Germany.

Sam calls it for Germany. Julia mentions that it’s a dry commentary box.

Belgium: 10 to Germany…12 to Greece.

Sam resolves to keep an eye on the UK.

UK (is that the Irish spokesperson doing an accent?): 8 to Romania (been awhile)…10 to Turkey…12 to Greece.

The Netherlands (“X Factor” shout-out): 10 to Israel…12 to Armenia (she says that “a lot of Dutch men must’ve voted.”)

Israel (Perky linguist): 8 to Romania…10 to Russia…12 to Armenia. (Julia remarks that it would be a surprise if it did go to Germany.)

Julia is pissed that Germany running away with it.

Macedonia: 8 to Germany…10 to Turkey…12 to Albania.

Julia & Sam grouse about how Lena must know that she’s won by now.

Moldova: 8 to Ukraine…10 to Russia…12 to Romania.

Georgia: 8 to Azerbaijan…10 to Armenia (that’s balanced)…12 to Belarus (which puts the UK at the end of the scoreboard).

Sweden (cheeky lad): 8 to Denmark…10 to Romania…12 to Germany (Nothing for Iceland.)

Julia calls it for Germany.

Armenia (“apricot greetings”): 8 to Ukraine…10 to Russia…12 to Georgia.

Germany wins it with 246 points. Sam says she’s overwhelmed. I’m still surprised at how subdued they are in contrast to other winners.

Julia & Sam mention that it’s two years in row that the favourite has won it.

Julia mentions that Norway wanted to reveal the winner in a special way…by having the winner march onstage direct from the Green Room, escorted by HE. Lena is overcome. Alexander looks manic and kisses her.

Lena struggles to say anything.

I’m quite pleased with a German win. I’d be really happy with a Danish or Romanian win, but still, she’s a good winner.

I love how Lena says “Do I have to sing now?”

Nadia excitedly says “next year the final will be in Germany!”

Everyone is thinking it, but at least the one country that could afford to host it is hosting it.

Lena sings it with a look of total surprise on her face.

She says “Oh my god, this is so crazy” during an instrumental break.

Based on the way she reacted, Lena is the most deserving winner ever.

Eurovision 2010 Semi Final Two: Once Again, With Feeling (this time)

Fun fact: As I write this, Iceland is leading the voting on SBS’s website. Is this a good sign? I reckon so.

Tonight however brings contenders Armenia, Azerbaijan (supposedly really popular amongst the bookies), Denmark, and Romania into the mix.

Add on my personal favourites The Netherlands and Switzerland, and tonight ought to be interesting.

Will Julia & Sam manage to crack something approaching a smile?

Will HE prove themselves to be more than pretty faces?

Will Nadia deliver the smackdown that we all know that she’s dying to deliver? (And I don’t think she’ll care whoever it’s directed at.)

We can only hope.

Te Deum is played and we’re off.

Julia & Sam in their intro call it “The Semi Final of Death,” while passing Norwegians laugh at them. They also talk up Azerbaijan, and surprisingly (for me at least) Lithuania and Israel.

Same intro video with the floating bubbles of many colours.

Haddy does the “Good Evening Europe” tonight.

Sam mentions that only 10 of the 17 countries will proceed to the final. Those are really good odds frankly.

HE do the voting and final spiel. Nadia must’ve demanded a better dressmaker as she looks a lot more stylish than HE. (Was that the smackdown?)

Sam mentions that he’d vote for Armenia “55 times.” I wonder what he sees that I don’t.

Lithuania: Julia & Sam really like InCulto, who they call the “funnest act” this year. InCulto arrive on stage making funny noises and in checked pants. They proceed to do a very ska song and call it “funk.” It’s kind of cute and pleasantly daft, and they harmonise well. Julia and the audience like the strip. Eh, say I. Julia remarks that they are all straight. (Seriously, do we care?)

Armenia: Julia & Sam remark that there’s a lot of imagery. Just after they mention it there is a close up of Eva’s bosom. Anyway, Eva cavorts about the stage while the backing dancers do their calisthenics. It’s a pleasant bouncy number although I definitely see why it could inflame some old historical grudges too. I don’t see contender here, but that’s just me.

Israel: Julia says the bookies went berserk over Harel. Sam wants to put his hand through Harel’s hair. Harel looks a lot like Sakis Rouvas. He sings a pretty ballad and tosses enough “come hither” looks at the cameras to last a lifetime. It’s very simple staging and I must say this is screaming dark horse to me, especially as it builds up. This is working very well on television. Dodgy ending, but the audience goes crazy according to Julia & Sam.

Denmark: Sam calls it a “breakup song.”Interesting, I never thought about it that way. N’Evergreen does his mediocre Ronan Keating imitation (seriously must all Danish male singers do that?), meanwhile Chanee busts out her Shirley Bassey gear and vocal pipes. She’s definitely the stronger of the two and frankly she’s also doing the heavy lifting.  It still sounds dated, but it’s such a rousing song that you don’t mind it. That said, the wind machine makes it very OTT. Julia likes it, Sam doesn’t.

Switzerland: Michael looks quite elfin backstage and onstage. His backing singers have their war faces on, and their march enhances it. I’m tapping along, but I‘m biased too. There really should be more movement onstage, and it’s really letting it down. I still get children’s show opening song from it, and even though Michael & Co. are giving it their all. It still doesn’t quite get there. Shame.

Julia & Sam send us off to ad break from the booth. Oh my god, Sam smiled! He also says “sometimes three minutes is longer than you think it is.” (Yes Sam, like Armenia. Ha!)

Adverts: SBS is the Australia’s World Cup channel. They REALLY want you to know that.

Back from adverts and it’s time for our commentators to harass the contestants. Julia talks to InCulto and they mention that they’re straight. (WE DON’T CARE.) She talks to N’Evergreen who slags off ABBA (those are fighting words), and also comes across as a bit of an arrogant tosser.

Sweden: Sam mentions that this is a big hit in Sweden. I think girl with a guitar at Eurovision and think Ase Kleveland back in the Sixties. Anna is no Ase, especially with that warbling. Now Anna is definitely trying to go the cute route, but the song is calling for whinging uni student. It improves as the song gets faster but she keeps on going vibrato and jumping around like preteen is rather daft….especially since the song is all about becoming an adult. Eh.

Azerbaijan: Safura busts out in blue while walking down some stairs. The song starts out like a power ballad, but verges into comedy territory when she tries to go all ghetto during the chorus. There’s also some unintentional comedy with the manic dancer, but it’s all about the chorus for me. Why? Because she looks like a spoiled princess trying to act like she’s down with ‘hood girls. Well sung, but hilarious…for me, at least.

Ukraine: Sam tells us that Alyosha didn’t like him. (I wonder why?) Julia calls her voice very “rocky.” Alyo is alone onstage in a cloak with her deep voice and STRONG accent. She takes off the cloak and reveals that she is Ukraine’s answer to Avril Lavigne. The wind machine kicks up, the guitar kicks in, and Alyo gets more incomprehensible beyond the words “Sweet People.” It’s a lot better than I thought, and this is the performance that I think Anna should’ve done. Alyo does the traditional Ukraine-at-Eurovision yodel.

Netherlands: Woo hoo! Julia mentions the Father Abraham connection as well as the fact that it is so vintage that it might win. So two dancers dressed as music clock musicians move around woodenly as Sieneke bounces about to unabashedly kitsch music. I’m sorry, but I just love it for this reason. It also can’t be more of a contrast to anything that has proceeded, and that’s a good thing. Ok, the male backing performer may be hamming it up unnecessarily, but so what.

HE are back in the green room acting all self-important, promising that they will make everyone “feel at home.” So why do you look like dear caught in the headlights?

Sam makes note that Australia didn’t care for Alexander in SBS’s vote.

Romania: I personally think this is a serious contender for the lot. Paula hits the keyboard hard. They also are camping it up a bit, which really works. Paula’s big hair and catsuit being camp enough for several entries. Then there’s the operatic singing she does towards the end. I foresee a Romania vs. Moldova battle in the voting. Sam calls Paula “a Romanian Eartha Kitt.”

Slovenia: This is like a really charmingly quirky version of last year’s Macedonian entry, except it’s meant to be a bit silly. I suspect there’s a witty element to the lyrics. It’s camp fun, though not a vote-getter. At least they having tonnes of fun onstage.

Ireland: Julia warns us that Niamh is feeling under the weather. Niamh gets a round of applause after the first few notes. She looks very regal and sounds in good voice. It’s not a terribly remarkable ballad (In Your Eyes mk. II and slower), but does the business. Niamh brings a lot more charisma than Thea did last night and that may save Ireland from the same fate. Crowd goes wild.

Bulgaria: Julia says that it has “very powerful choreography.’ I see women dressed in the leftover Maltese costumes. And men as well. The men do acrobatics and then shift into pure Hi-NRG dance moves as the dance beat kicks in. Miro is kind of a non-entity in this performance which is a terrible mistake. It’s not that bad of a song nor performance, but the main problem is that Miro’s lack of presence makes you forget it.

Cyprus: Julia really likes the song, though it’ll take a lot for me to like this. Why? This is Tom Dice: Welsh/Cypriot version. Even worse, Tom was better. Everyone is good voice, but there’s not a single thing I like about it. The lyrics are corny. The performance is smarmy.

Julia makes a overly excited gasp of joy/lust at the end of Cyprus. She recovers quickly enough to join stone-faced Sam in sending us off to adverts.

Adverts: Qantas really wants you to know that you can fly the A380 and be comfortable. Your flight will be delayed for days due to mechanical issues…but you’ll be comfortable….at some point.

Back from adverts for more harassment from Aussies. Julia does all but kidnap poor little Jon Dice. She talks to Safura who talks through a translator (who isn’t that hot in English either). She spends more time talking to Safura’s choreographer who is straight out of the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

HE remind us that there are three countries left. Sam does his Norwegian Josh Thomas joke again, and it still works.

Croatia: So Femminem are in their nightgowns on a park bench singing about how everything is easy. There are so many jokes I could make about that, but why go for the easy ones? (hahaha) The song sounds like it going to build up into a dance stomper, but it doesn’t. No, it builds up into them just singing louder. Then there’s that very impressive but still out-of-place dance break. They have great voices, and look excellent, but the song like many last night…just. ends. Julia remarks on how many of the female singers are barefoot this year. (She fails to mention Sandie Shaw though.)

Georgia: Sofia is in red and being pushed about by male dancers. This is another acrobatic performance for everybody onstage. It’s rather interesting choreography that also distracts from the fact that song is rather bland. Interestingly, I’m reminded of last night’s Polish entry, except there’s no dramatics onstage.

Turkey: Finally, bring on the Rock! Nice staging with the screens being black. It’s oddly like last year’s Bosnian entry but with a lot more bite. I like it. It’s no Deli, but oddly charming. I don’t quite get what the helmet dancer is supposed to symbolise. Ooh, someone’s scratching on the turntable. Nice. Not too bad. Symbolically, I’d like this to win, doubt it will. Qualification, however, is assured.

HEN remind us that only 10 will make it. They fail mention that the odds are still pretty much pretty good for everyone.

Recap: InCulto strip (but want us to know that they’re straight)…Eva’s bosoms and that stone bounce about…Harel was dreamy and shouty…but not as much as Chanee & N’Evergreen…Michael did the best he could, but didn’t quite make it…Anna was too cute for her good…Safura tried to be ghetto and was hilarious…Alyo brought the drama and mangled pronunciation…Sieneke was kitschy kool…Paula & Ovi brought it…Slovenia just had fun (sod the score)…Niamh got everyone’s attention (but was it just because she’s a former winner?)…Miro was there (or was he?)…Tom Dice managed to annoy me tonight even though he wasn’t onstage…Croatia took it too easy…Georgia got pulled all over…MaNga impressed with their fusion.

NE (not HE) talk about last place Eurovision hits. Amongst the featured are Jahn Teigen, Jemini, and PingPong. It’s sadly too quick.

Erik says that the Norwegians celebrate last-placers. Nadia says that “no one comes last, but only 10 make it to the final.” Um, Nadia, there still will be last-placers.

Recap again. My opinions stay the same. In fact, I think Alyosha was even more impressive the second time around. Those playing the Eurovision drinking game would be drunk just by the recap alone.

HE give us a bunch of silly facts about the performers in the green room. The Irish delegation are already hitting the sauce. Christ, Erik is wearing the shiny InCulto hotpants. Usch.

Stone-faced Sam and Julia send us off to adverts. Hold on, Julia cracked a little bit of a smile. Caught ya!

Adverts: Bettie Page doco after Eurovision. World, welcome to SBS…Sex, Sport, and Eurovision.

Back from adverts and Sam tries to get Anna to say Sweden is better than Norway. Julia speaks with Niamh, who is charming and funny. She also talks to Safura (via translator) and she’s still kind of stuck up.

Interval…I think…and it’s another video/live one. This time involving a kid going around Oslo forcing a poor group of people to mimic the noise he makes. Given that some countries are only showing one semi, I understand why we’re having this interval again, but it really is a one-trick pony.

And the kid runs onstage and we have the whole a capella finale involving beatboxing and break dancing.

Yes, Norway, we know you’re modern now. Several thousands of UN surveys have told us that already.

Nadia talks to 2 Australians in the audience. Julia & Sam comically gripe about the fact that SBS wasn’t mentioned.

HE do the age joke again, this time with senior versions in addition to the junior versions. This as we learned last night is their intro to the 5 countries in the final. It dawns upon me that Harel does Didrik’s song better.

HE tell us that “you can feel the tension.” You certainly can’t tell it in HE’s voices, because they are wooden. Please tell me Ingvild makes some appearance to liven this lot up.

Nadia is back at the lectern of Qualification, and she definitely enjoys the power.

Dramatic drum roll and Georgia gets it. Julia is relieved. I’m indifferent.

Drum roll…Ukraine gets it. (Well-deserved.) Julia is 2 for 2 on her top ten.

Shot of the Swiss and the Dutch (I hope they make it!) Turkey makes it! Julia & Sam are surprised. I’m pleased.

Julia & Sam barrack for Denmark and Israel. Israel gets it. (Slightly pleased here.)

Drum roll…Ireland gets it. Irish fans go crazy at Telenor.

Shot of Romania (please make it!)…Cyprus gets it. Julia screams in delight.

Drum roll…Sam really wants Lithuania…Azerbaijan gets it. Safura freaks out. Australian commentators indifferent, in fact, slightly peeved.

Drum roll…Julia & Sam really want Lithuania & Denmark. I want Romania…and they get it!

Drum roll…Armenia gets it. Australian commentators getting pissed at who is going to miss out.

Drum roll…Shot of the Danes looking sullen. Chanee is happy, N’Evergreen is indifferent.

Julia & Sam are pissed that Lithuania didn’t make it. I’m glad that Denmark & Romania made it.

So here are some potential bloodbaths I see happen on the scoreboard:

• Armenia vs. Azerbaijan
• Romania vs. Moldova
• Norway vs. Israel
• Greece vs. Iceland
• Germany vs. Spain
• Belgium vs. Cyprus
• Turkey vs. Bosnia-Herzegovina

What does this mean? I have no idea who the hell will win this.

Now here comes the real tricky part of my Eurovision blackout. By the time I wake up tomorrow, the winner will be known. SBS, however, will be airing the final at 7:30pm tomorrow night. Still, I’ll do my best to stay oblivious.

I also have an early morning flight on Monday, and with Eurovision voting being the cruel beast that it is, I reckon I needn’t bother with sleep at all. 

Saturday Jukebox Goes Anthemic

Taking a slight break from Eurovision (Semi Final Two tonight here in Australia, Final in Europe), here’s a little trio of signoffs* from the US, Australia, and New Zealand.

* The old tradition of playing the national anthem before a station closed for the night.

First off, the US. Given how much I talk about singers being disconnected from a song’s lyrics, it’s rather odd that I never really put together how militaristic The Star Spangled Banner is. It’s basically a war report put to music. I, like most Americans of my generation, grew up with this signoff, and still it took me awhile to draw the war connection. (I hanged my head in embarrassment over being slow to pick this up.) 

Now, Australia.

Advance Australia Fair (yes, that’s the anthem—not Waltzing Matilda, although a song about suicidal thief running away from authority would work) talks mostly about geography, but the images shown are all about the military.

Finally, New Zealand.

Good Ol’ TVNZ wins in my opinion. Why? They have vocals, and these vocalists don’t just sing Aotearoa/God Defend New Zealand, they sing it as if they are rallying the troops and preparing for Armageddon. All the while we get tranquil scenes of nature, farm life, and the arts. This kind of singing is what I mean by “bringing the crazy,” and they do…brilliantly.

Eurovision 2010 Semi-Final One: It Just Ends

One admission: I have somewhat cheated.

Curiosity got the worst of me and I just had to see the Albanian performance.

I didn’t check any results, just wanted to see it.

Phew! I feel pure again.

Well, this will be the first time I watch Eurovision on a proper television in Australia, and with English language commentary (courtesy of SBS).

Doing the commentating will be Julia Zemiro & Sam Pang. I can only hope they lean more on the Wogan style.

Anyway, Te Deum begins and we have…Julia & Sam walking through Oslo. They spruik Eurovision and mention Aisha & Milan as possible Eurovision stars. (I doubt it.)

Then the real show begins.

Happy little bubbles travelling through Norway. It’s all very modern in stark contrast to 15 years ago when Norway was all Viking-ed out the last time Norway hosted.

(By the way, Ingvild Bryn was the best Eurosong presenter in my book. This trio will be judged against her…harshly.)

The bubbles spell out SHARE THE MOMENT and voila…we are in the Telenor Arena.

The short female presenter does the traditional “Good Evening Europe.”

Julia & Sam start talking and either SBS really is short a penny or there’s some tech difficulties because their microphones are woeful.

So the presenters are Haddy (tall, dark, and statuesque), Erik (blond male cipher), and Nadia (short and competent) or HEN. I think Nadia will be running things while the others look pretty.

Norway is definitely keen to show that is a multicultural nation, and it is worth noting that to my Anglophone ears, HEN sound Scandinavian.

I like that symbolism.

What’s new this year? Juries and televoting from the start. SBS is also taking votes as well.

Julia compliments the presenters.

Postcards are a bit like ESC 1996 & 2003, some shots of the performers getting ready to go onstage and a little clip of the performing country.

Moldova: One of the few that I really liked from the start this. It begins with a violinist spinning around. Olia is looking like a demented ballerina who thinks it is still 1984. Oh lord, that “saxophonist” is milking his time for all it is worth. It’s a bit like Euroband, in fact I dare say they are better than Euroband, since there’s A LOT of movement onstage. (I still want to shove that saxophone down his throat!) The male singer is doing his best to belt this out and actually overpowers poor Olia at times. Bloody hell, that was quick! J&S agree that it was good.

Russia: From a song that I liked to one that I loathe. I know this is supposed to be a joke, but usch…it isn’t working for me. Anyway, Peter literally warbles his way through this song with help from his “friends.” Peter is at least photogenic. Ok, the spoken passage makes the joke a bit more apparent…it’s still a weak joke. The song also seems like a pisstake of doo-wop. Eh. Julia & Sam try to be sarcastic about it, and fail.

Estonia: I also rewatched this song, and I have to revise my opinion. It’s like a deconstruction of a Four Tops song. I like that as a concept. The lead singer seems to be channelling The Divine Comedy, but just.can’t.pull.it.off. By the way, the song has got the most absurd lyrics. I like absurdity, but I do like it to have a point. There is none here. Just style without substance. Plus it just ends. Julia & Sam try to be upbeat about it.

Slovakia: Julia says that it wouldn’t be out of place in Wicked, and she is right. Kristina is dressed like a wood nymph surrounded by male dancers in vine-covered coats. It’s a catchy little tune although the backing singer does some bizarre vocal gymnastics during the bridge. I’m liking this performance and hope that Slovakia isn’t scared by this journey into upbeat songs. Oh, the Vine Boys have ribbons. How twee. This song as well just ends.

Finland: Julia pronounces the band’s name correctly. Sam won’t attempt it. Unpronounceable does a Finnish folk version of the song that just proceeded it. They also bring bags of charisma to it. The fact that they are dressed in white also helps create a fun atmosphere. It’s the sort of song you could imagine singing in a pub.

Cut to J&S in the booth and yes, they do have pretty bad headpieces to talk into.

Ad break! (What do you think you’re watching? The ABC?)

Back from adverts and we get a clip of Julia touring the backstage dressing rooms during the dress rehearsal. Julia speaks to Juliana, and Juliana is funny. Sam speaks to Unpronounceable and brings up Lordi. Unpronounceable is charming. Sam is not.

Latvia: Julia has been mentioning this song all week long, which means CAR CRASH ahead. She all but says so in the intro…”but enjoy the music.” Aisha is very pretty and does her best audition for Oliver! She is a decent singer who is singing a crap song. “Mr. God?” “What for are we living?” Usch. It’s clear that the Latvians are trying to do a foot stomper, but it’s so not necessary. J&S dismiss them.

Serbia: J&S talk about Milan’s hair, and I am still not convinced that he’s a he. (Akiko Wada…think about it.) Anyway, the performance is pretty much drunk Balkan circus sideshow: hiccups, men flinging themselves about, singer of indeterminate gender…It’s catchy, and the female dancers/backers are pretty decent. I don’t think the song calls for break dancing. Sam talks about “Milan-mania” with derision.

Bosnia-Herzegovina: I didn’t really rate this before, but Vukasin has charm and looks, and the Bosnians have gone for dramatic staging with the backing singers. It’s like all the Montenegrin entries but updated for 2010. Although the lyrics are corny as hell, Vuk performs the hell out of it. The mix of businessmen and chorus girls singing backup is a bit of unintentional humour. Still, the song just ends.

Poland: Julia warns that “this might be a bit violent.” Really? Bloody hell, the Poles have got some vocal pipes on them. Marcin seems to stare out into the abyss while folk dancers cavort around him. Julia had mentioned that there was a bit of “Eve & The snake” theme going on. I see it now, though Marchy isn’t doing a good job of being that seductive. Wow…he just “choked” her. I’m liking this for being different. Julia says “it just ends.” Yes, Julia, it just does.

HE go to the green room. Yes, they are meant to be just pretty, no heavy lifting for them. They welcome the very jubilant Poles.

Belgium: Alright, I honestly really really don’t like this kind of music. Still, Tom is considered a bit of a favourite. I find the song awfully self-indulgent like Silvia Night, but without the irony. It is basically Tom Dice playing his guitar. If you like John Mayer, then you’ll like this. I can’t stand John Mayer (the music and the man), so I loathe it. Still, I think Tom has yet to become the arse that John Mayer has become. Good performance of a song that I would dislike no matter who sang it.

Malta: Sam says that Thea’s dream is to resemble Liza Minnelli. So true. Anyway, Thea sings the umpteenth Maltese ballad about dreams and love. If you’ve seen Maltese entries from say 1991 onwards, you pretty much have seen this. Think Disney movie castoff. She sings it well, and there’s no “disconnect” between her and the song, but it’s all about her hitting the glory notes and her dress attempting to fly away in horror from the banality. Holy hell! It did…and turned into a man spinning around onstage. Trippy.

Albania: Now, I like this. The Australian press has called this “Donna Summer-esque.” The backing singers are apparently gospel singers. Juliana’s accent oddly works with this. Juliana is dressed like Alicia Stewart and I do have the urge to sing “Knock on wood” over the chorus. She doesn’t really move onstage, but yet, I’d call this a foot-stomper…although “wood knocker” would be more appropriate. I get the feeling that this is a dark horse. Tirana 2011? I think it’s a possibility. Sam makes a joke about Juliana thinking about her husband that falls flat.

Greece: Bring on the half-naked men. Sam says Giorgios is 33, I doubt that. Anyway, this is also a foot-stomper. Giorgios does a kick-arse job even though he barely moves. (Although he does have a piercing stare) His bare-chested “friends” do all the moving for him. It’s like a Greek male version of Song #1 oddly enough. Dark horse, I say.

Portugal: J&S say it was wise to sing in Portuguese. I agree. Filipa looks quite cute, but the question is will she bring the crazy when the song builds up. She gets close to it in the middle. C’mon Filipa, don’t think pageant, think “Fuck this! I’ve been done wrong.” Getting there…getting there…um…the Evita gesture isn’t exactly what I meant.

Ad break. J&S look well…bored in the booth. Julia makes kind of an attempt at a smile. Sam looks comatose.

Back from the adverts. Sam takes to Milan and I’m still thinking he’s the Serbian Akiko Wada. Julia talks to the dancer from Malta. Sam kisses Milan three times. Milan looks embarrassed…and there are a multitude of reasons as to why. He also tries to get Milan to fix his elbow since Milan is a medical school graduate.

HE sit in the audience and encourage everyone to vote. They look like low-rent royals.

Sam calls Erik “the Norwegian Josh Thomas.” So true.

FYROM: J gives this song the most ridiculous explanation as to what the song is about. Anyway, Gjoko pervs all over a scantily clad female dancer. The Makedonski Dolls proceed to slut up the stage in a completely different song than what Gjoko is in. Then there’s the rap which really just makes this song seem even trashier than it need be. I think FYROM got it right in 2002, 2004, and 2006, and somehow it’s gone awry. J&S call it a mess…indirectly.

Belarus: J&S talk about Petr from last year (“free vodka”). Oh lord, is that guy flat or is that his accent? It’s another power ballad but with lots of unintentional humour thanks to the accent of one of the 2 in 3+2. Why did they chose this over that nice upbeat song? I will never understand Lukashenko-land. Jesus wept, the 3 just sprouted butterfly wings. Well, this has just secured the granny vote. J&S say the gimmick worked. I disagree.

Iceland: Julia says “Iceland has created havoc all over the world, and she will do so with this song.” That bodes well. She also calls it a “showstopper.” Hera regally walks downstage and pretty much kills it. Not quite Lena Ph killing it, but close. The LED lights add a lot to the performance. Surprisingly for a dance song there is little movement, but the vocals make up for it. This is the Swedish entry that the Swedes should have sent, but foolishly didn’t. The crowd is shouting her name afterwards.

HEN announce the voting.

Recap: Moldova got things started off powerfully…Peter’s joke fell flat on me…Estonia’s attempt to deconstruct Motown failed…Slovakia got lost in the vines…Unpronounceable were accordioningly cute…Aisha’s audition was woeful…Milan’s sideshow of androgyny…Bosnia-Herzegovina was a pleasant rocking surprise…Poland was dramatic agitprop well executed…Tom annoyed me, and probably me alone…Thea’s dream is to sing for Uncle Walt…Juliana knocked on wood…Giorgios had his bare chested friends and that is a-ok with me…Filipa nearly brought the crazy…FYR Macedonia was a bit too much going on (so say J&S)…3+2 was –5…Hera brought it.

I say as long as Moldova, Albania, Greece, Portugal, and Iceland get through I’m happy.

Erik harasses Eurovision fans in Oslo. He really does look like Josh Thomas. Oh, there’s a joke here about how Eurovision fans go crazy in front of cameras…It’s very daft. And so is Erik.

Nadia alone onstage bringing some level of gravitas.

Recap again. No change in my opinions, except Peter is REALLY annoying and Aisha’s screeching isn’t cute. I’m also struck by the similarity between Juliana & Today Show Newsreader Georgie Gardner. Should Albania win, I reckon she’ll be urged to mime it.

HE in the green room. It’s a pretty damn huge one too. Erik gives us a bunch of facts rapidly. Haddy tries to do the same, but is too mannered to go too fast. I want her accent. I think it would be good for haranguing taxi drivers.

Just as the counting stops…we have an ad break here on SBS.

Back from adverts and Sam is interviewing Hera. Hera is regal. He also talks to Milan who sounds…different. Julia talks to Juliana and it’s clear that Julia’s supporting Albania.

Nadia asks the question “how did people start singing?” This introduces us to a clip of the various noises people make.

While this is going on, Darling Harbour has fireworks going on and they frankly are drowning this video interval out.

It’s a very cool interval, I reckon it was probably dull for those at Telenor, but Eurovision is a television programme first and foremost. So there.

The final part of the interval act is apparently all those noises coming together in the Telenor. I can’t help but think this is oddly similar to what the BBC came up with back in 1998.

HE go over the rules as a way of introducing the songs pre-qualified for the Final: Spain is OTT and cute…Norway is OTT and maudlin…UK is cute…France is silly dance pop and not trying to be anything else…Germany is quirky cute (running the risk of being annoying) and a dark horse to win it.

Nadia is back and in front of the lectern of Qualification.

Bosnia-Herzegovina gets through…Moldova gets through (YES!)…Russia gets through (Bugger)…Greece gets through (YES!)…Portugal (J&S are shocked, I’m not)…Belarus (J&S as well as myself are shocked)….Serbia is in (Sam reminds us that he kissed him 3 times)…Belgium is in (eh, I’m not surprised…not pleased either)…Albania (Thank god!)…Iceland is in (J&S say the room has gone berserk…I can understand why).

I’m struck by the fact that it would be rather hilarious (in lieu of recent events) if Iceland or Greece hosts next year.

Eurovision Week: The Hope for The Semi-Finals

In a few hours, Eurovision 2010 officially starts in Euroland, and while the international sing-along is going on, I’m going to be asleep, and doing my damndest to not find out the results until Friday & Saturday.

Now, this year has been a bit of a challenge as there’s—well—a lot of dross, shall we say. Two years (2007 & 2008) of ballad winners and all of a sudden, everyone decides to start sending dirges in 2010. Why?!

Since this crop of songs has a lot of rocks and few diamonds, I’m just going to sort out the Qualifying Round songs into what I hope qualifies and what I’m indifferent or dislike.

Hope to qualify (in no particular order of preference)

1. Moldova (Catchy and chaotic, without sounding like a train wreck.)
2. Romania (Catchy as hell, and very slick. Romania does Eurovision dance very well.)
3. Switzerland (Still reminds me of The Mysterious Cities of Gold opening theme.)
4. Denmark (it’s overblown, yes, but after re-watching the performance from the DMGP, I’m impressed and daresay like it)
5. Portugal (I don’t know if she can bring the crazy, but if she can, it’ll be worth it, and I can’t be help but think Portugal is a dark horse this year.)
6. Finland (cute and charming)
7. Iceland (it’s a subdued dance number, but that might work for once.)
8. Turkey (It’s a water-downed version of the 2008 entry, but still likeable.)
9. Slovenia (see Finland, though I’d still like it if Slovenia would finally send Alya at some point.)
10. Slovakia (see Finland)
11. Albania (the Australian press are suggesting that the song borrows heavily from Donna Summer. I don’t see that, but “it’s got a good beat and you can dance to it.”)
12. Greece (see Albania, strangely enough.)
13. The Netherlands (Defiantly and unabashedly kitsch.)

Checking Eurovision.tv, I have apparently selected 7 from Semi-Final 1, and 6 from Semi-Final 2, without trying to divide them by respective night. Might that bode well for some of the 13?

I think The Netherlands is the only real long shot here, but you can never underestimate the power of kitsch over both the jury and the televoter.

Back into Eurosong Blackout go I.

Eurovision Week: Update

Just a reminder for those who normally come over here for Eurovision coverage. The coverage will still be “live,” but due to time differences and the fact that I’m keen to follow along with SBS, it won’t be at the same time it airs in Europe…in fact it’ll be a day late.

This means I’ll have to go into a bit of a self-imposed “Eurovision news” blackout when the contest is live. (Believe you me, this won’t be easy.)

For those in Australia, here is the schedule:

• Semi-Final 1: Friday 28 May @ 7:30pm
• Semi-Final 2: Saturday 29 May @ 7:30pm
• Final: Sunday 30 May @ 7:30pm

All on SBS ONE.

The Akermanis Column: The Responses

Given that Australia’s entertainment media hub is effectively Melbourne (aka AFL Ground Zero), there have been quite a few witty responses to Jason Akermanis’s column.

Here’s a selection:

• Comedian/Writer Justin Hamilton’s blog.
• News Limited* columnist Jack Marx’s blog.

* The Herald Sun—which published Akermanis’s column today—is owned by News Limited (aka Uncle Rupert [Murdoch]).

Is It International Foot-In-Mouth Day?

As a journalist, I am all for people being free to say what they want whenever they want.

Yet, sometimes I honestly wonder if people realise exactly what they are saying.

Today, an AFL player claims he’s gay-positive but thinks it is not the right time for AFL players to come out (via the ABC).

Quite frankly, after all the AFL scandals over the past year and into this year (ranging from drug abuse to well…Brendan Fevola), the best public relations move the AFL could do right now would be to have a player come out.

And hopefully this publicly out player will not wait till the end of his career to say so.

 

An Interesting Argument for Saving Law & Order

I freely admit that I’m amongst the group of people saying that cancelling Law & Order was a daft decision by a network that can ill afford to make one.

So it was with great interest that I read this Reuters article about how the venerable show might be spared the axe.

Amongst the reasons not to cancel it…The show offers 30 guest roles per episode.

Actor welfare as a reason to save it? A bit different, but I support it.

The Strange Commonality Between Nine & NBC

Now, NBC is tanking in the US network race, and Nine pretty much is holding its own down here in the commercial network stakes.

Yet, I was struck by some interesting things they share in common.

• Both air a breakfast programme called Today.
• Difference: Nine’s has a male anchor who is an occasional drunk and full-time crazy. NBC only lets Matt Lauer have a personality on Thanksgiving Day.
• Both have a show that follows their respective Today with an aging cabaret star as a presenter.
• Difference: Kathie-Lee Gifford gets crunk on air. KAK gets crunk off air at Sydney Harbour, on air she does her best to embarrass her guests…unless they’re Poms.
• Both have a high-rating police shows about lurid crimes.
• Difference: Law & Order: SVU is a parody of a morality play; Underbelly is a Russ Meyer film masquerading as a TV series. 

Wednesday Jukebox Goes Anglophone

Let’s do things a bit different today. First, the Bonus video: A remix of the Chemical Brothers’ Galvanize

Now, we don’t necessarily get all of the latest music down here. Sometimes, that is a bit of a blessing.

Sometimes that is a curse. (Seriously, given all the Australia – UK ties, why aren’t The Noisettes getting play down here? Eh, Rage?)

Massive thanks to Random J Pop for The Wonder Girls & The Noisettes' Clip.

Eurovision, You Dropped The Ball This Year

I must admit this year’s crop of songs just leaves me feeling…blah. According to the betting sites (via TV Tonight), two of the most humdrum songs are pipped to be fighting for the trophy at the end of the month.

The most charitable thing I can say about Germany: It has a decent beat and it would be nice for Germany to win (after a 28 year drought.)

The most charitable thing I can say about Azerbaijan: She’s a pretty girl who isn’t making a fool of herself.

Save for Moldova, Romania, Switzerland, the UK, and to some extent France, it’s just a crappy year.

Still, there’s fun to be had, like the OnEurope blog, which covers the rehearsals and goings on in Oslo during this fun Eurosong time! And the wonderful fact that this year, I can watch English commentary live on television…courtesy of SBS!

Enjoy!

Thursday Jukebox Loves Ridiculous KPop Boybands

The once 13 strong Super Junior has shed 3 members (one most likely due to BRAWLING!) and gone reggaeton meets electro with their latest, which seems to have a dark video for a song with some very frothy lyrics:

 

And while I haven’t made too much reference to SHINee (blame the daft name), they apparently made a run for respectablity last year with a song that has the oft-used Eurovision title Ring Ding Dong.

For extra OTT ridiculousness, watch the live performance:

Bonus: Kiwi songstress Gin Wigmore’s Hey Ho, which after these coo-coo KPop boys provides a certain level of gravitas.

Saturday Hakabox

Last night*, I indulged in a newfound pleasures since coming down under: Rugby. Specifically, International Test Rugby. Even more specific, International Test Rugby featuring Australia & New Zealand.

Now, rugby is one of those sports that tends to get glossed over in the US. Personally, I think it’s because American football players are a bit wimpy, because Rugby League players have close to no protection compared to those in NFL.

And from a purely shallow perspective: Darren Lockyer & Cameron Smith.

That being said—and despite Messrs. Lockyer & Smith—I tend to always support the Kiwis. The main reason: the Haka, which manages to always send shivers down my spine. I’ll be blunt here, it’s damn impressive to watch.

You know, if the Packers attempted to do something like that, then I would’ve probably be less annoyed by them in my childhood. (My sporting heart is pretty much 80% rugby, 15% AFL now, 3% ice hockey, and 2% basketball.)

Bonus: The New Zealand national anthem, God Defend New Zealand, which is rather stunning in its versatility, being both peaceful

…but able to stir with the best of them.

I partly noted this on Twitter last night, but I’m really blown away by how rarely The Star Spangled Banner is sung like the war report that the lyrics suggest. There doesn’t seem to be as much of a lyrical disconnect in other countries with their anthems. (Well…at least with the professional singers, though some of those players were seriously doing their best to make it through.)

Whither the Australian Spine?

Since this corner of the internet is still mostly visited by non-Australians, I would like to let you in on a little controversy that has popped up today down here in down-under land.

This past Sunday we had The Logies, which essentially are the People’s Choice Awards (in how they are decided) with a heavy dash of Golden Globes (in setting) and The Emmys (in terms of scope and prestige).

Australian Celebrities + Grog should = a good time.

But it didn’t. Jiminy Cricket, it was one big suburban tea party with all the fake smiling and “aren’t-we-having-a-good-time”-ing going on.

And the producers banned/strongly suggested that Tweeting not be done.

Lest we all realise that we have been hoodwinked into thinking this was such an exciting show.

Fortunately, two comedians in attendance Catherine Deveny & Wil Anderson made the ceremony all the more bearable by poking a stick at the proceedings.

Unfortunately, Deveny has lost her column at The Age as a result. (Read Deveny’s take on the situation at her website.)

Personally, I don’t think this is right. For starters, Deveny’s humour and opinions are what attracted The Age to employ her, and Deveny strikes me as the smart and savvy kind of person to use her Twitter presence as a further extension of her column and work, and realise that it is her public face. (If that wasn't the case, then they would be locked.)

The real danger here, I believe, is the fact that when it comes down to it, the Australian media landscape (at least print-wise), is a duopoly, and when there’s only two in town, you get awfully paranoid about offending anyone.

I always thought Australians had a spine. In fact, post-Logie coverage gave the Australian public a self-congratulatory pat on the back for being cool and relaxed about a wardrobe malfunction and the occasional swearword being uttered.

I read both Deveny’s and Anderson’s tweets, and I would say they were sharp and funny, but whether one found them funny or not, this criticism being heaped upon them is unwarranted and reactionary.

Has Australia forgotten the larrikin?

Because it can be a slippery slope.

Just ask anyone who was living in George W. Bush’s USA from 2000 to 2008.

Tuesday Jukebox Goes Shape Shifting

Still crook in the voice box, but the upside has been that I’ve been able to really get a chance to take some serious musical journeys.

The notion of a Kiwi drum n’ bass band may sound odd, but Shapeshifter quite frankly blows all preconceived notions out of the water, and the band holds its own against the UK dnb.

Here’s a sampler:

Shapeshifter has their own YouTube channel under the username of ShapeshifterLive. Check the lads out.

The Labour Day Post

As in International…which is not a holiday here in NSW (they celebrate it in September). Still, it deserves to be honoured.

Australian rant: Labor under Kevin Rudd is like Labour under Tony Blair, except Kev has no personality. Every day we are presented with Kev telling us how well-off we are, how desirable Australia is as a destination, and how we manage to have close to zero unemployment. The latter I, and many other people down here have come believe, is a crock. Yes, indeed we have lots of jobs advertised, but only because they are legally supposed to, never mind that the position has long since been filled. So Kev, I ask you on this day that we celebrate Labour, that you look at your party’s name and see if you can do something about cracking down hard on HR. Seriously Kev, because we’re really doubting those employment figures.

American rant: Really, I have nothing to complain about. I guess if I was full-time resident, I would, but I don’t. More jobs, maybe?

Global rant: Dubai is getting its comeuppance, and that is good. Greece is realising the value of hard yakka. Bastard Steven Harper is still in power in Canada. Ditto John Key in NZ, but can anyone ever really swing right in NZ?

Anyway, here is the L’internationale.