Does it matter if you come out?

There are several interesting discussions on Data Lounge as to whether it matters if celebrities come out or not. One side says that it's irrelevant, because it won't make a whit of difference in respect to homophobia in society. The other side says that they definitely should, because it might give the angst-ridden people in the closet the courage to come out. Then there's another faction that says that it is all right if one plays "Don't Ask Don't Tell" with the media, but if you beard/merkin yourself and/or make homophobic statements then it is only fair that you get outed.

I'm frankly puzzled as to where I stand. There is a strong activist side of me that advocates coming out period. If you have gay sex, then come out the closet, no excuses. Yet, after discussing this with some friends, I have to admit that sometimes this does not take into account the fact that most people are not activists and quite honestly just want to live their daily lives.

For me, my identity is so intertwined with being a gay man of colour, that it would be near impossible to have to hide it from the world. Yet, I must admit that I'm being partly hypocritical here, because I know that there are times when it is just easier to lie and say that you're straight in order to deflect focus off of you. For example, I went to a store to get Garrett an opening night present. Two days later, I went in again to get a closing night one and the woman working there said: "I know you. You were in here to get your girlfriend a present." Now, I had never mentioned a girlfriend when I was there earlier. In fact, I said "good friend." I corrected her, but for some inexplicable reason I added "...My girlfriend would totally want something else."

I really can't explain why I did it. The more I think about it, I feel horrible that I did say it. Certainly, I could justify it by saying that "girlfriend" is a term that can mean female romantic partner or female friend, but we all know that when some says "girlfriend" they mean lover.

So my vow to myself from here on in, is to catch myself when I do this quick journeys to the closet. If one believes in being out, then you have to be out period. Even if your knee-jerk reaction says otherwise.