Boom! I Got Your Man

Nothing like a little dissatisfied newsreader/corporate rivalry to liven up the weekend, don't you think?*

Uncle Rupert's papers are reporting that Mark Ferguson is leaving Nine for Seven. (Star Trek fans: I have yet to come across any Seven of Nine jokes, you'd think the puns would be flowing.)

Ferguson's defection is rather interesting since he formed the basis of Nine's new afternoon news magazine (although I'd classify it as early evening despite the name) This Afternoon.

Ferguson always looked uncomfortable on the show, and now we have an idea as to why.

* Given today's date (at time of writing) it is rather appropriate. Fire up the Damages marathon.

Shut Up, Abbott

I'm a smoker.

I am open about it and don't shy away from admitting it.

I also became a smoker when I was of legal age.

As crazy as it may seem, I figured that like driving, drinking, and consensual sex, the government made smoking legal for those 18 and over because it is a behaviour that people at that age are generally considered to be smart enough to weigh up the risks against the privilege.

I'm actually in favour of the NSW government's ban on smoking in cars with children in it.

Pretty Boy Tony on the other hand isn't.

He says that it's "Nanny state" legislation and that he is a product of parents smoking in cars.

I find this quote rather telling: "You be the judge... maybe I would have been six foot six and I would have had much greater intelligence, who knows?"

What Tony forgets to mention is that he is a product of a time when we did not know as much about the effects of smoking.

I personally believe that the effects of secondhand smoke are blown out of proportion in respect to adults.

Children on the other hand have developing bodies and shouldn't be exposed to smoke in an enclosed space with only open windows as the sole ventilation. How asinine would it be for the legislation to be filled with exceptions? "You can't smoke in a car with children unless you're in a convertible or have all the windows open, rain or shine." If you're a responsible smoker, then you should be able to hold the craving via Nicorette or the patch. Most smokers are able to handle the urge while flying or while working in most workplaces.

To put it bluntly, revenue grab or not: Shut Up, Abbott.

I'm Baaaack

And it's the 1300th post.

It's Winter down here in Sydney, and it's more like a combination of Summer in San Francisco (cloudy, slight cold) and Mid Spring in the Northeast (low-to-mid 60s, low humidity). The picture below was taken only a few days ago near where I'm living in Redfern.

As frequent visitors to this corner of the internet may know, I love Winter. This. Is. Not. Winter.

Well, not my idea of Midwinter.

It does snow in Australia (and even moreso in New Zealand), and the ski resorts seem to be doing well at least in terms of weather. Unfortunately, Sydney is not in the Australian snowbelt (the biggest city that receives snow--and not much of it--is Canberra), so it feels more like an extended Spring to me.

Well, you can't have it all, and frankly, I can deal with having 50-60% of the proverbial all. Doesn't change the fact, that I miss Midwestern/Northeastern Winter.

News-wise, the biggest story (prior to the death of our Lord and Saviour Michael Jackson*) down here has been Ute-gate, wherein the Liberal/National coalition claimed that Kevin Rudd** got some kickback from a Queensland car dealer. The email that started the whole kerfluffle turned out to be fake, and now the nation is left wondering why the Coalition didn't turf out their idiot-in-charge.

* I know he was big worldwide, but the coverage here is ridiculous.

** Who is not the Albino Barack Obama he thinks himself to be, but still better than the alternative. I hold out hope that the Australian Democrats get some sort of revival or the Greens decide to live in the real world.

It is also the first day of the new financial year, which is quite the event apparently. Many shops are shut for stocktaking after a flurry of stocktaking sales which pretty much openly state that they'd rather get rid of it than count it.

The other big story down here is with the NRL (National Rugby League) where a series of players are basically running around glassing their girlfriends, stumbling drunkenly into hotel rooms that are not their own, and well...being thugs. Uncle Rupert [Murdoch]'s Sydney tabloid, The Daily Telegraph ran a headline that said Thugby League.

Last night's 20 to 1 was dedicated to madness and meltdowns, on the list it featured road rage, and stated that 74% of Australian drivers admit to feeling it. The NRL is starting to look like an outlet for those frustrations with modern life. That being said, I think the American professional sports leagues have a lot more shady things go down that never get reported.

Overall, I must say it is not so much a case of going from the Northern to Southern Hemisphere, but from the Western to the Eastern. Yesterday, I was on the phone to New York and started to made a reference to it being Tuesday, forgetting the time difference. The difference in time being such that Monday was barely finished (EDT is 15 hours behind Australian Eastern Standard Time).

Symbolically and literally, this is rendered a great deal of my US media diet nearly obsolete.

Perhaps Tourism Australia (ok, Tourism NZ too) should start using the slogan: Ahead of the Curve.

A technical note, it may be awhile before the video logs get up and running, but I am hoping to resume them on their monthly basis.

No Crims in the Mouse House

Well, no overseas criminals that is.

I mean ones who were caught and caused a big old tabloid blitzkrieg.

Yes, I mean her.

The moral of this story: if you're going to do a prank with any shred of illegality...don't get caught.

The Final Manhattan Video Log

Alas, it is time to leave and I offer some thoughts on departing, US politics, and realise that I am not skilled in webcam tours.

I am forever debted to everyone who I have encountered during my 8 years here.

Special thanks go to (forgive me for using initials): AS, MN, PZ, KM, AB, JE, CB, RB, KV, AW, and DS.

As well as God and my mother, although since I'm not religious, I'll just go with my late father and my mother. 

Sure Sandra...Sure

AFP has an article/interview with Sandra Bullock promoting her new film The Proposal.

Standard puff piece with one interesting twist: She says she hates romantic comedies.

She claims The Proposal is more in the classical 1930s-40s type of comedy in that it has a bit of drama.

Uh huh.

She also says that she "likes her comedy too much to bastardise it with romantic comedy."

Well, you have your moments, Sandy.

I wonder if she's gotten in touch with the marketing department, because they certainly seem to think it's your standard issue Sandra Bullock rom-com.

Sunday Jukebox Bows Down

Remember Insooni? Well, she released her 17th album last month and it's a killer one. 

The lead off single is Fantasia, and it's well...the only word I can describe it is f.i.e.r.c.e. (She's 52 years old as of April.)

Respect.

If only I can arrive into Australia like this.

It's Pride Week in Shanghai

Who knew? I didn't.

Apparently it was meant to be low-key.

My God...I'm Leaving Just As This Place Is Getting Good

There are things I thought I would never see come to fruition in the US that are happening now:

• A black president
• Government ownership (temporary, but still) of several major corporations.
• Politicians and the public actually making a concerted effort for increased accountablity for high-ranking executives.

And guess what, it's hitting Hollywood too.

Anyone who has ever studied or even looked at the entertainment industry from a financial perspective knows that it is a money pit, the depths of which are only escaped by Churros bought at Citywalk, an apartment building going with GE for its appliances, Miley Cyrus going on tour, or that new billboard on the LIE. 

Greater financial transparency in respect to the entertainment industry could unleash a wave of humility in an industry where humility is a cardinal sin. 

I do not expect this to be a radical overnight change, but perhaps instead of trying to get several overblown popcorn movies and shows that subidise the bombs, we might see a more balanced slate of entertainment wherein both the aim and reach is more measured: Are not several modest successes made with modest budgets not as valuable as 2 gigantic super hits that make up for a slate/season filled with turkeys? (Or should I say "peacocks?")

I am not saying that my vision is the likely outcome, but the fact that we have Variety telling all these execs that they aren't immune from the national mood is quite mind-blowing. 

I have to pity them on some level, because the ones who would be leading the angry mob are the actors, and after the SAG battle and the WGA battle, there are some seriously pissed off creatives.

Sunday Jukebox Prepares for Pride Month

Yes, she's likely lip syncing.  Still, it's clear that she has no issue whatsoever in being a gay icon of Korea.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of Pride Month, so to kick off the festivities here is a tour-de-force performance by Uhm Jung-hwa accompanied by a bevy of drag queens and some very versatile male backing dancers back in 2006. 

I pity the poor popster(s) that had to follow that performance. (More than half of those KPop pretty boys didn't know what to think.)

The drag queen that opens the whole medley is the definition of an intense performer.

Well, his last name is Downer

The former Australian Foreign Affairs minister Alexander Downer (very ironic that name) wrote a caustic-but-interesting article in the Adelaide Sunday Mail wherein he sleights his countrymen for being idiot whingers abroad who expect the government to do anything and everything for them when they get into trouble.

It's rather interesting to read Downer's own whinging, since on the whole we [Americans] don't hear much about our own getting into trouble overseas unless it's tragic or somewhat comic (Michael Fay)...mostly because so few of us ever leave the country period. (One could even argue that the American media does a very good job in scaring us out of leaving the borders.)

A little background on Downer, courtesy of Wikipedia: he is an Australian Liberal (right-wing, not centre-left as in Canada), and he did try to get the job as Prime Minister, so I can't help but think that his musings might be a way to keep himself in the public eye. He was also the longest serving Foreign Affairs minister in Australian history (and shortest serving leader of the Liberal Party).

Nonetheless, an interesting read.

Meanwhile in New Zealand (part 35)

Westpac is afraid of a witch hunt for that employee who accidentally gave a gas station owner a NZ$10 million overdraft.

Westpac NZ customerts aside, I don't think anyone is out there screaming for her head on a pike. 

If anything, the public would like her to get back to work ASAP.

Think before you speak

Chris Rock once said that ATMs need to have some sort of screen that comes up after 3 am which would ask the person using it if they truly do need that money.

The same thing seems to applies to television cameras.

It's quite interesting reading and seeing news from the Antipodes, particularly when one has an American perspective. Despite the occasional moaning about political correctness (which is truly just "the golden rule" secularised), I think Americans on the whole try to keep our language in check at least when in front of a television camera. 

Case in point: a shooting in Sydney's Kings Cross (think Times Square pre-Giuliani) the weekend before last. 

A reporter asks a woman what happened, and she just says it like she saw it with the words that came quickest to her. (Watch the clip from Nine News via TVNZ). 

I always thought wog reffered to people from the Meditteranean (both sides of it)  all the way to India. According to Answers.com, however it means just those from the African side of the Meditteranean all the way to India. It's likely from the term "Golliwog," which was basically another version of Sambo. Yeah, it's a real peach of a phrase.

And the report isn't kidding about all the YouTube hype over her, although how bizarre is it that a R-rated crime description would send someone into 15 minutes of fame territory?

Not quite as bizarre is the fact that she didn't even see the shooting.

If this sounds like something one of the Newscorp rags would salivate over, well, they certainly have.

By the way, "Skinny" did survive the shooting. That she would describe him as skinny should've been the first hint that she didn't see anything.

Yet, she thinks everybody would enjoy her prank.

Sunday Jukebox Asks "Can We End This 80s Revival?"

The oughties are truly a decade in search of an identity, and it seems that the only one it could poach easily was the 1980s.

Well, comrades, I think we are finally about to say goodbye to the Eighties Part II.

Not because it's 2009.

Not because the financial sector is turning around (with government assistance).

Not even because ABC is reviving V.

Comrades, the proof that the Eighties Revival is over is the video for SHINee's Juliette: A song which itself is a cover of a Corbin Bleu song, whose entire career musically is based upon early 1980s Michael Jackson.

Revel in the 80-ness all around.

Now can we end this foolishness, please?

It's Really The Filler Between Commercials...For Now

It seems appropriate after this week of Upfront news that Newsweek's Pop Vox publishes a defense of TV cancellations as evidence of how television networks are more ambitious than we give them credit for.

I partly agree, and disagree. 

My disagreement being mostly that the television networks need to desperately find a new business model as technology and modern life in general is quickly rendering the advertiser/sponsor system dated.

Not that subscriber/advertiser is the best solution, but it's slightly better.

If You Shoot It, They Will Come?

According to a poorly edited article from TVNZ's ONE news, Ghostbusters III is a go, with the core original cast all signed on. 

Leave well enough alone.

And I'm referring to the theme song. It'll be hard to beat On Our Own, at least in my mind.

The Crooked Preacher

Only in Milwaukee, kids, only in Milwaukee...

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel is doing a five part series about Michael Lock, a local crime boss who was also a preacher. 

Anyone who appreciates true crime stories will find it rather fascinating how Lock skillfully balances piety with running an organisation that dabbled in drug running, prostitution, and a few legitimate businesses. 

'Tis a shame that Underbelly is based on organised crime in Australia, this story would otherwise fit in perfectly.

What You'll See on the Eye This Fall

CBS has announced its schedule for 2009-10:

• RIP Without A Trace (I guess Cold Case and its sappiness were just that much cheaper.)
• Get ready for NCIS Tuesdays, because the spinoff is going to be airing after the original.
• The Mentalist moves to Thursdays opposite Jay Leno and Private Practice. CBS's Thursday lineup regains some of its lustre.
• Medium goes from NBC to CBS, which was its natural home anyway. If they don't do crossover episodes with Ghost Whisperer, I'll be shocked.

Darwin's Just Not Into You

I found this rather amusing:

According to a comprehensive study by Charles Darwin University, the city of Darwin (in Australia's Northern Territory) is a bit of a turn off for women due to its male-oriented environment.

And yet, I don't quite see it becoming the next Palm Springs.

Scenes from the Battle for Fall Programing

Courtesy of Daily Variety:

• ABC cancelled Samantha Who? (Bugger, but Better Off Ted might make up for the loss). The thing that did Samantha in? Money + A lot of new series.
• Ugly Betty moves to Friday at 10 PM!
• Kelsey Grammer & Patricia Heaton are back...on ABC...on separate sitcoms. I have my doubt as to whether either will survive, but who knows.
• Law & Order regular lives on to chime for its 20th season for NBC, although it will only run for 16 episodes.
• Sherri Shepherd of The View gets her own sitcom...on Lifetime.

TVNZ hits hard..on gossip

Do check out this interesting and peculiar interview from TVNZ with Bridget Saunders who is "New Zealand's first Queen of Gossip." 

Quite interesting that she's leaving her job to go write a book about bad sex.

Charming.

It's Upfront Week

That fun time of year when the networks roll out their lineups for advertisers...and foreign networks. 

Here's a list of some of the current survivors (courtesy of Variety):

• Samantha Who? (ABC). Apparently it was on the bubble due to costs and ratings with that Thursday move. It'll come back as a sitcom shot in the traditional, multi-camera way. (I don't know how switching from single to multi-camera is cheaper, but I like the show.)
• Castle (ABC). As long as they don't fall into the same trap as Moonlighting, I'm fine. 
• Better Off Ted (ABC): Thank god for that.
• Ugly Betty (ABC): I like the show, but it's got 2 more seasons left max.
• Cold Case (CBS): Fate of Without A Trace is uncertain. (I liked The Unit, but it does need to be put out to pasture.) 

The upcoming season will mark a big return to the sitcom according to Variety, with a focus on wacky families and "families," (ensembles that act like one). I pray this doesn't mean that we're going to go through the same sitcom hell that characterised the late 80s/early 90s. 

Monday Jukebox wonders if they thought it through

Courtesy of Allkpop.com comes this clip of Korean Air employees parodying Super Junior's Sorry Sorry. 

Maybe it's just me, but airline employees singing a song called Sorry, Sorry is a bit of a misfire. It's like saying "we screwed up" before you even did anything.

Sunday Jukebox goes Norwegian

Norway is the first and only country to win Eurovision each decade since the 1980s (1985, 1995, and now 2009). Unless Ireland is really good next year, this record will stay in tact. 

I think that merits a Jukebox special, particularly of the 1960s & 70s when Norway did not do so well on the scoreboard, even though the songs were truly top notch.

First off,  Gi Meg Fri, which when you listen to it, was pretty damn good.

Of course, so was the song that won NMGP that year as well.

1966 to 1969 marked a run of Norwegian entries that I really liked.

Apologies for purists, but I have to include my own creatively redesigned version of Stress.

Just like Kirsti dominated the 1960s, so did Anne-Karine seem to do the same for the early part of 1970s. 

Her best entry, in my opinion was her 1974 entry, which was lyrically butchered for the final, in my view. (Although I can understand why 3 minutes of Anne-Karine calling the audience self-absorbed consumerist pigs nonstop would probably not be the best way to score points.)

And then there was Jahn Teigen. (Imagine if this won instead of Mata Hari?)



(You thought I was going to play Mil Etter Mil?)

And Anita Skorgan, who in her prime looked like a healthy Karen Carpenter.

And since 1980 is technically part of the 1970s, the jukebox must end with...



Next year in Oslo or Bergen or Stavenger. Might I suggest a pairing of this year's spokesman & Ingvild Bryn? She'd run roughshod over him.

Eurovision 2009 Post-Mortem: Jury Saves

The full results are now up at Eurovision.tv.

And the jury saves are:

Semi-Final 1: Finland (Macedonia 10th, Montenegro 11th)

Semi-Final 2: Croatia (Serbia 10th, Ireland 11th)


Other observations:

• Czechia got zip.
• Sweden got in on merit! 4th place at their Semi.
• Portugal got 8th at their Semi.
• Romania got 9th place at Semi-Final 1 with 67 points. Macedonia got 10th at the same Semi-Final with 45 points.
• Krassy got only 7 points total (Turkey & Macedonia).
• The UK's 12 points went to Finland at Semi-Final 1.
• The Netherlands only got 11 points.
• Slovakia only got 8.
• Hungary's points only came from Spain, Slovakia, Azerbaijan(8!), and Albania. Will from 2006 got points nearly across the board. Urban Symphony did even better than he did.
• Slovenia's only points came from Albania, Serbia, and Croatia.
• Svetty only got 6th at the Semi.

Eurovision 2009: The Grinning Final

The Preshow

TVE is deciding to go with an arts show at 1pm, so I decide to go with C1R.

And what a wise choice was that. The C1R preshow begins with Philip “Camp as Hell” Kirkorov singing Diva with a mini-Las Vegas show behind him.

Unfortunately, Andy is there as well. I will say this, he’s less annoying in Russian than he is in English. Although his hair continues to grow.

The audience is considerably more telegenic for the final, and amongst them I see a dead ringer for Donald Sutherland.

Who comes out (no pun intended) after Kirkorova? None other than Patricia Kaas, who looks stunning. I realise that the final has yet to even air and the winner isn’t as much decided, but Andy’s interview has a strong air of talking to a reigning Eurovision winner.

Or else she’s just that popular in Russia.

Andy talks to a grizzled, but dignified old man who if I am reading the subtitles correctly is the head of the French delegation, or possibly the French ambassador.

Disclaimer: I’d actually understand what La Kaas was saying if she wasn’t dubbed into Russian.

La Kaas is very dignified and demure, but I reckon she’d rather be doing her preparation. (Hey, she’s on 3rd.)

Andy talks to a bunch of Russian talking hands. Some very good looking actor gushes over La Kaas. Calm down, queen.

Next on the list: Sasha (Alexander) Son. They show a clip of him singing as a preteen in 1995. I feel old.

Poor Sasha is on first, you’d think they’d be a little more considerate.

Sasha looks very wholesome, but it might likely be that he’s getting a “good luck” message from his family.

I switch back to TVE (and I can I say that I am not a fan of this new logo for TVE? It looks cheap.) They are playing Soraya’s video. The song is still fierce, and I am truly struck by how beautiful she is. Whether that will come across onstage, I don’t know.

Apparently I have stumbled onto a TVE ad break, which gives me the strange position of being able to switch between Eurovision coverage on 3 separate channels in New York (TVE, C1R, and RTPi). I am pleasantly shocked and grateful. (It’d be perfect if one of them was TV5, but they’re carrying soccer. I actually have a choice of another one, TVP, but I have a fighting chance with Spanish & Portuguese, I wouldn’t dare try to figure out Polish.)

Going back to C1R, they are also in the middle of ad break. Interestingly, the ads on C1R skew American, so if I ever have to find a Russian-speaking lawyer in Brooklyn or want some really tacky furniture made locally, I know where to turn to.

There’s also a very bizarre ad for a podiatrist that involves feet doing Irish dancing, which makes C1R’s return from the ad break more jarring. Why? Well, a highly respected Russian singer (whose name I don’t catch, Ludmilla something) is singing her geriatric heart out and the audience is in tears. I have to say it was very stirring.

Guess who’s in the audience? Igor the Letch from Croatia. He compliments Russian girls. Eyes up here, buddy. Eyes up here.

Next up? Svetty, who wears a belt with her last name on it big as the sky. She struts and smirks like Ukraine has already won. (Or maybe she’s just very happy that Ukraine beating Russia on the scoreboard is a given.)

They bring out her mother, who surprisingly doesn’t haul out and call her “tramp.”

Elena Schitzophrenia from Romania is on next. She is casually relaxed, and kind of airheaded, based on her body language. Next thing you know, you see her mother (in national dress no less) embarrassing poor Elena with the state of her childhood room. Mama Elena sings. Russian audience appreciative, but Andy is quick to get her out of there.

This most be the no hopers section, because AsOs are on next. I catch Os talking about doing an international tour of West Side Story and I pretty much figured out his story. Os’s mother comes on camera (from California) and Oscar freaks out. As just sits there, unimpressed, even when they bring out his sister.

Miss World struts onstage and Os tries to butch it up inasmuch as possible as one can with that song.

Some guy called Maksim from “Love Radio” gives his opinion of the German entry. Indifferent is what I interpret.

Ad for Eurovision, and I have to say these promos are some of the most sharpest and just flat out cool looking ones I have ever seen. Good job, C1. Shame you had to win it with that song, but at least he isn’t hosting.

I switch over to RTPi, which is in the middle of the traditional pre-Eurovision news break. They mention the arrests of the gay rights protestors in Moscow. Good.

I have doubts C1R will do so. What they will do is bring out the sisters from Armenia and their very stylish mother. (Noticing a theme? Remember what this year’s Russian entry is all about?)

Having had a maternal overload, I go channel surfing again.

TVE: Still doing an Arts programme. (I think they’re pissed over the flack they’ve been getting over the botch 2nd Semi-final broadcast and lack of televote.)

RTPi: Fatima, Fatima, Fatima. Next time I start seeing things, I’ll call it a miracle too. Actually, it’s their news broadcast as mentioned earlier, but you’d think that nothing else was happening in Portugal except for Fatima celebrations.

Finally at 2:30, TVE begins its preshow. The hostess is a woman dressed in goth black and with many tattoos. Yet she is very professional and curt.

Guess what happens next though? They go straight to the news. So La Gothica & co. will be the postshow hosts.

I don’t think TVE realise that they’re breaking my heart with such scant coverage.

C1R: The same Sopranoskii panel from Thursday are cracking jokes with a pretty blonde woman (Miss World?). She is considerably taller than all of them.

RTP: Sports.

Hikaru: Tea break.

Upon return I go back to TVE to find their man in Moscow reporting on how the Kremlin is advising citizens to not go to North America or Spain due to Swine Flu. There’s a big feeling of “screw you” in his reporting. Very little Soraya fanfare. (Ditto RTP, which had on their version of Points of View, which is hilarious in any language.)

The Final

Finally Te Deum is played and I finally get to see some Eurovision on TVE.

More floating letters through Moscow spelling out the word “FINAL.”

No Beatriz, but a male commentator. (Don Carlos? I don’t think so. This guy is too solemn.)

Another wacky retelling of a Russian fairy tale told by a man in a very menacing voice, with music straight out of Friday the 13th.

Onstage however, we have acrobats and a man capering about like he’s a bird in a top hat.

I think the theme they re going for here is circus, since this is pretty much like a Cirque de Soleil act.

And guess what? It is Cirque de Soleil!

Some man floats through the air and guess who is it? Dima Evita, who attracts an entourage of women and starts running on a platform while being hassled by papparazzi. The theme is now: I am Dima, You must love me. He strips and “flies,” while singing that song which won last year. (Yes, I didn’t care for it, in case it’ not obvious.)

Dima Evita seems to have finally read the lyrics and I see flashes of comprehension on his face. As for the staging, it’s DE being an overwrought diva while annoying the “violinists” surrounding him.

Spanish commentator? Unimpressed. Ditto.

And now we have Al & I. I looks a lot like Zeljko, and I think I may have been one of the Sopranoskii from earlier. They are both a VAST improvement upon the Natty & Andy show: subdued, competent, and elegant. Al’s French is great. They get on with the show with no filler. (Lesson to future hosts: that’s how to open a final.)

Lithuania: Appreciative roar from the crowd. Sasha’s performance is more confident than on Thursday’s, but more importantly, he’s now conveying the emotion behind the lyrics. He gets louder during the Russian section, but really no radical changes. Good opener, but probably not good for Lithuania points-wise.

Israel: Perhaps it’s the fact that I haven’t heard it since Tuesday, but the exoticism is seemingly enhanced. Mira has styled her hair differently, so she doesn’t look like Hillary Rodham Clinton. The performance is more intimate, but surprisingly less raw. Might do better than expected.

France: Roar for La Kaas from the crowd. She struts onstage and after singing the first line, the crowd cheers again. La Kaas alone onstage while the song’s title is displayed in several different languages behind her. She is definitely and successfully going the dramatic route. La Kaas is in excellent voice, although the little dance at the end might’ve been too much. Crowd goes wild.

Sweden: A good roar for SWBOA. This is also the first upbeat song of the evening. SWBOA has her permagrin on, which kind of doesn’t work lyrically. I must say that coming on after France is not going to hurt Sweden’s chances that much, but it does make it look noticeably weaker. SWBOA is not as strong as she was on Tuesday. Crowd roars. Portuguese commentator unimpressed. (Yes, I’m jumping about.)

Croatia: Igor the Letch gets a light smattering of applause when he comes on. He’s no dog, but trying to go the sexy male route in a contest with Sakis Rouvas is just asking to get your butt kicked. Both Igor and Andrea are vocally weaker than Thursday. Still, great staging saves it majorly. Croatia might not get beat as bad as I thought.

Portugal: Portuguese commentator getting excited with each second that Portugal gets closer. The first thing you notice is how colourful the video screens are for Portugal in contrast to the previous entries. The running order helps them out immensely as there is a happy, wholesome, hippy feel to the performance in contrast to Croatia. The lead singer is in even better voice. I think Portugal will surprise on the scoreboard if they choose the right bit for the recap. (She tried the tear thing again!)

Iceland: Spanish commentator gets excited about Yohanna for some reason. Now remember on Tuesday this came on in the middle of two very OTT entries. Today it’s on between Portugal & Greece, and it’s coming across as more melancholy, even kind of ominous in parts. Still, Yohanna’s voice is even better That said, I think the atmosphere of the Portuguese entry might overwhelm Iceland’s chances.

Greece: Will from 2006 gets the “Good Luck” postcard and an appreciative roar. He’s really working it today, not caring if we see more midriff than on Thursday. The crowd cheers liberally through the song, thereby covering up the fact that Sakis is increasingly breathless. SHOCK! Sakis actually pulled his shirt to show a nipple. Watch the Greek chances of victory rise.

Armenia: Russian commentators still neutral. The Sisters have their work cut out for them, competing with a Sakis Rouvas striptease and light show. The song is still catchy and their performance does convey the happy nature of the song. Good job.

Russia: Now the Russian commentators are getting excited, dare I even say babbling? Loud roar, but that’s to be expected. Now how is this for staging? Anastasia is singing in front of an image of herself. In fact the real Anastasia is upstaged by an aging image of herself. The staging is totally saving this as quite frankly the song is basically Anastasia screaming. (The aged Anastasia cries while the real life version goes into crazy.) Much. Much. Better. I think C1R might really have to do it again.

Azerbaijan: The running order might hurt them, particularly after Anastasia’s tour-de-force (courtesy of CGI). It’s clear that Arash is kind of the weak link in this song. He’s coming across uncertain while AySel and the dancing girls could very well be an entirely different song. Spanish commentator unimpressed, I don’t think anything but Spain would interest him.

Bosnia & Herzegovina: There’s really no way to tell, but I would be willing to guess that part of the reason that BiH got into the Final was that they performed last on Tuesday, and this is a song (like, um…Leija) that looks very striking when performed near the end. Nonetheless, the lads are doing a killer job, but factors outside their control (like, um…the running order) are working against them. It just all looks too forced and almost over the top, whereas it looked natural on Tuesday.

TVE is surprisingly showing some of the ad break filler. We are treated to Russians butchering their own national folk songs.

Moldova: The running order might scupper Moldova’s chances as well, or help, actually. Nelly’s voice is weaker than it was on Thursday, but the energy is higher and the song feels more like a genuine performance than like one by the numbers as it appeared in the semi. I pity those men’s kneecaps after flinging themselves down to the floor. Still, it just doesn’t seem as remarkable as I think it could be.

Malta: Apparently the Spanish commentator rates Malta quite highly as he starts sounding excited. Chiara is in better voice, but unfortunately she still has the same song, and is much higher in the running order than on Tuesday. Quite honestly, she’s giving it her all, but I just see it struggling on the scoreboard, particularly with a song that is a it dated. Good job though.

Estonia: Slight roar from the crowd the second Sandra starts singing. She’s also in better voice and the exotic quotient is still on full display. The downside, the song seems to drag a bit, but with the right selection for the recap that might not be a problem.

Denmark: One of the nice things about the new Eurovision is that bog breaks are a lot easier to make. I’ve seen Keatingsson. I pretty much expect him to do the exact same thing, and from the first few seconds, it’s pretty much evident he will. The only difference I can tell is that the song has gotten more of a country-rock feel. I don’t think it’s a failure, but I don’t think it’ll bother the top 10.

Germany: The Spanish commentator gets all excited over Dita Von Teese. Some time ago I used to use the word “cipher” to describe someone who is pretty much anonymous. Os’s performance is pretty much the definition of it. He’s trying to being a Jr. Sakis, and when Dita comes on she upstages Os with an open shirt. The funny thing? SHE DOES NOTHING BUT SIT ON A CAR.

Turkey: Everybody’s favourite Turkish-Belgian. I have to surprisingly put Turkey in the category of songs that come across weaker, although the chorus is fortunately still strong. That said, Germany may have saved itself from the bottom of the scoreboard with Dita, but that same trick also hurts Turkey’s chances of breaking the Top 5.

Albania: Russian commentators having a swell ol’ time now. Lots of banter. Kejsi still looking stunned like a Teenage Pageant Princess. I truly do not get the staging here: She’s flung about the stage by a man in green with a face ripped from a mirrorball while two Joker Jr. clones breakdance. If I was having these kind of dreams, I wouldn’t be so keen to live in them. Bizarre, and yet I see them breaking the Top 10.

Norway: I think C1R’s commentators have broken out the spirits, they’re that jolly now. Loud roar for Alexander and his damn permanent grin. He’s taking his clues from Dima, but unlike Dima Evita, he actually understands what he’s singing. Coming on after Albania and before Ukraine, this is like an island of sanity. I don’t see winner, but I see top 5. I still can’t stand that smile of his. It’s too forced. It must be said that Norway’s backing singers are consistently excellent.

Oh, it’s Al & I, I had forgotten about them. They remind us to vote. I screams, and yet it’s not annoying.

Ukraine: Russian commentators seemingly sarcastic towards Svetty. Slight roar from crowd. Svetty certainly is a flexible girl, isn’t she? The Valentine = Roman soldiers and hell wheels theme finally occurred to me. (The story of St. Valentine.) Whether it’s apparent to the choreographer or even Svetty, I don’t know. Anyway, Svetty still gets flung about, says “bom” a lot, and plays the hell out of those drums. The whole thing is still so incoherent that I can’t see it winning. Nonetheless, a great performance.

Romania: Portuguese commentator makes a “Dracula” reference as one must always do when Romania appears. Elena still doesn’t quite get the underlying theme with the lyrics (I want to party, but there’s more to life). The song however comes across a lot stronger than it did in the Semi. I don’t know if the whole Spring Nymphs theme works, but the running order and Elena being in good voice will help.

United Kingdom: I finally get the postcards, they are showing monuments from the performing country. Loud roar for Jade. Jade certainly is camera-savvy, although do we need to see even a second of Lord Andrew? (Joke…Somewhat.) Jade walks proudly through a line of violinists. (Take note: Dima Evita.) Crowd roars during Jade’s loud portions. Ghastly looking ALW applauds at the end. Not quite feeling certain about whether she’ll win, but top 5 very likely.

Finland: Now they have definitely improved. The women singing backup where already good, but the rapper (Waldo?) is also in better voice. Surprisingly better.

Spain: Spanish commentator happy at last. Soraya makes a very dramatic entrance, and pretty much makes us all forget about Waldo & Co. Depending on the penalty that TVE receives, this might be in contention or just close to it. The disappearing Soraya trick works well.

Al & I come back on and prep us for the recap. Guess who does the countdown? Two members of the International Space Station.

Recap: Lithuania, strong…Israel, earnest…La Kaas kicks ass…Croatia kind of dirty…Portugal wholesome and trippy…Iceland slightly anonymous…Greece, HE SHOWED NIPPLE…Armenia strong but lost in the shuffle…Russia, way better than expected…Azerbaijan, maybe if AySel did it on her own…BiH, still a mediocre Leija…Moldova believable…Malta lost in a timewarp…Estonia don’t mess with success…Denmark generic but not bad…Germany, thank god for Dita…Turkey see Armenia (strangely enough)…Albania, flat out bizarre…Norway, competent, but verging on annoying…Ukraine, saner than Albania…Romania see Armenia…The UK s.t.r.o.n.g,e.r. but…Finland surprisingly good…Spain, if it weren’t for the fact that TVE had made that broadcasting error…

Wow, Al & I are confident. Could we have them again?

Ad break filler involving the long suffering plucky C1R Reporter poking fun at Russian stereotypes.

Hallelujah! I finally get some Dmitry, and I realise he looks quite like ZsA ZsA. This is a good thing.

Al & I do the countdown all in English.

The interval is Fuerza Bruta, which either used to or still is playing at Union Square. It’s worth seeing if you have the chance, but as people walking on walls and swimming in pools suspended high up on the air has been a fixture of New York morning television for several months now, I won’t.

Al & I turn over to Daddy Svante, who announces that it is time for the results.

Spain (he’s cute): Portugal gets the 8, UK gets 10, Norway gets the 12. Norwegians happy.

Belgium (she’s serious): Israel gets the 8, Norway gets 10, Turkey gets the 12. (Well, she is Belgian.)

Belarus (she’s stunned or stoned): Russia gets 8, Azerbaijan gets 10, Norway gets 12.

Malta (she’s surrounded by ravers?): Norway gets 8, UK gets 10, Iceland gets 12. Norway’s lead is mounting quickly.

Germany (ahh…Hamburg, I think): UK gets 8, Turkey gets 10, and Norway gets 12. The UK is the only one giving Norway some competition.

Czechia: Russia gets 8, Azerbaijan gets 10, Armenia gets 12.

Sweden (who’s she?): Azerbaijan gets 8, Iceland gets 10, Norway gets 12. The Norwegians are partying already.

Top 3: Norway, UK, and Turkey

Iceland (must they always yell in Iceland): Finland 8, Estonia 10, and Norway 12. (She calls him the cutest guy in the contest. Sakis must be pissed.)

France (wow, a charismatic French spokesman): Norway gets 8, Israel gets 10, Turkey gets 12.
This voting is just speeding along.

Israel (that elephant joke just failed): Armenia gets 8, Iceland gets 10, Norway gets 12.

It’s not bad song, but god, I am not looking forward to seeing him perform it again.

Russia (she’s stunned even though she’s in the same stadium): Estonia gets 8, France gets 10, and Norway gets 12.

Spain still has yet to score. Ouch. Spanish commentator sounding slightly pissed.

Latvia (we can see your chest hair, Borat): Iceland gets 8, Estonia 10, Norway 12.

Montenegro (Hello, Wonder Woman): Croatia gets 8, Norway gets 10, and BiH gets 12 after see took forever to say that.

Top 3: Norway, Iceland, and Azerbaijan. God, I hope that changes (meaning #3).

Andorra (is she human?): Iceland gets 8, Norway gets 10 (already in the 100s), Spain gets the 12. (Spaniards celebrate.)

Finland (Oh, it’s Jari from when Finland wasn’t doing well at this contest): Norway gets 8 (ouch), Iceland gets 10, Estonia gets 12. (Happy Estonians.)

Switzerland: Norway gets 8, Portugal gets 10 (Portugal is beating Spain at this point), Turkey gets 12.

Bulgaria (wow, she’s blonde): Azerbaijan gets 8, Turkey gets 10, Greece gets 12. (Sakis is holding it in, but he’s not pleased one bit.)

Lithuania (is that Ronan Keating’s long lost brother?): Iceland gets 8, Estonia gets 10, Norway gets 12.

UK (he’s a slick one): Iceland gets 8, Norway gets 10, and Turkey gets 12.

Top 3: Norway, Iceland, and Turkey. (It’s a battle for 3rd place.)

Macedonia (solemn): Norway gets 8, BiH gets 10, and Turkey gets 12. Turkey & Iceland now tied for 2nd.

I like you Al, but “tense with tension?”

More ad break filler wherein the participants are lined up to play Russian folk instruments. Give me some Dmitry!

What do they play? “Not gonna get us.” Usch.
Al & I hawk the CD & DVD…in a dignified manner. The contrast between the final and Semis is huge.

Slovakia (he’s a bit of a silver fox, the Anderson Cooper of Slovakia?): BiH gets 8, Norway gets 10, Estonia gets 12.

Norway has broken the 200 point mark.

Greece (putting a brave face on): Azerbaijan gets 8, Norway gets 10, UK gets 12. (Happy Brits.)

BiH (it’s Laka, and he still looks crazy): Israel gets 8, Norway gets 10, Croatia gets 12. (Ivan noticeably not lecherous).

Ukraine (plastic, much?): Russia gets 8, Azerbaijan gets 10, Norway gets 12.

Norway shut-out, Iceland and Turkey tied for 2nd.

Turkey (perky or stoned): BiH gets 8, Albania gets 10, Azerbaijan gets 12. Turkey puts themselves at 3rd by giving Iceland 2 points.

Albania (he looks very tall): UK gets 8, Turkey gets 10, Greece gets 12. (Sakis somewhat pleased.)

Serbia (hello Jovana): UK gets 8, Norway gets 10, BiH gets 12. Turkey now at 2nd place.

Cyprus (very sober): Azerbaijan gets 8, Norway gets 10, Greece gets 12. (Sakis still giving his thumbs up.)

Poland (he’s cute in an uptight way): Estonia gets 8, Ukraine gets 10, Norway gets 12.
Norwegians still partying.

Netherlands: Turkey gets 8, Azerbaijan gets 10, Norway gets 12. Alex holding it in…poorly.

Estonia (Is that Maarja-Liis?): Iceland gets 8, Russia gets 10, Norway gets 12.

Norway breaks the 300 point mark. (A record.)

Croatia (solemn and a bit plastic): Norway gets 8, Azerbaijan gets 10, BiH gets 12.

Portugal (no Fatima reference?): Iceland gets 8, UK gets 10, Moldova gets 12. (Moldovans crying with happiness…I think.)

Romania (really perky): Greece gets 8, Iceland gets 10, Moldova gets 12. (Moldovans still freaking out.)
Ireland: Norway gets 8, The UK gets 10, Iceland gets 12. (Happy Icelanders.)

Denmark (go get a haircut!): Azerbaijan gets 8, Iceland gets 10, and Norway gets 12.

Camera on the Norwegians goes crazy.

Azerbaijan still mysteriously 3rd.

Moldova (he looks like he’s lost): Norway gets 8, Azerbaijan gets 10, Romania gets 12.

Slovenia (Peter finally got cleaned up. He makes a good joke out of Slovenia missing the final): Denmark gets 8, BiH gets 10, and Norway gets 12.

Armenia (She is pretty, She’s Sirusho?): Norway gets 8, Greece gets 10, Russia gets 12.

Anastasia is wearing a turban like she’s about to go to sleep.

Hungary (very dry): Ukraine gets 8, Azerbaijan gets 10, Norway gets 12.

Haven’t the Norwegians hands bled by all that clapping? Only Azerbaijan & Norway left to vote. So Norway gets to enshrine their own win.

Azerbaijan (super perky): Norway gets 8, Ukraine gets 10, Turkey gets 12.

Norway (surprisingly restrained, although it looks like he’s about to cry): Denmark gets 8, Azerbaijan gets 10, Iceland gets 12.

Norway wins, and they are kind of restrained. No crying. No intense screaming.

But finally, that grin has finally left his face.

Spanish commentator slightly pissed about the Spanish result. I would be too.

I don’t know what they all heard with that Azeri song, but they got up there.

Iceland did a lot better than I thought.

I would truly hate to be anywhere within a 10 mile radius of Will from 2006, because I think he’ll go postal.

Dima Evita & Lys Assia present the award to Alexander, who is now stunned. Alex & Dima Evita have a moment, but really it’s just Dima Evita trying to hog the spotlight.

Alexander says something in Norwegian, and then puts on that damn permagrin.

Oh well, next year is a pop year.

I hope.

Eurovision 2009: The Final Preshow Preshow

I'll miss you TVE, but even a Eurovision fanatic like myself has his limits, and TVE’s coverage started at 12n EDT, the contest itself ends approximately at 615 pm EDT. All combined that means that preshow + final together is 6 hours +. That’s a long time to recap, particularly when I’m doing a fair amount of Spanish to English translation in my French-trained mind. So what do I choose to do? Watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey for one hour before jumping into the presumably trippy and bizarre TVE coverage.

I am not going to even try to predict the winner beyond saying that I’d put good odds on it being one of the Big 4. Spain’s chances are majorly hampered by the Second Semi-Final debacle, but one never knows.

Good luck.

Regular TVE preshow coverage will follow.

Do they even do rap battles anymore?

At least ones where everybody is in on the joke?

A chance hit on Wikipedia last night brought up the story of the Roxanne Wars, a series of singles that lasted nearly a decade. 

The hilarious and truly absurd thing about it all? There never was any Roxanne, and the inciting incident is so minor that it's hard to believe that this was making money from Reagan all the way to Clinton.

Rap magazine Fat Lace has a great compendium of the assorted battles which get even sillier the longer the rap "war" goes on.

The true highlight for me is The Parents of Roxanne by (prepare to laugh) Gigolo Tony & Lacey Lace.

Seriously, someone with the stage name of Gigolo Tony pulls off (better than his name would imply) the role of a pissed off father hellbent on restoring his daughter's and family's rep via his skillz on the mic.

Pirandello would've eaten this up in cloud covered spoon with Samuel Beckett hydrogen sauce 

Yet it seems extremely plausible that characters in this farcical saga would actually have names like Gigolo Tony & Lacey Lace.

Eurovision 2009: The Semi Final of Death

A fun fact/pun: Channel 1’s name in Russian is “Pervy Kanal.” Yes, that most likely just means “first channel,’ but it does make for a good Anglophone joke.

Anyway, there’s a bit more preshow fanfare on C1R (worldwide), as they have a panel (an all male panel) talking about the upcoming entries. They find li’l Belarussian-Norwegian Alexander a source of much comedy. I find it particularly hilarious that few of these men are in shape. It’s like watching The Sopranos on The View. One of the panelists looks very similar to Chris Lilley of Summer Heights High fame, and Lilley’s so talented that I wouldn’t be surprised if it really is him.

The panel also finds Lithuania’s Sasha Son particularly funny, from what I can ascertain the jokes revolve around his name and perceived femininity. Yet when they get to Will from 2006 (aka Sakis Rouvas), no effeminate jokes and he’s one of the most plucked and preened men in this round. (Only Adokzoli/Zoliadok or ZsA ZsA from Hungary is in the same category.)

In near total contrast to Spanish television, these guys go through the entries with near rapid speed. I gather because there’s only so many jokes you can make around “it’s cheap with a funny named performer.” Or because they just want to stare at the lewd weirdness that is the preview for Anti-Crisis Girl.

The ad break promotes Anastasia which is rather interesting since C1R has gone on record as not being interested in hosting again. I also have to say that based on the promos that they are for their own shows, it shows that they are the most popular (and one would assume lucrative) networks. They could certainly teach most of the US networks a thing or two.

Back to Sopranoskii, some Jm J. Bullock lookalike has joined them and the discussion gets heated. I’m thinking they’re making predictions or just rallying around the national entry. Hold on…they’re actually playing it…pub band style.

And with that the actual show starts. Oooh, C1R gives us two commentators: one male and one female. Both of them are very alert and pleasant.

The opening number for Semifinal 2 is a bunch of Russian folk covers of Eurovision hits. The caractures playing the instruments are joined by assorted breakdancers and folk dancers spinning around LED Russian dolls. Yes, Virginia, you are going to get a big dose of Russian culture whether you want to or not.

My god, they actually had people dancing in bear costumes. To Dima Evita’s Believe, no less.

Christ, I forgot that we have to deal with Natty & Andy again. Their hair has actually gotten bigger since Tuesday. Andy is toned down so far and I pray he will keep it relatively sane. Natty looks like an insane pageant girl. I think she’ll be the troublemaker this time around.
Anyway, same incomprehensible postcards as before.

Croatia: Igor and the backing singers (all women) are all in black. All of them sexing it up. Andrea enters in white…because she’s not meant to look slutty. Seriously, Igor looks like a letch. As for the song, well, think a B+ version of the 2007 winner. It’s punched up vocally, but not there emotionally. In fact, it’s over before you realize it.

Ireland:A bunch of flashing lights, guitars, and synth announce the arrival of the Irish entry. It’s quite catchy and cute, and certainly gets your attention. By the way, all the girls are in black East Village gear. They also look more interesting than the vamps for Croatia. If this were not the 2nd performance of the night, I’d say “dark horse.” Better audience response than Croatia.

Latvia: The Latvian postcard says “borscht.” Haha. Now I like this song way better than Et Cetera, but Intars’s performance is noticeably weaker than the one that proceeded it. His voice is conveying the emotion, but his face is stoic. The women singing backup…hell, everyone singing backup is doing a good job, but the song really relies on Intars, and I just don’t think he’s doing the business, although during the final 1/3 he really brings the crazy that the song requires, in my view. Decent audience reaction, mind you this is the only full Russian language song in the entire contest.

Serbia: A bunch of bald headed men throwing a diva about while some man with a peroxide afro sings a comedic song in Serbian about shoes. It’s certainly absurd comedy, but honestly it leaves me rather cold. Not to mention Ukraine pretty much has the absurdist vote locked up. That said, thank god the Serbians went upbeat for once. Russian commentators remain neutral.

Poland: The postcard gives us the Russian word for “party,” which is the last thing the Polish entry is. Lidia has got an interesting voice, but this is still Isis Gee part 2, albeit with a better stage show. There’s some ballet dancers doing light bondage, and the backing singers are dressed like a church choir. In fact there’s so much flowing fabric I’m surprised they didn’t have the wind machine running. There’s really nothing all that bad with the song (final notes excepted), but there’s nothing remarkable either.

Norway: Will he live up to the hype? Well, he did get “babushka” for his postcard. Alexander grins at the beginning and I realize that smirk will not leave his face for the rest of the song. The backing dancers are flawless as are the backing singers and the staging as well. The song is just too damn cute for its own good though. But yes, he’ll qualify. Doesn’t change the fact that I find his perpetual impish grin obnoxious. Crowd goes wild, nonetheless.

Ad break, wherein Raffelson Bank promotes the fact that it’s the official bank of Eurovision. There’s also a slew of other adverts as well, so I pretty much figure there’s no way I’m going to see any filler (read: Dmitry) action beyond table scraps.

Cyprus: Interesting staging for Firefly. They have decided to work the little girl in a fantasy world angle. The crowd starts applauding at random spots, why I don’t know. I don’t quite get what’s remarkable about three people doing calisthenics on white illuminated boxes. Vocally, Christina is not strong, but (and this is very smart on their part) the backing singers are. It’s no Stronger Every Minute, but having her say “jump” while looking like a Disney heroine may save Cyprus.

Slovakia: Hmm “Medved” is Russian for “bear.” Explains a lot. The difference in style and maturity is very apparent. The Slovaks have decided to go for sexy and dramatic, which is appropriate since they’re both actors. I did not care that much about this number before, but good lord, they have sold me on it big time. Kamil & Nela clearly get what they are singing about, and to be blunt about it, they are both scorching hot to look at. Crowd goes wild. I think Slovakia is now in contention.

Denmark: ”Ded moroz” is Russian for “Santa Claus.” Hahaha. Ronan Keatingsson sings his ditty pretty much straight forward, although I could do without the smirking. Or the “I gotta go to the bathroom” kind of stomping. The song tries to rock, but tries to do it softly. In the hands of Nickleback or Creed, it might work. Keatingsson & Co.? Not so much. The crowd applauds the pyrotechnics, but I’m still reeling from the Slovaks kicking butt.

More Natty & Andy. And I swear their hair continues to get bigger. What sort of carbon footpoint are these two going to leave?

Russian commentators talk over them. I like the Russian commentators.

Slovenia: The song seems somewhat faster in tempo, which quite frankly a nearly instrumental number needs. Martina starts her singing in Slovene and in silhouette, but I also make note of how telegenic Quartissimo is. When Martina stomps out (singing in English, and vocally strong) there is no “wow” from the audience. It’s pretty decent performance, but Slovenia will definitely need the jury save. (Unless people think they’re voting for Slovakia.)

Hungary: More totty, and ZsA ZsA is taking his cues from Paul Oscar. Unfortunately he’s not in the best voice from the start. Nonetheless I doubt his votes will come from his singing voice. He’s basically sexing it up and relatively successfully. Having scantily clad female backers helps as well. Still, kind of a letdown.

Azerbaijan: Cheers for Azerbaijan. Why? I don’t know. If you’ve seen all the Macedonian entries from 2005 to 2007, you pretty much have the Azeri version here. It’s CIS reggaeton. Aysel does a great job selling the song, Arash comes across as rather annoying. I think they might qualify, but the overall feeling I get from the performance is “not bad.” Russian commentators not all that impressed either.

Greece: Will gets “Good Luck” in Russian as his postcard. Crowd goes wild. Again, Sakis loves to show some skin without giving the whole lot away. The staging and the outfits basically boil down to one thing: let’s stare at Sakis’s body. He’s the only one dressed in white (the very skilled backing singers/performers are in black), and he’s the only one allowed to jump. Not to mention he ends it standing on top of platform with the Greek flag. Yes, we get it: you’re hot and Greek. Don’t worry, you’re getting through. (Probably at ZsA ZsA’s expense.)

Lithuania: Well, Sasha has certainly improved his English pronunciation. He starts out playing a piano, and the overall staging is simple, like a Justin Timberlake ballad. (It’s pretty obvious that’s the vote and feel they are going for.) The backing singers blend very well with his voice. When he switches languages, however, the song really comes alive. There is an amazing final shot of him on bended knee with the word “HOPE” blazing behind him. Another probable qualifier.

Moldova: Could we please have an ad break? Bugger, it’s Moldova. Anyway, this is basically the Norwegian entry sung by a woman and with liberal percussion. Or perhaps to phrase it better, the Moldovan version of Wild Dances. Nelly switches to English midway through, but I just see a bunch of people flinging themselves about. She is in excellent voice, but is it distinctive enough to make it through? I don’t think so. Close, but this is a rough Semi.

Albania: Crowd applauds, and I’m rather perplexed as to why. Kejsi is dressed like a B-grade Kalomira clone. She also looks stunned for the majority of the song. Now, let’s address the other things going onstage: namely the man in green plastic wrap and the two demonic looking male twins break dancing. I understand they are going for a dreamlike theme, but this is just weird. Possible contender though.

Thank god, ad break! Although I’m glad I was able to catch the Albanian absurdity.

Ukraine: “shick” is “glamour” in Russian, apparently. Svetty starts by spinning around in the middle of a “hell wheel.” I don’t if I can adequately explain what is going on. She’s doing something close to singing while a bunch of bare-chested men in Roman soldier gear march around flinging her about. And there’s also two women in silver and on some sort of platform singing backup. Svetty does her drum solo (flanked by Ukrainian flags). The music gets very loud and the shots more rapid as the song just ends. The crowd is just as stupefied. Nonetheless, I think she’s going through.

Estonia: Well “Gagarin” is “Gagarin.’ No kidding? Estonia’s chances of qualifying are considerably lifted by the fact that their staging is simple and dramatic (which I think is the theme of this semi). Sandra sings with conviction and a slight sultriness. The fact that it is in Estonian actually is a major plus, because the whole impression I get is “exotic mystery,” which is rather appropriate for a song about nomads. Crowd gives it a good roar.

Netherlands: My god, last song already? Wow, this semi has just flown by. The Toppers certainly shine judging from the sparkles on their outfits. The Rubenesque backing singers only add to the wholesome fun of the song. Surprisingly, I finally get this song: it’s all about seeing your inner fabulous light, so to speak. The crowd gives it a good roar, but you never can tell with the last song why they’re roaring with approval.

Good grief, Natty & Andy again. Andy literally drags Natty to do the ceremonial button pressing. Natty is again doing the bimbo thing, not quite successfully though. God bless the Russian commentators for talking over them.

Recap: Croatia bland yet slutty (except for Andrea)…Ireland rocks with ambition…Latvia not as crazy as needed…Serbia too crazy for its own good…Poland is an island of relative sanity…Norway obnoxiously perky verging on cocky…Cyprus better than you’d think…Slovakia flat out amazing(although they chose the wrong bit for the recap)…Denmark bland and unassuming…Slovenia more traditional than you’d think..Hungary sultry if not vocally strong…Azerbaijan does reggaeton…Greece shows ZsA ZsA how its done…Lithuania quite stirring towards the end…Moldova dances and dances but goes ultimately nowhere…Albania needs to lay off the opium particularly around teenage girls…Ukraine ditto full stop…Estonia stirring and dramatic…The Netherlands is wholesome fun and that never hurts at Eurovision.

Andy apparently is still screaming, but the Russian commentators are louder, because they are having a bit of a serious discussion about who will go through. Meanwhile we see the artists commentating on the graffiti art made for the contest. It’s surprisingly more boring to watch than that description implied.

Recap again: Croatia still bland…Ireland stronger…Intars might actually do the business on second reflection…Serbia still absurd…Poland same…Alexander weaker on second time…Christina’s “jump” might not save her…Slovaks strong, but with wrong excerpt…Denmark bland…Martina’s scream rather unremarkable…ZsA ZsA comes across stronger shockingly…Aysel is better than the song…Yes, Sakis you are sexy…Yes, Sasha you are deep…No Nelly, you don’t stand out as much as you should…Albania still bizarre…Svetty shockingly more coherent the second time around…Estonia a beacon of sobriety…The Netherlands makes us all feel good about ourselves.

Natty needs to kick the posterior of whoever dressed her tonight. She looks like a reject from Dynasty. They countdown the end of voting and we go to ad break. (Sigh, I wish I had gotten to see tATu on Tuesday.)

Anyway, so a couple of revisions I have to make. Biggest one, I really hope Slovakia gets through whether on votes or jury save.

Other observations:

- ZsA ZsA looks shaky for qualification.

- Alexander too even with the permagrin.

- Svetty seems more coherent than I thought, and that is not necessarily good in her case.

- Will from 2006, however is near a dead cert.

- Ditto Nederland

C1R returns from ad break in just enough time to catch the interval which is basically folk dancing from across the RF. It’s very good folk dancing, but is it tATu singing with military choir accompaniment calibre? I don’t think so. They must certainly have something big for Saturday. Apologies to the Serbs, but their final interval was a bit of a letdown.

Russian commentators respectful but not that excited by the interval. They talk over Natty & Andy, so they can do nothing wrong in my eyes. Natty does a failed joke with drawing out the final participants, and we get a preview of the finalists (again). The preview could be subtitled The UK, France, and Spain with special guests: two other countries. In fact I dare say it’s nearly already assumed to be a UK versus France race. (Although I’d truly love to see the Spanish commentator freak out if Spain wins.)

Daddy Svante tells Natty & Andy that the results are ready.

Azerbaijan makes it in. Ok, that was not entirely unexpected.

Russian commentators don’t care for Natty & Andy’s button humour either.

Croatia makes it in. Russian commentators chuckle and are kind of surprised.

Ukraine gets in. Andy screams. Natty wants those boots. (Shout out to Kelly of "ohmahgawdm shoes" fame.)

Lithuania gets in. Sasha & co. very happy, and I don’t think they got in via jury save.

Albania gets in. Ok, I think this might’ve been a jury save.

Moldova gets in. I can see how it happened, but it’s very hazy.

Denmark gets in. That might also be a jury save as well.

Estonia gets in. Hurrah!

More daft button humour. 2 countries left.

Norway gets in. Bugger, but not a shocker.

Russian commentators start talking about Sakis. The cameras show ZsA ZsA looking somewhat pissed and Marko of Serbia sticking his tongue out.

Greece gets in, and that one seriously sets the crowd crazy.

They show all the qualifiers and I can already sense a big “what the hell was that” result from the Eurosong fan world.

Personally, I say Slovakia was robbed, but they also chose the wrong bit for the recap. Yet even worse is The Netherlands not going through.

As for the rest of the qualifiers: I’m calling Croatia, Albania, or Denmark potential jury saves; Lithuania did come across very well; Moldova was such a populist song with clinical performance, I doubt it would’ve been a jury save; Ditto Azerbaijan, but reggaeton is so omnipresent in New York (it’s even used for selling cable) that it’s hard for me to see the uniqueness; Estonia was distinctive without turning people off (although it might be a jury save as well); and quite frankly Ukraine and Greece are two sides of the same coin.

I can’t honestly get too irked about these results since it was pretty much a given that this round would be a bloodbath. That said, I think Saturday will be even gorier, because some of these newly minted finalists (Albania, Romania, Moldova, Croatia, and BiH come to mind) will just drop on the scoreboard.

I cannot help but think that the winner has yet to perform.

Eurovision 2009: Day/Night Two The Review Preshow

Fears of watching the show online have been solved! I am watching Russian coverage courtesy of Channel 1's Worldwide network (C1R worldwide). 

Unfortunately my Russian is minimal to nonexistant*, so I won't be getting much help from the commentator. 

* I barely recall any of my Beginner's Ukrainian either, so language family help won't be happening either.

Onto who I'm hoping gets saved:

• Latvia (traffic issues as a metaphor for love in the modern world with a late 80s progressive rock feel...it's like nectar to me)
• Hungary (eye candy with a good song, he ought to be able to walk it)
• Greece (see Hungary, plus C1R's news report featured rehearsal clips from it liberally)
• Estonia (they will need all the help they can, given their place between Ukraine and the Netherlands)
• The Netherlands (again, unlikely that they'll need it but I can see NL being at the tipping point between making it in comfortably and needing a jury save)
• Ireland (just so that we don't have to risk the Irish voting public thinking that 1980s-90s dreary ballads are the only dead certs for them)  

As campy and over-the-top as Anti-Crisis Girl** is (both musically and visually), I think Svetty & Co. are getting through even though the staging is even more OTT than Illusion. As I see it, Ukraine has been working since 2003 to send the most elaborate number in Eurovision history without turning off voters (because you just know the juries are not interested in saving big stage shows).

**Great way to cover up the fact that the song must have been written with the Ukrainian final back in February in mind as opposed to the Eurosong in May.

That said, the Ukrainian run of top 3 placings at the final will end this year. 

And now to close out the preshow here's Shingo Katori...in drag...with James Brown (approximately 2 minutes in)

 

I start talking about Ukraine and all of a sudden I think about over the top kitschy songs and performances.

Wednesday Jukebox enjoys some good hype (part two)

And now here's the answer.

I have to say, I'm rather impressed with the final product. The video and teasers also make a sly comment on the state of the Korean Pop music scene.

Wednesday Jukebox enjoys some good hype

This is how to tease a debut. The debut of Again was promoted via 2 teasers. Guess whether Again is a woman, a girl group, a rapper, a male singer, or a boyband. The answer will be revealed in 1 hour.