Lucky Saturday Jukebox Says Puberty Is Mean

...especially when you're in a Japanese boyband.

Case point: w-inds

Here they are in 2001:

W-inds - Feel the Fate

(Racial harmony via happy-go-lucky Japanese Tween Pop?)

And here they are this year (with the Japanese image song from Shrek 3)

W-inds - Love is the Greatest Thing [PV]

Better beats, (arguably) better choreography, but wouldn't you hate to try to hit those notes all career-long?

Coming Attractions: Hikaru Goes To Church

This Sunday, Fearless Leader Goes to Church.

Seriously, I am attending church.

Now, granted this is one of those funky new-age churches which is very accepting of gays (it's even got a gay preacher), but nonetheless my happily secular-reared self is attending church!

How weird is that?

Perhaps the hilarity stems more from the fact that all these feel-good places are interested more in your wallet than your spiritual growth. I'm an avowed Taoist if anything, so the notion that people have to be reminded by some high and mighty that it's alright to be one's self is already absurdly funny to me. The fact that they need a pack mentality rife full of consumerism in addition to that is even funnier.

Yet, I am going to go with a shred of an open mind...and 4 Smirnoff Ices in my stomach.

If you build it they will come...

Really, they will...We're certain of that...Well, who are they exactly?*

* I haven't lost my mind, but like a broken clock, the Sun can occasionally be right.

Why I Still Love Elliot (Spitzer)

He doesn't just call them like he sees them, he calls them out.

Recess until January? That's just wrong.

Pride 2007

This is what it means to be out.

And this is why it matters to march.

Take That Revival at Hikaruland: Sure & Could It Be Magic

Little known "fact": The video for Sure was a saving-face measure after C4 said no to the pilot for a Take That sitcom. It would've given AbFab a run for its money, what with Robbie playing an M & S & S & M queen (Is Mark his Master?), Mark trying to keep the lads from going to court over child endangerment, Gary coming up with cute little melodies, and Jason & Howard doing...something.

Again with the video having nothing to do with the lyrics in the song. In fact the theme here is how often can we see Mark Owen's bare torso and Robbie Williams look alternatively petrified and deliriously happy. At least we're spared Gary Barlow dancing...for the most part.

Take That Revival at Hikaruland: I Found Heaven & Everything Changes

Continuing the Take That revival theme.

1. Interesting how they look pissed off for half of the video, and beaming for the other half.
2. What's with the liberal bare-chested shots of Gary, Howard, Mark? (I understand Howard & Mark, but why Gary? And hell, why not Jason & Robbie for that matter?)
3. The video does look like it should be the theme song to Lie Down With Dogs.
4. The hair! The hair! Gary Barlow is not Dolph Lundgren.

Several things:

1. What the hell does the video have to do with the song? Exactly whom are they saying doesn't change?
2. Why is a group of young British men from 1995 invading a Lower East Side cafe circa 1920? Why aren't the regulars pissed off? I'd be if my pleasant afternoon was shattered by a bunch of people prancing around telling me that I haven't changed.
3. Gary Barlow isn't dancing!
4. Robbie must've thanked his lucky stars that he didn't have to sing this live, that's one brutal falsetto.
5. Shot on the same day with the same extras? Kylie Minogue's video for Give Me Just A Little More Time.

Take That Revival here at Hikaruland

Quite unexpectedly, I'm in the midst of a Take That nostalgia kick, spurred on by seeing the documentary that was released last year.

Very interesting stuff, I must say.

Some observations:

• Gary Barlow hit the wall...hard, none of the others did.
• I don't care what sort of justification Robbie Williams came up with, he damn well should've gone to the reunion.
• Mark Owen still looks 12.
• They really did market Howard as the sex symbol of the group, though he never really did it for me.

And the most interesting one:

• For the love of god, when the hell is Jason Orange going to come out? It looked like he was on the verge of saying it through the whole show: the gender-nonspecific pronouns, the aimless journey in search of himself, the fact that he appeared to have no love life whatsoever, and using Lulu as a beard!

It says something when Mr. Out & In [the closet] Robbie Williams comes across as more accepting of his sexuality than poor Jason.

By the way, what the hell went on between him & Robbie? That tiff between them sounded like something way more personal than just bandmates having friction. You don't get that sort of enmity without some serious deep feelings being tread upon.

The Idiot Mayor Gets A Clue

...and changes his political affilation.

Shame he didn't do it in 2004, when it would've really mattered to everyone living in 4 mile radius of Madison Square Garden!

2007 Tony "Post-Mortem": The Quest for Relevance

Not really a genuine post-mortem since the show is still going on as I type this, however, the winners this year seem to be very predictable and for the most part deserving (although Coast of Utopia: Molitva at this year's Eurovision in my view), so I'm wrapping it up with 20 minutes to go.

Supposedly, this is the last year that CBS is broadcasting the show, and I almost think this is a good thing, as the Tonys struggle to find some type of relevance in a world that has largely passed them by.

I'll get back to that cerebral thought in a moment, but first...

My god, I cannot believe that there hasn't been a duff winner yet.

• Spring Awakening seems to be deservedly sweeping every category its nominated in.
• Julie White won against all odds, however, if you saw her in Little Dog, this is no surprise. She was that good. As much as I despise Douglas Carter Beane as a writer (particularly in terms of plot), he can write amazing monologues and female characters...he just bombs badly in every other aspect.
• Mary Louise Wilson gave the best acceptance speech so far: "This was not a surprise."
• Bill T. Jones came very close to Wilson for best acceptance speech (certainly won it for best winner's walk to the podium).
• A special award should go to Eddie Izzard as presenter for Special Theatrical Event (aka the most boring category imaginable). I don't know if he was scripted or ad-libbing, but it was probably inherently better than the two nominees in that category. (Kiki & Herb were robbed, even though they probably didn't stand a chance, but they would've won that knife fight.)

Now to the negativity.

I don't get the accolades for Coast of Utopia but I reckon it has more to do with people wanting to appear smart rather than for the play itself.

We all understand that the Tonys are televised more out of tradition rather than for ratings, but the way that everything is synergised for maximum cross-referencing is just dire. Try as hard as they might, Viva Laughlin will likely not become more than a mere footnote for the 2007-08 season, and a camp/cult rerun 5 years after, no matter how much they hype up Hugh Jackman & Melanie Griffith.

Yet, that's not the worst part. That dubious honour goes to this year's tagline: "There's A Little Bit of Broadway in Everyone."

Christ on a stick, that is stupid as hell.

The last thing I want to see or hear is some random bleach blonde bimbette claiming how she loved going to see Cats when she was young...all of 2 minutes ago.

"Broadway" is near death, praise god. Let the new theatrical phoenix arise.

Update: Tonight's only shocker was the newly out David Hyde Pierce winning Best Actor. What the hell was that? And the newly divorced Taye Diggs & Idina Menzel co-presenting...that was most definitely odd.

Hey Kettles, You're Black Too!

Bob Gedlof and Bono say that Canada is slumping on aid to Africa.

While that may very well be true under Prime Idiot Harper, let us not forget that here are two very wealthy men (one of whom tax dodges, at least according to the Daily Record, which while no Independent nor Guardian, is at least not The Sun) telling a nation to fork over more money.

Gold card/Khaki Socialism is one thing, but this is just ludicrous.

Normal Service Will Be Resumed Soon

Moving is such fun!

Endemol, what hath you wrought?

They're competing not over a million Euros.

Not over a trip around the world.

Not over a dream home.

They are competing over a healthy kidney.

As we edge closer and closer towards Battle Royale for real. Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire looks considerably tasteful.

Saturday Jukebox Says Sometimes You Can Be Too Tacky

Case in point, this year's Austrian entry:

2007 Austria (Semifinal)
Uploaded by Galiza

Dancing AIDS ribbons? Dancing AIDS ribbons?

Thursday Jukebox Appreciates Cross-Cultural Ties

Take a look at this retrospective from the Japan Record Awards (from 1985 to 1999), and see if it doesn't seem all Sanremo/Eurovision to you as well.

48th Japan Record Awards
Uploaded by donask05

By the way, the lead singer of THE BOOM--Kazufumi Miyazawa--is sexy as hell.

And now a break for the news...

First off, AfterElton has a great piece profiling out anchors and reporters. Weathermen are not included (no matter how much the heterosexual Al Roker and the producers of Today try to blur the lines), so no mention of a certain sexier version of Al Roker who does the weather on a certain local New York morning news show.

Speaking of local news...

New Jersey is the middle of wildfires and the reporters are indeed doing their job, but they have caught "human interest" disease. You know that particular affliction that strikes producers and journalists wherein they pester people who are trying to do their job and live their lives by asking them how they feel about a given situation. Just now, I watched a report on WABC where a reporter (I'm not naming names since you never know who is at fault) was nagging the local volunteer firefighters--who are busy trying to save their homes--about how they felt about saving their homes.

What sort of answer was he expecting? "I don't give a toss?"

Did we really learn anything from that story that we didn't know already, Charlie Brown?

Yesterday, a reporter on WNYW asked random passersby about how they felt about a security guard being run over by robbers. Again, this was filler and I would assume anyone with an IQ above 40 would know so as well.

I do not think that this is a situation unique to traditional news, as I see it in all forms. At the risk of bringing on the wrath of the ghost of George Orwell, I would suggest that producers and journalists alike really think hard about giving the opinion of the people on the street.

Unless they assume that the audience is like Charlie from Flowers for Algernon.

Monday Jukebox has ideas for Eurovision 2008

Attention songwriters and performers, take a note from Misia:

MISIA - BACK BLOCKS
Uploaded by dcbape

'Nuff said.

Eurovision 2007: Fun Facts from the Qualifying Round Scoreboard

...which is now up at Eurovision.tv.

• The Portugese & Andorrans must feel a mixture of being happy and pissed off that they missed making it into the final by single digits.
• The Portugese can only blame themselves since they gave 12 to The Barbu. Had they reciprocated the 12 the Andorrans gave them, they would've been in the Final. (The Andorrans would've still been screwed though.)
• Brits loved The Diki (or there really is a huge Cypriot voting bloc in the UK) since Cyprus got 10 from the UK (and only 5 from France and Belgium, zilch from Switzerland) .
• Macedonia is now permanently in the yo-yo league, but this year it seems like it's a case of being marginally liked by a lot of countries (including Sweden, Switzerland, and Turkey) which launched them into their 9th place at the Qualifier.
• That's one big gap between Georgia (8th place/123 points) and Macedonia (9th place/97 points). I'm just sayin'.
• Spain, explain your 4 points to Norway, and while we're at it, Portugal explain your 2 to Norway.
• Belgium got its sole 12 points from Georgia.
• FT (Lativan)S finished 5th, and then roundly got their behinds handed to them at the Final. Perhaps last place is lucky...if your act isn't an intentional attempt to piss people off.
• Bulgaria got through very much on merit, with a Cypriot 12, Spanish 10, and French 8.
• Personally, I don't get how anyone can claim that English aids your chances anymore, since Serbia got 5 from the UK, and Slovenia got 8 from the Andorrans. Moral of this story: English doesn't help, a good performance does.
• The Diki placed 15th, apparently lack of popularity in the Baltics killed her chances. You'd think they'd be all for aggressive women singing electroclash.
• Iceland was popular amongst the Baltics as well as the Nordics.
• Somehow I doubt the Estonian 10 for Georgia was due to Ex-USSR links.
• Austria got screwed, but if I'm being honest, ORF's decision to save money by making their song the Life Ball theme as well as the Eurovision entry (and compounding this connection with a life size red ribbon onstage) was really tacky and in questionable taste, with only the Andorrans (1 point) and Swiss (or Austrians on holiday--3 points) buying it.
• That Belgian 10 to the Netherlands was pretty friendly, yet the Dutch didn't reciprocate (Belgium got 2 from them). The Dutch don't like disco on Thursday night?
• I'm suspicious about all those votes for Albania (no diaspora is that huge), unless people really thought it was a comic entry.
• You'd think the Czechs would get at least some token support from Austria. You'd think wrong.
• Daddy Topic must be very popular in the Balkans, since only the Germans were the sole non-Balkans to support him to the tune of 2 points.
• Magdi the Hellcat's poor diction was no impediment as Hungary came in 2nd and got points from all over.
• The UK is a sucker for a drag queen, since DQ got 7 from the UK (the second highest score Denmark received).

So what have we learned, Charlie Brown?

1. Everybody is a little bit neighbourly, but there's still a lot of randomness going on.
2. RTP & TVA are still going to be in it, because they score well when they try.
3. If I was the IBA, NOS, or ORF, I'd just take the Hungarian route of grabbing a high-charting national song that doesn't violate the rules and call that your entry.
4. Even though Magdi the Hellcat went over well in English, she probably would've done the same in Hungarian. So don't try to make English happen where it shouldn't.

Eurovision 2007: The Final...here comes the "eh"

Pre-Contest notes:

The TVE Preshow started at 11:55, the actual contest begins at 3 PM. If that's not giving support to the contest, I don't know what is. Good on you, TVE.

(Although the purpose of the Preshow seems to be a reason to drag out David Civera & Karina every year. Note to David: That "aren't I just cute?" act isn't going to work for you much longer.)

On the blogs this week, someone made the very astute question of "Can you see this song being performed over the credits?" in reference to the UK entry. Perhaps watching nothing but Spanish coverage over this past season, I could see "I Love You Mi Vida" being performed over the credits, but they're not alone: Serbia (although I don't care for it), Germany, Russia, and Slovenia are also in that group. I don't see Verka going all the way, but Ukraine is probably not going back to the Qualifier.

Now watch me get this all wrong and we wind up in Chisnau next year.

As always I'm doing my best to just write things down as I see them with minimal pausing.

The Show:

Same psychedlic opening promising True Fantasy, and we're in the Hartwall where apparently some Gothic man menacingly beckons to us.

A whole bunch of monsters scare some dogs in Upcountry Finland as last year's winner plays. Of course, what else could it be, but Lordi running amok mountains and snow.

Them lot really are camp, aren't they?

Lordi appears in the Areena to perform the last half of the song as the audience shouts along.

There is the close approximation of a moshing, inasmuch as Eurofans can do.

The Vowels make their triumphant return clad in black in contrast to the Miami-gear they had
on for the Qualifier. Poor Beatriz is speaking a mile a minute, no wonder she wants to retire.

Bosnia & Herzegovina: Old ships for the postcard. It oddly looks like the Bosnian preview. "Maria" is dressed in Alenka Gotar's Junior Miss Diva line. She does a lot of outstretched arm movements along with her seemingly robotic ladies-in-waiting. Not my sort of ballad, but Alenka Jr. is in good voice and PBS chose just the right shots. A very strong opener.

Spain: Goth love at the funfair for the Spanish postcard. Huge roar from the crowd as Da NASHers come out in a blaze of white, which is why the background is all blue and red? (hehe) They have sharpened up the routine quite a lot since the Spanish final and vocally they are ten times better. Da NASHettes singing backup (and playing drums?) are almost unnoticeable. It all seems to build up well and then things go a little bit wonky vocally. Nonetheless, I get a strong Paparizou feel from it.

Belarus: A mobile library for Belarus. (Hehe. You're so naughty YLE postcard directors.) As well as Da NASHers did, they can't beat the dramatic opening here. Not Dima still is trying to become Sakis Rouvas and if I'm not mistaken, his shirt is now cut even lower. (Was Kirkorov getting a little too Socratic?) Anyway, Not Dima belts out while the People in Black point and ballet around him. In all honesty, this is a much stronger entry than I thought it was on Thursday.

Ireland: Half-naked men swimming in the ice. How The Amazing Race-in-Korea-esque. So now that we've had the Cheesecake, we now have the Guiness to go along with it. I hate this song lyrically and musically, but most of all I cannot stand the lead singer's nasal voice. She also looks stoned on heroin. It looks like someone took a pub music song and tried to make it big. It doesn't work, no matter how cute they are trying to make it. By the way, it is climatologically impossible to stop the Spring.

Finland: Psychotic Queer Eye clowns for the home entry. Hanna sways moodily amongst the dry ice while she implores us to leave her alone. Wrong venue to tell us that, dear. Vocally, she's excellent, but her stage presence is almost entirely reliant upon the wind machine. There's an interesting dichotomy here: Hanna's presence is small, but everything else onstage is HUGE.

The Vowels come back...in new outfits (green for Female Vowel, grey for Male Vowel). They do a comedy bit with an actress (I'm sorry "fan") who asks to host. Oh ho ho. True Fantasy, nudge nudge.

Macedonia: Rural commerce and cross country skiing for Macedonia. La Karolina comes on a-struttin in her dress, and she doesn't look as severe as she did at the Qualifier. It's now very cute as opposed to dramatic, and as anyone who saw her in 2002, Karolina is very good at dramatic. It also sounds a bit dated, as if it should've been in one of the mid-to-late Nineties contest.

Slovenia: Ice sculpture for Slovenia and Eva Gotar. The underlying theme this year seems to be one-upmanship as Eva Gotar basically one-ups La Karolina with a similar song. Interestingly enough very little has changed since Thursday, and if anything she's in better voice. The hand lighting action works excellently, as does the "Don't Cry for me, Slovenia" arm action. Virtually no Babic (nice guy, just a little bit hammy), so I'm very pleased on that front.

Hungary: Children enticing one another to injure themselves in the snow for Hungary. Magdi the Hellcat is also looking slicker (visually) since Thursday. She's still incomprehensible for 90% of the song. Her tanktop reads "Thank God I'm a V.I.P" with a Virgin Mary icon. Saucy Magdi, going full-tilt for the Tennessee Williams theme.

Lithuania: Computers and Finnish Introverts for a very introverted entry. Julija (or is it Dolores Riordan?) plays her guitar in front while the rest of the band plays behind a screen. (I'd be pissed if I was them.) Really not much else happens, not even in terms of expression on Julija's face. I said it before, I'll say it again, Sade would turn this out like nobody's business.

Greece: Swamp Soccer for Greece. Not much to add to that. Since Marija from Bosnia, is now "Maria," can we assume that Sarbel and his eyebrows are trying to pick her up? Sarbel is very flat and awkward, and I'm going to be kind her and say that it's nerves. The Sarbelettes however, are kicking ass and taking names. The instrumental break is almost comical as he almost virtually repeats what Sakis did in 2004. Oh, Sarbel, you mean well, but...

Georgia: Goth rock festival for Edyta II. The Mandalas start their spinning and Edyta II is still in her chorine gear. Wisely, they did not change a thing...except for some camera angles, as this is an entry that really works on close-ups and only a few wide shots, that was not a wise choice. The latter third with the fireworks and marching, however, bring it back into fighting form.

Sweden: Bizarre wedding drama for Sweden. Let's sum this up simply: I'm Ola Salo. I have a heart on my chest. Would you like to see me shake my heart? They told me to shake it long and hard. Minor-league plagarism--I mean inspiration from T-Rex. End of entry.

Ad break for TVE, and apparently we missed a comedy bit with the Fan. Oh pity.

France: Opera and metallurgy for France. This song is all about the deranged Picard in the pink jacket who cracks me up. I can actually see this being performed over the credits. This may very well be more of a dark horse than anyone else thought.

Latvia: Misbehaviour in the library for Latvia & FTS (see Qualifier review). Same damn top hats. Same damn waistcoats. Same damn dirge. I'm having a cigarette and a shot of rum in order to get through this entry. Beatriz isn't impressed either.

Russia: Dysfunctional family meal for Russia. The Silver Girls attack the stage and then go...kind of static in their slutty schoolgirl outfits. Gappy Silver is still doing most of the heavy lifting, but Blonde Silver and JLH Silver aren't slouching on their bits. They must've finally read the lyrics because they are slutting it up as much as possible without doing any choreography. The microphone stand dance break works, however.

Germany: Sauna action for Germany. Who's singing? Roger Cicero. How do I know? His name is all over the place. It's very laid-back and sexy, which will bridge the non-German speaking gap, I reckon. Slightly offtopic: Roger looks a lot like Lauris Reinks. I typed too soon, Roger has switched to something close to English for his somewhat rough ending.

Serbia: Nighttime cheerleading pranks for Serbia. marijia lang does her strut downstage and sings while the marijettes sulk behind her. Again, what is the appeal here? My interpretation of the lyrics suggest that she should be in the middle of a mental breakdown, not marching around in a healing circle. Excellent vocals, though. I do like the way she snuck in the heart on the hand.

Ukraine: Late Night Moomin & Santa for Ukraine. Bizarre meet bizarre. Verka shakes her thing and the Sprockets Boys do their go-go thing. I do like it, but I'm still befuddled as to how this became such a favourite to win the lot. It's trashy cute more than comedic. By the way, on Verka's back is "Seduchka 69." The sexual harrassment with the backing singers was an interesting touch. Beatriz is not impressed.

The Vowels tell us that we can vote after all the songs are over. Wow, like we haven't had that
power since 1998.

UK: The Old Man & The Lighthouse Party for the UK. Perhaps as an anglophone, the comedy comes across better here than with Ukraine. The Scoochers are in flight attendant outfits while the backing singers are for some reason in nighties. Say what you will, but you can't say that this year the UK blends in with the rest. It is very sugary pop, which is undeniably something that the UK does extremely well. (I think being after The Vowels will work in their favour.)

Romania: Webcam parenting for Romania. Beatriz has a chuckle explaining the multicultural aspects of the song. (I feel your pain, Beatriz.) Anyway, random men walk about warbling in English, Italian, Spanish, Russian, French, and Romanian. It looks rather cheap, like a foreign language teachers' talent show. They mean well, but usch. Four years ago, this would be a threat, but it just reeks of desperation in 2007.

Bulgaria: Ice-breakers for Bulgaria, which is appropriate since it's the first time they made it to the final. Not much change here, except that Elitsa's stage presence is 10 times bigger than on Thursday. Her warbling is also clearer and sharper. This is more of a performance piece than a song, and they know it. I do wish she'd interact with the cameras more, but quite honestly, their big fight was on Thursday.

Turkey: A tree made of steel bells for Turkey. Interpret as you see fit. The backing track is louder, thank god. Kenan proceeds to outdo Sarbel at his own game, and boy is he improved since Thursday. I can also scarily see this being performed over the credits, but I doubt it will be. Near the end, The Dogulettes try to catch up with him. Note to future entrants: A wink at the camera works.

Armenia: Text message proposal for Armenia. Beatriz mentions something about Hayko performing in New York, clearly it must've been low profile. Hayko has been trumpeted as one of the good-looking men of the contest. That speaks more of the sad state of male cheesecake in this contest rather than his good looks. Anyway, Hayko adequately sings a competent ballad accompanied by a tree, and it's not as dire as the preview would suggest, but it's no real shakes ultimately. The Armenian passage adds a lot to it, and I think it should've all been in Armenian.

Moldova: Moldovan postcard: "How to make horny teenage boys work for you." Ruslana-lite plays her violin while her flag dancers spin in the background. Personally, I find the flag dancers unintentionally hilarious. Seeing this in the same round as Finland is interesting as The Barbu comes off as more desperate, whereas Hanna came off as just plain moody. I can somewhat see this being performed behind credits, but along with TVM execs, I hope it isn't.

The Vowels tell us that it's all over. The songs, I mean. They bring on Santa Claus (the world's most famous Finn, according to them) to start the voting. Santa Claus apparently has a hunchback. Santa Claus harasses Daddy Svante, then does a comedy bit with a wooden box and a bell. Santa Claus also is wheezing like nobody's business.

Recap: Maria is earnest, Da NASH go all Paparizou, Not Dima thinks he's Greek, Dervish is death by nasal singing, Hanna is an introvert in an extroverted world, La Karolina is not Eva Gotar, Eva Gotar is still Goth Sex in Blue, Magdi the Hellcat is an incomprohensible VIP, 4Fun do not live up to their name, Sarbel better thank his stars for the Sarbelettes, Edyta II almost recreates the magic of Thursday, Ola Salo and his chest, The Pink Picard is still the funniest thing this year, Fuck that Latvian Shit, The Silver Girls are slutty and static, Roger Cicero wants you to really know his name, marija lang is vocally there, but fails to bring the crazy, Verka...kind of flat but still quirky, Scooch are still sugary sweet, Todomondo look like a bunch of drunk teachers, Elitsa & Stoyan do their performance piece, Kenan out-Sarbels Sarbel, Hayko brings looks and not much else, The Barbu thinks she's Ukrainian.

By the way, after each of the performance snippets, there was a live shot of that entry begging for the vote: marijia lang may not have brought the crazy onstage, but she looks like she really knows how to have a fun time. Elitsa & Stoyan and La Karolina are very very subdued by comparison.

Dammit it's the Fan, introducing us to the Eurofans.

The Vowels tell us to vote and rerun the Recap without the pleas for votes. I think Spain, Slovenia and France are even stronger than before, The Silver Girls' and Verka's chances are lessened by their performance, and marija lang may very well lead Serbia to sweep the lot. (I refuse to even think about FTS.) The UK looks like they will do very respectibly, from my view.
It is now 5 PM and I realise that the remaining 3 hours that TVE has scheduled will encompass the interval and voting. Scary, I tell you.

The Vowels lead us in a countdown to the end of voting. This pair earnestly likes their job.

Ad break for TVE. Well, I say "ad break," but it's more of a PSA break, because what else do you want to think about in the middle of a pop contest, but starving children.


And we're back in the middle of the interval watching a rock cello trio. Evil TVE. Eeeeevil.

The Fan harasses entrants in the Green Room. She talks to marija lang and it looks like a scene from But I'm A Cheerleader. The Fan is either overplaying her role or is flying on something chemical. She talks to the Greeks for too long, and then runs over to Ola Salo, who flirts with her.

The Vowels look very solemn as they prepare to announce the votes. (Male Vowel is wearing black. Read into that what you will.) Daddy Svante speaks in Finnish and tells us that the voting has gone well. Female Vowel (in off-white, she's no angel) starts the voting results.

Montenegro: Slovenia gets 8, Macedonia gets 10, Serbia gets 12. marija lang goes crazy. (She'll have to calm down or she'll get a heart attack.)
Belarus (it's a Stepford Wife!): Moldova gets the 8, Ukraine gets 10, Russia gets 12. Silver Girls go crazy, audience boos.
Armenia (she's trashy pretty): Greece gets the 8, Belarus gets the 10, Russia gets 12. Silver Girls are still happy.
Andorra (it's Marian van de Wal): France gets the 8, Romania gets the 10, Ukraine gets the 12. Verka subdued compared to marija lang.
Austria: Bosnia gets the 8, Turkey gets the 10, Serbia gets the 12. marija has calmed down...somewhat.
France (She's very pretty): Serbia gets the 8, Armenia gets the 10, Turkey gets the 12. Happy Turks.
Denmark: Hungary gets the 8, Turkey gets the 10, Sweden gets the 12. Happy Swedes (led by Christer Bjorkman)
Greece (he's serious, but he's also trying to speak Finnish): Russia gets the 8, Moldova gets 10, Bulgaria gets the 12. Bulgarians...on heroin?
Spain: Armenia gets 8, Bulgaria gets 10, Romania gets 12. Happy Romanian teachers.
Serbia: Bosnia gets 8, Macedonia gets 10, Hungary gets 12. Happy Hungarians.
Ukraine in the lead, followed by Serbia, and Russia. One point separating each of them.
Finland (It's Laura who was so wronged in Estonia back in 2002): Sweden gets 8, Hungary gets 10, Serbia gets 12. marijia's edging herself towards a heart attack.
Turkey: Russia gets 8, Bosnia gets 10, Armenia gets 12. Very happy Armenians.
Bosnia & Herzegovina (Spokeswoman being choked by flowers): Macedonia gets 8, Turkey gets 10, Serbia gets 12 (and the lead)
Belgium: Greece gets 8, somebody gets 10, Turkey gets 12.
Portugal (aww, Francisco looks sweet): Spain gets 8, Moldova gets 10, Ukraine gets 12. Happy trashy Verka & co.
Albania (he's been on the smack too): Bosnia gets the 8, Turkey gets 10, and Spain gets 12. Happy Da NASHers.
Romania: Hungary gets 8, Greece gets 10, Moldova gets 12. The Barbu & co. mug.
Cyprus (He's a suave one): Armenia gets 8, Bulgaria gets 10, Greece gets 12. Laid-back and content Greeks.
Croatia: Macedonia gets 8, Bosnia & Herzegovina gets 10, Serbia gets 12. marija, don't go too OTT or else your heart will give out!
Slovenia (Oh my god, what happened to Peter Poles?): Bosnia gets 8, Macedonia gets 10, Serbia gets 12. marija is calming down by making a phone call.
Israel (Hellooo, Jason): Russia gets 8, Ukraine gets 10, Belarus gets 12. (Not saying anything for fear of Men in black.)

TVE takes an ad break? Oh hell to the no. Oh, it saved us from some business with the Fan, I withdraw my complaint.

Germany (Oh Axel, you so crazy): Serbia gets the 8, Greece gets the 10, Turkey gets the 12. Turks waving flags solemnly.
Lithuania (who is bombing badly tonight along with the UK): Ukraine gets 8, Latvia gets 10, Georgia gets 12. Georgians celebrate cooly.
Norway: Hungary gets 8, Serbia gets 10, Sweden gets 12. Ola shakes his chest...a bit.
Switzerland (Is Sam Champion Swiss?): Bosnia gets 8, Turkey gets 10, Serbia gets 12. Serbia edges closer to winning on its "debut."
Czech Republic (Now here is solemnity): Serbia gets 8, Armenia gets 10, Ukraine gets 12. Verka & Co. now getting more excited.
Netherlands (I dare Paul to make a come on to Male Vowel): Serbia gets 8, Armenia gets 10, Turkey gets 12 (announced by Edsilia...now, that's class).
Ireland (which is also bombing badly, though Linda Martin isn't letting it show): Ukraine gets 8, Latvia gets 10, Lithuania gets the 12, ironically putting Ireland in last place.
Malta: Serbia gets 8, Belarus gets 10, UK gets 12. Very Very happy Brits.
Estonia: Ukraine gets 8, Latvia gets 10, Russia gets 12. Silver Girls mend bridges with glee.
Georgia: Belarus gets 8, Ukraine gets 10, Armenia gets 12.
Bulgaria (She's stoned...or nervous): Armenia gets 8, Macedonia gets 10, Greece gets 12. Sarbel & co. party.
Sweden (Helloooo Swedish spokesman): Hungary gets 8, Serbia gets 10, Finland gets 12. Hanna is demure and graceful.
Ukraine (She's having a good time): Georgia gets 8, Russia gets 10, Belarus gets 12. Kirkorov waves regally in the background.
Russia: Ukraine gets 8, Armenia gets 10, Belarus gets 12. Not Dima makes a rock gesture.

The Serbian train continues on with Bulgaria in 5th.

Latvia (I think he's done porn): Belarus gets 8, Lithuania gets 10 (that's very neighbourly), Ukraine gets 12. Verka pumps her fists.
Iceland: Hungary gets 8, Sweden gets 10, Finland gets 12. Hanna makes a rock gesture more genuine than Not Dima's.
Poland (He thinks he's presenting the news): Serbia gets 8, Armenia gets 10, Ukraine gets 12. Verka thanks the Poles demurely.
Moldova (boy, they are having a rough time at TVM): Russia gets 8, Belarus gets 10, Romania gets 12. The Romanians don't care.

Serbia still chugs along with a token threat by Ukraine.

UK: Ukraine gets 8, Greece gets 10, Turkey gets 12. (None to Ireland, preserving Ireland's last place.)
Macedonia (Risteska looks kind of rough, her voice, however is in good shape): Bulgaria gets 8, Turkey gets 10, Serbia gets 12.
Beatriz is getting kind of irked at the moment. I don't blame her.
Hungary: Romania gets 8, Bulgaria gets 10, Serbia gets 12.

marija lang wins the lot! (And try to carry off The Fan with them.)

If we're being technical, they won on their "debut," which makes them the first ever country to win on their debut. (Arched eyebrow.)

The Big 4 didn't do at all well, and I really sense a storm on the horizon. (Ireland also came in dead last.)

The Vowels do their best stalling as marija & the marijettes try to make it to the stage.

Beatriz is non-plussed and my already high admiration of her rises more by the second.

marijia enters the stage like Rocky Balboa, and can you blame her? It's odd, I really like her, I just can't stand the orchestration of the song, or the staging.

Comedy moment: marija walks into the audience just as Santa Claus prepares to hand over the trophy to her.

marija says "THANK YOU EUROPE!" and I realise that the rest of the block alloted by TVE for Eurovision will be a post-show, a very bitchy one, I suspect.

Well, there it is. Molitva performed over the credits, and I'm kind of "eh" about it.

Eurovision 2007: Some Light Qualifier Analysis

Just my own take on it.

• Bulgaria: Drums are like crack for the Eurovision voter. Add on wailing, a synth background, and you're already in the final.
• Belarus: The "I want to have sex with him" vote with some help from the fact that this is the first decent entry from the only (gagged and whipped repeatedly by mysterious men in black while Zsa Zsa Gabor in drag cackles in the background) in Europe.
• Georgia: She brought it. The performers used the stage effectively. They deserved their place. Think about it this way: Alanis Morrissette still sells records.
• Moldova: I have no idea. Perhaps the "I want to have sex with her" vote, or the Ruslana Edition of the Erener playbook is still valid.
• Serbia: Still don't get why people are going batshit crazy over this droning ballad, but qualifying was a foregone conclusion, and wisely marijia lang's crew didn't throw in the low-rent circus behind her like they did at Beovizija. (That said, I just hummed Prava Stvar during the entire performance to keep me from passing out.)
• Macedonia: La Karolina was good, but she wasn't that good. For different reasons, this was a foregone conclusion as well. Honestly, I'd like to see the Macedonians get through one year without any suspicion. I don't think this year's scoreboard will say that this is that year.
• Hungary: I'm watched it again this morning, and honestly, it's alright. Yes, she has an excellent voice, but for me that's marred by atrocious annunciation. (I know the blues aren't about diction, but we'd like to know why you're angry and calling someone a "casual man" doesn't cut it.) It's well-staged and minimalist with a bit of agitprop theatre (because we have no idea what you're singing about otherwise), yet it only works within context of the songs performing this year. A semi-lucky break.
• Slovenia: Goth sex in blue (in a year when damn near everybody chose red backdrops) combined with diva worship. 'Nuff said.
• Turkey: I'm shocked that the Erener playbook is still valid. It's a great song, but the backing track sounded muffled to me and that limited my ability to engage with it. The Dogulettes were a nice touch, but it didn't have that extra spark for me in terms of performance. Sibel, I understood. This, I'm suspicious.
• Latvia: I. Have. No. Fucking. Clue. I can only guess the lobotimised were voting.

In respect to the Western Europe shutout, I think two things need to happen:

1. Western Europe has got to get serious and perhaps just do internal selections (unless you're Nordic) for a few years, and send the anointed on as many tours of the Balkans & Baltics as possible, since familiarity apparently probably does not breed contempt amongst the Eastern televoters.
2. We've got to go back to 50/50 between televoting and jury (it's a pop contest not human rights, since as many American voters know now, it doesn't quite work when applied to politics). All those Qualifiers may very well had gotten in based on merit, but the appearance suggests otherwise, and in this day in age, the appearance counts more than the content in modern society including Eurovision.

An addendum to the Eurovision article I wrote for AfterElton this week: Eurovision.tv is offering the Qualifier on demand, so you don't have to sacrifice sleep to get your Euro-fix.