Eurovision 2007: Some Light Qualifier Analysis

Just my own take on it.

• Bulgaria: Drums are like crack for the Eurovision voter. Add on wailing, a synth background, and you're already in the final.
• Belarus: The "I want to have sex with him" vote with some help from the fact that this is the first decent entry from the only (gagged and whipped repeatedly by mysterious men in black while Zsa Zsa Gabor in drag cackles in the background) in Europe.
• Georgia: She brought it. The performers used the stage effectively. They deserved their place. Think about it this way: Alanis Morrissette still sells records.
• Moldova: I have no idea. Perhaps the "I want to have sex with her" vote, or the Ruslana Edition of the Erener playbook is still valid.
• Serbia: Still don't get why people are going batshit crazy over this droning ballad, but qualifying was a foregone conclusion, and wisely marijia lang's crew didn't throw in the low-rent circus behind her like they did at Beovizija. (That said, I just hummed Prava Stvar during the entire performance to keep me from passing out.)
• Macedonia: La Karolina was good, but she wasn't that good. For different reasons, this was a foregone conclusion as well. Honestly, I'd like to see the Macedonians get through one year without any suspicion. I don't think this year's scoreboard will say that this is that year.
• Hungary: I'm watched it again this morning, and honestly, it's alright. Yes, she has an excellent voice, but for me that's marred by atrocious annunciation. (I know the blues aren't about diction, but we'd like to know why you're angry and calling someone a "casual man" doesn't cut it.) It's well-staged and minimalist with a bit of agitprop theatre (because we have no idea what you're singing about otherwise), yet it only works within context of the songs performing this year. A semi-lucky break.
• Slovenia: Goth sex in blue (in a year when damn near everybody chose red backdrops) combined with diva worship. 'Nuff said.
• Turkey: I'm shocked that the Erener playbook is still valid. It's a great song, but the backing track sounded muffled to me and that limited my ability to engage with it. The Dogulettes were a nice touch, but it didn't have that extra spark for me in terms of performance. Sibel, I understood. This, I'm suspicious.
• Latvia: I. Have. No. Fucking. Clue. I can only guess the lobotimised were voting.

In respect to the Western Europe shutout, I think two things need to happen:

1. Western Europe has got to get serious and perhaps just do internal selections (unless you're Nordic) for a few years, and send the anointed on as many tours of the Balkans & Baltics as possible, since familiarity apparently probably does not breed contempt amongst the Eastern televoters.
2. We've got to go back to 50/50 between televoting and jury (it's a pop contest not human rights, since as many American voters know now, it doesn't quite work when applied to politics). All those Qualifiers may very well had gotten in based on merit, but the appearance suggests otherwise, and in this day in age, the appearance counts more than the content in modern society including Eurovision.

An addendum to the Eurovision article I wrote for AfterElton this week: Eurovision.tv is offering the Qualifier on demand, so you don't have to sacrifice sleep to get your Euro-fix.