A foreword: I do not like having to avoid spoilers. So trying to keep myself in the dark while waiting for the 10:30 airing of this year's qualifier was hard as hell. However, this scheduling allowed for a full Thursday night prime time viewing, (Ugly Betty & Eurovision, a good combo in my view) so it all works out quite well in the end.
On with the Finnish.
TVE speaks with all accents. That's nice.
Very brief psychedelic opening promising "True fantasy" and then BANG we're in the Hartwall.
Some woman holds a globe looking all moody, and I am happy to hear Beatriz again. (Go, Reina!)
This leads into a tango in the snow. Jari's entry in 2004 explains the logic behind this.
The beat boxing man on stilts? The slightly menacing clowns? I'm just guessing the drugs are good in Helsinki.
Lots of flowers on the stage screens. (Yes, the drugs are good apparently.)
Our hosts are Jaana (woman) & Mikko (male). I'm calling them the Vowels. I like the Vowels, they are perky without being off-putting, casual without being slumpy, and they are not Sakis & Grace. On the other hand, I see little chance of this lot becoming a car crash like Sakis & Grace.
Both of the vowels do equal bilingual lifting. You go on with your bad Finnish selves.
Bulgaria: These postcards are very quirky and quick scenes from Finland. Bulgaria gets a muscle man. I'm happy. Bang! We've got the Water people from Bulgaria. I don't what it is with Eurovision and drums, but I tell you, put drums and techno and it's like crack to the Eurovision fans. Anyway, Elitsa walks around doing some mix of singing and nasal wailing. The thing is, it's impressive nasal wailing with a wind machine. Very sly. Not much choreography, but can you blame them? If I had to beat drums and wail on key, I wouldn't want to be bothered with kicks and jazz hands. By the way, this song is all about Elitsa.
Israel: Ski-jumping is the Israeli postcard. Oh, those wacky Finns. Lots of close-ups of Kobi, but since he's rather attractive in a sexy brain way I'm not complaining. I can see why they were miffed about the shots since the Dr. Strangelove feel of the video is rather lost. The Packs just look like a bizarre busker band. The Hebrew rap sequence, however, is their own fault. It's like someone took Moldova's 2005 performance and crossed it with PingPong in 2000. Lots of Israeli flags at Hartwall.
Cyprus: Camping for The Diki (very appropriate when you think about it). The Diki comes onstage with that certain smile of assurance that comes with knowing your shit. Her bassist has clearly been in the East Village. The Diki is really working this hard and it works for me, but I wonder just how messed up her back is going to be after performing this: arch here, move to the left, move to the right. Controversial statement here: The Diki is giving the crazy that La Vissi should've brought last year. The song makes you wish it was longer...always a good thing.
Belarus: Jetskis for Not Dima. (Draw your own conclusion.) Two severe looking women in black accompany Not Dima who is really working his Sakis angle. After going for batshit crazy for the past few years, the Belarussians have discovered sex appeal and Sprockets. Ooh, there's a gimmick! Stick the severe women on a wall. Has Not Dima been chained to a tanning bed? He looks extremely orange. And I guess he wasn't accompanied solely by severe looking women, as it turns out some of them were men.
Iceland: Water-skiing for Eirikur and his no-hoper. It's all very Celtic-looking onstage as Eirkur wails his cliches. He does not look as old as he did on the Nordic preview shows. That said, I much prefer his backing band from a libidic standpoint. It's all a bit 1993 though. I will give him credit, however, he performs the living daylights (pun intended) out of it. He just should've kept it in Icelandic.
Georgia: Cross-country skiing for Sopho. (Kind of makes sense.) Lots of Mandalas onstage for Sopho, who is dressed like a 1920's chorine, while her backing dancers are in military-inspired gray. I am so LOVING THIS. It's multi-media, post-modern, and yet deeply rooted in tradition (note the sword fighting). Seriously, I'm just blown away by the visuals and the vocals. Sopho, I dub thee Edyta mk. II.
The Vowels again. They thank Georgia and welcome the Montenegrins, Serbians, and Czechs. And "back to business." The Vowels don't play.
Montenegro: Cooking and Finnish kitchen drama for Montenegro. (I feel your pain.) Stevan is dressed like it's 1991 (though his hair is straight Jesse Camp...those who watched MTV in the mid nineties know what I mean), his song is from 1987, and his backing singers think it's 1891. This is ridiculously dated no matter which way you slice it. If this were not 2007, I would be all over this, but there's no comment being made by the dated style. There's a drum break, but Stevan doesn't wail, so it's only good will that can save his kilted butt.
Switzerland: Raking leaves for Bobo. Bobo is dressed like a reject from Dune, and his backing dancers are straight out Strange Days. Bobo is too calm for a song that is supposed to be slightly menacing. In fact when he starts dancing it becomes extremely cute. That is not a good tact to take when you are singing about vampires. I really think the mannequins were a horrid idea as it's very blatant when everybody else onstage is dancing. You know what this reminds me of? That Starship song from Mannequin. Ooh Bobo, you aren't supposed to revive that.
Moldova: Helsinki at night for The Barbu. I guess she does look like a streetwalker, although low-rent Ruslana comes first to my mind. Instead of two-steps and whips, we have flags and violins. Anyway, The Barbu wails, her backers flail, and it's kind of "power to the people" light. Still I was hoping for some agitprop like the video. I will give The Barbu credit, she gave the best performance of it I've heard.
Commercial break for those who have it. We have a montage of the artists' week. I thought I was Kirkorov-free, but there he is mugging to the camera with Not Dima. True fantasy? I think not.
The Vowels talk about the fact that this is the 4th time we've had a Qualifier. No shit. They know it's filler, especially Female Vowel.
Netherlands: Snowboarding. O...kay. La Rombley is all wrapped up in women in white. She is fortunately not wearing a lampshade, though she is sadly not singing in Dutch. The Romblettes fling their hair about and do cheerleader positions, but not La Rombley. She is staying as diva-esque as she can, complete with wink. Oh, there's a male Romblette doing a somersault. He's gone in no time at all. Come back, male Romblette.
Albania: Rural comedy and folk music for the Hairpiece & Co. I think this is secretly an advert for a wig company, because Aida's hair is FAKE. The Hairpiece is wearing a more believable rug, which takes some of the comedy out of it. Aida looks like a deranged pageant contestant, while The Hairpiece drones like he's in a bad telenovela. Visually, this is more interesting than I thought it would be, but not for the reasons they would like me to be interested in it. A slight car crash.
Denmark: Hockey? In a year when you have the Czechs debuting? Tsk tsk. DQ still looks like a peacock crossed with Bette Davis at first. Then he looks like a peacock crossed with Ann-Margret. The main problem here is the same that the Nordics had with it: there is no drama. I understand not wanting to take the obvious route, but seriously, you're a drag queen. Give us some bitchy agitprop along with the synth, fans, and costume changes.
Boy, this show is moving fast!
Croatia: Bar girls and bar boys for Daddy Topic & Dragonfly. This song would drive me to drink too. That funky start is so evil because it promises more than it can deliver. Daddy Topic manages to stay upright, but let's be honest, the real star here is the blonde singing co-lead. I really would like to hear the song totally handled by her. Nonetheless, Daddy Topic does decently, although not spectacular.
Poland: School for Poland...I don't think they've learned their lesson yet. Sasha is in a cage with her whores (dressed by last year's Belarussian entry), while David and his whores thrust about. You'd think it'd work, and it could...if they only decided they wanted '90s pastiche or '20s pastiche. One or the other, but not both.
Serbia: Pensioners at the park playing with coins. Appropriate for this song. Marija walks up a la k.d. lang and sings. The Marijettes join her in dramatic poses. Nothing else really happens, but dramatic poses and Marija getting consoling gestures. The simplicity makes it very revolutionary for this show. Still don't care that much for the song though. The fans go crazy as expected.
Czech Republic: Skateboarding? Someone effed up with the postcards, I tell you. Kabat basically perform a better version of Eirikur's song, but it's not as visually arresting. In their case, simplicity is not needed. They are really feeling it, and it kind of makes me wish I liked it more. Perhaps if the singer had a louder voice, the emotion would really come across. Fortunately, those go-go girls are g-g-gone.
Portugal: Biking and milk for Portugal, now there's a genuine connection. Now this song has come along a big way since the Portugese final. Appropriately they went for a Strictly Come Dancing/Dancing with the Stars feel with the fans and ballroom dancing couple. It is still very cute as opposed to sultry, even when switching languages (which is seamless by the way). Gratuitous butt shot of the male dancer!
Macedonia: The growth of a musical child for Macedonia. Just put a yo-yo and say what we're all thinking. La Karolina comes out in her non-warrior gear while the taxi dancers have disappeared and replaced by modern dancers. Karolina does another language switch, and it's seamless as well, but there is no real oomph like her previous entry. Sopho schooled you, girl.
Random advert for movies on TVE-I. Deny me my Beatriz at your own peril, although I suspect I didn't miss that much "true fantasy."
The Vowels thank Lordi and thank the volunteers. Um, while I'm obviously all for the glory and pride of work...this is filler, and you guys have 28 songs. After a montage, they remind us of the numbers.
Norway: Face-painting...(oh, you're so naughty, YLE postcard people) and soccer. Guri/Geri does her slinky moves like she's in Chicago and it's competent...but disingenious, especially after Portugal did the same thing earnestly. I'm with Thomas Lundin on this one (why copy when Norway already has its own distinct sound?) Impressive costume changes though.
Malta: The Finnish shipping industry for Malta. (Now that's a good connection!) Will Olivia be running the 200m dash onstage? Nope, she'll have shirtless men banging gongs and playing violins while dressed in Chinese chic. The camera shots were well chosen as I certainly get vertigo from looking at them. More fans though, and I'm beginning to think this will be a recurring theme this year. It's very dramatic and god-help-me, I actually care about the Maltese entry. Well-done.
Andorra: Kids in the forest for Andorra. (Very good job, YLE postcard people.) Anonymous attack the stage, and it's a sad state of affairs if that's the first time I'm using that expression tonight. Lots of numbers onstage and while that doesn't quite bring home the ecological message of the song, it is just the sort of visual overload that the song needed. Damn good job, and I'm surprised that there's no mosh pit happening in the audience.The non-blond members of Anonymous actually sell it better than the lead, who looks a touch stiff.
Hungary: Mud field hockey for Magdi the Hellcat and Hungary. Said Hellcat sultry walks towards a bus stop with luggage, because this song is all about baggage (even if you can't understand a damn word she sings). I'm surprised that this is the song that brings the agitprop theatrics. Magdi the Hellcat has her crazy moments, so I'm satisfied. Well-performed--even though pretty much no Anglophone understood what she was singing.
Estonia: Aww, kids dancing for Not Pink/Not Sharon Osbourne. Not Pink/Not Sharon has the wind machine at full blast while her chorus boys fling themsleves about in the background. Now I think the idea is translate the lyrics into dance, but the Gerli-Boys are so not called for. Not Pink/Not Sharon can damn well sell the song herself, and it is a good one at that.
Belgium: Canoeing for the KMGs, and I get the connection here as it could very well be a rough ride upstream for them. Nice, a mirrorball! Lots of rainbows for the KMGs and the lead singer is pretty much on-key on a song that callas for lots of falsetto. The only problem here is that there's not much movement, and as anyone who has ever seen Earth, Wind, and Fire in action knows that they are all about the line dancing. (I am not going to mention the resemblance between the lead singer of the KMGs and a certain American Idol contestant, but yes, it's a very close one.)
Slovenia: Acrobatic living for (sexy) Slovenia. Will we be Babic free? I hope so. Alenka is all gothed up like a certain other famed Slovene Eurovision entrant. Alenka is clearly using her performance for her audition reel to play Eva Peron. Ooh! Blue lights. Damn, we're not totally Babic free as he's singing backup. Well, Alenka is clearly going gangbusters here and it is working with me. Beatriz sighs "Alenka Gotar." I really want to do some tequila slammers with La Pecker.
Turkey: Village life for Kenan. Clearly taking a note from the Erener playbook, Kenan has belly dancers/backing singers, but for some reason is dressed like a matador. I'm not quite buying him as a sex symbol, but he is much better than I thought he'd be. It is very "Every Way That I Can" mk. II though. That said, it's kind of weak..even with the fire.
Austria: Snowmobiling for Austria. It's very quaint and cute...unlike the entry. Erik emerges from a huge HIV/AIDS ribbon while Ricky Gervais plays guitar? Ok, who's been at the pipe at ORT? The Ribbon morphs into backing singers/dancers last seen in The Birdcage. Now, Erik does a good job with this but the song has too many quiet moments before kicking things into high gear. If it weren't for The Rounder Girls, Austria would still be on it's jazz/soul kick and we would've be saved from undedeveloped Austri-rock.
Latvia: Boating for the Latvians, and god I wish this lot would get on one and leave the rest of us alone. One by one the eejits come out in their jeans, waistcoats, and top hats. Can I say anything of note about this entry? Well, it sounds like a reject from an anime album...in 1986. Yeah, yeah, you're singing in Italian, now vaffan questa notte!
The Vowels come back and tell us "that's it." (And what a shitty ending.) The Vowels and the audience do the countdown in Finnish. I like The Vowels.
Recap: Bulgaria wails and it works, The Teapacks get shafted by the cameras, The Diki throws her back out but doesn't let it show, Not Dima thinks he's Sakis Rouvas, Eirikur should've left it in Icelandic, Edyta mk.II kicks everybody's ass, Stevan is stuck in a time warp, Bobo falls flat on his face, The Barbu thinks she's Ruslana, La Rombley should've left it in Dutch, The Hairpiece & co. forget that they aren't the entertainment for Miss Albania, DQ fails to bring the drama along with the feathers, Daddy Topic vs. Dragonfly (not featuring), Poland doesn't know what song to sing, Marija keeps it simple...k.d. lang style, Kabat mean well, but..., Sabrina is earnest minus oomph, La Karolina doesn't quite build on her success, Guri dances with the stars in her mind, China makes Malta get veritgo, Anonymous kick ass although they forget the message, Magdi the Hellcat brings Tennessee Williams to Eurovision, Damn Gerli Boys, KMGs forget that EWF line dances, Alenka Peron in blue with little Babic (thank god), Kenan the Matador, Erik dances with red ribbons and it's quaint, those damn Latvians.
The Vowels introduce us to the Euroclub which seems to be a dance club set up just for the Contest. They are trying to make Helsinki's Euroclub look like it's in Monte Carlo, and I just don't buy it. The Vowels then run the recap again. I guess they really alloted more time than needed.
The Vowels hype the DVD and CD very briefly as they countdown the seconds like PAs on breakfast television.
No interval for TVE-I, as the jump cut with the hypercaffeniated Male Vowel suggests. Male Vowel catches La Rombley equally hyper. Sabrina...not so hyper, partly to the dismay of Male Vowel, since she's killing his buzz, so he goes straight to the preview for the Finalists.
I can't add on much to the preview, but this year looks like a real tossup, except that the Silver Girls are serious dark horses, and I'm happy they're using the better video for Ukraine.
"Moment of truth" as Female Vowel puts it. (Wow, Daddy Svante is kind of scary.) A trio of female roller skaters bring the names of the qualifiers.
And the qualifiers are:
3: Belarus (Not Dima and Kirkorov lose their minds.)
6: Macedonia (Not as crazy as the Belarus)
7: Slovenia (Babic goes crazy)
8: Hungary (Magdi the Hellcat goes crazy...thank god)
11: Georgia (Sopho & co. are understated crazy)
Male Vowel messes with the viewers and audience.
14: Latvia (Fuck that shit! That's about the only charitable way I can put it.)
17: Serbia (marijia lang goes crazy...although her qualification was pretty much expected.)
Male Vowel likes being sadistic with the audience. I really like him now. (I'm still calling him Male Vowel, though.)
21: Bulgaria (Elitsa hugs Stoyan.)
22: Turkey. (The male backing singer wags his tongue at the camera. I shake my head in disbelief.)
24: Moldova (Huh? Ruslana-lite? I'm with the booing audience.)
Western Europe shut out, and The Diki and Anonymous were ROBBED big time. Expect an OGAE civil war.
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