Eurovision 2007: My Fellow Curmudgeons

Since I don't live in a Nordic country nor get Nordic television, the Nordic Preview shows for this year's Eurovision almost flew right past me.

I stress "almost."

Esctoday's Charlotte Jensen is recapping them and I tell you what...these Nordic commentators are brutal! (And I love them for it.)

Amongst those on the panel (Nordic in this case means Denmark, Finland, Iceland, and Sweden) are Charlotte Perrelli (aka Charlotte Nilsson who shook her busom to success in 1999) and Eirikur Hauksson who is representing Iceland this year and is literally rating his competition on a scale of 0-5 points. (He promises not give any zero points, but he sure as hell is giving his fair share of 1 pointers.)

One of the big ironies about these preview shows is that apparently several previous commentators had been sacked for being too negative. I shudder to imagine what they were like as this group is hardly upbeat about this year's semi-finalists.

(The other big irony--in my view--is that Charlotte "Amanda LePore" Perrelli has apparently gone all prudish and what have you.)

Some samplings of the "curmudgeonry:"

• On Slovenia: Charlotte Perrelli, Sweden: Sick.... It makes me sick. I’ll puke - so bad is this. It is pervert (sic) to see her as lead character in this porn session. Why not use a stand in and then she would be able to stand next to and sing? I don’t understand it. 0 points. (Lady, do you NOT remember a thing about your 1999 performance? --Hikaru) Thomas Lundin, Finland: She is a music teacher and I can’t stop thinking about her students who will see her like this. It must be horrible. I don’t agree though that opera and Eurovision cannot be combined. I believe it can be a great combination when done right. Had there been half as much of everything then it would have been great. I do give it 2 points though.
• On Austria: Thomas Lundin, Finland: This is Austria in a nutshell. Every year they send professional singers who are good on stage, but their songs are always bad… almost every time, at least. It is the same here: a great artist with something you can barely call a composition. I wonder why the Austrian singers agree to this year after year. But he is professional though and 2 points for that.
  Adam Duvå Hall, Denmark: If it is an attempt to get rid of AIDS then it is rather effective as no one would wants to have sex to this song! It sounds like a demo-tape, a song that is not complete. It is really boring. But “put in on”, Europe, if you still want to roll around in the hay. 1 point. (Adam seems to define "boi."--Hikaru)
• On Denmark (aka kissing neighbourly ass, but not as much as with Iceland): Thomas Lundin, Finland: If you put a man in women clothes on stage in 2007 then you can't expect it to be a sensation, because it just isn't. Norway did it already in 1986, Slovenia in 2002. We have seen it before so it needs something else. The song is called Drama queen, but there is no drama in it. But Peter sings well and it is a good song. I give it 3, but hopes for more drama on stage in Helsinki as then it can be 4 points from me. Per Sundnes, Norway: I totally disagree. Sex-confusion is a natural part of the Eurovision Song Contest and Peter does it fantastic. He makes drag an every day thing and shows that every man can wear women clothes - including me. 5 points.
• On Poland: Thomas Lundin, Finland: I am feeling old and tired when I am watching this. Is this what young people do these days? I am really feeling with her dad who has to watch his daughter offering herself like that. Poor man! It might be new and good. I am giving it 2 points just to be sure. Please continue to the next one because I don't understand this. (And Thomas defines "cranky queen" --Hikaru) Adam Duvå Hall, Denmark: "Dear Europe, will you please come to our party? Love, Poland". No thanks, I will stay home. 0 points. Charlotte Perrelli, Sweden: I might have liked it in another context, because it is quite ok. But I don't think Europe is ready for this porno shock. We don't know how it will be on stage, but I don't think it will work.. 2 points.
• On Croatia (lest I give you the false impression that Eirikur isn't giving the Paris is Burning-style shade as well) : Adam Duvå Hall, Denmark: I will let the song speak for itself. 0 points.
  Charlotte Perrelli, Sweden: It makes me sick. I am trying to listen to it, but I can't. Get it away! It is the worse I have ever heard! 0 points. Eirikur Hauksson, Iceland: Well I have promised not to give zero points to any of my competitors, but it is becoming quite tempting. 1 point.

The majority of the panelists didn't like Sopho, so I already think they've been smoking some wacky herring already, but it's a hilarious read nonetheless.