Once again, it is the time of the year when a significant portion of the LGBT community and our allies come out in force to show that we are defiantly happy of who we are, what we have achieved, and what still lies ahead.
Yet, this is also time when many people come out to say "I'm not like those people."
Despite being subjected to the same legal restrictions, societal prejudice, and the same hatred, still there remain groups who are very quick to point out that they are not like "them."
Who is the mythological "they" which threatens others' sense of security so much that they are quick to disavow any connection?
To some, "they" are effeminate men.
Many times we overhear some gay men saying (with all the venom of a rattlesnake) "if I wanted a woman, then I'd be straight" when an effeminate guy walks past.
But you're not looking at a woman, you're looking a man. A man whose mere existence threatens your insecurity in your own masculinity that you immediately seek to denigrate him for expressing himself in the way that he feels accustomed to. I would hazard a guess that the insecurity these men express has more to do with their own suppressed desires to be themselves.
This self-loathing is quite apparent in the "current" wave of porn that is sold based on the fact that the participants are ostensibly straight men having sex with each other.* While statistically, there must be some heterosexuals who participate in having gay sex on film for money, I would hasten to point out that the money is not that much of an incentive for one to go against one's true orientation. It provides a convenient excuse for those not willing to deal with their true selves, but the pay is negligible at best, and in order to reach the higher echelon (in respect to porn wages), one must truly enjoy homosexual sex.
* Fortunately, there are a great many men who realise that this is a marketing technique with no basis in reality.
There also those who believe that "they" are leather men or others whose sexual practices run contrary to their own.
To be blunt, you just need to give that up. There are politicians and others out there who are so terrified--yes, terrified, because their actions suggest that they feel threatened--of our existence that even hand-holding in public is tantamount to calling for our extermination.
To others, "they" are those who aren't a certain definition of what is physically attractive.
What all this talk of "they" boils down to is insecurity. Let's be honest here, we are beat down every day. All of us: gay and straight, male and female, all races, all people, all nationalities. No one likes it, but it's true. It takes a great deal of energy to wake up in the morning and say that we are ready to greet the world at large. I do mean "greet" instead of "face." "Face" suggests that we are preparing to go into combat with others and that we're already in an adversarial mindset. How rare is it for us to actually "greet the world?" Instead of propping ourselves up with how we are different from others and how others have ruined the world, why not just think "I am" and "you are." Just those two phrases without any qualifiers or descriptions after them.
It is extremely surprising that this is a radical concept and something that we are still dealing with, lo these many years after Stonewall, but honestly, why can't we just take this venom that we set upon each other and use it for change that benefits all of us, instead of ourselves and our clones?
Then maybe, we'd actually find out what it means to be happy and loved.
2 comments:
The predjudices that exist within subcultures have always puzzled me as they seem to mirror the predjudices held toward the entire subculture by those who aren't a part of it. Why is there such a thing as "too gay" or "too fat" or "too goth" within those subcultures? The inverse is also true. There is such a thing as "not gay enough" and "not fat enough" and "not goth enough" and, and, and...
I long for a day when we can all realize that, underneath everything else, is a human being. No more ... and certainly no less.
This is why I come here. You reassure me I'm not alone.
Thanks for this post.... it all needed to be said and you hit the mark!
Will things ever change? I'm not certain. So many of us seem to be much too focused on "self" and involved in our own little "cliques" to have much concern for our brothers and sisters!
Although I've never experienced it myself, I think there is a great deal of age discrimination among gay men as well as sexual racism.
We could all learn so much from one another....
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