ESC 2009: We Don't Wanna Put In With All of These Winners (just a few)

It's pretty much all decided now who is (nearly every country in Europe + Israel) and who isn't going to the big shindig in Moscow (Georgia, who probably were not keen on going to anything celebrating Russian success this year).

I must admit that this crop of national final winners and "winners" are kind of weak. Sweden's highly obsessed-over and mostly high quality MF-in' Melodifestivalen was won by trained operatic singer Malena Ernman and her English/French opera meets trance song La Voix.




Now, I'm not saying that La Voix is a bad song, because it certainly isn't. Is it good enough to get out of whatever Qualifier Hell Sweden is put in this year?* I don't think so. It's not as easily "accessible but different" as most Swedish songs are in odd years (Sweden seems to get "experimental" in odd years recently: Steinmarck's Vegas kitsch ode in 2005, The Ark being themselves in 2007, and now Malena Ernman singing beautiful nonsense in 2009), but if the juries are still giving out wildcard places to the final then Sweden might very well be saved again.
*Apparently they are in the first one with Israel, Andorra, Montenegro (one of the few good "new Europe" entries this year), Bulgaria, Switzerland, Turkey, Malta, and others. Yikes.


What I find shocking is that Alcazar came in 5th (with the best song of the entire festival!), the Janis Joplin-wannabe came in 2nd, and the acronym boys in top hats with their catchy foolishness came in 3rd! Seriously, how could they not pick this?



The Czechs also decided on what Gypsy.cz song would represent them: The rap about being a Gypsy with the English title, or the rap about being a Gypsy with a (Gypsy Latin?) title. Turns out that the Czech SMS voting public likes the one with the non-English title.



This is really turning out to be a...well...crap year. Walloon Belgium has remembered that it is the land that spawned Magritte and decided to send a Elvis impersonator singing a song called Copycat.



Slovakia chose the most overwrought ballad of all the overwrought ballads they had at their aeons long selection process. (Believe it or not, the most upbeat Slovakian Eurovision entry was their official proper debut in 1994.)



We've got Chiara representing Malta again with another inoffensive midtempo anthem full of milquetoast sentiment. (I'd put some money on her, she's already finished 3rd and 2nd.) Cyprus sent something relatively similar but more anonymous. Israel went for symbolism with an Israeli Arab singer & Israeli Jewish singer singing in Hebrew, Arabic, and English, but it's not as sickly sweet as you'd think. Serbia went for a comedy entry assuming that the rest of the non-Serbian world would get the joke (and dissing Ana Nikolic royally).

Iceland gives us yet another well-performed, but lyrically dull ballad, that sounds more like it escaped from an Irish final. Meanwhile, Belgian Turk/Turkish Belgian Hadise thinks we all want her cookie, and since songs about how we apparently all want some woman's cookie (and vice versa) do VERY well (especially if they are from Mediterranean/Black Sea countries: Greece 2005/2008, Turkey 2003, Ukraine 2004/2008--god willing not 2009, Bulgaria 2007, Russia 2000/2003/2007, Romania 2005), I would watch this one do very well in Moscow.




Armenia has sisters Inga & Anush singing the living daylights out of a Armenian folk-meets-something-like R&B song called Nor Par or Jan Jan. Whatever it is, it's damn catchy and meant to be so. No pun intended, but they're a legitimate dark horse this year, especially since they are similar in spirit with Moldova's entry, but do it in a more accessible manner (in other words, not screaming "Moldova" every 10 seconds).



The Azeris (who I thought were only doing a one-off in 2008) are back with a slightly less shouty duet between singer Aysel and singer/songwriter Arash called Always, and it sounds like Arash listened to Expose's Greatest Hits and just added a few Azeri folk touches. I don't think it's got as much punch as they think it might. They might need the jury sympathy card.




The less said about Belarus and Macedonia's foray into bad 1970s glam (Belarus) and 1980s hair rock (Macedonia), the better off we all are. Well, one thing to Petr from Belarus: Jahn Teigen did this in 1976--in Norwegian, wearing a silly costume and pulling faces no less--with much more panache. (Although he was more in the progressive rock genre.)



Finland on the other hand has made a very astute choice for a 90s revival act, with Waldo's People singing Lose Control. In an earlier time, this would probably be duking out in Sweden, the UK, Romania, or Bulgaria, but yes, this is the Finnish entry.



And the Irish actually manage to do a proper upbeat song that isn't embarassing, even if the electro-pop/rock wave it's riding is very 1992.



Andorra has a Danish emigre doing the honours this year, and she has managed to create the cutest of all cute Andorran entries. They might make it this year, especially with New & Eastern Europe pretty much imploding or preparing to do so at this year's Eurovision--including the host country. (Poland? Isis Gee, but less cartoonish. Lithuania? Really good in Lithuanian, but the truncated English version I think will lose a lot of the punch.)




Yet, I have to say of all the songs selected, I only like a very scant few of the 41 (*sigh* no Georgia, nor San Marino) : Spain, Norway (although it's too cute for its own damn good), Finland, Sweden (not that I think it ought to have won MF), Switzerland, Estonia, Latvia, Hungary (another dark horse), Armenia, and if I get really liberal with the liking, then I'd add The Netherlands (it's also too twee for its own good), Greece, Ukraine (even though it's a hot mess that should absolutely not win or even place in the top 5), and Turkey.

The only prediction I'd be willing to make is that it won't be one of the usual subjects that wins this year, and Malta, Greece, Turkey, Spain, France, and with the slightest chance that everyone wants to get all message-y, Israel are the only ways I see Eurovision going Med.

Still, I'd rather be planning for Tbilisi 2011 (even though I pretty much think the intent was to be agitprop,,,those shooting and hanging gestures plus the close approximation to the fascist salute followed by the "shush" sign would be even more controversial than the lyrics) .

ESC 2009: Georgia On My Mind

Can't say I'm totally surprised, but the fun and sly We Don't Wanna Put In won't be going to Moscow after the EBU rejected it. The reason? Breach of rules as the lyrics are deemed political.

Duh.

But still, it would've been fun.

I doubt they'll rewrite it, in fact given the state of Georgian-Russian relations, they'll probably opt out this year.

A Nonstop Train of Fools

So there is a new 24 hour local news channel here in New York. I almost hesitate to call it a "news" channel, but I also find NBC's description of a "round the clock information and lifestyle channel" a bit too dense.

This channel (for those who don't watch WNBC, which well, is probably a significant part of the market, based on the ratings) is called New York Nonstop, and it's a part of NBC's nationwide focus on local programming via the new digital channels. (If it's successful.)

Since it only debuted yesterday, I will say that everything could very well change as the channel gets its footing.

And it needs all the footing it can get.

• The logo and onscreen graphics look like they are straight from the early nineties.
• The content is high on style and low on substance.
• The "new" programming is basically weekday runs of those inane lifestyle shows that WNBC used to run at times when no infomercial could be found.

Richard Huff of the Daily News called it in today's paper when he described the channel as "Time Out New York TV."

Therein lies the problem. New York Nonstop seems to think by repeating things fast, frequently, with lots of pretty colours and hipster-speak, that they will differentiate themselves from the mothership's operation (yet, why place so much focus on Chuck Scarborough's 7pm newscast?), as well as their other competitors (the other local stations and New York 1).

I don't think that's the ticket.

Hipness is the last thing people need from their news or even "lifestyle" programming. Case in point: Headline News.

Once upon a time, Headline News was the headlines repeated every 30 minutes--no flash, no substance. It was bare-bones and loved for it.

Then it changed.

The anchors started thinking that--or were ordered to, most likely--become more friendly and casual. They added banter, which really annoyed more than entertained. It also made the anchors more important than the stories they presented.

Since few other organisations are foolish enough to create another direct competitor, Headline News can continue with this changes, but there is definite dissatisfaction out there. (Remember the old saying "do one thing well, instead of several things poorly?")

So one has to wonder what WNBC is thinking by emulating some of Headline News's worst decisions.

The Interesting Arms of Veolia

Perhaps this might be of interest to someone like me who finds the various arms of corporations bizarre and slightly amusing.

I was reading the Herald Sun online (I know, but I like Jonathan Cainer), and stumbled across an article that mentioned that Connex operates the suburban rail services in Melbourne. This took me by surprise, as my memory of Connex goes back to when they were amongst the first franchise operators of suburban rail in London. (I remember their trains were awfully dirty and rickety.)

So I jumped on Wikipedia. Apparently Connex is no longer Connex, but is now (and it seems always was) branch of Veolia Environnement, which is a French multinational that started out managing water supply, and branched out into waste management (which is the only time I've ever seen the Veolia name and logo), "energy management" (hard to tell if they are a proper power company or something else, the name "Daklia" gives no indication), and transportation. It also got into film and television as Vivendi.

Vivendi, as some may remember, is the conglomerate that sold off Universal Studios to NBC--thus creating GE's NBC Universal juggernaut (of which Vivendi now owns 20%).

Now things get a bit more confusing.

Lest we think that the same company which pipes the Today Show into American homes is also the garbage company, it turns out that Vivendi spun off its former core businesses into what is now Veolia back in 2000. They'd rather conquer entertainment rather than water, waste, and transport.

Back to Connex.

Veolia for some reason kept the Connex name for the Melbourne rail system, though the Brisbane and Sydney operations are now called Veolia. (Perhaps Connex has a good rep in Victoria?)

Even more of a surprise is the fact that Veolia Transport is really big in the US, with their most prominent operation being the Los Angeles Metrolink suburban rail system.*

* One of the strangest things about the present day US is that it is rare--if ever--to have a privately owned mass transit system. In fact, I have to say I was surprised to find out that there's even a system of franchises. Since American mass transit systems tend to have "practical" names, generally involving an acronym or something with "Metro" in it, Veolia manages to be the largest privately held public transport operator on the continent without having the Veolia name on anything other than its garbage trucks.

Interestingly enough, their old (shoddy) Connex operations in and around London? They lost their franchises.

The Melbourne contract ends in November 2009.

the 1200th post.

I have been racking my brain over how to commemorate 1200 posts at this corner of the internet.

I considered a video log (nope, my webcam has its limitations--especially during the day).

A retrospective (all those flipping posts, I don't think so).

Finally, I remembered the famous saying about brevity being the soul of wit.

So, thank you for stopping by, and do please stick around.

Oh hell, let's toss in a music video: ARIA featuring Ken Yokoyama (aka Mr. Crazy Ken Band) YOU'RE THE BEST

ESC 2009: Ukraine

I'm beginning to think that the reign of Eastern countries in Eurovision is beginning to come to an end. Ukraine has selected an entry that is just bizarre--a fun bizarre, but not the kind of bizarre that I think would get people (both public and jury) to vote for it. The entry itself is called Be My Valentine (it's March, and the contest proper is in May, logic be damned) and the performer is Svetlana Loboda. Now, Svetlana quite simply goes for it onstage, much in the same way Ani Lorak did. (She even does a drum break.) Yet, what Shady Lady had was a sleek performance (even in the National Final version). This is going to need a complete and total overhaul.

The Premium Travel Subsidy

Imagine this: companies getting a tax break for flying executives up front.

Apparently that's what Australian companies are doing according to an article in The Sunday Telegraph.

I suspect that this might end very soon given the current economic state.

ESC 2009: Russia & Estonia

The Russians have "chosen" and it's Anatasia Prikhodko (an Idol winner) with a Russian/Ukrainian song called Mamo, which apparently means "Mama." I'm not totally sold on the song, but I am very surprised to see the Russians actually singing--partly--in Russian (at least at the moment).

One good thing about the song is seeing how Anastasia simply loses it towards the end and goes for full tilt dramatics.




I don't think Russia wants to win again this year, they just want a good placing.

Estonia has also "chosen," and it's Urban Symphony with the goth symophonic rock Rändajad. At the risk of making a weak pun, I'd say this is a dark horse. Why? Well, look at what the Lindsay Lohan clones--also from Estonia--did for Switzerland a few years ago.

The New Zealand Brain Drain

I like the Kiwis.

Seriously, I do.

They are getting seriously beat up in the global economic mess (US$1 = NZ$2, roughly as of this moment), and experienced one of the most highest migrations ever last year, with a total of 48000 Kiwis leaving the country for Australia, and only 13000 returning.

Those numbers may not mean much in US terms, but the entire population of New Zealand at 4.26 million is less than the population of the state of Wisconsin (5.6 million), slightly less than the population of Metro Sydney (4.3 million), and significantly smaller than the city of Toronto proper (6.5 million). They can't afford to lose too many people.

They're also worried about their citizens coming back for the wrong reasons.

I am not being all that flip when I suggest it, but if the Key government (centre-right, and a bit nicer than Harpie up in Canada) is keen to make NZ grow, then they should seriously start courting LGBT migrants.

Currently, New Zealand does not allow for same-sex marriage (they have civil unions which are very close to marriage), nor do they allow for same-sex couples to adopt as a couple (only as individuals and with a prohibition of men adopting female children).

If New Zealand would be willing to address these two issues , and really play it up in the global media, then I think it would certainly help not just stem the brain drain, but also create a brain gain.

I also suspect that New Zealand could enact these policies much quicker than Australia (and considerably faster than the US*).

* Hey, we only decriminalised sodomy in 2003. Australia decriminalised it in (nationwide) in 1994 (although it took Tasmania 3 years to catch up). New Zealand decriminalised it in 1986.

ESC 2009: Switzerland

There's not that much hoopla over this year's Swiss entry, even though this year's entrants are the rarest of rare things: actual Swiss citizens.

It's a band called Lovebugs and their song is called The Highest Heights. Their description/press release on the official Eurovision website describes it as [bringing] all the bands strengths' to the point: the melody, the energy, the thriving beats, spherical guitars and keyboards and the melancholic mood. I hear it and think The La's and The Stone Roses, but maybe that's just me.

Nonetheless, I think this is a dark horse to get to the final.

I'm Truly Past It Now

I freely admit that I can't dance, and that when I do (which generally involves being inebriated), the results are not that terribly good to look at.

So imagine my surprise when I see that the latest dance craze in France looks like a cross between my inept rhythm and an epileptic fit.

Comrades, meet Tecktonik, one of the most bizarre dance/marketing blitzes since the Macarena.

I Thought I Was Feeling Upbeat

Meet Michael Pell.

He's 26.

And he's now running a major portion of Seven's morning lineup.

And he's 26.

Yikes.

It's Mardi Gras Weekend, So Where Are The Gay Stars?

I have to say that in general, I find Australia more tolerant in regards to gay issues than the US. Without a doubt, my opinion is based on being an outsider looking in, so I don't quite have the same perspective as a native. That being said, a close friend who is a born and bred Australian and who has lived in the US, shares that opinion.

I could go on and on as to the reasons why, but it all boils down to the fact that (indigenous natives aside, of course) the US was settled by a hodge-podge of religious zealots and fortune seekers, whereas Australia was settled mostly by convicts, military, and fortune seekers.

I mention this because one thing I find extremely peculiar is that there are very few Gay Australian celebrities. Ironically, the one article that addresses this absence is one of the NewsCorp papers, The Herald Sun.

It is bizarre that in this day and age, in a country that has one of the most prominent and well attended international celebrations of Gay & Lesbian liberation, that there are so few celebrities willing to say "I'm gay."

The New Nonsensical Economic Model for Television?

I must confess that I have never heard of this ZillionTV that all the studios/media corporations are pouring money into, yet it must have something to it.

Personally, I'm not a fan of watching television on the computer, in fact I'm right on the border between sceptic and Luddite when it comes to technology. I want my television on a television and internet on a computer. (I'm willing to revise that when they manage to create a computer that doesn't hum when used for a long period of time. Although it still seems like being chained even closer to one device that already seems omnipresent in modern life.) Nonetheless, I also know that--at age 30--I'm a product of a different generation. (Sigh.)

The networks have made their current programming available via downloads or streaming for quite some time, and the popularity of sites like TV.com (owned by CBS) and Hulu (owned by NBC Universal & NewsCorp)*clearly show that there are people out there eager to watch things online, and where there are eyeballs there are opportunities to make money. This platform was one of the main reasons why the WGA went on strike recently, so it's clearly going to play a role.

* Don't think for a second that in this day and age anything is independent. Not even the Independent Film Channel nor Sundance Channel.

Since I've never gone on one of these sites, I figure I should take a gander. If anything it'll at least increase my hipness quotient by a percentage point.

Stop #1: Hulu

Well, they certainly have quite a selection. The comedy choices run the gamut from American Dad to ALF to Howard the Duck and the 1967 version of Casino Royale. I opt to watch a bit of Rocky & Bullwinkle. There's a brief sponsor message that states "the following program is brought to you with limited commercial interuption by XYZ*." I have always interpreted this statement as a bald-faced lie designed to lure the viewer into having a positive reaction towards the product being advertised.

*They aren't giving me any money, so I'm not going to do their work for them.

That said, it's a bit bizarre watching a show like Rocky & Bullwinkle with "limited commercial interruption." Hear me out. Shows like that are designed for frequent breaks (hence the interstitial animations), so the flow is not quite what the creators intended. Instead, the ad breaks occur at strange times, such as right after the opening for Fractured Fairytales. Put the adverts where the adverts are supposed to be!

Stop #2: TV.com

Since CBS owns TV.com, I hold out hope that perhaps I might find episodes of Designing Women. No such luck. They've got episode summaries up the wazoo, but not even a brief clip. The site itself is also quite tricky to navigate, because you have to look in just the right place for an actual video. (Personally, I'm a bit dismayed by that, since I do have a slight bias towards CBS over the other networks.) When you actually get to the video selection, they have a lot of filler from nearly every network not owned by GE. I imagine that there are people out there who have an interest in seeing an interview with Ted McGinley, but I reckon it cannot be that many. I opt for an episode of Astro Boy (2004)*. There's an advert before the actual show (and as it was for a credit card company, I think they really need to start tailoring the adverts for the show).

* As an aside, it's crying shame to watch the piss poor version of the opening sequence compared to the rather cool openings employed during the original run in Japan in 2003. Interestingly, Astro Boy is also offered on Hulu.

As on Hulu, the ad breaks happen randomly and also poorly suited for the show. (A car ad during Astro Boy?)

Since ZillionTV's site states that they are "coming soon," my journey pretty much ends there.

I do like the idea of being able to access virtually every show in existance, but these sites don't quite deliver on that. (They've got nearly every flop show from the past 2 years, yet it's hard to find a long-running show like Designing Women or Murphy Brown?)

Hulu certainly has an easier way of finding the show one wants to watch (as well as a sleeker design), but when you get to the actual watching, you're a victim of randomly occurring ad breaks that mess up the flow. TV.com is even worse since it is harder to navigate, seems to have less content (in terms of full episodes) than its chief competitor, and also has the ad break issue that Hulu suffers from. If I was a company advertising on these sites, I'd be rather peeved that my product was missing its audience time and time again.

This ZillionTV supposedly will personalise the adverts according to the viewer, and what this ultimately means is that advertising is here to stay whether it is via broadcast on a television or streaming on a computer. Personally, I think this is rather short-sighted of the media corporations, especially given the fact that downloads are also growing in popularity.

If I had a choice between free with adverts or paying some small amount for a ad-free experience, I'd pay. (This is the idea behind iTunes's season pass, also networks like here!, HBO, Showtime, etc.) It continues to boggle my mind that few networks realise that people are willing to part with money for commercial free programming.

Yet, there will always be an audience for free programming, and since "free" programming has its costs as well, there needs to be some advertising. Still, I am surprised that they have not yet figured out how to get the right combination of ads for any given show. They manage to do it on regular television, so how could online be difficult. I am sceptical that ZillionTV's idea of letting the viewer choose their own annoyance is going to work, but I'll wait and see.

Either way, this is the new world, so we'd better get used to it.

Pauline Might Pay For Losing It & More

A part of me is thinking "oh crap, this story actually has legs, now they are going to beat this to death."

The other part is thinking "this might be the final nail in the coffin."

Skewering Freeview

If you don't know what Freeview is (and I don't think a single person on this planet does), this parody ad pretty much seems to explain it all.



This many channels to watch the same programming is a strong possiblity on US screens, in fact NBC Universal already does it. (I think Law & Order: Criminal Intent is played more frequently on USA (+ HD), Bravo (+HD), and Universal HD*, than it ever was on NBC.)

* And it's syndicated as well.

Tuesday Jukebox Loves Tommy and her Mulitple Personalities

Perhaps us February 6 people have a bit of a multiple personality tendency as Tomoko Kawase (aka Tommy february6, aka Tommy heavenly6).

Birthday bias aside, I really like Tomoko's solo projects, because they are really intriguing performance art. First, Kawase creates one character (who seems to live life to a Stock Aitken Waterman soundtrack), Tommy february6 who's cute-as-a-button, albeit repressed with a drinking problem...





...then she creates another character (Tommy heavenly6) as the liberated other half. Genius.






And a very wry comment on the state of Japanese popular culture.

The Flying Roo Can't Catch A Break Part 3

Yesterday, Qantas grounded one of their A380s, today it's now all three, according to the Sydney Morning Herald.

There's going to be a revolution over at Flying Roo HQ.

The Flying Roo Can't Catch A Break Part 2

Growing up, my family tended to get to first new big technology (mini-satellites, computers, DVD players, etc.), only to see these things go down in prices and up in quality.

Since then, my mother has adopted a wait-and-see approach, and it's worked out for us.

Perhaps Qantas would be best served by applying this same logic, as their latest A380 snafu (detailed in today's Sydney Morning Herald) illustrates

Pauline loses it

I must admit that I like Mrs. Nasty for comedy reasons, but Pauline Hanson might just be a good enough replacement, especially since she has no problem in losing it on television.

ESC 2009: Sweden Sweden Sweden

Why must everybody talk about Sweden?

Well, certain things are inevitable in Eurosongland, and media/fan focus on Melodifestivalen is one of them. Honestly, I'm glad I don't have the time to live blog Melodifestivalen anymore, plus the fact that SVT doesn't make it easy to watch it.

Still, you cannot ignore the Melodifest this year, when it features the return of Alcazar (pretty much guaranteed to win it or at least come 2nd):



And the bizarre agitprop theatre that is Star Pilots nicking certain 1980s pop songs (Waiting for a star to fall and Eye of the tiger), but being smart enough to fuse them together in the same song.




And then there was Markoolio, who sang a comedic ballad poking fun at Eurovision cliches. It didn't make it to the final, which is a shame.



Proving that MF results MF-ing bizarre, EMD (I've never heard of them, but Swedes have) managed to beat almost dead certs Bodies Without Organs in their heat with this weird fusion of electropop and Broadway choreography:



BWO's You're Not Alone, which looks and sounds like a cut scene from Xanadu.



There, I've said my MF-ing piece about this MF.

ESC 2009: The Weekend that it was

It was a big weekend in Eurosongland, Portugal chose, Croatia chose, Bosnia presented their song, but only two winners stood out for me.

First off, Spain chose Soraya, and hopefully my gut feeling is an indicator that Spain will place very high, I almost think it's a dark horse to win.

And Latvia has gone and done something that shocked me: They chose a song that I like, Sastregums--which will actually be called Probka and performed in Russian (although the chances of the Russian entry actually being in Russian are slim)--by Intars Busulis.

Intars's performance style seems to be highly influenced by the lead singer of The Hives, although his backing performers (and the song itself) seem like they take their cues from Talking Heads. (I realise that might be a very pedantic difference though.)

Nonetheless a great entry. Go Latvia.

The Backlash Against Overzealous Weather Coverage Starts

Oddly enough with the local FOX affiliate in Milwaukee. Watch.



In order to put this in proper context, understand that in Milwaukee they will pre-empt anything if there is the slightest chance that anything more than 2" (roughly 5cm) of snow, because as Tim Cuprisin on his Journal Sentinel blog is fond of pointing out: weather = rating$$$$ for local news operations.

As someone who grew up in Greater Milwaukee, I feel a bit of a traitor for showing WGN's own answer to obsessive snow coverage, however it's funny, I got it via the Journal Sentinel, and it really illustrates the difference between Chicagoans and Milwaukeeans.




Let this serve as a warning to all TV news directors worldwide.

Whither Australian Comedy?

The Sydney Morning Herald boasts a great article that argues that in the hype over Australian drama, the networks have forgotten that they are good at comedy.

I agree, particularly after the last pair of episodes of Canal Road were damn near satire.

Andrew Denton would probably make a killing producing a parody of a typical drama series.

Whore Aim High

Perhaps Sydney was stealing too much of the lurid gay sex crime market from Melbourne, so Melbourne is striking back with this:

A man with the very intimidating or poonce name of Jake Michael Della-Vedova is going to be jailed for 4 months for filming his shag of a "prominent male public figure" (I'm guessing MP, Senator, or someone off of Underbelly) and blackmailing him to the tune of A$15,000, so say AAP.

$15,000?

I know the guy is 25, but I think he should've added an extra zero. In this day and age where a sex tape can fetch a serious chunk of change when any degree of celebrity is involved, Della-Vedova could've gotten much more. Just ask Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian.

Unless the Victorian prostie market is rather oversaturated, I also think he was aiming a bit low with his base price of $150. He clearly must have the magic crotch because he got Mr. Big to pay his rent the next day. Yet he still went on and sent his blackmail threat the same day? (So he could pay his rent and get a scooter? Must be horrible at his job or at least promotion.)

Hopefully he'll get some minor MBA courses while in gaol, because this guy needs some business education.

Lesson #1: If you are going to blackmail someone make it a large enough sum so that you don't have to go back there again.
Lesson #2: If you were good at your job (even though he's not identified as a prostie, I'm just taking an educated guess), then you wouldn't have to worry about Lesson #1.

A Personal Note of Thanks To the Antipodeans

This corner of the internet is becoming more "Australified." As of this moment, visits from the United States are for the first time below 50%, more importantly, visits from Australia are 2nd behind the United States at 17%. My goal by the end of Spring is for Australian visits to number 25% or higher.

Even if I don't hit that percentage, I just want to thank all the Aussies for visiting, and hope you enjoy it enough to linger.

Miracles Can Happen, They Can Happen to Jeremy Piven?

Either he's well stocked on voodoo dolls or blackmail photos, but somehow Jeremy Piven has managed to avoid getting any penalties levelled against him for his disappearance from Speed The Plow.

And he cited MLK Jr. in his arbitration performance?!

That's an ego run rampant.

Huh?

While the focus of this corner of the internet is media,* you'll have to pardon this foray into the travel business. Perhaps it's just my own mind that is having trouble comprehending this, but how on god's green Earth is the US West Coast competitive for Australian incentive (read: conference) travel?

Guam, I understand.

Hawaii, I understand.

I don't think a 12+ hour flight to talk shop is an easy sell, A$1000 or not, due to the time issue.

Friday Bonus: More from one of the best Designing Women episodes ever.




* Theatre is a media. It's just the offerings are so dire these days that I don't even bother covering it.

ESC 2009: Serbia

Ana Nikolic--who in a just world would've already been an Eurovision veteran--is making another run to represent Serbia (this time Montenegro-less). Based on what I've heard from the Beovizija previews so far, she's got the strongest song. (Although I'd be happy if Serbia at least since something with a danceable beat.)




That said, her song is not as strong as Romale Romali from 3 years ago. (Note the stories on the "Washington Times" during her postcard.)

Humour Impared

The blogger who started Foley-gate apparently is rather uptight.

He writes in the Huffington Post about a pilot's joke that he calls an "insult," which I find rather funny.

Ok, I saw the fuselage get towed hither and yon from my window for several days.

I think calling the Hudson River "US Airways' new runway" is a good chuckle. Perhaps Mr. Hudson is rather sensitive since his own name lends itself to many puns itself.

And could we lay off the canonisation of "Sully?" The man was doing his job, not to mention the fact that everyone survived was not purely due to his efforts but of the whole crew doing what they were trained to do.

It's Thanksgiving in Spring

...as in a big fat turkey.

17 Again @ Yahoo!7 Video

Matthew Perry and Zac Efron? This is going to be very bad. I don't think Efron is anything without the High School Musical franchise* (and this is the wrong role to prove the opposite), and Perry is really nothing full stop--even sadder he's playing second fiddle to Zac Efron.

*He was pretty much inconsequential in Hairspray.

I Thought Overclass Was A Slur

Chris Rock once said that there is difference between being wealthy and being rich.:

"Shaquille O' Neal is rich. The guy that signs his checks is wealthy."

Lee Hawkins's Newbos multimedia onslaught which airs tonight does not seem to address this difference, in fact by focusing on the entertainment/media side, it really seems to reinforce the rich versus wealthy divide.

Kudos to some of the people featured for trying to think long term, but I would be more interested in seeing a special on how blacks became wealthy (and Hawkins has a lot of rich people and few wealthy, by the Chris Rock definition) via ways other than sports and entertainment.*

* The fact that Hawkins looks very close to NBC reporter/former NFL player Tiki Barber (and his brother Ronde) also seems a bit too convenient.

I personally believe they're out there, but don't quite fit into his book's thesis.

And yes, overclass is a pejorative term, don't praise these guys.

ESC 2009: Russia & Spain

No, Russia and Spain have not chosen their representative, but will do so this weekend.

Both of my favourites for Russia will likely be disqualified (due to the October 1st rule), but nonetheless, I'll still hold out hope for Venger Collective or Polina Griffith to pull off a miracle.





As for Spain, it's Soraya's or Melody's to lose, and I think Soraya will take it.

Here Comes the V

The Fairfax newspapers go inside the 777-300ER that will form the V Australia fleet.

The verdict? Chic, retro, and very Australian. (The Southern Cross is even featured in the mood lighting.)

I'd support them.

A Current Listening Affair

First it was the ABC's turn, and now it's Nine's. Except in this instance, the reporter is only accused of using a concealed listening device, it's what he was recording that is interesting.

As an American, the fact that this was A Current Affair (and the reputation that the US version had) makes this even funnier.

Nonetheless, mayors plotting to kidnap and kill rentboys? We don't get stuff like that anymore on our tabloid television.

Is La Perry Scared of doing a pure comedy?

Don't think for a second that I've lost my marbles and actually given my money to support La Perry, but I wanted to call attention to Alonso Duralde's review of Madea Goes to Jail.

Why?

Duralde calls attention to a major problem lurking in Perry-land, particularly if he wants to keep his ivory tower in good condition.

He needs to start delivering on his hype.

From the review:

Audiences expecting a comedic extravaganza built around the smack-talking, larger-than-life Madea (played by Perry in drag) will be disappointed to discover that her incarceration is very much a secondary plot here...

Therein lies the major structural problem with a lot of Perry's work. He does a lot of bait and switch, you think you're getting a comedy, but you're really getting a weak, sermonising drama. That was not so much a problem in his earlier work, but the time is coming when the audiences will not be content to be conned.

[Perry] knows how to push [his core audience's] buttons and get tears and laughter — and there is some laughter to be had — when he wants to. It’s just disappointing that the most successful African-American filmmaker of this generation refuses to try any harder than that.

God help me, but if I can pass on any advice--not that he'd pay attention to anyone else but himself--it would be make a goddamn comedy, Tyler. By comedy, I mean an absolutely sermon-free comedy. You've got the money to go out on a limb, so do it.

ESC 2009: Moldova & Romania

First off, Moldova sends a song that is not only in Moldovan, but also liberally name-checks it every ten seconds. Nelly Ciobanu (with liberal help from a bunch of frenetic dancers) performs Hora din Moldova.


Just a little off to East from Moldova is Romania, which returns to their pop formula (although it was dance pop that actually did them favours not sugary pop) after last year's May-December dirge. Performing The Balkan Girls is Elena Gheorghe, and I have to now put on my lyric-sensitive cap. Admittedly, this song is not deep by any stretch of the imagination, but the verses and the chorus do not mesh well...unless Elena (taking fashion cues from the mid 1980s) is trying to make a statement about how a party lifestyle is ultimately unfulfilling.

The Emirate of Cards

Abu Dhabi bails out Dubai, so says Bloomberg.

I always thought Dubai's development defied long-term sense, and apparently others thought so as well.

There's Nostalgia and Then There's Just Laziness

Apparently over at the CW they'd like to turn the clock back to the 90s (a time when the CW itself wasn't even in existance--read into that what you will). The latest effort at nostalgia (according to TV Tonight) is a revival of Melrose Place, which is now greenlit for a pilot.

What next? The Heights?Party of Five? There's a slew of old Fox shows to cannibalise.

This just seems extremely lazy to me, but if we're going to have a 90s revival, then may I advocate bringing back house music like Black Box (and skipping the majority of grunge)?

ESC 2009: Bulgaria, Germany, Hungary, Norway, and the UK

Quite an odd quintet here. First off, there is the Bulgarian entry Illusion performed by Krassimir Avramov. Whatever prejudices or preconceptions one might have a Bulgarian entry are surely going to be met with this one. Krazy Krassy is a male soprano and shrieks his way through a song while the backing singers sing in some of the most heavily accented English this side of the Danube.

All that said, I think this will do well, especially since they throw everything including the kitchen sink onstage.




Germany decided to do an internal selection and the end result was the duo Alex Swings Oscar Sings with the song Miss Kiss Kiss Bang. It's an ambitious effort, but honestly I think Roger Cicero was the better version of German swing. This is just kind of daft, especially with a poor homage to Cab Calloway at the end.


And now we have the first new male eye candy (Sakis has been around this block before) of this year's contest. Some background first: This is the 3rd song selected by Hungary to go to Moscow. The first choice was found out to be a copy of a song originally performed by the Swedish Big Brother contestants, the second choice performer was too busy for Eurovision duty, and now the honour falls upon Adok Zoli with Dance with me. Personally, I hope this one sticks because well: a) He's good looking, and b) the song is pretty good (even though it will need some serious cutting).



It's a folk year in Norway (for some reason Norway always seems to follow a pop song entry with a folk entry the year after), and instead of elves, we have elfin young men playing fiddle with dancers doing Russian cossack inspired dancing. The song is entitled Fairytale and the performer (and composer) is Alexander Rybak. Despite his somewhat cutesy singing, Rybak is no fool. He made sure he has the rights to the song and now stands to get quite a windfall with the song topping the Norwegian charts. Even though I find the song (and Rybak's performance) too cute, it should hold its own in Moscow.



With much fanfare the UK selected Andrew Lloyd Webber (with Diane Warren's help) to compose this year's entry It's My Time. The search for a singer occupied much of January with Jade winning the lot at the end. It's overwrought and bombastic (what a surprise), but Jade and her pageant hair do a decent job with it. I think it'll be a dark horse for a high placing. Win? I don't think so.

Dick Wolf's Insurance Plan

Call me even more stunned: Law & Order has gone overseas to the UK.

I'm not talking re-airing US episodes, I'm talking full on local production.

It's a safe bet that UK Law & Order will air on Bravo before the end of the year.

Does Anyone Care About Mel Gibson Anymore?

In what has to be one of the most shameless attempts at relevance, Mel Gibson apparently regrets not helping Heath Ledger.

He also claims that he helped Britney Spears get through her "rough patch."

Someone needs to help Mel with his sense of delusion.

Stunned

You know, I spend a weekend watching Australian TV, and the last thing I expect to see when I reconnect to the world around me is serious talk of nationalising the banks.

Given my own stance on nationalising, I am pretty much in favour of it, but I'm also just...stunned.

Stunned, because it is surprising on just how fragile our own economic security has been.

Stunned, because it is just amazing that we as a country have survived on what looks like fumes instead of fuel.

I freely admit that I am not in any way, shape, or form an economic whiz, but it has seemed apparent to me that the government's role is to ensure the security (economic, social, and political) of its citizens to go on and live their lives.

I also view this from an "entertainment" perspective: This economic meltdown (as many are describing it) is going to manifest itself in terms of what gets green-lighted and what comes out of seemingly nowhere to become a hit.

NBC, for example, sees ER end its run this Spring, and with the bizarre Jay Leno @ 10/9 pm choice has thrown the successful Law & Order shows into possible cancellation before their own time. (Not that this is much of a surprise, since NBC programming executives have had no real strategy for their main brand since the mid-nineties.)

CBS has imported a Canadian drama and is getting relatively good ratings for it (even if it got the axe in Australia).

Ultimately, what I believe is going to happen is that we--as an audience and media consumers--are going to see a trend of co-productions and imports. We are also going to see programs that are not so much "whiz! bang! pow!," but focused strongly on developing story and character.

Not that the procedural is dead. It'll just have to be interesting and gripping for less.

The real genre to watch will actually be the sitcom*. I don't think that we've seen the show that will revive it to its former heights, but I believe within the next two years, we will be seeing a rush on sitcom productions.

*Some might argue reality TV will flourish in this market, but I have to wonder this: "Would I really want to see some failed actor from the Valley win a big bucket of money when I'm trying to just keep a roof over my head? I don't think so."

ESC 2009: Catching Up

I'm not going to even try to catch with Melodifestivalen, but there have been some rather interesting developments in Eurosong-land.

First, Georgia (as in the country that was overrun by Russian tanks last year, not the American state of a million peachtrees, Delta, and La Perry) chooses a song that--I hope intentionally--uses fragmented English to make a political statement against Putin. (Made even more ironic given the rash of Russian entries for whom English grammar is a not real concept thing.)

And it's a funky Sly Stone political statement to boot.

That they are taking to Moscow.

How's that for guts? I think I have my favourite for this year.



Meanwhile, France sends Patricia Kaas--think Marlene Dietrich (well, she is part-German). The song is a return to the traditional deep French ballad with a strong jazz twist, and it's not bad, but I kind of miss the multilingual agitprop of the previous two French entries.



Meanwhile the Dutch pick a catchy song for De Toppers, although it sounds to me like a cross between something from Simply Red's back catalogue and a boyband castoff.



And sex-on-legs from 2004 & 2006 co-host Sakis Rouvas will be singing this ditty in Moscow, but if he doesn't bare anything more than his sternum, Athens 2010 isn't going to happen. (Believe didn't win because it was that good of a song.) I will cut Saz some slack for his national final performance since he was ill and lip-syncing, but usch...This isn't a triumphant return.

Back from Oblivion

Don Johnson is suing the makers of Nash Bridges for withholding profits from him, according to Reuters.

Several things:

• Don Johnson is still relevant?
• I know Nash Bridges seemed to run for ages (5 years?!), but $300 million in revenue?
• In a Don Johnson versus Mark Cuban battle, I shockingly think Don Johnson comes out better.
• Cheech Marin comes off better than both of them by not even joining in the fracas.
  

Wednesday Jukebox is Pretty in Pink

Let's take a breather from things antipodean and go back Stateside. In this particular case, Ariel Aparicio's cover of Pretty in Pink (yes, that Pretty in Pink as in the theme song from the Molly Ringwald, Jon Cryer, and Andrew McCarthy film...feel old, I do.)

Ariel, you might know from his brilliant song Life and Times a few months ago. (Get it!!!) His version of Pretty in Pink is better than the original in my view, and even Richard Butler (lead singer of the Psychedelic Furs) gave it a rave, saying "Well done!"

The song starts out with the vocal being hidden by the violin, but for me that works, even though I can't put my finger as to why.

The video (directed by Chris Cassidy) is quite killer. Not to get all analytical, but the choice to make the video all Ariel emoting underlines what I feel is the slightly deranged nature of the song. The song is a bit of a psychosis when you think about it. Or is it just me?

Perhaps I should just get on with it and go to the video.



Pretty in Pink is available on iTunes, and you can stream the whole EP on Ariel's Myspace.