God Save Those of US With an IQ over 30

Yesterday, the Daily News featured Sarah Jessica Parker's annoyance with Sex & The City girls taking over New York. Now, it brings us the story of how Gossip Girl is trying to recapture the same magic, via the glory that is a modern-day advertising offensive (in both senses of the word).

I manage to avoid Times Square, so the billboards aren't that big a deal (hell, I had one staring at me for several months--by the way, every single male cast member of that show looks identical), but these "IT guides" give me a bit of worry. Apart from the spate of foolish suburban girls getting robbed/carjacked/murdered every other weekend, there's one other concern: these fools will be strolling down 7th Avenue at all hours looking for these "hot places," while 99% of us will be trying to get from point A to B.

I'm not too keen on these talking billboards either.

And What Are You Going To Do About It, Sarah?

Sarah Jessica Parker admits that New York City has lost its "creative energy," in a Daily News article. Admitting culpability, however, doesn't look like it's forthcoming, despite what Matthew Broderick (her husband) says.

Saturday Jukebox is a Soulhead

Maybe I just have a dirty mind due to the Supahead controversy, but Soulhead does kind of sound a little bit risque as a name for a Japanese R&B/Hiphop duo, especially if they're sisters.

Nonetheless, I think they're ace.

First off, the scorching hot video for Fiesta--No prizes for guessing the inspiration, especially if you remember the early 1990s.



Soulhead - Fiesta
Uploaded by False_I_Love_You


Then there's Feel Like Jumping, which looks like it was tailormade for Sesame Street. (FWIW, there is nothing on the planet more sugary than Japanese children's television, so it seems the director allowed the sisters maintain a shred of urban cred.)



SOULHEAD - FEEL LIKE JUMPING
Uploaded by Ozro77

If anyone could explain the video to Sparkle Train, I'd be very grateful. I don't quite get what a suburban train station in pre-revolutionary Shanghai has to do with dedicating a song to "my homies strugglin' through." (Unless the director is showing sympathy for the Chiang Kai-Shek government.)

Dash05da023
Uploaded by dadacha

And finally, the video for Get Up. I can't read the writing at the airport scene (I'm guessing it's Ishigaki, which is part of Okinawa) , so I can't say exactly where the video is shot, but doesn't it just make you want to jump on a plane to wherever it takes place?

SAGging

Uh oh, the rumblings of a SAG strike grow ever closer.

Hikaruland Vs. April

While much has gone on during my absence, it could also be argued that very little has. I'm not really going to debate that, but I'm going to try to pounce on the big stories of April (at least the ones that I've heard).

• Obama-Wright: Personally, I think it's all asinine. I don't disagree with anything that Wright has said (based on the snippets I've heard so far), but the debacle is further proof that people forget that there is a way to communicate your message. I also think that Obama should've realised LOOOOONG before he launched into his candidacy that perhaps this association may be a liability.
• Obama the candidate: It's not really been a secret on here, but I'm finally going to say it out loud. I don't support Obama at the moment. Should he win the nomination, I'll vote for him without reservation. This moment in time, however, I just have trouble understanding why he feels the need to run now, nor do I feel that he should. The issues that he has right now illustrate his naivete and to some degree his arrogance with the rest of us. He just comes across to me as that smug vegan with their own backyard garden that feels the need to lecture you about how sinful you are for not living the way he does. I'd love to see a black president, but he doesn't strike me as the one to bring that to fruition. The only plus he seems to have is that he does not have Bush or Clinton in his name.
• Beijing 2008: This is going to be a shitstorm. Full stop. Not on the level of Munich 1972, but it's going to get ugly.
• Delta-Northwest & United-US Airways: I'm actually for these mergers. Emotionally, I wish Northwest was the surviving carrier, because I think they will be dragged down by Delta, but the weirdness that the market is in dictates that Delta should be the survivor. As for United-US Airways, it also makes sense, in that United gets a serious foothold on the East Coast (that Dulles hub is a joke for domestic connections) , and reinforces its European stance. Cruelly, poor US Airways will barely get a chance to operate its China routes before being swallowed up by United.
• That photo in Vanity Fair: I am constantly amazed that celebrities forget that the puritan mindset that formed the US persists to this day. The American public likes being shocked, but they also (or at least make the appearance of being so) like to see a good modern day witch hunt. My advice to the next teen star anxious to make the transition: do it and say nothing at all.
• Actors Strike?: On a completely petty level, I'd like to see SAG tarred and feathered the way the WGA was during their strike; however, the WGA strike delayed production so much, and a SAG strike with mess up the 2008-09 season, so I hope they resolve it. (Plus SAG stood by the WGA, it's only fair to do the same to them.)
• Zimbabwe: Just give up, Mugabe. You'd think he'd at least try to get rid of the Hitler moustache already.
• I thought she was dead: Laurie Bembenek is appealing to the US Supreme Court. This case is almost as old as I am. I don't think she did it, but there comes a time when you just accept that you can't win.

May Day 2008

It seems appropriate to resume action at this corner of the Internet on May Day.

Where are we as of 2008?

• The US manufacturing base is decimated. (Want proof? Go to China, Indonesia, or Vietnam and see the difference in prices for consumer goods.)
• Lack of economic foresight or just sheer disdain for others is allowing a chasm between the haves and have-nots. Not that this all that shocking, but the fact of the matter is that the face of the have-nots is becoming more diverse with each passing month. The day of people applying for food stamps in Ralph Lauren sounds probable.
• Golden Parachutes are still happening.
• On the positive side, the notion of Universal Health Care has begun to edge its way to the forefront of national dialogue. (As to why it took so long to even get to this level, I have no clue. That said, we're only now realising that trickle-down economics does not work.)
• As isolationist as this sounds, I think that the EU and/or the PRC usurping the US's role on the international stage is a good thing. Too many years of looking outwards has left our house in disarray, and as I see it, getting our house in order seems to be the theme of Campaign 2008.

So perhaps May Day 2009 will see the US taking action--as opposed to rhetoric--towards its citizens. Perhaps, just perhaps, Americans will realise that government has the responsibility to protect its citizens, not just arbiter disputes.

I'll be optimistic.

Monday Jukebox Says Southern Wind, Carry Me Away

There's a lot of posts today, and the main reason is this: I'm going to be away for the month of April.

In fact going very far away (geographically that is) for a business/leisure trip.

Here's a hint:



By the way, here are the lyrics (courtesy of All About Akina Nakamori):

I am being greeted by the sea breeze
Naturally, my body sways to the rhyme
Touring a Panama hat round and round with my finger
The glass of fruit wine that is delivered to my table
is a message from a stranger
I am mesmerised by the intense glare beyond my shoulders

I realise that I have my legs locked to a white chair
and held my chin in my hands
The mood is slightly like in a movie
I tidy my hair melancholically
A dangerous heart


Under the silhouette created by coconut leaves
I take a brief rest
ignoring the piercing stare
The boys who are distracted (by me)
gazed over at me from the seaside
Unexpectedly, a beautiful boy
on a white yacht waves to me
Those dazzling eyes
The boys who were distracted (by me) call out to me at the hotel window
Twisting my washed hair
I winked mischievously at them
Is this dangerous?

Three more hints:

• It's not Japan.
• It's not Panama
• And technically, I'm going Southwest, but Southwest Airlines doesn't fly there.

This Is Payback

An interesting article today on 365gay about a married NYC gay couple who are working for tolerance in Poland after their wedding pictures were used by the Polish president in order to stir up anti-gay feelings and reject the EU charter of rights.

Gives us all hope, I reckon.

Hikaruland Eurovision 2008 Preview Reviews: The Top 5

Here's the player...just so you can have a quick refresher:

Eurovision Song Contest - Belgrade 2008 Preview Player

Picking my top 5 was actually quite tricky because while there was no doubt about which entries would take the top 2 spots, 3rd, 4th & 5th places were tough calls.

1. Ukraine: Ani Lorak, her weapons of male destruction, an AIDS ribbon, and a disco-happy orchestration, made Ukraine easily my favourite for this year. When you think about it, the video is basically a very aggressive remake of Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. I like camp, I'll praise it, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
2. Turkey: I like my rock driving, aggressive with a touch of menace to it, like a Hitchcock thriller. Even better, the lyrics, performance, and mise-en-scene bring the crazy...literally.
3. France: Considering that the theme this year seems to be pastiche, it seems appropriate that the French entry (even though it's practically all in English--although "chivers" is not a word I've ever heard off, and I believe Sebastien is being intentional by writing it that way as opposed to "shivers") , would do the best job in pulling it off superbly, and with New Wave to boot. Note to several other participants this year (whose names I won't mention): the video for Divine also manages to best illustrate absurd comedy, which doesn't mean throwing everything plus the kitchen sink at the viewer.
4. Malta: The lyrics are very campy (and a touch absurd and dated--why would you sing about spying in Russia at a contest held in Serbia?), the music is driving, and the very visually stimulating video pretty much expresses both with a possibly unintentional homage to Benny Hill. Very effective, but not quite unique or quirky enough to launch it into the top 3.
5. Romania: This was an extremely tough call, but ultimately, Nico & Vlad brought the crazy, and deserve to be awarded for it. The lyrics aren't that interesting, but their OTT performance (Nico's losing her mind, Vlad is trying to calm her down like a good co-dependent boy toy, neither of them fazed by the fact that they are in the middle of a Romanian beach/garbage dump/orchestra rehearsal space wearing formal wear) is just too hilarious and engaging to be bogged down by lyrical blandness.

Honourable mentions

• Hungary: Starts out visually striking, but sputters midway. What is the symbolism for the running Doberman?
• United Kingdom: It's cool, slick, and makes you want to dance. Only out of the top 5 (and just barely) because crazy, camp, and angst-driven rock can't help but stand out from the crowd. Sly Stone revival!
• Spain: Offensive lyrics about mixed-race women being easy aside, the general joke does come across (particularly to Americans--although we have no televoting rights, so that's a bit of a misfire), and there really is some wit about it. It's really a straightforward parody in execution, but of who and what, we cannot say. The cheap quality works, however.
• Ireland: Unlike the Spanish joke entry, the Irish joke is much broader, and here again, the cheapness works. It's meant to be outlandish and poke fun at Irish Eurovision history. Dustin's voice, however, can be a little grating and hard to decipher, but that oddly works in the video's favour. (Along with the constant zooms the camera makes.)

Ukraine can probably add another year of coming in 2nd to its record, but they aren't going to win it.

Hikaruland Eurovision 2008 Preview Reviews: Day 4

First and foremost, I'd like to direct to you to a very hilarious and enjoyable Eurovision site: Whoops Dragovic, run by Jamie McLoughlin, considering all the work he's done for the constantly updating the site's Encyclopedia Eurovisica, he deserves praise on the level of Cleopatra entering Rome.

All tight, all right, here's the official ESC player:

Eurovision Song Contest - Belgrade 2008 Preview Player

Get your sibilants at your side, we're going from San Marino to Switzerland...the long way.

• San Marino: Many years ago, I used to daydream about being the Sanmarinese entrant for Eurovision (Seriously, I did.) The national final was a joint project between MTV Italy and SMRTV and the atmosphere was more like Glastonbury rather than Melodifestivalen. Good times. Anyway, imagine my total shock when I found out that: a) San Marino really was entering Eurovision, and b) they'd pick a electro-rock band. The video is very similar to the one from Montenegro this year, however there are no big-haired women lying in bed, nor do the lads seem to be interested in doing pastiche. (Well, they're letting the old buildings do that work.) It's not all that terribly interesting, nor does it really work with the lyrics, and as much as I like Complice, the video for Deli does angst (along with menace) much better.
• Serbia: I hope it's established between all of us here, that when it comes to these preview reviews, I don't do objectivity. I am prepared to be surprised (Romania & Malta) or dismayed (San Marino & Finland), but I definitely come into this with favourites. While I'm certain that Jelena Tomašević is a lovely and talented singer, the fact remains that her song/Serbia's entry is composed by the same man who is also doing co-hosting duties this year. That looks a bit wrong to me. It doesn't help that I also despise these droning ballads about god-knows-what that Serbia invariably sends, when there are so many more interesting uptempo songs at Beovizija. Perhaps you have to be Serbian to really be moved by it, but by the same token marija lang did this same thing last year and won the contest itself, so there is an audience for torch songs. Rant over, let's get back to the video. It's the national final (RTS, you are hosting the whole contest this year, WTF? Bring your A-game.) performance. The staging is similar to the one for Moldova: Jelena sings, the backing performers do avant-garde theatrics behind her, and everyone looks solemn. The song also reminds me A LOT of Nocturne, except instead of a violin solo occupying the majority of the performance, we have folk dancing and clarinets. It goes without saying that Jelena doesn't even think of bringing the crazy.
• Slovenia: I thought Rebeka was going to be singing in English! She may very well do so in Belgrade, but the preview video is the Slovenian version. Borrowing heavily from Alenka's successful sex-laden preview from last year, former Miss Slovenia does more of the same, except she's taking the angrier techno-laden route. Miss Slovenia is pissed at her swarthy man. Wait, maybe she really is into him. No, she hates him. It's a sped-up version of Justify My Love in Slovenian. Not bad, although it could be a little more risque, given that Alenka's video set the bar a bit higher for Slovene preview videos.
• Spain: Even though I have been wondering when Spain would get around to using reggaeton, I have to say I wasn't expecting it in a comedy number. (By the way, eurovision.tv writers, reggaeton has basically been appearing for several years already in Macedonia's entries masquerading as turbo-folk, but the beats and structure are not all that different.) If we are to believe his bio, then Rodolfo is apparently Argentinian, and that is not all that surprising to me. The entry looks and sounds like a late-night comedy skit on Sabado Grande (and yes, I know Don Francisco is Chilean, but still). The video is very basic, but--let's be honest--the joke wouldn't work if it was done with lots of money: Rodolfo and two very harshly made-up backing dancers (who look like Patricia Kraus) dance around to tinny synthesiser with shaky images of bikini-clad women jumping about in the background. If you read the lyrics, it is actually quite funny, name-checking a bunch of international celebrities, politicians, and even the state of Oregon. (For those of us who have been subjected to the constantly playing if the iO digital cable reggaeton ad, you have to keep yourself from wanting to sing "877-393-4448!" during the refrain.) I'm quite surprised that I kind of like it--albeit after reading the lyrics. Nonetheless, I cannot say that I'm all that pleased with the "mulata" lyric. (Actually, I'm rather pissed off about it, frankly. It could be argued that might be part of the "joke," as he is "Argentinian" and Argentines have the stereotype of believing themselves of being superior to those from the Caribbean and the rest of Southern & Central America, but the song did not need to go there.) I doubt we'll ever find out if that's the intent. Verdict: a draw, due to that lyric, but probably the better of the comedy entries this year.
• Sweden: Catwoman is back! (I don't want to necessarily link to her picture, but doesn't Charlotte remind you of Jocelyn Widenstein?) Anyway, it's her MF performance, which tries to borrow as much as possible from Lena Ph, without actually building upon it. First off, Lena got onstage and it was clear from the beginning that she OWNED it. Charlotte, conversely just rents a minorly significant portion. She half-asses the Swedish strut (again, see Lena Ph & Nanne for examples of it done properly), and never connects with the camera. Although she looks very Amanda Lepore-esque, Charlotte doesn't even use that to her advantage. (Just imagine what this would look like if David LaChappelle was staging this.) She just does a two-step, smiles, turns, does another two-step, and smiles, over and over again, and I can't help but think she has no idea what she's singing about. (Not that the lyrics make any sense either, so I'll cut her some slack on that.) As was very astutely pointed out, Charlotte is totally overshadowed by her Charlotte 2.0 backing singers/dancers, which might explain why it's only midway through that they appear. Very very bland. If this was an off year, Charlotte would totally walk all over the scoreboard, this year (and in my view, the quality of Eurovision entries has vastly improved since 2001--2 years after Charlotte's win at the relatively weak 1999 contest), the chances are less than 50% for Sweden to get out of the semi.
• Switzerland: If I had to summarise this year's Swiss entry, it would be "Some kid whines about idealism like it's 1967." Paolo may be 31, but he certainly looks like he's barely over 18. After a pleasant, if not poorly executed diversion into camp last year, the Swiss are back to their old tricks: hiring a foreigner to sing about the guilt the Swiss have for being Swiss (read: rich) in a world surrounded by non-Swiss (read: those of us who don't live in tax havens with liberal banking laws). The video looks like it was shot in Los Angeles, and that makes me interpret it as a "Swiss" (Paolo's the co-creator, and I don't think he is Swiss) take on the film Crash (the one about LA's socio-economic strife, not the one about people getting off on car crashes). Why exactly? Well, we have a fresh-from-a-Bennetton-ad group of diverse ethnicities (complete with dance-offs last seen in Rize!), we have fighting, and we have Paolo whining about how it hurts him when people can't get along. Paolo takes this theme even further by acting all angsty in a nightclub. The tempo picks up and Paolo starts bopping around, even managing to--gasp--smile. The video switches from Crash to Fame, because everybody (except for Paolo) starts dancing together, and the symbolism is so blatant and stomach-churning that I am glad I haven't had anything to eat this morning. The one thing I can't quite comprehend is this: why on Earth was this video shot in LA, especially for an entry representing one of Europe's historically diverse countries? (It's not like they couldn't get the same point across in Zurich or Geneva--hell, even Lugano.)

Let me just say that this was a really tough round to pick 3 from: Serbia & Sweden didn't bother to film anything new; the Swiss entry was well-filmed, but the message was disingenuous, Slovenia wasn't really ground-breaking (especially in respect to prior Slovene entries), Spain's jokes didn't really come across that well, and the Sanmarinese video was rather pedestrian, especially when compared with this year's Turkish entry. Nonetheless, here's the top 3.

1. Switzerland (it was well shot, although the symbolism was too heavy-handed).
2. Slovenia (Nothing new, but at least interesting)
3. Spain (the cheapness works, even though the jokes got a little too offensive for my comfort level)

Coming up very soon: the Top 5 of all this year's previews.

The Actors Go To War

...with each other.

SAG (film actors) & AFTRA (TV/Radio actors) will negotiate their contracts separately. Frankly, after the things hurled at the writers during our recent strike, I hope that neither side goes to strike--but--if one side does, I really hope it's SAG. The sheer comedy of seeing that lot trapsing around Universal City with picket signs would be worth it.

Yes, I have a heavy pro-TV bias.

The Machine or Apathy

59% of local races in Southeastern Wisconsin are uncontested.

Is it apathy?

Fear of getting involved?

The local machine?

And is this situation playing out across the nation?

Hikaruland Eurovision 2008 Preview Reviews: Day 3 Special

A little vlog extra...My own highly-biased (and out of sync) top 3 of the remainders (S-U).

Hikaruland Eurovision 2008 Preview Reviews: Day 3 Special

Hikaruland Eurovision 2008 Preview Reviews: Day 3

Iceland to Russia...The long way.

Eurovision Song Contest - Belgrade 2008 Preview Player

• Iceland: Live video from somewhere (the national final version was in Icelandic), and thank god for that, because the actual video for the song looked like some cheap CGI horror. Did you know that Paul Oscar is behind this entry? Note the toned-down versions of his 1997 backup dancers in the background. The staging is not as in-your-face as Palli's previous Eurosong entry--which could be a metaphor for Euroland either becoming more conservative or more liberal. Nonetheless, it sounds and looks like some Melodifestivalen cast-off...not necessarily a bad thing mind you.
• Ireland: The controversial Turkey! Actually, of all the comedy numbers this year, this is the only one that I find genuinely funny and entertaining. Considering that the Irish are quite well-regarded for their sense of humour, it's shocking that it's taken them this long to finally take the piss out of themselves. The video starts out very solemn with Dustin in silhouette and then breaks into a slightly less manic version of Silvia Night's preview video complete with Turkey-dressed backing singers, a turn table, Dustin going manic all over the place while old Eurovision entries are shown in the background. Sneakily, the video also pokes fun of the contest itself, but not in a mean-spirited way.
• Israel: Kdam performance? I am continually amazed by the fact that Boaz has that kind of singing voice coming out of that body (which, I must add is very pleasing to the eye as well, if I can sound lecherous for a moment). The underlying theme of this year's songs seems to be pastiche and this song is no different. Remember all those solemn Israeli ballads back in the 1980s & 90s? Well, take those add on Niamh Kavanagh's staging and you have this year's Israeli entry. Well-performed, but a touch dull. Surprisingly, one of the minds behind this song is Dana International.
• Latvia: There is comedy, there is inanity, and both are subjective. In my view, Dustin is the former, and The Pirates of the Sea are the latter. It's the national final performance, and boy, does this look like they are trying to mimic Ruslana! The main problem is just that Wild Dances was engaging with a touch of menace about it. Wolves of the Sea, however, looks like something that Rednex would come up with if they were asked to appear on children's television. Blech.
• Lithuania: National final performance. Jerominas tries out for the lead in Jesus Christ Superstar. Unfortunately, he seems to forget that Judas actually has the more interesting numbers in that show. (Jesus comes across as some whiny hippie who just lets things happen to him.) Jerominus also fails to bring the crazy, which is the only way I could tolerate this song. Next!
• Malta: I know that IBA is always cash-strapped, so they get an excuse, but why can't Latvia & Lithuania kick in some money for proper videos, especially when ickle Malta manages to always come up with impressive visual stunners for their MOR entries. Vodka, however, is actually a cut above the usual Maltese milquetoast. The video starts out like an espionage film with Morena as the star. When the song actually starts, it becomes like Benny Hill does James Bond with Morena as the sexy spy eluding her clueless pursuers with a happy-go-lucky synthesiser accompaniment. Not too shabby.
• Moldova: National final performance. TVM is cash-strapped, so we'll cut them some slack. Musically, this is quite pleasing. Lyrically and performance-wise, it's a sheer mess. Geta appears to be singing in English, but her pronunciation is very mangled. Meanwhile, her backing performers play musical chairs and act oblivious to the point of blowing bubbles and talking on their mobiles. Is this theatre of the absurd?
• Montenegro: Attention LTV & LRTV, even Montenegro has a proper video! That said, Montenegro--again--thinks that 80s pop-rock is due for a comeback, because this looks like some random Journey or Foreigner video. Stefan has rickets in front of old buildings while a band plays in the background and trashy women look on between lolling about in bed wearing lingerie. Perhaps if I go to Montenegro, I'll magically turn into a child again since it seems to be perpetually 1987 there. (The man is wearing a sweater vest, people! A sweater vest!)
• Netherlands: Speaking of acting like a child, the Dutch preview video is all about Hind doing just that. She cavorts around a playroom, kicking big balls, having ice cream, and playing with her pigtails. Right before things become a little too uncomfortable, the video switches to Hind just singing the song (thank god). The song itself is not too bad, but not all that spectacular. That said, it may very well take the Dutch into the final based on the "middle always rises to the top" theory.
• Norway: National final performance, the song starts out like a ballad then becomes mildly midtempo R&B. That is somewhat of a relief, as it becomes clearly evident that Maria will not bring the crazy. This song is as close as we will get this year to acknowledging the success of Amy Winehouse & Co., but as I mentioned before, Maria is not going to bring the crazy. In fact, she smiles while singing lyrics that would suggest something along the lines of a grimace. Perhaps she is bringing the crazy then. Another candidate for "middle rising to the top."
• Poland: With a name like Isis Gee, one would think she'd sing some big house song or something thrash rock. Nope, it's another ballad. Isis is very pretty, very buxom, and very tan. She kind of looks like a toned-down version of Jordan, actually. The video appears to be all about Isis imagining/remembering her wedding day. If the US ever entered a Eurovision-style contest, this would be our entry, because this bland stuff sells by the bucketloads here. Isis does not bring the crazy, but she does bring some slight diva-ness. The ballad freaks will love it.
• Portugal: National final performance. Babic is written all over this staging even if he actually isn't in it (dramatic poses by the backing singers, et. al). The styling and performance however, is essentially the same as Andorra's quite impressive 2006 entry, although Vania does not even come close to attacking the stage like Jenny did. Impressive overall, and might get a very good reception on the scoring board. Vania, sadly, never fully brings the crazy though. (Did no one take notes from La Vissi in 2006?)
• Romania: We're seaside. Vlad (I'm assuming the man's name is Vlad, but you can never be too certain) gestures dramatically at a seashell. Nico (I'm assuming that's Nico) then appears and gestures dramatically at Vlad. She is also dressed like she just left some East Village night club...in 1984, especially when she's taunting a bunch of clocks with her razor-like hand gestures. (Are Romanian beaches also garbage dumps? Inquiring tourists want to know.) Believe it or not, these two actually bring some degree of crazy: Nico is going batshit and Vlad is busy trying to use his puppy-dog eyes and soft features to calm her down. The fact that they are clearly not in beach gear and are accompanied by a sizable orchestra at the beach, indicates that crazy truly has arrived. Therefore, I like it. A lot. I certainly wasn't expecting to either.
• Russia: National final performance. Even with Timbaland producing, this song never manages to be either: a) catchy, b) interesting. Dima (complete with scruff and sans mullet) looks like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. What is this car that Dima sees? Is it that he has lost control of his career? Himself? Does he feel bad about voting for Putin mk. II? Just what is going on in his mind? (Answer: Pout. Blink. Pout. Blink.) By the way, his pronunciation actually sounds worse than it did in 2006. Unfortunately, this will score highly, because pouting and preening always do well, and Dima will probably be drawn and quartered if he doesn't reach the final.

Top 3 Preview Videos for this round:

1. Malta
2. Romania
3. Ireland

There's a bit of a gulf between Romania & Ireland, but Malta & Romania are very close.

Next up: The remaining entries, including the inanity that is this year's Spanish & Swedish entries, and the coolness that is this year's British, Sanmarinese, Turkish, and Ukrainian entries.

Is T5 Jive?

The hype behind Heathrow's new Terminal 5 came crashing down yesterday, as everything went balls up with the conveyor belt.

Perhaps fears of lost luggage keeps the UK from winning Eurovision.

Off-topic update: This post marks the 900th entry for Hikaruland, which has been going for 3 1/4 years. I don't know which fact shocks me more.

The Hikaruland Eurovision 2008 Preview Reviews: Day 2

Eurovision.tv is getting high-tech, so here is the player:

Eurovision Song Contest - Belgrade 2008 Preview Player

And now onto D-H

• Denmark: More vintage. Simon seems to think that he is George Michael circa Faith. He gets a shave, smiles at a pretty girl, and then becomes a policeman singing in front of 40s-50s era cars. I've been to Copenhagen at night, it's a little more lively than Mr. Matthew's video suggests.
• Estonia: Eurolaul performance (I think). A bunch of bikini-clad women swing Estonian flags while three overweight men "sing" and bounce to the beat of a song which seems to be Serbian, but could very well be a combination of that and drunken Estonian. (One would have to be half in the bag to make those two sound alike.) Bikini woman holds up a sign of a cake or a pie. I should also mention that the Baltic Bears are dressed in the Estonian national colours, which is making some very bizarre national statement or just aiming for comedy of the bizarre (and failing, albeit not horrendously so).
• Finland: Euroviisut performance: I've seen the actual video and it's got more oomph than its Eurosong counterpart. First disclaimer: I actually like this song, it's campy without the daftness of Lordi. Second disclaimer: The lads aren't that bad looking to the eyes (in that funfair-operator-who-you'd-do-when-you're-drunk-on-cheap-beer way).  They had better keep this in Finnish, because it would lose its "what exactly are they screaming about" appeal.
• France: Inspired by Xanadu or any of the assorted musicals from the late 1970s-early 1980s which tried to bring New Wave to the masses? Man plays organ while 2 pale white feminine beings (gender ambiguous on my screen) "sing" "bop-bop-doo-wop." M. Tellier turns around and for a second I think "Frank Zappa isn't really dead. He's just gone into hiding as a Frenchman." And then it gets trippy: microphones being tossed as Francois Zappa goes from soundstage to street to beach to car. By the way, M. Tellier and/or the director pays attention to detail when it comes to film stock, which really makes this video look as if it was some recently rediscovered New Wave song from 1980. Brilliant. 
• (FYR) Macedonia: National final performance, because they are singing in Macedonian (although it will be in garbled English in Belgrade). More Macedonian reggaeton, which, let's be honest here has gotten them for better (2006) or worse (2005) to the final. Of course, this year they can't totally rely on friendly votes due to the new 2 qualifier system. Anyway, Adrian & Mr. String of Consonants (MSoC) caper about dressed like newspaper boys (is Europe going through some sort of 1930s-50s nostalgia right now? It would seem like that would be an era not all that fondly remembered especially in Europe) while Tamara does her best Elena Risteska impersonation--minus the booty shaking. Next!
• Georgia: Camels, deserts, enigmatic looking children of all shades. If the title didn't indicate it already, this is a song that will either: a) shame us all for being self-centered while the world goes A over T, b) string a bunch of greeting card phrases together like a fundraising campaign mailer, or c) both. It's C here. For added guilt factor, it's being sung by a blind woman. Diana sports glasses so big and dark that you wonder if she's not actually blind as much as blinded. Musically, the song is actually quite good. Lyrically, it's a piece of maudlin exploitative crap, which to be honest with you, I'm already had my fill of as 2008 is a US national election year.
• Germany: No Angels (aka Wilde Orchidee, if that is the correct German translation) at Countdown Grand Prix. Yes, these girls are some of Germany's biggest stars. Yes, the song is very Top 20 friendly. Yes, it's also not bad, even quite catchy. All that said, those are some ropey vocals and some trashy dresses. I am no fashionista by any stretch of the imagination, but I know this much: sometimes the more you wear, the more hooker-like you look, and those girls look like they'll "love you long time" for 10 euros.  It's EuroVision, frauleins!
• Greece: Speaking of looking trashy, New York's own Kalomira is representing Greece. Since the Macedonians are not shaking their booty this year, the Greeks have taken over that responsibility. Kalo doesn't so much sing this song inasmuch as exhale it through her nose. Her singing voice is just too nasal and threatening to annoy the daylights out of anyone who tries to make it through the entire 3 minutes. (FYI: I actually like the song, just not her singing style!) As for the video, it seems to be a very blatant cross/knockoff of Beyonce's Green Light (itself a knockoff of those old Robert Palmer videos) and anyone of New Order's videos from the late 1980s. Kalo's certainly got the hooker wear in tow and the lyrics seems to imply that she's going to sleep with anyone who has her "$ecret Combination," even if she herself doesn't know her own price or that she's even on sale. Ponder that.
• Hungary: Given Hungary's status as Europe's capitol of porn, it is a pleasant surprise that Csezy isn't going for the streetwalker look. In fact, she's gone all Japanese for the first part, and then--you guessed it--1930s glamour. The song (which really should be sped up, because otherwise it sounds a decade or two too late for 2008) is nothing to write home about, but the video is actually quite striking without being obvious about it. That said, what is the significance of the Doberman running?

Top 3 videos for this round, in my view:

1. France
2. Hungary
3. Georgia 

There is a HUGE ocean-sized gap between #2 and #3, by the way.

And to think, I haven't even begun to hit the controversial entries (Ireland and Spain) yet.

The Hikaruland ESC 2008 Preview Reviews

This time via webcam.

Albania to Cyprus. The Czechs will have to wait since Eurovision.tv seemed to not want to play the video.

(The hat is on because I had the window open for some fresh air.)

Hikaruland Eurovision 2008 Previews Part One

Hikaruland Eurovision 2008 Previews Part Two

Update: I've seen the Czech entry, which basically is the national final performance: Tereza capers about in short dress while dancers shimmy and a bunch of gruff looking men play backup. Very by-the-numbers, and not all that distinctive.

Pick Which Horrifies You The Most

A) Al Roker has 20 shows in the development.

Or

B) The content of those 20 shows in development by Al Roker.

The cutest advocates for fair elections you've ever seen

Korea's (Republic) Wonder Girls star in an advert for the upcoming assembly elections in Korea.




I gather the girls are suggesting that voters make up their own mind as opposed to being persuaded by outside forces.

If that's the point of the ad, then I hope the Wonder Girls are aware of the irony of them making that statement.

An Absolutely Fascinating Theory

The iron law of oligarchy.

The question is this: Has it already arrived in the US or how soon will it?

I think avoidance is off the table.