Goodbye Mr. Cuprisin

Sadly, Tim Cuprisin is leaving the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, and I've lost yet another reason to read my hometown newspaper.

Good luck, Tim.

But You'd Still Be in Adelaide

South Australia has been making a big push for Sydneysiders to consider moving to Adelaide, using the old saying: If You Lived [in Adelaide], You'd Be Home Now, and directing people to go visit their website.

Being a curious sort, I went took a gander at the website. The fun facts are reason enough not to move:

• Early Adelaide was shaped by religious freedom, hence its moniker 'The City of Churches'. Today, Adelaide is known for its many festivals as well as for its wine, arts and sports.
• The global media conglomerate News Corporation was founded in Adelaide. Headquarters were moved to New York in 2004, but the city is still considered the company's 'spiritual' home by Rupert Murdoch.
• Temperatures range from an average of 29ºC in January to 15ºC in July.

So it's hot, pious, drunk, and inflicted Uncle Rupert upon the world.

Sounds like Orange County.

No thanks, and apparently most of the world thinks so as well (from one of Uncle Rupert's papers no less!).

Apparently Australia Doesn't Want To Dance It's Ass Off

I had never heard of Dance Your Ass Off, but apparently it's a big (relative to the network size, and no pun intended) hit on Oxygen.

With Dancing With The Stars doing gangbusters on Seven, I can understand the logic of Nine dropping it in the middle of prime time. Unfortunately, it sank like a (no pun intended) stone: This review from the Sydney Morning Herald is pretty indicative of the reception it got.

Meanwhile, Nine is rolling out the programming for GO, and the results look like afternoon programming on a midmarket MyNetwork station: TMZ, Seinfeld, plus Fox's B team of programmes.

I think it will GO back to the drawing board, especially with TEN's new slate.

Not Again

Now it's two Korean backpackers gone missing, according to the ABC.

Meanwhile, Jamie Neale is looking like he might want to check out Patricide for Dummies .

UPDATE: Sadly, the two Korean backpackers have been found dead.

Woo Hoo! More L&O!

An embarrassing admission: I was worried that I would have to give up one of my favourite televisual comfort foods, Law & Order upon moving down here.

I needn't have worried: Channel Ten airs all of the flavours from Original to Crazy Male Ingredients (aka Criminal Intent).

Now, according to TV Tonight, Ten is adding the new Law & Order UK version to its lineup, which is--and makes no attempt to hide this fact--old Law & Order scripts adapted to the British legal system.

This could be interesting to watch, with a 50/50 chance of being either unintentionally hilarious or mind-numbingly dull.

How does the nickname Law & Order: Fish & Chips sound?

Me Me Me...Mine Mine Mine

I've refrained commenting on the British backpacker saga when it was going on, because...well...I thought it was a sham.

To quote The 7pm Project: What 19 year old leaves a hostel without a mobile?

Now comes word that for all of his claims that he was going to donate all of his TV interview money to the SES, not one cent has made it to his rescuers (cue moans from the Nine News offices, laughter from the offices of all the other news organisations), plus he's also bickering with his far from camera-shy father, who wants his own cut.

Interview with Jamie Neale

Personally, I think it all doesn't add up, except in the eye$.

Meanwhile, up in Queensland, the Australian workers on Hamilton Island (home of the "best job of the world") claim Alcatraz style conditions while the Brit that won the aforementioned job lives it up.

What do you expect from a team called the Maroons?

Given the controversy going on in the NRL, you'd think all those State of Origin (interstate rugby tournament) would be on their best behaviour.

Apparently not, according to Uncle Rupert's papers.

According to an article in The Australian, several players from the Queensland Maroons enjoyed a home-made party drug combined from an insomnia tablet mixed with Red Bull. The purpose of the mixture was to ward to effects of binge drinking.

Personally, I'd suggest taking Chaser Plus, but perhaps I'm a bit too square.

The Revival of Thursday Jukebox

Energetic, one of my favourite tracks from BoA's US/English language debut album now has a video, which is also going to tie in with a re-release of the album in a few months. Some may think it's repetitive, but in my opinion, the song is catchy (especially with the new bridge added) full stop.

Bonus: I've never followed Brown-Eyed Girls that closely (too ballad heavy), but their new song Abracadabra does have that nice "sound attack"quality to it, which is the flavour du jour in KPop these days. The video also happens to blend well with the lyrics. Watch it to the end for the interesting Diabolique twist.

New Zealand Wonders: Why are we poor?

The ABC is reporting that New Zealand is setting up a task force (not a commission, but a full on task force) to find out why it's singing the economic blues and losing workers*.

* New Zealand citizens can work in Australia on a Special Category Visa that is granted upon arrival--provided they have no serious diseases or criminal convictions. Australian citizens have reciprocal rights in NZ.

My initial reaction is that this was quite funny, but actually I think this is somewhat a smart idea; however, I wonder how much will this cost New Zealand taxpayers?

Only a few days ago, the ABC also ran a story about how the New Zealand dependency of Tokelau--which is only accessable by boat--has petitioned the government to pay for a new boat to replace the 1970s one which is rickety at best.

Wellington's response: It'd cost more to get a new one.

The PM said he'd like to go visit Tokelau, but not on that boat.

I think the task force might find more answers looking at home, than overseas.

At probably a third of the cost, I reckon.

The more things stay the same...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Perhaps it's the distance speaking, but this incident somewhat explains a feeling that I tended to feel in the US: a sort of heightened tension and fear of each other that somehow glues us all together. It's the old expression "better the devil you know" in operation.

Down here, I've noted that people tend to build very high fences around their homes, which to me suggests that they are hiding something from the rest of the world.

Not so.

The high fences are not interpreted by other Australians as suspicious, but just a way to maintain privacy within the home. There's no fear of the other at play, it's more a case of "mind your own business."

Conversely, at least where I grew up in Wisconsin, fences were kept low and curtains tended to be left open, as if to suggest that we are not afraid to show what goes on inside, and when curtains are drawn then it is a cause for concern.

Down here, most people chose to entertain from home and do so often. Back in Wisconsin, enteraining from home was a special occasion that occurred at most once every quarter.

I must admit that I still bristle at the sight of high fences, but perhaps that will fade in time. I can only hope that the same can be said of the mistrust between Americans towards one another.

From the Ashes of This Afternoon

(Yes, This Afternoon has been cancelled. Not that anyone noticed, mostly because it was night when that show ever finished.)

While everyone, their grandparents, and their pets was watching Masterchef Australia (think Top Chef and you have 99.9% of the format), TEN's real golden child is The 7PM Project which premieres today.

A product of Rove McManus's production company, the show swears up and down that it is not The Daily Show.

Of course it's not, they've got a panel of comedians, not just one with a supporting cast.

Actually, I think the show could really do some ratings damage given that it seems to be on the right network in the right timeslot, regardless of the content. It also helps that the head of network programming is not expecting an overnight success, according to the Sydney Morning Herald:

We absolutely believe in this strategy and we're going to give it time to find its feet. I remember night two ofMasterChef was 900,000 (viewers) and people were saying it's all over and then in a couple of weeks it was up to 1.6, 1.7 million. This show will take a bit more time to find its legs but if we're confident with the content and we're happy with the direction, it will stay

Good luck.

One Born Every Minute...

Suckers, that is.

I have been holding my tongue on this for quite some time, but I just have to say this:

Parky: The One-Man Show looks like either the daftest or most blatantly public ego massages I have ever seen.

For A$92.50+ you can watch and listen to someone recount his encounters with famous celebrities as broadcast originally on free British television, and rebroadcast on free Australian television.

Not like any of the actual celebrities are actually going to be there.

You are paying to just see and hear Michael Parkinson talk about meeting these people and watch clips of him interviewing them.

Shockingly enough, more shows have been added. Tsk, tsk.

Hopefully The Chaser will tackle this absurdity before it disappears into oblivion.

From the "Kiwis are Kinky (but safe)" Department

Ah New Zealand in winter...you're so aroused that you just up and steal a condom machine.

I guess li'l Logan Campbell's Buy-A-Bonk is popular.

I may read as being oddly mean towards New Zealand, but compared to the image that Police Ten 7 puts out, I'm practically a tourism ambassador.

Where NOT to put your money

Jerry Seinfeld. Regional Building Society. (Courtesy of TV Tonight.)

If they've got that much money to sling around, then I think it's time to take a look at the books.

I think anyone who's been around since the 1980s (not to mention all the recent banking implosions) would raise an eyebrow.

From the "Kiwis are Kinky and Krafty" Department

It's been some time since there's been a funny story about Cloudcuckooland (also known as New Zealand) over here, and here's a rather interesting and slightly sordid one:

It seems that in order to generate the funds for his London 2012 campaign, NZ Taekwondo athlete Logan Campbell is opening up a brothel according to a report by AFP via the ABC.

His rationale? He's tired of asking his parents for money.

You can see a picture of Campbell & his business partner at their club at ninemsn.

TVNZ, however, is oddly quiet.

Sea Patrol: The Movie coming soon?

Also in the Sydney Morning Herald is an announcement of something that probably everyone figured was going to come: Baywatch is going to become a big screen comedy.

Intentional comedy, one must add.

Good (and blazingly obvious) idea, but one must wonder about the scriptwriter if he's using Police Academy as his template.

Fragmentation: So What?

Apparently the boss of the ABC-TV has been lunching heavily with the head of Nine, because he's now joining the cautious whining about audience fragmentation, according to an article in the Sydney Morning Herald.

Unsurprisingly, the head of Austar & Foxtel's sales unit (the partially government owned providers of cable and satellite television) is gloating.

What I find interesting and a bit depressing amongst all the moaning is that no one is talking about improving the quality of their programming.

It seems that the heads don't seem to remember that a good show (as subjective as the word "good" is) will draw from all audiences.

Ferguson: It's about Seven's Ego

Uncle Rupert's papers shed more light on the reason why Mark Ferguson is leaving Nine for Seven:

Ian Ross is retiring, and Ferguson wants the Sydney bulletin back.

Makes total sense.

Or is it really just money?

I think it has more to do with Seven eager to get one over on Nine.

Meanwhile, This Afternoon changes executive producers, according to TV Tonight uh oh.

The Hilarity of Sea Patrol

US viewers may have to resort to YouTube for clips, but I have truly come to enjoy the campiness that is Sea Patrol.

Imagine if NCIS was invited over to Baywatch Nights' place for cocktails, found a mickey (or a Kerry, given that it does air on Nine) in its drink and woke up the next night to do the walk of shame down to Australia.

The resulting offspring would be Sea Patrol, at least in its current incarnation.

The previous three episodes that I have seen so far have involved:

• Deranged eco-terrorists with satellite phones and explosives.
• A radioactive seemingly uninhabited island with and a film crew hellbent on filming it (with an unnecessary subplot shoved in about a woman looking for the place where her grandfather's RAAF plane crashed back in 1940s)*.
• A ship practically deserted save for the psychotic killer who escaped from the sanitarium and proceeded to slaughter most of the crew (and the pretty boy actor who magically appeared to join the Hammersley at the beginning of the episode, if only to have an extended homoerotic mock fighting scene).

* Yet did we learn anything about the non-English speaking man who was trapped on that radioactive island for a long enough time to booby trap it? No. This isn't sodding Lost or even Doctor Who wrap up your plotlines!

Not to mention the fact that the show features characters called "Buffer" and "Bomber," as well as "RO" and "XO," and expects us to keep track of who is who. (Gender differences don't help as the cast is rife full of interchangable brunettes, save for 2 blondes...of which Lisa McCune is one, the actor playing the mysteriously nick-named "2 Dads" is the other.)

Given the current scandal that the Australian Navy is going through, a weekly Scooby Doo at Sea is probably welcome at this time. (According to the producers they have skilled naval advisors working with them, although Law & Order: SVU has advisors and they've been in self-parody mode for ages.)

Perhaps going for a point/counterpoint type of schedule, Nine has also been airing Underbelly Uncut (their name for the first season of Underbelly with extra sex, violence, and swearing) the same night, an hour after Sea Patrol wraps up. Some would say that it would be a case of putting your best attackers out together, I would say it's a case of hoping that the overpaid star would learn something from the hard-working rookie.**

** For an extra point/counterpoint feel to the night, I watched Lisa McClune (XO on Sea Patrol) and Damien Walshe-Howling (Benji Veniaman on Underbelly) on Blue Heelers, Seven's country cop show now in reruns on the Hallmark Channel (Hallmark has more bite here...seriously, it does, even if it is owned by NBC Universal). Tonight's double bill of episodes dealt with a drug ring, and proved that McCune is better than the scripts which she is presently given, and that Walshe-Howling is better than the scripts which he used to be given.

Nine's Head Writes A Check...

...that his you-know-what might not be able to cash.

I'm beginning to like Nine, the culture over there is very reminescent of NBC but cocky instead of oblivious.

Their most recent promise: their new youth channel will get double the amount of viewers of ONE (which is anything but first) by the end of the year.

Now this might seem like an easy feat, but if ONE is far from a success in the almost bulletproof sports format, how does Nine plan to get any angle on the very fickle youth market?

A mix of CW staples, reruns from HBO's most recent golden age (understand this is a country where swear words, nudity, and images of serious drug use air on free-to-air, so there's not much to be shocking with), and a jargon-filled excuse about fragmentation and how we'll have to read ratings differently because shows "will be monetised four different times."

My interpretation: He's praying for industry amnesia by year's end.