The New Season: CBS

This review has been performed in front of a live DVR that is occasionally paused in order for me to type.

Wrapping up the previews of the new season is CBS, which I believe is still holding onto the top spot as the most watched network (ah, the joys of live blogging, I don't have to go hunting around for facts until after I finish my opinion).

As I'm not familiar with CBS's entertainment propaganda machine, I have no idea who Lara Spencer is, but apparently the Eye trusts her enough to be the face of this year's Fall preview bonanza.

First off, Worst Week--which I think is an adapatation of a UK sitcom. If you live in New York--or any major market city, you have seen the adverts for this show illustrated by a man in average shape (TV-wise, in real life he'd be 6 or a 7) wearing nothing but what looks like an adult diaper. Diaper man is apparently Sam and it looks like one of those shows (CBS at one point had two of them) where Joe Average (again a television Joe Average) has a knockout girlfriend and various humiliations occur to him. It is lightly amusing, but it looks like Kurtwood Smith will basically run away with this show. It's got the prime slot of right after Two & A Half Men, so the Eye is expecting a lot out of it.

Next, Lara--who looks suspiciously like Felicity Huffman--tells us about Simon Baker's new show The Mentalist. (Again, if you live in a major market, the ads for this have been heavily plastered all over town.) Personally, when I heard they were giving Simon Baker another show, I had to wonder..."why?" Yes, he's still good looking (a hell of a lot better looking than he was in The Devil Wears Prada, where he looked like he was trying to outdo Mickey Rourke in terms of bad facelifts), but if it didn't really happen for him with The Guardian, then why get him another lead? ENSEMBLE this man, CBS. Don't make him a lead, he's not that interesting. Anyway, The Mentalist is another one of those "quirky, ultra-observant man solves crimes" shows, which again, CBS does well. It sort of looks like a santised version of Dexter, except I guess Baker's character isn't going to kill anyone. If they don't give him a love interest and focus on the crimes, then there's hope. That being said, pairing it with NCIS? Why? This is much more a Monday or Friday night show.

Commercials--for things other than CBS.

When we return, Lara gestures excitedly about Jay Mohr's new sitcom, Gary Unmarried. Time for a personal admission: I watch Ghost Whisperer (I don't mind Jennifer Love Hewitt--Aquarian solidarity, you know--and David Conrad--who plays her husband and will be leaving this season supposedly--is great eye candy, even when you realise there is a 12 year age difference between them, it doesn't really matter). I thought that the writers were pretty much shoving his character in our faces because there was going to be a romance between the two of them. Apparently not. Gary Unmarried sounds and looks like All of Us without the ghetto sassiness (boo!), but with less annoying children (yay!) and no moral-of-the-week (HURRAH!). Still not going to go out of my way to watch it, despite having Paula Marshall, who is quite good. You'll have to toss in liberal amounts of Jay Mohr shirtless for me to become a regular viewer. Pairing it with The New Adventures of Old Christine is very wise, but seriously why steal from an old UPN sitcom?

Non-CBS commercials.

And we're back with Lara touting the latest Jerry Bruckheimer hour long action drama, Eleventh Hour. (Seriously, the man seems to run everything on CBS that isn't a comedy or news broadcast.) I'm actually intrigued by this because the ad campaign has given me no clue whatsoever as to what the show is about. Lara chirps that it's about some rackishly handsome scientist who solves crimes for the FBI when all other leads fail. Doesn't CBS have a show like this already called NUMB3RS? Leave Ridley Scott alone Jerry! Well, Rufus Sewell is no Rob Morrow, but he is more appealing to look at than David Krumholtz. The preview seems to suggest that the difference between this and NUMB3RS is that Eleventh Hour will deal with "scientific crimes"...and where science meets ethics, it looks like. I'll give Jerry credit, this looks intriguing even though Sewell's character isn't. It's coupled with CSI...of course.

If there's a serious weak link in CBS's new armour it's The Ex List. Lara's tone is ever-so-slightly sarcastic as she reads her propaganda copy, and can you blame her? This show has bomb written all over it based on the premise: Self-Absorbed Woman sees psychic, psychic tells her that her true love is one of her exes, Self-Absorbed Woman goes hunting down her (many) exes to find out which one it is. Wisely, they have upped the male flesh content (including gay male couple friends?) to make up for the daft storyline. Personally, I'm wondering if her problems could be quickly solved if she figured out why she's self-absorbed. It's after Ghost Whisperer on Fridays, and quite frankly, that might be the only way for this show to do well enough to survive to next season.

Commercials CBS and non, including one for The Unit, which is going to be interesting with Scott Foley leaving. (Why he's leaving, I don't know.)

Lara bids us adieu in record time, just quick enough to tell us to go to CBS's website.

Well, I have to withdraw my faint praise of NBC, CBS has the stronger Freshman roster this year. They also have the biggest possible turkey as well, with The Ex List.