Eurovision 2007: Fools!

There is a new videoclip for "Dancing lasha tumbai" (aka "Dancing Russia Goodbye"), and I tell you it is yards better than the preview...even though the preview pretty much tells you what to expect on the 12th.

Eurovision 2007 Preview Review: F is for Fun Times, G is for Go On With Your Bad Self, and H is for Hellcat on Wheels

The Preview Critiques continue! (Watch the actual previews at Eurovision.tv)


Finland: Hanna is moody. Hanna is either smoking or in a very cold room. Hanna checks her makeup. From what I gather, this is her style of music, but she comes across as too precious to sing it...like Victoria Beckham covering Motorhead. It's an alright video, even if La Podolskaya did the East Village-chic to better effect in 2005 (although it was woefully inappropriate for the song). By the way, if I'm very indifferent on Hanna, it's because I was for Lovex at Euroviisut.

France: Granola rock comes to Eurovision and it's from France? The Singing Pony Tail and the Picards talk about his sexual conquest (in a British accent no less) in a pink room, while interpersed with photos and scenes with said conquest and peculiarly shots of them at the French National Final. The latter gives the song a bit of a Superstar (in the Neil Sedaka/Carpenters sense) feel. It's oddly endearing, but in the video stakes...it's no great shakes.

(FYR) Macedonia: National final performance!? After the brillant, atmospheric video Karolina had in 2002 this is a bit of a letdown. No warrior dress for her this time. Instead, La Karolina (I know the proper "La" is with her surname, but umbrellas are hard to do when you have to repeat the name several times) is wearing either hot pants or a miniskirt while talking about her "all." Meanwhile, her backing dancers limber up in the background. Now, understand that I like La Karolina when I say this, but...taken as a whole, it makes me wonder if the song is a tacit reference to Sweet Charity.

Georgia: Listen all you national broadcasters, little Georgia did a second all new video to coincide with the new songtitle. So ha! It starts out with a couple doing some modern dance moves on a hill. Then Sopho (the Caucasian Bjork if you will) looks all meditative while graphics swirl in the background. I. AM. LOVING. THIS. The dancing couple gets more aggressive in their moves as the music swells. With all these lush geographical shots, it almost seems like Miyazaki film come to life. Current front runner on Hikaruland for best preview video.

Germany: Live performance, but that's the standard German protocol with Eurovision previews. (Although, given the lyrics, I would love to see what they could do with an actual all-new video.) Anyway, Roger throws slightly smoldering glances and coolness while the band plays in the background. It does the job, but from the video standpoint: kinda so-so.

Greece: Greece does Grease. (And why is 2007 the first time they've thought of that connection?) "Danny" Sarbel looks at his "Sandy" and arches his eyebrow. (Meanwhile, I just roll my eyes.) Then they do You're The One That I Want 2007 version. It's very nicely done, just...corny.

Hungary: Magdi is PISSED! Oh, she is fit to be tied. Remember how La Vissi went balistic last year in the preview for Everything, Magdi tops that for one reason: she's going to destroy his place and doesn't care if she looks good while doing that. A close runner-up for preview of the year, as it really makes me curious as to what the performance on the night will be like.

Next time: I is for Irksome, L is for Laconic, and M is Mealy. (This might be a hard slog for all of them save for Israel.)

Eurovision 2007 Preview Review: B is for Bizarre, C is for Crazy, D is for Drag, and E is for EH?!

Better late than never, here are the next round of Eurovision previews, courtesy of Eurovision.tv.

Belarus: Probably one of the most lavishly done videos (I'm not saying a word about the irony of this being the Belorussian entry...not one) this year. Were it not for the slight singing accent of Dima Not Bilan (my god, you can actually understand what the Belorussians are saying), this could pass as the UK entry with all the James Bond-esque cinematography and a queen looking suspiciously like Elizabeth I (with kabuki maidens for some odd reason. It's Belarus, who said logic applies?). Not Bilan's handlers must've got the memo that he was looking too much like the real Bilan, because he now is trying to look like Sakis Rouvas--not a good idea as a certain Cypriot entrant in 2005 would attest to. Anyway, the storyline seems to be a retread of Snow White with a woman in a red dress trying to stay safe from Queen Bess/Maleficent. (Who cares if Maleficent is from Sleeping Beauty?) Not Bilan appears to have nothing to do with the storyline except look pretty while Red Dress runs across the set like a buxom blonde in a horror movie.

Belgium: Live performance, which makes some sense. Even though there is an actual video, the song is so "funkadelic" (an aspect that really isn't captured in the real video), that the myriad of colours used during the RTBF live performance is the better option. That said, I like the song and I would've liked it if they went for an acid-freakout video. Slightly related: At this corner of the internet, the lead singer of the KMGs is a candidate for sexiest man of this year's contest, Not Bilan isn't even close.

Bosnia-Herzegovina: Marija's a chorine. Marija's a longshoreman in a lacy cap. Violinists on a rusty ship, while the crew plays volleyball? Is there some sort of veiled drug reference in this song that I'm not getting? Meditative, I get, but this is verging on absurd.

Bulgaria: Girl (not in the gender specific sense in this case), you'd better beat those drums! So Elitsa has black wings and apparently causes thunderstorms. She then flies as the song goes all techno. Sistem for 2007? I think so. Although I'm certain members of both sexes and most sexual orientations will miss the old softcore porn that made up the previous two Bulgarian previews.

Croatia: Dora performance. Excuse me, Bulgaria and Belarus have proper videos and Croatia doesn't? Is HRT trying to plead poverty this year or is it just lack of faith in the entry? Might very well be a mix of both frankly. This song is dull, dull, dull and I actually like a soul song with a strong bass line. The woman singing lead kicks ass, but then Daddy Topic just has to get his lines in and the whole vibe goes screwy. Give him a severance package, make it all Dragonfly and then get back to me.

Cyprus: Ok, I'll get it over with right now. WHO DRESSED THE DIKI? She looks like she's taking a break from being a Japanese idol singer...in 1986. Oh well, it works with this very synthclash song (which I like very much, and would be happy if it won). The rest of the video seems to be a unisex mascara commercial....which is why The Diki and Co. are singing in an abandoned ballroom?

Czech Republic: National final performance (after all that CT has been through, I don't blame them, unlike HRT). Even though the Slovaks sent a "rock" band as their debut entry as well, there's a metaphorical ocean of differences here. Main one being that at least Martin Durinda was singing and not doing some vocally enhanced version of growling. Actually, this is not a bad song at all, it's just that I wish it was an instrumental. O Lordi, what have you wrought? (By the way, I hope those dazed go-go "Eurosong" girls are not included at the ESC performance. They looked like they were going into sugar shock instead of dancing.)

Denmark: DR are you pleading poverty too? All the creative talent working in Danish film and television and the only idea you come up with is to have DQ dressed in various monocolour outfits in different colours while 2 men and 2 women fail their arms in various black & white getups. The song is called Drama Queen and you have a drag queen singing it FOR EUROVISION, one of the most camp television events in the world. I'm sorry, but you have to step up your game here people, because you dropped the ball video-wise.

Estonia: Eurolaul performance (I think it is, since that would be par for course with ETV). Gerli "Not Pink, Not Sharon Osbourne" Padar is carried in on a chair by some male dancers would then fail themselves about in modern dance. Gerli joins them for a bit and it looks...matronly, which is at odds with both her voice and the tone of the song. The choreography is also at odds with the song as well, since it would be more at home as an 11 o'clock number in a musical than in a rock ode to co-dependency. If I'm not mistaken, I do believe Gerli & The Boys are doing jazz hands towards the end of the chorus. Oddly enough this makes the song more livilier than the previous (if more plausible) version I saw which just featured Gerli and a backing band.

Next time: F is for Fun Times, G is for Go On With Your Bad Self, and H is for Hell.

From the "Broken Clock Is Right Twice A Day" Department

Bloomie suggests a congestion surcharge of $8 for all drivers entering Manhattan below 86th Street.

Still a closeted idiot, but at least he's not without some sense.

Monday Jukebox Tries To Entertain You

I promise I'll be back soon on full-tilt duty, but between fighting a flu, and working on a play...well, something had to fall by the wayside.

In the interim, here are three Japanese popsters that I've stumbled across recently. In a perfect world, they'd be as popular here as they are in Japan.

Now, I've already salivated over Misia (there is a funny video on Youtube of a high-as-a-kate Erykah Badu praising Misia), but here's the full video of her song Escape, which has rather downbeat and somewhat absurd lyrics in contrast to the upbeat music, then again the video is somewhat absurd (in the artistic sense) as well:




Next is the legendary rock duo B'z singing their 1991 hit Alone, another prime example of why a good ballad should make you feel like the burden of life is too much by the end of it. I have to admit I was surprised by the choice of wearing UWM clothing in this live performance:



Arguably the Japanese Madonna, if only for longevity of career, Akina Nakamori covered Alone in her Utahime 3 album back in 2003, in a very minimalist way making the song even more bleak--a good thing in my view. Alas, I couldn't find a video for it and I'm not savvy enough to create one. Instead here are two videos of Akina.

The first is her performance of Southern Wind in 1984, very fresh and idoled up.



Finally, here is Akina in 2001 performing another one of her Eighties' hits, 1/2 no Shinwa:



Thanks to all the hard-working fans who put up the videos, translated the lyrics, and designed the websites.

An Update from Fearless Leader

I think I may come to regret doing a video post.

Eurovision 2007 Preview Review: A is for Awkward

It's that time again!

Since there are god knows how many entries this year (I will break my no-alcohol-at-home rule in order to make it through this year's voting), I'm splitting up this year's Preview Video review into several parts. For those not familiar with the Preview Video review set up at this corner of the internet: I watch 30-60 seconds of each preview clip and then write my impressions.

(You can find the videos at Eurovision.tv, click on "mediacentre")

Today I'm covering the A's.

Albania: Frederik (who should either shoot his stylist and/or get a better toupee) gestures dramatically near a pond or a lake while a woman (I'm assuming this is Aida) wails while dressed like some aging socialite circa 1965. It does not make one sympathetic to whatever plea he is begging us to hear. Pretty scenery though.

Andorra: Like every Eve6/Blink 182/early Green Day video you've ever seen, with Anonymous playing their instruments with screaming, happy teenagers in the background. That said, it's revolutionary for Eurovision. Considering the song is asking us to "save the world," I have to wonder what does shaving one's head have to do with it? If it's a reference to Locks of Love (an organisation that donates hairpieces to children who have medical hair loss), then that's a brilliant move. Unfortunately, I suspect it's just an attempt to appear "punk."

Armenia: Hayko does his best Zeljko impression by looking moody in white in the middle of a market/bazaar while a (clarinet?) player plays in the background...yet is strangely not heard. Shouldn't the "you" being addressed in the song be seen? I remain firm in my conviction that it wouldn't kill Armenian TV to do a Cher & Colton Ford disco duet. I'm sure they'd have no problem doing it for free.Then again, I suspect Armenia doesn't want to win inasmuch as just place strongly.

Austria: Is this 1993? Seriously, this video is so 90s that I have expect Eddie Vedder to randomly appear midway through the song waving his hair along to the beat. Anyway, it's Erik (who I'd accuse of doing a Chris Daughtry impression, but I don't think Daughtry is that well known overseas) scowling at the camera in black & white, and then black & red, with a red AIDS ribbon in the background. Visually, I know they're going for grit and symbolism, but at the same time, I don't think the lyrics jive with it. I don't get the message here, and I am tempted to think that Erik doesn't either (to paraphrase an old MTV ad: "they just told me to rock...real hard.")

Next up: B is for Bizarre, C is for Crazy, D is for Drag, and E is for Eh? (believe it or not, that only covers 9 countries).

Tuesday Jukebox Loves Misia

Just listen...






And I'm generally not one to fawn about vocal gymnastics, but this knocked my socks off.

Partly Shameless Plug

My best friend Garrett is appearing on this week's new Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

Do watch!

Eurovision 2007: I Know I'm Lyric-Sensitive, but really?

Now it's hardly a secret that I really like this year's Russian entry, but alas, the Russian Eurovision curse of atrocious lyrics strikes again.

Here's a sampling (courtesy of The Diggiloo Thrush) :

Gotta tease you nasty guy
So take it, don't be shy
Put your cherry on my cake
And taste my cherry pie

As anyone who remembers Warrant's big hit can tell you, "cherry pie" is slang for a part of the female southern anatomy. So one must ask, what is a person's "cake?" Based on the refrain, I would hazard a guess that they are referring to the posterior. If that is the case, then I believe we have the first lesbian anal sex reference in Eurovision.

Like the Silver Girls have any idea what they are singing about.

Open note to Russian Eurovision composers:

Please have a native English speaker go over your lyrics. You come up with these great musical compositions and then have them shot to hell because the lyrics are basically absurd.

Since when do asses "spin?" They swing, they sway, they do not go 360 degrees on any normal human being.

By the way, what's with the lead singer calling her cohorts "bitches?" I know the other two are really only there for show, but seriously, give them at least a modicum of respect.

Are You Sure This Isn't A Joke?

Tommy "Wimpy Ex-Wisconsin Governor" Thompson is apparently entering the presidential race.

Why? I do not know.

The man is forever etched in my head as the fool who came running back to Wisconsin--tears streaming down his face--after basically getting his ass handed to him in Washington.

And he thinks he could run the country?

Saturday Jukebox Warms Up for the Eurovision 2007 Video Preview Massacre

Now that we're in the drought between National Final season and the actual contest in May, I thought that I'd put in a bit of a teaser for the upcoming annual Hikaruland Preview Video Hitlist--I mean--Review.

Quite honestly, I'm not expecting to dish out that much vitrol this year. I will say that the one of the two frontrunners in the video stakes for me is Russia (although I don't think anyone is going to get close to brillance that was La Vissi's video last year).




That said, I really think that the Silver Girls are really Russia's answer to the Pussycat Dolls in that only one can sing while the rest just look pretty and talk along with the beat. (We all remember how different Yulia's live performance in 2004 was from what the preview promised, don't we?)

When Bad Theatre Tries To Hide Its Tracks

Comrades, I give you The Matthew Passion.

Here we have a relatively interesting idea with the Passion of Christ interspersed with the story of Matthew Shepard and the story of a middle-aged HIV+ man.

Now how do they chose to market it?

Shirtless men caked in sweat with muscles taut and bulging.

The Matthew Shepard story is not about sexiness. It's about bigotry, ignorance, and fear.

So is the Passion of the Christ.

Therefore, one must ask creator Phil Hall what his real intentions were with this piece. Did he want to make a statement or did he just want to create masturbatory fluff (no pun intended) for those too embarassed to get porn in their own homes? I do not necessarily blame Phil for all of this (although I must say that all writers must accept that they are at the nexus of their work, be it good or bad), because even if the script has descriptions last seen in Afterhours, someone had to put that image out onstage, someone had to chose that way of marketing it, and someone had to do the casting with a certain mindset.

And most embarassingly, someone--and this is most likely Phil (since this is a play with music)--had to think that adding a song called You Need A Bitch Slap was required.

I am quite tempted to say that the song would be best directed at its creator rather than one of the characters.

GLAAD to be Self-Loathing?

Both of the local New York gay newspapers have a very (and telling) story about GLAAD's exclusion of the two gay networks from their annual four-part kiss-ass--I mean gala that was recently held here in New York.

That's right, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, our watchdog that supposedly tells the media when they screw up homophobically and applaud them when they get it right is excluding both of the 24 hour all-gay, all-the-time television networks airing in the US from its annual ceremonies that honour gay representation in the media.

The absurdity nearly speaks for itself.

I'm damn near shocked that The Blade is carrying the story, but I guess their broken clock (as in the thing that is right twice a day) department was allowed some fresh air this week. This is made even moreso interesting in that the coverage is in the Editorial section. I think this quote here (no pun intended) gets to the meat of the story:

Perhaps GLAAD could create special categories specifically for LGBT media. But by now (sic)allowing that, GLAAD might as well state that our LGBT stars and media talent are not glamorous and famous enough to make a difference—or that they won’t warrant “mainstream” attention and ticket sales.

The Blade actually taking a stance against homogenisation? Shocking, I tell you.

The Gay City News's Doug Ireland brings it all into focus by viewing this misstep/bigoted self-loathing move within the context of the state of gay television. Ireland is biting and unfailing in his criticism, and the fact of the matter is that for the most part it is warranted.

Some of the greatest and most creative minds working in media today are gay and why aren't they being allowed to flourish within this new media context? Some might say it's because they're afraid of being pigeon-holed, but I don't necessarily buy that. I think that if those people--whoever they are--see that really amazing things can be created and are allowed to do them without fear of being too uncommercial or too gay-specific, then we can have better gay networks.

Is it that difficult to do a miniseries of The City & The Pillar, people? Seriously.

Where did gay sensiblity get lost in the rush to get gay content?

We need more than just the coming-out stories and the AIDS tragedy stories. We need quirkiness, irony, sarcasm, and "popcorn" that is more than just bland, vacant looking twinks wandering around in briefs. Comrades, we need to show the wit and smirks that fuel the creativity.

You know who I think gets this, is Stephen Macias of here Networks, who wrote a blistering and truth telling response to GLAAD (lead by I-got-mine Log Cabinette Neil Giuliano, FYI) , which you can read in full--bizarrely enough--over at The Blade. I just want to highlight one of his bullet points that applies not just to GLAAD's shameful ignorance but to the power of good, quality gay media in general:

Inspiring closeted gay Americans to come out and be themselves is one of the most important results that fair, accurate, and inclusive media can have on American culture. While you can legislate equal protection under the law, it is television that has the ability to change the hearts and minds of all people, including gays and lesbians. Gay television now comes into the homes of millions of Americans with programming that not only entertains, but also inspires and gives people confidence to come out of the closet, be themselves and lend their proud voice to change. Seeing themselves and their stories being told on screen is a powerful and is helping to change lives across America.

You tell 'em.

Tuesday Jukebox Just Wants You To Be Happy

Ah...Nona Reeves songs are perfect for mornings where you only got 4 hours of sleep.



(And yes, I'm half surprised there was a TV series for Parappa the Rapper.)

Some Networks Get It, Others Don't

Dennis Ayers has an excellent article over at AfterElton which evaluates Gay representation on each of the broadcast networks.

Interestingly, there are some unexpected results. While I am not surprised that ABC leads with an A-, the CW getting a B- (albeit based on its WB history) , and NBC getting a C (I figured they would net a C-), is a somewhat of a surprise. Likewise, CBS and Fox sharing a third place C+ is equally surprising.

Nonetheless, great reading.

Answering Referral Questions

I do love the referrals I get here.

1. Lucy Noland: Gone from WNYW. Why? I don't know, but probably was a monetary dispute. New York TV news can be so acrimonious. Personally, I liked her, but I don't mind if Lynda Lopez takes over her job (though I bet it will be Anne Craig).
2. Eric Braate: In Houston. Is he becoming the local weatherman version of Anderson Cooper? I'm beginning to think so.
3. Lyrics to Laura's Sunflowers from Eurolaul 2007: For those who love the blandness, you can mosey on down to ETV's Eurolaul site and start transcribing.
4. Who is most likely to win Eurovision 2007?: (in no particular order) Belgium, Cyprus, Russia, Spain, Switzerland, with France as a dark horse.

Eurovision 2007:And Now We Wait

The UK selected today and...well, I'll just say that if Scooch had top 20 hits in 1998, then they must've flown right past my TOTP viewing self.

I was for Big Brovaz in all honesty, since Cyndi's ballad did nothing for me and the bar is always raised extremely high when it comes to me liking a ballad.

Nonetheless, this is a year where the middle is rising and I guess that Scooch is the middle in this case and in a Scooch versus Cyndi superfinal, I'd vote for camp over Sominex.

That's the funny thing about 100% televoting, you have no one to blame but yourself or your neighbours. (49% of the US electorate has been living with that for the past 8 years.) All that said, I wouldn't be surprised if the UK Selection goes internal or 1 singer/6 songs next year.

Anyway, all songs competing in this year's Eurovision are now all known, and we come into the eye of the Eurovision hurricane where nothing happens save for remixing and shooting the stray video or two.

I'm going to stand by my Eurovision goes West prediction, buoyed by the fact that I really like the Russian entry (even though it's a Sugababes/Pussycat Doll knockoff with nonsensical lyrics--then again what Russian entry has made sense post-free language? Why else would they have a visual free-for-all with the staging every year?) and songs that I really like never ever do better than 4th.

If I was a Belgian, French, German, Spanish, or Swiss television executive, then I'd tell the accounting department to start crunching some numbers.

Interestingly, I think this year the Final will actually be more entertaining than the Qualifier.

The Splash-View Post-Mortem: Where Is Everybody?

It's the first warm night in a long time and streets of Chelsea are...dead.

53F at night and virtually no one is out and about, whereas only a week or so ago when it was cold, everywhere was--if not necessarily packed--full of action.

I have my theories:

• The Rapture happened and we're either saved or left behind.
• People are nervous about the upcoming eclipse (thanks astrobarry)
• That many people were at the Roxy closing?
• That many people are prepping for St. Patrick's Day?
• The Depression started without any final warning.
• New York finally got too expensive.

Inquiring minds want to know.

Eurovision 2007: Who Escapes The Qualifier of Death?

"Tonight" the Czech Republic and Portugal decided (the latter with a webcast that was very shaky over here, to be honest), leaving only Hungary left to show their goods, if you will.

At the risk of jumping the gun, I'm going to issue the first of several speculations about who's going to get out of the Qualifier and who is going to stay.

Now there are 10 slots open for the Qualifier entries in the final and 28 entries in the Qualifier. All this adds up to a virtual bloodbath.

Let's get the likely contenders over with.

Probably going to get through, provided everything goes alright:

1. Serbia (I don't care for it, but it will go through)
2. Cyprus
3. Switzerland
4. Andorra
5. Belarus
6. Belgium

Next, the shaky ones that have perhaps a less than 50% chance of getting through:

• Macedonia (yes, I put Macedonia down as shaky because the competition is that rough)
• Poland
• Georgia

That final slot will be filled--by the skin of their teeth--with one of these six.

• Netherlands
• Turkey
• Bulgaria
• Estonia
• Israel (controversy is good, very good, for an entry)
• Portugal (yes, primarily because I'm viewing it in the context of the others, but if it doesn't get a strong makeover expect Slovenia, Montenegro, or the Czechs to take their place)

Personally, I think the Final is going to be even more vicious, with Spain the likely winner in a photo finish.