I am extremely grateful to Time Warner and TVE for allowing people in New York to watch ESC on television as opposed to hunched up in front of a computer. Spain doesn’t need better PR for me, but I’m going to say this: legalised gay marriage, a Socialist government, a delightfully psychedelic national final, handsome men, a strong vibrant national cinema…I’m this close to immigrating or at least applying for citizenship.
Now, that the politeness is out of the way, I can be catty.
Before I get to the final proper, some brief coverage of the Spanish pre-show (nearly 3 hours long, by the way): I got into it relatively late (see previous post), but when I tuned in, I was greeted with Las Supremas doing a medley of Spanish Eurovision entries. Imagine three Phyllis Diller clones with strong accents singing “Europe’s living a Celebration.” This is followed up by Don Carlos and his co-host who looks like TVE’s answer to Katie Couric, (who has the perfect name for a telenovela: Laura Valenzuela) introducing some previous Spanish entrants: Micky, Sergio & Estibaliz, Karina, and Betty Missego. The general theme here is that being the Spanish entrant in the 1970’s makes you chunky (Estibaliz and Karina), camp (Micky and Betty), and age badly (Sergio). Don Carlos and Beatriz play a brief Eurovision quiz with the former entrants and to their credit, they are all game. I don’t know if I’d be quite keen to say on national television that I know how many “La”s there are in “La La La.” Nonetheless, Micky won and looked quite pleased to receive his anorak’s trophy from Las Supremas. I do honestly wonder how crazy Kiev/Kyiv would’ve been with them there instead of the witches proclaiming to speak for the sun.
After a brief segment with some big shot in Ecija, Don Carlos and David Civera talk to fortune tellers who give their predictions on how each of the finalists will fare on the scoreboard. Fortune tellers. Predictions. Rainbow candles. Now, I do believe in fortune tellers and astrology, but this is just bizarre. More absurdist comedy is brought by Las Supremas who interview ickle David with questions about cyber-sex. David lies his way through it, because we all know he’s a big old cyber pervert. This whole segment is quite interesting, but Las Supremas occasionally get on my nerves by repeating “eres un enfermo” 500 or so times. David Civera performs the same damn song he sang during the final, and it’s still god-awful. I think he’s actually lip-syncing his way through it. I’d love it if some kind Spaniard out there would tell me if David does have any career to speak of, because if this is what he’s been singing since 2001, then he’s in deep trouble.
A brief personal note: Eurovision night can be unbelievably nerve-racking. For that reason, the smoking hiatus I've been on is out the window today (and only from the pre-show to the end of the final).
After a brief stroll down Eurovision Memory Lane with Jose Maria Inigo, Don Carlos brings out the pretty people...in other words the Operacion Triunfo alumni. However, he goes straight to Kiev/Kyiv to talk with the unfortunately named Beatriz Pecker, who will be doing the TVE commentary tonight. Beatriz looks no-nonsense and I suspect that Don Carlos is pissed that his suave self has no effect on him.
It's back off to Ecija to talk with the hags' friends & family, because the hags are watching this from Ukraine. Don Carlos barges in on this family moment to ask them the standard beauty pagent questions: "How do you feel? Are you prepared for tonight?" Blah, blah, blah get back to the pretty people from OT.
And he does. For some strange reason, they are all sitting on top of the desk as opposed to behind it. Don Carlos puts his arms around Ramon. I don't want to start a rumour or anything, but the last time a man put his arm around me like that, I was naked with him minutes later. I'm certain these are all decent people, but Don Carlos and the pretty people posse remind of the film Mean Girls with their smugness and preening for the camera.
One of the pretty people, Nuria, gets to perform. Her song "Palabritas" is pretty much a standard flamenco ballad. She, however, does ooze star appeal and I have to wonder why TVE hasn't tried to get her into Eurovision.
Commercials. An advert for Telepizza makes me call Domino's. Evil, just evil. Oh well, I'm going to the gym tomorrow.
Don Carlos welcomes us back from the audience composed of "Eurofans" and Jose Maria who looks a lot like Perry Farrell from Jane's Addiction. I realise now that Don Carlos hasn't changed his outfit since the national final. Creepy. Anyway, this is a segue to introduce the Spanish fan contingent in Ukraine. Beatriz handles this with panache. I like this lady. She's my kind of woman. Oh my god, it's the guys behind Eurovision Madrid. Oye, guapos! Eres mucho sexy!
Previews now. Oddly they include Iceland, who did NOT qualify for the final. Someone is asleep at the booth over at TVE.
Don Carlos introduces Lolita, who looks like she should be presenting the news over on Telemundo instead of pursuing a singing career. She is considerably older than her name implies. I'm not saying she's bad looking, but I'm just saying that a middle aged woman with the name Lolita is very ironic, because Lolita has certainly been around the block several times over. Damn good singer nonetheless. I'd like to see her and Nuria tear up a really good stomper of a song. Hint, hint TVE.
One last toss over to Ecija with Juan Carlos Cerezo. Juan Carlos is no Don Carlos. He's dull, stuffy, and just oozes desperation. He also has daft yuppie hair. I miss my perma-tanned omnisexual Don Carlos.
Good lord, a clip of Maria Isabel. However, when we return to the studio we see Las Supremas. And guess what? They are going to sing Maria Isabel's winning song. It's pretty good, but this is so surreal that words fail me. Phyllis Diller clones singing that they'd rather be dead than simple. There's this whole menopause subtext for this song now.
Commercials. Tierra del Toros? Funny. It reminds me of the cheer in Bring it on.
Don Carlos brings us back to introduce us to Ainhoa, still loopy lo these weeks since the national final. She'll be giving the Spanish results tonight.
A brief film on how hard (with mixed results) NTU and SVT has been working behind the scenes. Did you know that this will be broadcast in Australia? (I'm being sarcastic, because as you know, we'd be screwed in the US if it wasn't for TVE.)
Don Carlos brings Lolita back on to sing us out. She's now in full flamenco form, breast threatening to escape her dress and all. This woman is a pretty impressive performer. Shame about her name, but hey, Madonna is pretty ironic too.
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