The Mequon Missives: October Edition

One week's posts in one superpost. Here is my id in Ozaukee County:

Guiding Light: My Wisconsin Affair

It’s a whole other world in Mequon. It’s a strange one where there are 3 hours of local news every weekday, Martha airs on the ABC affiliate, LOGO is only on satellite, and Guiding Light is on in the afternoons.

I have never seen Guiding Light before, since most of the time when it airs in New York, I’m at the gym, and it’s hard to read captions while you’re trying to maintain your dignity on a speeding treadmill. I don’t know what to make of it, since it’s such a strange animal.

Apparently it takes place in this mystical land where there are a bunch of pretty young actors (although one looks like he’s transitioning into becoming a werewolf), stone-faced middle aged men, and some aging good-time gal with the longest name this side of Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Burton Burton Warner Fortensky. In this fantastical place, the pastime seems to chewing scenery over serious plot lines. The day I turned in, the storyline (I think) was tied into alcoholism. Lord, it was like everyone wanted to remake The Days of Wine and Roses while channeling Gloria Swanson (men and women alike) in Sunset Boulevard.

It’s just so bad that I’m tuning in tomorrow to see how more over-the-top it can get. Of course, like a one-night-stand on vacation, I’ll completely ignore it back in New York.

Ipod Circuit Party in Mequon

I’m a funny person with trends. Sometimes I’m ahead of the curve, other times I’m thoroughly clueless, and other times, I do my best to hold out in a vain attempt to assert my individuality. The latter is the reason behind my long hold-out with the ubiquitous Ipods.

God knows what came over me, but while accompanying my mother at Sears, I finally broke down and got one. I see sodding Ipod ads all over New York, and yet, it’s at a suburban Milwaukee Sears that I give in. My justification? If I get one in Wisconsin, then I won’t come across as a sad wannabe hipster. (The real reason is actually two-fold. My old gym mp3 player was starting to reek of locker room and I wanted to be able to listen to Trunkguy’s podcasts and recommended music. I’m still not going to use it outside the gym.)

So I spent most of the morning trying to figure this thing out. It just sucks up music like there’s no tomorrow. It has almost every single song on my laptop with space to continue. Then I decided to feed it some more. First on the list was the new Madonna song “Hung Up.” Whatever butch pretension that I had in my body just left as I proceeded to just lose it Risky Business style all over my childhood home. (I imagine the sight of me dancing in my underwear was quite unique for the local desperate housewives on the way to their McMansions.) Now I am fully aware this song is basically a remixed version of “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme,” but screw it. I like it. She’s got my money for her album. (Ever wonder why gyms play so much dance music? The songs force you to get up and move.)

Law & Order: SVU – The Aftermath

That episode of SVU aired last night, and frankly I’m just as torn as I was last week. Again, it’s the conflict of “at least they’re addressing the issue” versus “they just set us back a decade.” The basic premise was that a militant activist (the jury is still out on whether the soul patch was stereotyping) went around killing HIV+ men who had the (now debunked) superstrain and were still having unprotected sex. Compounded into it were: meth abuse (being high allowed the victims to throw precaution out the window), a gang of straight youths who bash gays in order to steal their meth, Finn’s heretofore unknown gay son, and one of the most ridiculous defenses (murder as a means of prevention?) ever to air on this show.

There seem to be two schools of thought here: One says that the episode illustrated the complexities of the issue and that it wound up being balanced. Another says that it portrayed urban gay men as sociopathic drug abusers who have no qualms with indulging in anonymous sex on a constant basis. Finn’s son be damned, I really think the writers were edging us towards the latter. A major part of my reason as to why has to do with including the superstrain. Meth alone is decimating America (both gay and straight), and the anti-meth campaigns targeted at gay men are pretty intentionally graphic. Bringing in HIV/AIDS just seemed to be there for shock value and ill-informed judgment (gay men = HIV/AIDS in their minds). Particularly chilling was what the father of the first victim said at the sentencing hearing, a variation of “I don’t condone what the killer did, but I understand it and go easy on him.” One step forward, two steps back.

You’re an adult; you can say “genitalia”

One of the current stories in the local news here is about a man who took Polaroid pictures of his penis and left them on the windscreens of cars belonging to women. For some reason, the local NBC affiliate (WTMJ) has been hesitant to actually say “penis,” or even “genitalia.” They say “private parts.”

Initially, I thought this was just some self-censoring for the evening broadcasts, but come 10 PM, there it was again, “private parts.” How prudish can you get? Are you going to start covering marijuana busts by saying that the police hauled away “wacky tobaccy?”


Watching Local Television

You know, even though I read Tim Cuprisin’s column every day (despite being a thousand miles away from the area he covers), I’m still caught off-guard with the many changes that go on in the television stations in Milwaukee. It used to be that anchors and reporters basically stayed for several years and schedules were rarely shuffled.

Not anymore. I barely recognize half of these people on any of the stations. (And what’s this with the local WB having local news now? Not that much happens here, people.) Has Milwaukee become a hotspot on the tour of second tier television markets (it’s ranked #32)? Another question, are all the ABC stations across the country now touting themselves as #1? The local ABC affiliate (WISN) is doing that here. At least we’re spared the gospel music influenced ads of WABC. (Listen, Mr. Champion, you are not the messiah. Stop highlighting your hair.)

I never realized how addicted I was to Good Day New York until I saw Milwaukee’s equivalent. Good lord, do they give the anchors Codeine? They looked perky and all, but the voices almost sent me back to sleep. Fortunately, they are not trying to fame-whore the local equivalent to Mike Woods, Eric Braate. The man does the weather—on the weather deck, no less—looks very handsome in a leather jacket and that’s all. (I have no hesitation in saying that he’s easily the best looking man in Milwaukee television.)

On the other hand, one thing hasn’t changed—the local commercials. They are still unintentionally hilarious. The deer-caught-in-headlights looks, the accents (“Well ya know ya get de best bargain ‘ere.”), and what is advertised. For starters, funeral homes; I swear Milwaukee is the only place where I have seen funeral homes advertised on television. I know the area isn’t growing by leaps and bounds, but are people dying off that quickly? Less morbid are the ads for Polka-palooza. That’s right, “Polka-palooza,” which unbelievably is restricted to 21 and up. I’m guessing it’s for beer, but seriously, I don’t think you need to worry about Gen-Yers sneaking in to hear 500 different versions of the “Beer Barrel Polka.”