First off, remember when Sweden sent cool and jazzy entries, like this one (which undeservingly scored poorly in 1963) ?:
Now, skip ahead to 1999 and the four either stoned or scared members of Crosstalk at Melodifestivalen.
ABBA-effect or not: You be the judge.
And as this is the 560th post on this piece of the internet, I'll end with one of my favourite Eurovision entries of all time:
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
It's Not Eurovision Week: Um homem sábio aprende de seus erros
(Or in non-Babelfish English: "A Wise Man Learns From His Mistakes")
You too, Spain
You too, Spain
Monday, May 22, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Eurovision 2006 Final: Shut Up, Grace
The TVE Pre-Show
First off, thank you TVE for airing the Final relatively live (3 PM EDT, with a repeat later at the evening—before 10!); I don’t really blame you for shuffling the Qualifier off into the dead of night, considering that it wouldn’t be of that much interest to Spaniards Overseas.
Now that I just said something nice, I have to say one thing about your pre-show. While I am more than happy to see the return of Don Carlos and his pansexual self, you run the risk of causing people to go on killing sprees by playing that damn “Aserje” song over and over and over and over and over again. Yes, we get it, the song was a flipping huge hit! It’s also their only worldwide hit, so it just makes the Ketchup Girls look more pathetic.
Do you not like listening to me, TVE? I told you last year that either you should get some of the vastly more intriguing (and talented) famous singers that performed during your national final/acid trip or go for a comedy act like Las Supremas. Las Ketchup is neither.
Now, TVE, I want to tell you that I really want Spain to win. I want to Spain to win more than any other country. You’re my pseudo-homeland in Euro-land these days. The only problem is that you can’t keep on sending horrific assaults on the ear combined with bizarre choreography. It also would behove you to consider picking representatives that don’t flounce about like bimbos (and yes, I’m including Ramon in this group) . Poor Beatriz—who for some reason just gave up commenting on Thursday night after Finland (not like I blame her, since the Qualifier was just dire after Lordi)—again looks like she’d rather be offering her opinion without four loud Andalucians screaming inane thoughts right next to her.
Random thought I had while watching the Pre-Show: Luis Miguel, Marta Sanchez, and Ivy Queen. I’m just saying that if you’re in the business of doing internal selections these days, aim high. Luis Miguel would be game, I reckon (hell, he did Sanremo). Ditto Marta (she did appear in the national final last year), and you shouldn’t let the Macedonians be the sole purveyors of Reggaeton in Eurovision. Get those three in the studio, and you certainly would have something unique and accessible. Plus, just you watch and see how soon the Portuguese will grab someone from Brasil, there already was a Luso-Australian in the Portuguese national final.
The Main Event
Credits roll on and to this moment, I still don’t get why they are encouraging us to “feel the rhythm.” I haven’t yet. A woman named Foetini something or other starts singing dramatically. Fortunately Beatriz starts talking and I’m spared her caterwauling. Granted, it’s pretty caterwauling, but it is overwrought. A sun holding several men dressed as Hermes or Icarus (I’m guessing the latter) comes on and if I was not certain that this is Greece, I would think that Montreal was hosting this year and Cirque de Soleil was doing the opener. Foetini sings to Apollo while a whole bunch of dancers turn around and turn and turn. Foetini comes centrestage and finishes. Meanwhile, Maz & Saz fly in…literally. Oy.
Maz has decided to go all Debra Messing with her hair and it’s an improvement to say the least. Maz isn’t screaming, and for that I am happy. Maz really looks like Debra Messing, I cannot stress that enough. She is starting sound like her too. Before I can dwell on this long enough, Helena Paprizou comes on and sings the song that brought us all to Greece in the first place. She, like most other winners, looks a lot better as the reigning winning performer. Her stage show is better, but then again, she’s given several more male dancers and acrobats. Take that six-maximum-onstage rule! Oddly enough, the song seems shorter than I remember.
Alas, Helena finishing means that Maz & Saz are back. Maz--who I am now calling Grace for the rest of this recap—goes all Valley Girl (odd, since she's from Massachusetts) and they open the contest.
Switzerland: Pools for the Swiss/International entry. IUPP start out spread out all over the stage and they are still smiling! Do they not realise what they are singing about? I mean, it’s about charity and how the world is in pain, and they are smiling. I get the sense that they all really wish they were singing this individually. It’s mawkish, arguably insincere, and oddly enough, Andreas and Tinka are the most demure of the group.
Moldova: Beaches, ports, and shopping for Arse & Co. Oh good lord, there’s a sail that says “loca” up front. Jesus, is this Disney World or Eurovision? Arse looks constipated and bewildered. Perhaps he’s trying to convey the meaning of “loca,” but it comes across as daft. Natalia by contrast is self-assured, then again she’s not really going to take the hit for this is she? (Costume changes and all, she works harder than anybody else.) The rapper is just as confident. In fact, everybody else onstage is pretty confident except for Arse, who is barely audible anyway. Oh well. Sucks to be you, Arse.
Israel: Boats for Israel. Eddie starts out on top of a piano, outstretched like Michelle Pfeiffer in The Fabulous Baker Boys. Eddie mumbles the verses, while his backing singers sing—mostly—in key and loudly. Another bone to pick here: Eddie is nasal as hell, and it is impossible to tell when he is switching from Hebrew to English. The song is somewhat saved when they get all gospel towards the end, but again, the backing singers totally out perform Eddie. This seems to be a running theme this year.
Latvia: Sports and kiosks for Latvia. (I’m guessing there’s a connection.) This is basically IUPP, except they’re all male, Latvian, and singing acapella. It’s very cute, but then they have to go for extra cute points by playing around with a robot. (It’s times like this that I wish I could hear what Wogan has to say about it.) The robot isn’t cute; it doesn’t add to anything; it just annoys. Blah.
Norway: Antiquity for Norway. That’s rather appropriate for a folk ballad. I’m hoping that Christine will save us from the 4 horrors that preceded, but who knows. Christine and her backing performers are all in white and it’s very sleek for a folk song about elves dancing. It is also blissfully devoid of gimmicks, beyond the fact that they are in diamond formation with a wind machine. You go, Miss Norway.
Spain: Plazas and banquet halls for Spain. (I’m not saying a word.) The Ketchup are all in swivel seats while two dancers fling themselves about as if they are in a completely different entry. The Ketchup eventually get themselves out of the chairs for a brief moment, but then again they are back into the chairs. I feel for the dancers. They are working themselves silly for these girls who never quite find something approximately close to the tune. That said, it’s not the horror that was last year’s entry. Some year, Spain, some year we will get the win. Just not this year.
Malta: Beaches and resort life for Malta. Fabbo looks dead butch from afar and then we get a close-up. I was worried for a second there, Fabbo. If any song needs to be camped up, this is it. Fabbo’s all female dancers/singers work themselves silly, but this year, it seems that arrangement only works for female singers with all male dancers. Oh lord, did I just see the dancers do the running man? There’s a male background singer (Alex Panayi?) who really just does nothing. Oh well. I don’t think it’s your year, Fabbo.
Germany: Antiquity for Germany too, and it is appropriate for a retro-Country song. Ok, the first impression I get here is of a County Fair performance circa 1955. It’s very cute, highly kitschy, and I can somewhat see the appeal. Quite honestly, the fact that most of the entries before it threw everything but the kitchen sink at us, works in their favour. Now that I’ve been all complimentary and I have to still say that it looks like a bunch of Germans (and 1 Australian who is not Keith Urban) singing Country.
Denmark: Remember how I compared “Twist of Love” to “Hallo Hallo?” Well, it’s really apparent now that “Hallo Hallo” and its campiness are superior. Sidsel and her girls do perform the living daylights out of it, but then they bring out a break dancer in the role of “Johnny.” I still find it odd that there is barely any twisting onstage whatsoever. The whole thing leaves me indifferent to be honest.
Russia: Ooh, fashion for Russia. The Mullet Twink still has his mullet, but his tank top now has “10” on it instead of “13.” He’s also grown a bit of a goatee, because he wants to be taken seriously…I’m guessing. His legs still look like they are made of rubber, but it does seem like he has toned things down from the Qualifier. There is still nobody at the piano when he summons the albino ballerina. One thing that I can’t quite figure out, why does he ignore her? I mean, she’s coming out of a piano! Beatriz is also as amusingly perplexed as I am. I like you, Beatriz.
Macedonia: Elenina Sky still looks like a hoochie, but at least she’s smiling, so we know she’s not going to cut one of those dancers. If you listen to the lyrics closely, you could totally see Jennifer Lopez singing this song. The fact that Elenina Sky is made up like her doesn’t help dissuade this thought at all. Still no winner, but more polished than the Qualifier.
Romania: Nightclubs for Romania, which make sense with a dance song. Mihai is dressed like a club promoter, which also makes sense. He takes the popular route this year of staying relatively still while the dancers fling themselves all over. There seems to be a theme with the choreography, with one of the female dancers getting pissed every time that another dancer pays attention to Mihai. Despite this description, the performance doesn’t really “grab” you. Eh, good try, Mihai.
Since I’m watching this on TVE, we have a commercial break. I suspect that TVE and TVE Internacional viewers are not missing anything of importance. Most likely, all we’d see is Saz & Grace making fools of themselves. Oops, I spoke too soon. Saz & Grace (hell, I’m just going to call him Will—how you doin’?) come back on to tell us that we have 2 hours left. Well, thank you for telling us the obvious.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Market life for BiH. The dramatic stage picture is still as intense as it was on Thursday. HMH is smiling now, which I think is good, though I don’t know Bosnian. The reports have been saying that this song will lose its impact by coming on after the commercial break, which I will say is a shame, because it is quite stirring. HMH does sound like he is going at full tilt. Very impressive, I must say. They deserve to do well.
Lithuania: Paper boats for Lithuania, which makes a perhaps unintentional on the comment on the song that will follow. There is an audible chorus of boos before they sing. Unlike with Sylvia Night, I understand the booing here. The Reservoir Dogs come across as more subdued than they did on Thursday. Doesn’t matter, the performance still looks like something better suited for Late Night with Conan O’Brien. I don’t blame the performers, since they give their all, I blame the songwriters.
United Kingdom: Ski resorts for the UK? The girls sound quite good live. So does Daz. If the televoters share the audience’s displeasure with The Reservoir Dogs, Daz will reap the benefits and he really should. I have to say that this is the first British entry in some time that really screams “British,” and I mean that as a major compliment. The audience cheers semi-wildly.
Greece: Food, music, sea, and drink for Greece. Ouch, poor Daz, I feel for him having to come on before La Vissi. La Vissi is all alone onstage, and dressed like 1989 meets 2006. She does make me like the song more than I did previously, but it’s not an arresting performance. In fact, I keep expecting her to take it to the next level. She does get close to it during the last third of the song where she goes full-on “I’m torn up and going crazy.” Very good showing, La Vissi.
Finland: Art for Finland. Ouch for La Vissi, having to come on before Lordi. I have to say there’s a real angel preceding devils metaphor being written up onstage now. Unlike on Thursday, Lordi is really getting my attention, then again Croatia and Turkey have yet to perform. Nonetheless, when Mr. Lordi sings “my eyes are red,” there is a close up on his red eyes and it is very effective. The song does seem to end a little bit too early, which is a good sign.
Ukraine: Kiosks for Ukraine. Karola is pouring on the cuteness, which is a choice I would do if I was following Lordi. Karola is coming across like a minature version of La Vissi, who I could easily singing this song and doing a damn good job of it. The jump rope is still there and it is a little bit over-the-top I have to say. Karola really works the held note towards the end, good for her. I think she’ll do well.
France: Fashion and the high life for France. Poor Virginie has not been getting good reports from those who have been viewing the rehearsals. She is dressed in white with a cellist. It is very simple and quite a contrast to Karola and La Vissi (who despite being alone onstage damn near filled the stage with her performance). Virginie does come across as sweet, but alas is a bit off-key. Since I’m a subscriber to the belief that contrasting with the entries the come before and after you is a good thing, she will hopefully do decently.
Croatia: Metros and restaurants for Croatia. Damn! Seve’s backing singers are in good voice. Seve is in better form than ever. She really does attack the stage, but it doesn’t really come together until she rips her dress off. Funnily enough, I can’t help but think of Sertab when she performs.
Ireland: I watched the Qualifier with the ex, and he absolutely detested the song and Brian’s performance. (He was pissed that this and Lithuania got through.) If he was watching this now, he’d still hate both and I’d be right along with him. Brian has toned himself done, but this song is still full of mawkish sentiment. Blah. I even think I heard a couple of boos.
Sweden: Bar and café life for Sweden. Carola is in slightly better voice, but really this performance just seems so-so. It is definitely amongst the better performances so far, but it feels so soulless. The white flags are definitely a metaphor and over the top. Another comment from the ex: When he saw Carola, he couldn’t stop laughing. Why? “You’d think she’d have more fashion sense.”
Turkey: Classic Greek educators (Aristotle, Homer, etc.) for Turkey. Even if she doesn’t win, Sibel at least wins for having the most attractive male dancers, who are still working their very attractive asses off. Her voice and performance is even sleeker than Thursday, which was already pretty sleek. Reports had her switching languages, and she does change to English for a moment in the final third. I have to say this (and I am very surprised to say this), but Sibel does outperform Seve. Whether that translates to votes, I do not know. All I know, is that if I was the head of TRT, I’d be checking with the Accounting Department.
Armenia: The Unibrower and the Calli-Girls still are capering about their table. I don’t know why, but this performance and song remind me of Macbeth. The Ex, when he saw this, was very unimpressed and shocked when it got through. I was impressed from a choreography standpoint, but The Unibrower is still in so-so voice (especially towards the end). That said, I think Armenia is probably in the Final next year…hopefully with a duet between Cher and Colton Ford.
Will & Grace come back on. Grace is wearing a very short dress that makes her look like a 9th Avenue prostitute. Will is dressed like Elvis. They explain the voting and Grace looks miffed whenever Will speaks, because it’s all about HER! Will promises us a surprise guest to kick off the voting: Nana Mouskouri. Nana still has her glasses, but I had never realised how short she is, unless Will & Grace are unusually tall. Nana gives a pep talk to the inevitable losers. Then Will & Nana mess up the hourglass.
Review: IUPP want to kick each other offstage; Arse was horrid, but everybody else onstage was good; Eddie was outdone by his backing singers; Cosmos had that damn robot; Miss Norway was pleasantly understated; The Ketchup were over their heads; Fabbo was subpar; The Teutonic Twang was cute and kitschy; Sidsel sang about twisting without actually doing so; The Mullet Twink was still incomprehensible; Elenina Sky smiled and looked eerily like Jennifer Lopez; Mihai was like every indistinguishable dance song you’ve ever heard; HMH was classy and dramatic; The Reservoir Dogs were appropriately booed; Daz was joyfully straight up British; La Vissi eventually brought it, dramatically; Lordi was a little bit better than Thursday; Karola went for maximum cuteness; Virginie was simple, quiet, and off key; Seve attacked the stage a la Sertab; Brian annoyed; Carola has no soul; Sibel brought it from the start; The Unibrower was marred by his voice.
I think it’s between Croatia, Turkey, with Bosnia & Herzegovina and Greece as dark horses. Either way, I reckon we're staying in Southern Europe, and not to Malta, Macedonia, Spain, or Armenia. The only one that might upset that is a win by Finland.
Helena performs some song about mambo that has a bouzoki break. Lyrics and performance together, it is “My Number One” mark two. The only difference here is that she is accompanied by all female dancers. It’s a pretty good song, but you’d think she’d try to stretch her range.
Will & Grace come back onstage. Grace is now in a black gown, while Will is still in a gold suit, still looking like Elvis. I get the sense that they’re not really getting along with each other. Grace is probably miffed that her Entertainment Tonight background means nothing outside of North America.
Commercial break time on TVE, which is a bit of downer, since Final Night intervals are more spectacular than the Qualifier Night, but I’m just happy to be able to view Eurovision live on television and not on a computer.
Will & Grace come back to prepare us for the voting. I wish I had some alcohol on hand, because lord knows these two will try my patience big time. If you didn’t know already, this year the 1-7 points will be shown automatically.
The Voting
Slovenia: Ooh, it’s Peter Poles with a “Maria marry me” t-shirt. Croatia gets 10. BiH gets the 12. Damn this is quick.
Andorra: Spain gets the 12. Not a shock.
Romania: Wow, the spokeswoman for Romania is pretty. Moldova gets the 12. Also not a shock.
Denmark: Finland gets the Danish 12. Good for them.
Latvia: The spokesman comes on to both Will & Grace, you sly dog. Russia gets their 12.
Portugal: Ukraine gets their 12. Karola & Co. do a dance with tambourines.
Sweden: Finland gets their 12. Neighbourly, but sweet.
Finland is in the lead, and I grow ever more adoring of Beatriz for talking over Will & Grace's inane chatter.
Finland: Russia gets the Finnish 12.
Belgium: The spokeswoman holds up a card with the results that says “We love Kate Ryan” on the back. Aww, I love La Ryan too--because she'll kick my ass otherwise. Armenia gets the Belgian 12.
Croatia: Another stunning spokeswoman. BiH gets the Croatian 12. They are very understated and polite in receiving their 12.
Serbia & Montenegro: Huh? Why are they voting? BiH gets their 12, which is no surprise whatsoever.
Norway: Finland gets the Norwegian 12, which is no shock, but still kind of them.
Grace makes an asinine comment about Lordi.
Estonia: Who did the spokeswoman’s hair? Finland gets the Estonian 12. Helsinki 2007 is beginning to look more and more like a possibility.
Ireland: Lithuania gets the Irish 12. Ouch for the UK.
Malta: Swtzerland gets the Maltese 12. It pays to have a Maltese in your IUPP.
Lithuania: Russia gets the Lithuanian 12. It wasn’t that good.
Cyprus: For awhile, the screen reads Switzerland. Beatriz & I are equally confused. Konstantinos sings the flipping 12 that we all know are going to Greece.
Grace leaves to go to the Green Room. Say goodnight, Grace.
Netherlands: The Dutch spokesman says that Will & Grace look like Will & Grace. Hahaha! It’s not just me that thinks that. I like you, Mr. Dutch spokesman. He also comes onto Will, who follows with an oral sex joke. Turkey gets the Dutch 12.
Switzerland: BiH gets the Swiss 12 with no sex jokes, unfortunately.
Commercial break: I bet this is where Grace makes a fool of herself in the Green Room. I’m now revising my prediction. We’re either going to Sarajevo, Helsinki, or Moscow.
Ukraine: Russia gets the Ukrainian 12. The Mullet Twink chirps happily.
Russia: Armenia gets the Russian 12. The Unibrower & Co. make faces at the camera.
Poland: This spokesman isn’t going to make any oral sex jokes whatsoever. He will make a joke about Poland giving points to themselves, however. Finland gets the actual Polish 12.
Will & Grace hawk the CD and the DVD. Helsinki 2007 moves ever closer.
United Kingdom: Finland gets the British 12 and a hand gesture.
Armenia: The spokeswoman speaks loud and flat. Russia gets the Armenian 12. The Mullet Twink & Co. make faces.
France: Turkey gets the French 12 in a very elegant fashion.
Belarus: The spokeswoman is where a bustier and looking like a trollop. Russia gets the 12. The Mullet Twink Company shake flags.
Germany: Oh lord, Axel is on a horse and wearing a cowboy outfit. Turkey gets the German 12.
Spain: Grace calls Spain “Estonia” while trying to speak Spanish. Idiot. Romania gets the Spanish 12.
Moldova: The spokeswoman looks scared and stilted. Romania gets the Moldovan 12, to no one’s surprise.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Croatia gets the Bosnian 12, Seve waves sweetly at the camera.
Iceland: Finland gets the Icelandic 12. Grace proves herself to be even more foolish when Lordi hold up a sign: "I think that's Monster Talk."
Monaco: BiH gets the Monegasque 12.
Israel: Russia gets the Israeli 12. The Mullet Twink Company pump their fists excitedly.
Albania: BiH gets the Albanian 12. HMH & Company look a little more excited now, but still restrained.
Greece: Finland gets the Greek 12. Interestingly enough, Lordi are very restrained as victory gets ever closer.
Bulgaria: Greece gets the Bulgarian 12. La Vissi is also restrained and polite in the Green Room.
Macedonia: The spokesman sings to Will & Grace, but mostly to Will. BiH gets the Macedonian 12.
Turkey: BiH gets the Turkish 12.
And now, believe it or not, Finland has finally won Eurovision.
Of course, I’d rather that Sibel or Seve won, but I’m more than content with Lordi. I am surprised that Turkey & Croatia weren’t burning up the scoreboard as much as I thought they would. However, Fabbo coming last is a real surprise.
Grace calls them “Hard Rock Monsters.” Shut up, Grace.
Fireworks go up outside of the stadium. Perhaps it’s the costumes, but Lordi are not freaking out like most other winners. I like them.
First off, thank you TVE for airing the Final relatively live (3 PM EDT, with a repeat later at the evening—before 10!); I don’t really blame you for shuffling the Qualifier off into the dead of night, considering that it wouldn’t be of that much interest to Spaniards Overseas.
Now that I just said something nice, I have to say one thing about your pre-show. While I am more than happy to see the return of Don Carlos and his pansexual self, you run the risk of causing people to go on killing sprees by playing that damn “Aserje” song over and over and over and over and over again. Yes, we get it, the song was a flipping huge hit! It’s also their only worldwide hit, so it just makes the Ketchup Girls look more pathetic.
Do you not like listening to me, TVE? I told you last year that either you should get some of the vastly more intriguing (and talented) famous singers that performed during your national final/acid trip or go for a comedy act like Las Supremas. Las Ketchup is neither.
Now, TVE, I want to tell you that I really want Spain to win. I want to Spain to win more than any other country. You’re my pseudo-homeland in Euro-land these days. The only problem is that you can’t keep on sending horrific assaults on the ear combined with bizarre choreography. It also would behove you to consider picking representatives that don’t flounce about like bimbos (and yes, I’m including Ramon in this group) . Poor Beatriz—who for some reason just gave up commenting on Thursday night after Finland (not like I blame her, since the Qualifier was just dire after Lordi)—again looks like she’d rather be offering her opinion without four loud Andalucians screaming inane thoughts right next to her.
Random thought I had while watching the Pre-Show: Luis Miguel, Marta Sanchez, and Ivy Queen. I’m just saying that if you’re in the business of doing internal selections these days, aim high. Luis Miguel would be game, I reckon (hell, he did Sanremo). Ditto Marta (she did appear in the national final last year), and you shouldn’t let the Macedonians be the sole purveyors of Reggaeton in Eurovision. Get those three in the studio, and you certainly would have something unique and accessible. Plus, just you watch and see how soon the Portuguese will grab someone from Brasil, there already was a Luso-Australian in the Portuguese national final.
The Main Event
Credits roll on and to this moment, I still don’t get why they are encouraging us to “feel the rhythm.” I haven’t yet. A woman named Foetini something or other starts singing dramatically. Fortunately Beatriz starts talking and I’m spared her caterwauling. Granted, it’s pretty caterwauling, but it is overwrought. A sun holding several men dressed as Hermes or Icarus (I’m guessing the latter) comes on and if I was not certain that this is Greece, I would think that Montreal was hosting this year and Cirque de Soleil was doing the opener. Foetini sings to Apollo while a whole bunch of dancers turn around and turn and turn. Foetini comes centrestage and finishes. Meanwhile, Maz & Saz fly in…literally. Oy.
Maz has decided to go all Debra Messing with her hair and it’s an improvement to say the least. Maz isn’t screaming, and for that I am happy. Maz really looks like Debra Messing, I cannot stress that enough. She is starting sound like her too. Before I can dwell on this long enough, Helena Paprizou comes on and sings the song that brought us all to Greece in the first place. She, like most other winners, looks a lot better as the reigning winning performer. Her stage show is better, but then again, she’s given several more male dancers and acrobats. Take that six-maximum-onstage rule! Oddly enough, the song seems shorter than I remember.
Alas, Helena finishing means that Maz & Saz are back. Maz--who I am now calling Grace for the rest of this recap—goes all Valley Girl (odd, since she's from Massachusetts) and they open the contest.
Switzerland: Pools for the Swiss/International entry. IUPP start out spread out all over the stage and they are still smiling! Do they not realise what they are singing about? I mean, it’s about charity and how the world is in pain, and they are smiling. I get the sense that they all really wish they were singing this individually. It’s mawkish, arguably insincere, and oddly enough, Andreas and Tinka are the most demure of the group.
Moldova: Beaches, ports, and shopping for Arse & Co. Oh good lord, there’s a sail that says “loca” up front. Jesus, is this Disney World or Eurovision? Arse looks constipated and bewildered. Perhaps he’s trying to convey the meaning of “loca,” but it comes across as daft. Natalia by contrast is self-assured, then again she’s not really going to take the hit for this is she? (Costume changes and all, she works harder than anybody else.) The rapper is just as confident. In fact, everybody else onstage is pretty confident except for Arse, who is barely audible anyway. Oh well. Sucks to be you, Arse.
Israel: Boats for Israel. Eddie starts out on top of a piano, outstretched like Michelle Pfeiffer in The Fabulous Baker Boys. Eddie mumbles the verses, while his backing singers sing—mostly—in key and loudly. Another bone to pick here: Eddie is nasal as hell, and it is impossible to tell when he is switching from Hebrew to English. The song is somewhat saved when they get all gospel towards the end, but again, the backing singers totally out perform Eddie. This seems to be a running theme this year.
Latvia: Sports and kiosks for Latvia. (I’m guessing there’s a connection.) This is basically IUPP, except they’re all male, Latvian, and singing acapella. It’s very cute, but then they have to go for extra cute points by playing around with a robot. (It’s times like this that I wish I could hear what Wogan has to say about it.) The robot isn’t cute; it doesn’t add to anything; it just annoys. Blah.
Norway: Antiquity for Norway. That’s rather appropriate for a folk ballad. I’m hoping that Christine will save us from the 4 horrors that preceded, but who knows. Christine and her backing performers are all in white and it’s very sleek for a folk song about elves dancing. It is also blissfully devoid of gimmicks, beyond the fact that they are in diamond formation with a wind machine. You go, Miss Norway.
Spain: Plazas and banquet halls for Spain. (I’m not saying a word.) The Ketchup are all in swivel seats while two dancers fling themselves about as if they are in a completely different entry. The Ketchup eventually get themselves out of the chairs for a brief moment, but then again they are back into the chairs. I feel for the dancers. They are working themselves silly for these girls who never quite find something approximately close to the tune. That said, it’s not the horror that was last year’s entry. Some year, Spain, some year we will get the win. Just not this year.
Malta: Beaches and resort life for Malta. Fabbo looks dead butch from afar and then we get a close-up. I was worried for a second there, Fabbo. If any song needs to be camped up, this is it. Fabbo’s all female dancers/singers work themselves silly, but this year, it seems that arrangement only works for female singers with all male dancers. Oh lord, did I just see the dancers do the running man? There’s a male background singer (Alex Panayi?) who really just does nothing. Oh well. I don’t think it’s your year, Fabbo.
Germany: Antiquity for Germany too, and it is appropriate for a retro-Country song. Ok, the first impression I get here is of a County Fair performance circa 1955. It’s very cute, highly kitschy, and I can somewhat see the appeal. Quite honestly, the fact that most of the entries before it threw everything but the kitchen sink at us, works in their favour. Now that I’ve been all complimentary and I have to still say that it looks like a bunch of Germans (and 1 Australian who is not Keith Urban) singing Country.
Denmark: Remember how I compared “Twist of Love” to “Hallo Hallo?” Well, it’s really apparent now that “Hallo Hallo” and its campiness are superior. Sidsel and her girls do perform the living daylights out of it, but then they bring out a break dancer in the role of “Johnny.” I still find it odd that there is barely any twisting onstage whatsoever. The whole thing leaves me indifferent to be honest.
Russia: Ooh, fashion for Russia. The Mullet Twink still has his mullet, but his tank top now has “10” on it instead of “13.” He’s also grown a bit of a goatee, because he wants to be taken seriously…I’m guessing. His legs still look like they are made of rubber, but it does seem like he has toned things down from the Qualifier. There is still nobody at the piano when he summons the albino ballerina. One thing that I can’t quite figure out, why does he ignore her? I mean, she’s coming out of a piano! Beatriz is also as amusingly perplexed as I am. I like you, Beatriz.
Macedonia: Elenina Sky still looks like a hoochie, but at least she’s smiling, so we know she’s not going to cut one of those dancers. If you listen to the lyrics closely, you could totally see Jennifer Lopez singing this song. The fact that Elenina Sky is made up like her doesn’t help dissuade this thought at all. Still no winner, but more polished than the Qualifier.
Romania: Nightclubs for Romania, which make sense with a dance song. Mihai is dressed like a club promoter, which also makes sense. He takes the popular route this year of staying relatively still while the dancers fling themselves all over. There seems to be a theme with the choreography, with one of the female dancers getting pissed every time that another dancer pays attention to Mihai. Despite this description, the performance doesn’t really “grab” you. Eh, good try, Mihai.
Since I’m watching this on TVE, we have a commercial break. I suspect that TVE and TVE Internacional viewers are not missing anything of importance. Most likely, all we’d see is Saz & Grace making fools of themselves. Oops, I spoke too soon. Saz & Grace (hell, I’m just going to call him Will—how you doin’?) come back on to tell us that we have 2 hours left. Well, thank you for telling us the obvious.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Market life for BiH. The dramatic stage picture is still as intense as it was on Thursday. HMH is smiling now, which I think is good, though I don’t know Bosnian. The reports have been saying that this song will lose its impact by coming on after the commercial break, which I will say is a shame, because it is quite stirring. HMH does sound like he is going at full tilt. Very impressive, I must say. They deserve to do well.
Lithuania: Paper boats for Lithuania, which makes a perhaps unintentional on the comment on the song that will follow. There is an audible chorus of boos before they sing. Unlike with Sylvia Night, I understand the booing here. The Reservoir Dogs come across as more subdued than they did on Thursday. Doesn’t matter, the performance still looks like something better suited for Late Night with Conan O’Brien. I don’t blame the performers, since they give their all, I blame the songwriters.
United Kingdom: Ski resorts for the UK? The girls sound quite good live. So does Daz. If the televoters share the audience’s displeasure with The Reservoir Dogs, Daz will reap the benefits and he really should. I have to say that this is the first British entry in some time that really screams “British,” and I mean that as a major compliment. The audience cheers semi-wildly.
Greece: Food, music, sea, and drink for Greece. Ouch, poor Daz, I feel for him having to come on before La Vissi. La Vissi is all alone onstage, and dressed like 1989 meets 2006. She does make me like the song more than I did previously, but it’s not an arresting performance. In fact, I keep expecting her to take it to the next level. She does get close to it during the last third of the song where she goes full-on “I’m torn up and going crazy.” Very good showing, La Vissi.
Finland: Art for Finland. Ouch for La Vissi, having to come on before Lordi. I have to say there’s a real angel preceding devils metaphor being written up onstage now. Unlike on Thursday, Lordi is really getting my attention, then again Croatia and Turkey have yet to perform. Nonetheless, when Mr. Lordi sings “my eyes are red,” there is a close up on his red eyes and it is very effective. The song does seem to end a little bit too early, which is a good sign.
Ukraine: Kiosks for Ukraine. Karola is pouring on the cuteness, which is a choice I would do if I was following Lordi. Karola is coming across like a minature version of La Vissi, who I could easily singing this song and doing a damn good job of it. The jump rope is still there and it is a little bit over-the-top I have to say. Karola really works the held note towards the end, good for her. I think she’ll do well.
France: Fashion and the high life for France. Poor Virginie has not been getting good reports from those who have been viewing the rehearsals. She is dressed in white with a cellist. It is very simple and quite a contrast to Karola and La Vissi (who despite being alone onstage damn near filled the stage with her performance). Virginie does come across as sweet, but alas is a bit off-key. Since I’m a subscriber to the belief that contrasting with the entries the come before and after you is a good thing, she will hopefully do decently.
Croatia: Metros and restaurants for Croatia. Damn! Seve’s backing singers are in good voice. Seve is in better form than ever. She really does attack the stage, but it doesn’t really come together until she rips her dress off. Funnily enough, I can’t help but think of Sertab when she performs.
Ireland: I watched the Qualifier with the ex, and he absolutely detested the song and Brian’s performance. (He was pissed that this and Lithuania got through.) If he was watching this now, he’d still hate both and I’d be right along with him. Brian has toned himself done, but this song is still full of mawkish sentiment. Blah. I even think I heard a couple of boos.
Sweden: Bar and café life for Sweden. Carola is in slightly better voice, but really this performance just seems so-so. It is definitely amongst the better performances so far, but it feels so soulless. The white flags are definitely a metaphor and over the top. Another comment from the ex: When he saw Carola, he couldn’t stop laughing. Why? “You’d think she’d have more fashion sense.”
Turkey: Classic Greek educators (Aristotle, Homer, etc.) for Turkey. Even if she doesn’t win, Sibel at least wins for having the most attractive male dancers, who are still working their very attractive asses off. Her voice and performance is even sleeker than Thursday, which was already pretty sleek. Reports had her switching languages, and she does change to English for a moment in the final third. I have to say this (and I am very surprised to say this), but Sibel does outperform Seve. Whether that translates to votes, I do not know. All I know, is that if I was the head of TRT, I’d be checking with the Accounting Department.
Armenia: The Unibrower and the Calli-Girls still are capering about their table. I don’t know why, but this performance and song remind me of Macbeth. The Ex, when he saw this, was very unimpressed and shocked when it got through. I was impressed from a choreography standpoint, but The Unibrower is still in so-so voice (especially towards the end). That said, I think Armenia is probably in the Final next year…hopefully with a duet between Cher and Colton Ford.
Will & Grace come back on. Grace is wearing a very short dress that makes her look like a 9th Avenue prostitute. Will is dressed like Elvis. They explain the voting and Grace looks miffed whenever Will speaks, because it’s all about HER! Will promises us a surprise guest to kick off the voting: Nana Mouskouri. Nana still has her glasses, but I had never realised how short she is, unless Will & Grace are unusually tall. Nana gives a pep talk to the inevitable losers. Then Will & Nana mess up the hourglass.
Review: IUPP want to kick each other offstage; Arse was horrid, but everybody else onstage was good; Eddie was outdone by his backing singers; Cosmos had that damn robot; Miss Norway was pleasantly understated; The Ketchup were over their heads; Fabbo was subpar; The Teutonic Twang was cute and kitschy; Sidsel sang about twisting without actually doing so; The Mullet Twink was still incomprehensible; Elenina Sky smiled and looked eerily like Jennifer Lopez; Mihai was like every indistinguishable dance song you’ve ever heard; HMH was classy and dramatic; The Reservoir Dogs were appropriately booed; Daz was joyfully straight up British; La Vissi eventually brought it, dramatically; Lordi was a little bit better than Thursday; Karola went for maximum cuteness; Virginie was simple, quiet, and off key; Seve attacked the stage a la Sertab; Brian annoyed; Carola has no soul; Sibel brought it from the start; The Unibrower was marred by his voice.
I think it’s between Croatia, Turkey, with Bosnia & Herzegovina and Greece as dark horses. Either way, I reckon we're staying in Southern Europe, and not to Malta, Macedonia, Spain, or Armenia. The only one that might upset that is a win by Finland.
Helena performs some song about mambo that has a bouzoki break. Lyrics and performance together, it is “My Number One” mark two. The only difference here is that she is accompanied by all female dancers. It’s a pretty good song, but you’d think she’d try to stretch her range.
Will & Grace come back onstage. Grace is now in a black gown, while Will is still in a gold suit, still looking like Elvis. I get the sense that they’re not really getting along with each other. Grace is probably miffed that her Entertainment Tonight background means nothing outside of North America.
Commercial break time on TVE, which is a bit of downer, since Final Night intervals are more spectacular than the Qualifier Night, but I’m just happy to be able to view Eurovision live on television and not on a computer.
Will & Grace come back to prepare us for the voting. I wish I had some alcohol on hand, because lord knows these two will try my patience big time. If you didn’t know already, this year the 1-7 points will be shown automatically.
The Voting
Slovenia: Ooh, it’s Peter Poles with a “Maria marry me” t-shirt. Croatia gets 10. BiH gets the 12. Damn this is quick.
Andorra: Spain gets the 12. Not a shock.
Romania: Wow, the spokeswoman for Romania is pretty. Moldova gets the 12. Also not a shock.
Denmark: Finland gets the Danish 12. Good for them.
Latvia: The spokesman comes on to both Will & Grace, you sly dog. Russia gets their 12.
Portugal: Ukraine gets their 12. Karola & Co. do a dance with tambourines.
Sweden: Finland gets their 12. Neighbourly, but sweet.
Finland is in the lead, and I grow ever more adoring of Beatriz for talking over Will & Grace's inane chatter.
Finland: Russia gets the Finnish 12.
Belgium: The spokeswoman holds up a card with the results that says “We love Kate Ryan” on the back. Aww, I love La Ryan too--because she'll kick my ass otherwise. Armenia gets the Belgian 12.
Croatia: Another stunning spokeswoman. BiH gets the Croatian 12. They are very understated and polite in receiving their 12.
Serbia & Montenegro: Huh? Why are they voting? BiH gets their 12, which is no surprise whatsoever.
Norway: Finland gets the Norwegian 12, which is no shock, but still kind of them.
Grace makes an asinine comment about Lordi.
Estonia: Who did the spokeswoman’s hair? Finland gets the Estonian 12. Helsinki 2007 is beginning to look more and more like a possibility.
Ireland: Lithuania gets the Irish 12. Ouch for the UK.
Malta: Swtzerland gets the Maltese 12. It pays to have a Maltese in your IUPP.
Lithuania: Russia gets the Lithuanian 12. It wasn’t that good.
Cyprus: For awhile, the screen reads Switzerland. Beatriz & I are equally confused. Konstantinos sings the flipping 12 that we all know are going to Greece.
Grace leaves to go to the Green Room. Say goodnight, Grace.
Netherlands: The Dutch spokesman says that Will & Grace look like Will & Grace. Hahaha! It’s not just me that thinks that. I like you, Mr. Dutch spokesman. He also comes onto Will, who follows with an oral sex joke. Turkey gets the Dutch 12.
Switzerland: BiH gets the Swiss 12 with no sex jokes, unfortunately.
Commercial break: I bet this is where Grace makes a fool of herself in the Green Room. I’m now revising my prediction. We’re either going to Sarajevo, Helsinki, or Moscow.
Ukraine: Russia gets the Ukrainian 12. The Mullet Twink chirps happily.
Russia: Armenia gets the Russian 12. The Unibrower & Co. make faces at the camera.
Poland: This spokesman isn’t going to make any oral sex jokes whatsoever. He will make a joke about Poland giving points to themselves, however. Finland gets the actual Polish 12.
Will & Grace hawk the CD and the DVD. Helsinki 2007 moves ever closer.
United Kingdom: Finland gets the British 12 and a hand gesture.
Armenia: The spokeswoman speaks loud and flat. Russia gets the Armenian 12. The Mullet Twink & Co. make faces.
France: Turkey gets the French 12 in a very elegant fashion.
Belarus: The spokeswoman is where a bustier and looking like a trollop. Russia gets the 12. The Mullet Twink Company shake flags.
Germany: Oh lord, Axel is on a horse and wearing a cowboy outfit. Turkey gets the German 12.
Spain: Grace calls Spain “Estonia” while trying to speak Spanish. Idiot. Romania gets the Spanish 12.
Moldova: The spokeswoman looks scared and stilted. Romania gets the Moldovan 12, to no one’s surprise.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Croatia gets the Bosnian 12, Seve waves sweetly at the camera.
Iceland: Finland gets the Icelandic 12. Grace proves herself to be even more foolish when Lordi hold up a sign: "I think that's Monster Talk."
Monaco: BiH gets the Monegasque 12.
Israel: Russia gets the Israeli 12. The Mullet Twink Company pump their fists excitedly.
Albania: BiH gets the Albanian 12. HMH & Company look a little more excited now, but still restrained.
Greece: Finland gets the Greek 12. Interestingly enough, Lordi are very restrained as victory gets ever closer.
Bulgaria: Greece gets the Bulgarian 12. La Vissi is also restrained and polite in the Green Room.
Macedonia: The spokesman sings to Will & Grace, but mostly to Will. BiH gets the Macedonian 12.
Turkey: BiH gets the Turkish 12.
And now, believe it or not, Finland has finally won Eurovision.
Of course, I’d rather that Sibel or Seve won, but I’m more than content with Lordi. I am surprised that Turkey & Croatia weren’t burning up the scoreboard as much as I thought they would. However, Fabbo coming last is a real surprise.
Grace calls them “Hard Rock Monsters.” Shut up, Grace.
Fireworks go up outside of the stadium. Perhaps it’s the costumes, but Lordi are not freaking out like most other winners. I like them.
Congratulations Lordi & Finland. God knows, you deserve it after waiting for so long.
As a final thought: Shut up, Grace.
Friday, May 19, 2006
It's Eurovision Week: 2006 Final Pre-Pre-Show
Now that we know all the finalists, here are my guesses for the Final, which will most likely be revised as the reports come in from the rehearsals.
Switzerland: IUPP will send Switzerland back to the Qualifier. People don't like cloying that much.
Moldova: Arse sends the Moldovans back to the Qualifier. I can't believe he actually believes he'll better Moldova's freak result from last year. (Yes, I'm calling it a freak result, because that song was extremely accessible.)
Israel: Eddie, come over here. I like you, really I do. However, unless you turn your ballad into a flotilla of glory notes, extreme facial expressions, and manic gestures, Israel is in the Qualifier next year.
Latvia: In the Qualifier next year.
Norway: Won't win, but Norway will be in the Final next year, most likely with an uptempo song, because that's just the way things are with Norway: ballad, uptempo, ballad, uptempo. Changing that pattern is like asking the moon to come up at 1 PM.
Spain: Won't bomb, but won't be in the top ten. Will manage the easy task of doing better than the Hags from last year.
Malta: The reports say Fabbo is crappo. Perhaps the shock of seeing Sibel, Karola, The Mullet Twink, and Lordi coalesce into a fierce block combined with Armenia doing a more aggressive version of the same type of song, will scare the Maltese into a serious overhaul. I still think this could be Malta's year (especially with La Ryan out of the running), but they will have to out-Andre Andre, and out-Mullet The Mullet Twink.
Germany: I don't know why, but everybody says this is going down well in rehearsals. I don't see it. Yet, given the reports, I can't discount it.
Denmark: Twist your way back into the Qualifier.
Russia: The Mullet Twink certainly capered his way into the Final, and Russia will be in the Final next year.
Macedonia: One day, Macedonia will win Eurovision with a song that appeals across all borders. Elenina Sky doesn't have that song. The Macedonian yo-yo continues. (Must be fun to know that you're guaranteed two times to perform.)
Romania: Coming right after Elenina Sky and right before HMH, does not help Mihai. Romania will be in the Qualifier next year. That said, expect a Romanian victory soon. Very Soon.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Could go either way. On one hand, it's the best ballad after Norway (and I will be shocked to see if Ireland beat them out on points) . On the other hand, La Vissi has supposedly been saving all of her tricks and strength for Saturday and is only two comedy numbers away.
Lithuania: Won't win. Might very well bomb. Also The Reservoir Dogs are positioned right before a better comedy number.
United Kingdom: Won't win, but will give the UK its best result since 2002 (granted, that's not hard to do). If the BBC are watching (or perhaps I should say if they aren't watching, so as not to jinx it), the UK will win or get very close 2nd next year, since that will mark 10 years since the last British win.
Greece: Ok, forgive me Greeks, but La Vissi isn't going to make it two Greek wins in a row. Listen, I'm as shocked as all of you, but this just doesn't strike me as a ballad year. On the other hand, Greece is probably in the final for years to come. Greece is probably the new Sweden.
Finland: I don't know if I'm all that certain of a Finnish win. I think that Finland will be in the final next year, and I think Lordi will break the top ten, but if Sibel and even Karola came across as more powerful and engaging than metal schlager band...Well, you have to wonder.
Ukraine: Then again, Karola might've only come across as more powerful than Lordi because she preceded it in the Qualifier. Dancing cossacks jumping rope and an Athena dress might come across as too syrupy sweet after a "metal" band dressed like creatures from a Tolkien novel. Could go either way.
France: Coming after Lordi will definitely help Virginie. She won't win, nor come close. The French delagation even admitted such earlier this week. If France picks a really engaging performer (even--shock--a name), then they'll win. It's only a matter of time.
Croatia: I'm hoping that Seve saw Sibel and thought "bring it on." Since the reports on Seve are few and far between, I'm hoping that this means Croatia is truly a dark horse to win the lot. Nothing would make me lose my ever-loving mind (in a good way) then seeing Seve and Sibel duke it out for the win. Either way, Croatia is in the Final next year.
Ireland: La Vissi will chew him up and spit Ireland into next year's Qualifier.
Sweden: Now this is another tough call. I really want to see the results of the voting, because I suspect that Sweden did not make it through easily. I think it'll be a hard fight for Carola to reach the top 5, and since this is a rather intense year, I think Sweden is in danger of being in next year's Qualifier. If it weren't, then Carola would be easily screeching her way into the top 5. Coming right before Sibel is not doing her any favours whatsoever.
Turkey: Sibel or Seve for the win. If I was TRT, I'd be quaking in my boots about the possiblity of hosting again. The chances are very high this year that the winning entry will consist of a female soloist with all male backing performers, which means either Germany, Croatia, or Turkey.
Armenia: Well, I was surprised he made it into the Final with that shambolic performance. I'll be doubly surprised if he manages to keep Armenia in the Final next year.
So to summarise:
Probable Top 5 (in no particular order)
Switzerland: IUPP will send Switzerland back to the Qualifier. People don't like cloying that much.
Moldova: Arse sends the Moldovans back to the Qualifier. I can't believe he actually believes he'll better Moldova's freak result from last year. (Yes, I'm calling it a freak result, because that song was extremely accessible.)
Israel: Eddie, come over here. I like you, really I do. However, unless you turn your ballad into a flotilla of glory notes, extreme facial expressions, and manic gestures, Israel is in the Qualifier next year.
Latvia: In the Qualifier next year.
Norway: Won't win, but Norway will be in the Final next year, most likely with an uptempo song, because that's just the way things are with Norway: ballad, uptempo, ballad, uptempo. Changing that pattern is like asking the moon to come up at 1 PM.
Spain: Won't bomb, but won't be in the top ten. Will manage the easy task of doing better than the Hags from last year.
Malta: The reports say Fabbo is crappo. Perhaps the shock of seeing Sibel, Karola, The Mullet Twink, and Lordi coalesce into a fierce block combined with Armenia doing a more aggressive version of the same type of song, will scare the Maltese into a serious overhaul. I still think this could be Malta's year (especially with La Ryan out of the running), but they will have to out-Andre Andre, and out-Mullet The Mullet Twink.
Germany: I don't know why, but everybody says this is going down well in rehearsals. I don't see it. Yet, given the reports, I can't discount it.
Denmark: Twist your way back into the Qualifier.
Russia: The Mullet Twink certainly capered his way into the Final, and Russia will be in the Final next year.
Macedonia: One day, Macedonia will win Eurovision with a song that appeals across all borders. Elenina Sky doesn't have that song. The Macedonian yo-yo continues. (Must be fun to know that you're guaranteed two times to perform.)
Romania: Coming right after Elenina Sky and right before HMH, does not help Mihai. Romania will be in the Qualifier next year. That said, expect a Romanian victory soon. Very Soon.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Could go either way. On one hand, it's the best ballad after Norway (and I will be shocked to see if Ireland beat them out on points) . On the other hand, La Vissi has supposedly been saving all of her tricks and strength for Saturday and is only two comedy numbers away.
Lithuania: Won't win. Might very well bomb. Also The Reservoir Dogs are positioned right before a better comedy number.
United Kingdom: Won't win, but will give the UK its best result since 2002 (granted, that's not hard to do). If the BBC are watching (or perhaps I should say if they aren't watching, so as not to jinx it), the UK will win or get very close 2nd next year, since that will mark 10 years since the last British win.
Greece: Ok, forgive me Greeks, but La Vissi isn't going to make it two Greek wins in a row. Listen, I'm as shocked as all of you, but this just doesn't strike me as a ballad year. On the other hand, Greece is probably in the final for years to come. Greece is probably the new Sweden.
Finland: I don't know if I'm all that certain of a Finnish win. I think that Finland will be in the final next year, and I think Lordi will break the top ten, but if Sibel and even Karola came across as more powerful and engaging than metal schlager band...Well, you have to wonder.
Ukraine: Then again, Karola might've only come across as more powerful than Lordi because she preceded it in the Qualifier. Dancing cossacks jumping rope and an Athena dress might come across as too syrupy sweet after a "metal" band dressed like creatures from a Tolkien novel. Could go either way.
France: Coming after Lordi will definitely help Virginie. She won't win, nor come close. The French delagation even admitted such earlier this week. If France picks a really engaging performer (even--shock--a name), then they'll win. It's only a matter of time.
Croatia: I'm hoping that Seve saw Sibel and thought "bring it on." Since the reports on Seve are few and far between, I'm hoping that this means Croatia is truly a dark horse to win the lot. Nothing would make me lose my ever-loving mind (in a good way) then seeing Seve and Sibel duke it out for the win. Either way, Croatia is in the Final next year.
Ireland: La Vissi will chew him up and spit Ireland into next year's Qualifier.
Sweden: Now this is another tough call. I really want to see the results of the voting, because I suspect that Sweden did not make it through easily. I think it'll be a hard fight for Carola to reach the top 5, and since this is a rather intense year, I think Sweden is in danger of being in next year's Qualifier. If it weren't, then Carola would be easily screeching her way into the top 5. Coming right before Sibel is not doing her any favours whatsoever.
Turkey: Sibel or Seve for the win. If I was TRT, I'd be quaking in my boots about the possiblity of hosting again. The chances are very high this year that the winning entry will consist of a female soloist with all male backing performers, which means either Germany, Croatia, or Turkey.
Armenia: Well, I was surprised he made it into the Final with that shambolic performance. I'll be doubly surprised if he manages to keep Armenia in the Final next year.
So to summarise:
Probable Top 5 (in no particular order)
- Croatia
- Turkey
- Germany
- Finland
- Greece
Joining them in the Top 10
- Russia
- United Kingdom
- Malta (if they don't serious overhaul, if they do then Germany or Finland takes this spot)
- Norway
- Bosnia & Herzegovina
Eurovision 2006 Qualifier
For some odd reason, TVE Internacional does not broadcast the Qualifier live, preferring to give over the late afternoon time slot to news and “news” shows (how else could one describe an infotainment show called “Heart of Spring?”). So I am watching both the webcast and the “regular” broadcast which is on at 11:20 tonight. (Seriously, 11:20 at night? Is it worth pissing off the Eastern & Central Time Zones—read: New York, Florida, Illinois, and 90% of Texas?)
Anyway, the main appeal for me in this Qualifier (which really isn’t that interesting to me beyond just making sure that Turkey gets through and be depressed with Andorra) is the potential car crash that promises to be the hosts: Saz & Maz, I’ll nickname them. I’ve seen Entertainment Tonight, and frankly Eurovision is no Entertainment Tonight. I don’t think Mary Hart-like cuteness will play in Europe, so I think Maz is totally in over her head. Saz can probably get away with being mostly mute and smirking at the camera. Unfortunately, that means Maz will be left with much of the heavy lifting.
And we’re off.
After one of the shortest entry animations ever, a bunch of beehived women (I’m assuming they are supposed to be The Muses) and assorted Greek mythological figures carp about to the tunes of Eurovision classics. Honestly, I’m so tired of “Nel Blu Di Pinto Di Blu.” Quite hilariously, the accents are strong here. I’m talking dipped in olive oil and ouzo. Unbelievably, they sing “Dschingus Khan.” I’m trying to see the point here, but all I can gather is that Greek history apparently meshes well with kitsch. Equally shocking, when they get “My Number One” it’s done as a group song, with no Paparizou in sight.
And what’s the closer to this opening?
“Love Shine A Light” as performed by Maz & Saz. If that was them singing earlier, then I have no idea why Maz loses her accent while singing.
Maz SCREAMS “Good Evening Europe,” then goes straight into Valley Girl speak. The pattern seems to be to have Maz be in English and Saz in French. I like Saz in French. It works for me. It is odd and yet oddly welcoming (to my ears) to hear Maz's American accent.
Armenia: The postcards are tours throughout Greece. The Unibrower is given scenes of shopping. He sounds horrible. The act seems to involve him capering about a table while a group of female dancers in quasi-bondage gear do their callisthenics. The Calli-Girls then tie the Unibrower up and then, if I’m not mistaken, they start line dancing. Oh lord, this is bad. It ends with the Calli-Girls drooping like marionettes.
Bulgaria: Greek Sports is the postcard for Bulgaria. So I’m assuming Marianna’s vocal acrobatics are in good shape. She starts weak, but on the upside she looks ten times better than she did in the preview video. Marianna is in a gold cheong sam while dancing women dressed like blue sirens caper about ballet-style. Oh my lord. Some man who went crazy in the makeup and frosted hair bin starts singing and all that preceded it, is forgotten. Yikes.
Slovenia: Beaches and Young Pretty People for Jazz Hands. Jazz Hands has fortunately put on some weight. He seems to have restrained himself from his “Look at me” manic gestures. The real comedy in this, however, is that the choreography suggests that the female backing singers/dancers are all lusting over him. Much to my amusement, he does end with Jazz Hands.
Andorra: Markets and Theatre for Andorra. I am steeling myself because I’ve heard it’s horrible. That said, Jenny attacks the stage! Go Girl! Now, let’s talk about the stage picture: Um, what’s with the Flashdance tribute? A whole bunch of harlots in lingerie flouncing about chairs? Huh? They just look weird next to Jenny, who is gorgeous, but nowhere near waif size. Nonetheless, this is miles better than Bulgaria. Crowd goes wild, I remain optimistic.
Belarus: Architecture, Nightlife, and Islands for Belarus. Good lord, who dressed you, Po? (Pun is intentional.) I haven’t seen that many diamonds and hotpants since Solid Gold went off the air. If this was 1986, this would be very well-received, but unfortunately for Po, it isn’t. I have to say that I find it very funny that Belarus is appropriating many pop culture aspects of rebellion for their entry. Not surprisingly, despite a performance that could only happen under cocaine, this is so forgettable.
Albania: Bagpipe playing men: Check. Twink in inexplicable leisure suit: Check. Trio of jeans wearing male backing singers: Check. That’s right leisure suits, bagpipes, and jeans. Somebody needs to teach The Twink how to dance outside of a Folk Festival. Good lord, the backing trio go all Jets vs. The Sharks towards the end. It’s like they’re all in different entries.
Belgium: Beaches for La Ryan. I’ve never realised this before, but La Ryan looks like Geri Halliwell. She has eradicated any cuteness and is going for the aggressive approach, which in general is a style choice I prefer, but growling “Je t’adore” is just bizarre. I’ll give La Ryan credit, she got my toes tapping, but then again I’m scared of her now.
Ireland: Alcohol is the theme of the postcard. (Burn!) Jesus wept, he is nasal. I already can’t stand this song, but now he’s making this worse. He also looks constipated. I swear every Irish ballad entry has the same two female & one male backing vocalists. Yes, that’s how boring this is. I find counting the backers more interesting.
Commercial break for (cheap) broadcasters, but on the webcast we have a montage of the events preceding the whole shebang. Sewing, cutting, greeting people at the airport, shirtless men, etc. Riveting stuff, I tell you.
Cyprus: Fashion apparently. Annet is in a short canary yellow breast—I mean dress. Well, that’s what is plopped out in front of me. I’d much rather see The Twink’s clavicle, but life is cruel that way. I’m going to be honest with you here, Annet basically sings the Irish entry but better. If this becomes a hit (which is unlikely), I can totally see hordes of American Idol contestants murdering this on a weekly basis. It’s better than Ireland, but that’s really not saying much, isn’t it?
Monaco: Seafood and the High Life. Oh lord, hula dancing. Severine dances around her hip-switching shirtless male dancers. Again, you have two groups who think they are in two different numbers. Severine & the Hula Girls are performing it sensually, and the male dancers are in some avant-garde dance piece. Shockingly, it works…as an unintentional comedy entry.
Macedonia: Aww, Macedonia gets the sun in its postcard. Elenina Sky looks like a cross between Jennifer Lopez in her Fly Girl days and Helena Paparizou. This is definitely subdued given what came before, and still sounds like it would be more at home north of 125th street than onstage in Athens. I’ll give Elenina Sky credit, she’s changed me from indifferent to light supporter. Not like there’s any doubt that she won’t get through though.
Poland: Beach Resorts for Poland, because that’s what I think of when I think of Poland. Good lord, the Princesses are all wearing masquerade masks. Punch Bowl Hair has dyed his hair green, for reasons that are mysterious to me. The poor rapper is stuck walking through the crowd of deranged fans, while the Royals strike poses above him. Has Poland completely forgotten the Solidarity Movement? Oh lord, I do not want to see Punch Bowl Hair kiss the abdomen of one of the Princesses! Ewww.
Russia: The Mullet Twink still has his mullet, but he’s toned it down. Wisely—given the audience—he’s in a tank top. This is some weird staging. While Mullet Twink is capering about, two ballerinas enter and do pirouettes. Then another one appears out of a piano. A piano that is being played by no-one. I think someone needs to ease up on the LSD.
Turkey: Mountains and Metros for Turkey. Ok, Sibel and Jenny need to do a duet. They have got some deep voices on them. Sibel really doesn’t move around much, but her male dancers are on Speed. It works and it’s classic (cf. Marilyn Monroe in the "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" number from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes). I’m just going to call it as I see it here: She b.r.o.u.g.h.t. it and then some.
Ukraine: Karola is dressed like Athena, while her backing dancers are dressed like Cossacks. She’s going the Sibel route of little movement while the dancers move around like mad. The dancers even jump rope while Karola does a two-step. It’s much more energetic than I thought it would be, but seriously Sibel blew her out of the park…Except for that freakishly long note Karola did near the end. Being between Turkey and Finland might help or hurt her chances. (And it did help. Note how all the entries from Russia to Finland got through.)
Finland: Countryside scenes for Finland. Mr. Lordi is wearing a hat with the Finnish flag on it. Well, if you’ve ever seen Gwar, this isn’t that shocking, however, most of Euro-land hasn’t. I’m really surprised that I’m not bowled away. I mean, I do like it a lot, but performance-wise, Sibel impressed me more. I’ll take the fact that the webcast rebuffered often as a sign that they are going through.
Saz & Maz do some business in the green room about televoting. Maz is treating this like the Grammys and she's working the red carpet. I wish she had taken tips from Joan Rivers beforehand.
Netherlands: The Sea for Netherlands, which is very appropriate. Blaundabanda is very well, blonde. Seriously that’s what this looks like: A bunch of blonde girls from The Valley beating drums and trying to act all soulful and cute. The song comes across as a Lilith Fair reject. The rebuffering during this is surprising to say the least. At least you can’t forget the song title, because they sing it umpteen times.
Lithuania: Is this some sort of tribute to Reservoir Dogs? That’s the only way I can interpret a bunch of men in suits acting like they’ve lost their ever-loving minds. Are there any lyrics in the song beyond “we are the winners of Eurovision?” I think not.
Portugal: Seaside Dining for Portugal. We get it, Greece has a lot of coast. Ok, why does the costume designer hate these girls so? Most of them are dressed in Madonna ”Confessions” knock-offs and one is dressed like a comedy showgirl. Since the choreography calls for a lot of thrusts and grinds, this makes them look foolish. Bless them, they sing the daylights out of the song, but unfortunately, the song is just bad.
Sweden: Ooh, it’s the seaside again and this time with extra blue! Carola has an enormous train, but it still isn’t as big as the train for one of the Princesses from Poland. However, Carola’s is blue. Random thought: Carola looks a lot like Barbra Streisand. Contemplate that for a bit. Anyway, Carola’s train gets pulled and the singers come out and wave white flags. Contemplate that as well. You know what? It still isn’t as impressive as Turkey. (And I don’t even believe that Turkey is going to win it.)
Estonia: Cyclists and beer for Estonia. (But is it seaside beer, I must ask?) Ouch! Carola Jr. is really off-key. At least she isn’t letting in show in her face. The performance is basically Carola Jr. strutting about while the backing singers thrust out their arms. They vary things about by having some of the backing singers join Carola Jr. in the traditional Swedish diamond formation. Yeah, whatever.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Beaches & Capitalism for the Bosnians. Ooh, isn’t this dramatic? They’re all scattered around the stage looking like somebody shot their monkey. HMH come forward and sings. The backing performers look at him, then look away. The traditional leggy Bosnian accordion player is back. Welcome back! The performers drop their instruments and join HMH in solemn chorus. It’s like a Greek Tragedy, except it’s Bosnian/Serbian. Grindingly, I say they deserve to go through.
Iceland: Sylvia is greeted by a loud “boo.” She cops out by saying “I frickin’ win.” Anyway, Sylvia is dressed like Marie Antoinette and is accompanied by two male dancers in Mexican Wrestling Masks. Oh yes, that’s what they are. The comedy bit in the middle is well…bizarre. Sylvia gets booed at the end of the song as well. I can’t tell if that’s intentional or not.
Saz & Maz come back on. Saz is dressed in leather. This is a very wise choice, as is Maz’s purple dress. They pull out two Olympic medalists to kick off the voting. Oh boy, Saz has got a very tenuous grasp on presenting, especially when it isn’t in French.
Anyway, it’s the review, and to recap: Andorra was a letdown; La Ryan growled; Annet may very well make it through; Monaco was camp-tastic; Elenina Sky wasn’t that bad; Punch Bowl Hair made me remember my Socialist roots; Mullet Twink was talented but weird; Sibel kicked everybody’s asses and took their names; Karola was better than Carola & Carola Jr.; Lordi was more subdued than I thought it would be; Blaundabanda looked daft; LT United was asinine; Nonstop needs to kill whoever does their costumes; Carola screeched and really did nothing else of note; HMH shockingly impressed me; Sylvia managed to piss everybody in the arena off before even singing a word.
Maz coyly asks Saz to sing. Like she had to twist his arm. Like he would even want her to. (How you doin’?) Saz looks earnest as he sings some mid-tempo song with stupid lyrics. He pouts, taps his foot, stretches and that’s about it. It’s because he’s Sakis Rouvas and we are supposed to be in awe of him because he’s so pretty/handsome. I’m sorry Saz, but unless you have a gay sex tape available, you’re not always that fascinating.
One odd bit: Why does Maz pronounce “Eurovision” so oddly? That’s not how most Americans pronounce it. At least none that I have encountered.
It’s the interval now!
A woman dressed in gold with a mortar board floats up and away. A satyr (although frankly, it looks like Jay Kay) plays pan pipes while the dancers pretend to either be waves or fields. Then it’s a group of dancing women in folk costume. Jay Kay summons more folk dancers who line dance while a dancer dressed like a devil stomps about in the background. (This makes some sense. I don’t know which kind of sense, but it does make some.) The Folk Dancing Men lock arms and…folk dance. Interesting. I never knew that the slap your heel dance was done outside of Germany. Some of the Waving Fields put on skirts and pirouette. Other Waving Fields lift them up. Then everybody grabs a piece of cloth. End of Interval Performance.
Saz & Maz come back. Maz spouts out some statistics. Saz gets bitchy because he’s been in that position before. (Pun partly intended.)
Preview of the already decided finalists: Everybody will have their rear handed to them in the voting save for Norway, Germany (according to reports), the UK, Greece, and Croatia.
In probably the most asinine delay ever, they have the results handed to them via human chain. They still manage to delay them even further by doing a bunch of nonsense in deciding who says which result.
Russia gets through. Mullet Twink punches air.
Maz sings the theme to Jeopardy. Shut up, Maz.
Elenina Sky gets through. She runs about.
HMH gets through. They are understated and graceful.
Maz & Saz take forever to get to the next finalist.
Lithuania gets through. There is a chorus of boos. There’s a boo here as well.
Finland gets through. Lordi gestures aggressively.
Karola gets through. She also gets lifted by one of her dancers.
Ireland gets through. Brian Kennedy looks like he’s crying.
Sweden gets through. Carola flexes her muscle. I’m a bit surprised myself.
Turkey gets through. Thank god, I hated that wait.
Maz & Saz take ages to get to the last one.
Armenia gets through. The Unibrower pumps his fists. I am seriously astounded.
La Ryan is probably pissed as hell. I would be too, especially if I lost to the Reservoir Dogs and The Unibrower.
Jesus, those two know how to work things for maximum dramatic effect. I am now absolutely dreading seeing them slog their way through the voting.
Anyway, the main appeal for me in this Qualifier (which really isn’t that interesting to me beyond just making sure that Turkey gets through and be depressed with Andorra) is the potential car crash that promises to be the hosts: Saz & Maz, I’ll nickname them. I’ve seen Entertainment Tonight, and frankly Eurovision is no Entertainment Tonight. I don’t think Mary Hart-like cuteness will play in Europe, so I think Maz is totally in over her head. Saz can probably get away with being mostly mute and smirking at the camera. Unfortunately, that means Maz will be left with much of the heavy lifting.
And we’re off.
After one of the shortest entry animations ever, a bunch of beehived women (I’m assuming they are supposed to be The Muses) and assorted Greek mythological figures carp about to the tunes of Eurovision classics. Honestly, I’m so tired of “Nel Blu Di Pinto Di Blu.” Quite hilariously, the accents are strong here. I’m talking dipped in olive oil and ouzo. Unbelievably, they sing “Dschingus Khan.” I’m trying to see the point here, but all I can gather is that Greek history apparently meshes well with kitsch. Equally shocking, when they get “My Number One” it’s done as a group song, with no Paparizou in sight.
And what’s the closer to this opening?
“Love Shine A Light” as performed by Maz & Saz. If that was them singing earlier, then I have no idea why Maz loses her accent while singing.
Maz SCREAMS “Good Evening Europe,” then goes straight into Valley Girl speak. The pattern seems to be to have Maz be in English and Saz in French. I like Saz in French. It works for me. It is odd and yet oddly welcoming (to my ears) to hear Maz's American accent.
Armenia: The postcards are tours throughout Greece. The Unibrower is given scenes of shopping. He sounds horrible. The act seems to involve him capering about a table while a group of female dancers in quasi-bondage gear do their callisthenics. The Calli-Girls then tie the Unibrower up and then, if I’m not mistaken, they start line dancing. Oh lord, this is bad. It ends with the Calli-Girls drooping like marionettes.
Bulgaria: Greek Sports is the postcard for Bulgaria. So I’m assuming Marianna’s vocal acrobatics are in good shape. She starts weak, but on the upside she looks ten times better than she did in the preview video. Marianna is in a gold cheong sam while dancing women dressed like blue sirens caper about ballet-style. Oh my lord. Some man who went crazy in the makeup and frosted hair bin starts singing and all that preceded it, is forgotten. Yikes.
Slovenia: Beaches and Young Pretty People for Jazz Hands. Jazz Hands has fortunately put on some weight. He seems to have restrained himself from his “Look at me” manic gestures. The real comedy in this, however, is that the choreography suggests that the female backing singers/dancers are all lusting over him. Much to my amusement, he does end with Jazz Hands.
Andorra: Markets and Theatre for Andorra. I am steeling myself because I’ve heard it’s horrible. That said, Jenny attacks the stage! Go Girl! Now, let’s talk about the stage picture: Um, what’s with the Flashdance tribute? A whole bunch of harlots in lingerie flouncing about chairs? Huh? They just look weird next to Jenny, who is gorgeous, but nowhere near waif size. Nonetheless, this is miles better than Bulgaria. Crowd goes wild, I remain optimistic.
Belarus: Architecture, Nightlife, and Islands for Belarus. Good lord, who dressed you, Po? (Pun is intentional.) I haven’t seen that many diamonds and hotpants since Solid Gold went off the air. If this was 1986, this would be very well-received, but unfortunately for Po, it isn’t. I have to say that I find it very funny that Belarus is appropriating many pop culture aspects of rebellion for their entry. Not surprisingly, despite a performance that could only happen under cocaine, this is so forgettable.
Albania: Bagpipe playing men: Check. Twink in inexplicable leisure suit: Check. Trio of jeans wearing male backing singers: Check. That’s right leisure suits, bagpipes, and jeans. Somebody needs to teach The Twink how to dance outside of a Folk Festival. Good lord, the backing trio go all Jets vs. The Sharks towards the end. It’s like they’re all in different entries.
Belgium: Beaches for La Ryan. I’ve never realised this before, but La Ryan looks like Geri Halliwell. She has eradicated any cuteness and is going for the aggressive approach, which in general is a style choice I prefer, but growling “Je t’adore” is just bizarre. I’ll give La Ryan credit, she got my toes tapping, but then again I’m scared of her now.
Ireland: Alcohol is the theme of the postcard. (Burn!) Jesus wept, he is nasal. I already can’t stand this song, but now he’s making this worse. He also looks constipated. I swear every Irish ballad entry has the same two female & one male backing vocalists. Yes, that’s how boring this is. I find counting the backers more interesting.
Commercial break for (cheap) broadcasters, but on the webcast we have a montage of the events preceding the whole shebang. Sewing, cutting, greeting people at the airport, shirtless men, etc. Riveting stuff, I tell you.
Cyprus: Fashion apparently. Annet is in a short canary yellow breast—I mean dress. Well, that’s what is plopped out in front of me. I’d much rather see The Twink’s clavicle, but life is cruel that way. I’m going to be honest with you here, Annet basically sings the Irish entry but better. If this becomes a hit (which is unlikely), I can totally see hordes of American Idol contestants murdering this on a weekly basis. It’s better than Ireland, but that’s really not saying much, isn’t it?
Monaco: Seafood and the High Life. Oh lord, hula dancing. Severine dances around her hip-switching shirtless male dancers. Again, you have two groups who think they are in two different numbers. Severine & the Hula Girls are performing it sensually, and the male dancers are in some avant-garde dance piece. Shockingly, it works…as an unintentional comedy entry.
Macedonia: Aww, Macedonia gets the sun in its postcard. Elenina Sky looks like a cross between Jennifer Lopez in her Fly Girl days and Helena Paparizou. This is definitely subdued given what came before, and still sounds like it would be more at home north of 125th street than onstage in Athens. I’ll give Elenina Sky credit, she’s changed me from indifferent to light supporter. Not like there’s any doubt that she won’t get through though.
Poland: Beach Resorts for Poland, because that’s what I think of when I think of Poland. Good lord, the Princesses are all wearing masquerade masks. Punch Bowl Hair has dyed his hair green, for reasons that are mysterious to me. The poor rapper is stuck walking through the crowd of deranged fans, while the Royals strike poses above him. Has Poland completely forgotten the Solidarity Movement? Oh lord, I do not want to see Punch Bowl Hair kiss the abdomen of one of the Princesses! Ewww.
Russia: The Mullet Twink still has his mullet, but he’s toned it down. Wisely—given the audience—he’s in a tank top. This is some weird staging. While Mullet Twink is capering about, two ballerinas enter and do pirouettes. Then another one appears out of a piano. A piano that is being played by no-one. I think someone needs to ease up on the LSD.
Turkey: Mountains and Metros for Turkey. Ok, Sibel and Jenny need to do a duet. They have got some deep voices on them. Sibel really doesn’t move around much, but her male dancers are on Speed. It works and it’s classic (cf. Marilyn Monroe in the "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" number from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes). I’m just going to call it as I see it here: She b.r.o.u.g.h.t. it and then some.
Ukraine: Karola is dressed like Athena, while her backing dancers are dressed like Cossacks. She’s going the Sibel route of little movement while the dancers move around like mad. The dancers even jump rope while Karola does a two-step. It’s much more energetic than I thought it would be, but seriously Sibel blew her out of the park…Except for that freakishly long note Karola did near the end. Being between Turkey and Finland might help or hurt her chances. (And it did help. Note how all the entries from Russia to Finland got through.)
Finland: Countryside scenes for Finland. Mr. Lordi is wearing a hat with the Finnish flag on it. Well, if you’ve ever seen Gwar, this isn’t that shocking, however, most of Euro-land hasn’t. I’m really surprised that I’m not bowled away. I mean, I do like it a lot, but performance-wise, Sibel impressed me more. I’ll take the fact that the webcast rebuffered often as a sign that they are going through.
Saz & Maz do some business in the green room about televoting. Maz is treating this like the Grammys and she's working the red carpet. I wish she had taken tips from Joan Rivers beforehand.
Netherlands: The Sea for Netherlands, which is very appropriate. Blaundabanda is very well, blonde. Seriously that’s what this looks like: A bunch of blonde girls from The Valley beating drums and trying to act all soulful and cute. The song comes across as a Lilith Fair reject. The rebuffering during this is surprising to say the least. At least you can’t forget the song title, because they sing it umpteen times.
Lithuania: Is this some sort of tribute to Reservoir Dogs? That’s the only way I can interpret a bunch of men in suits acting like they’ve lost their ever-loving minds. Are there any lyrics in the song beyond “we are the winners of Eurovision?” I think not.
Portugal: Seaside Dining for Portugal. We get it, Greece has a lot of coast. Ok, why does the costume designer hate these girls so? Most of them are dressed in Madonna ”Confessions” knock-offs and one is dressed like a comedy showgirl. Since the choreography calls for a lot of thrusts and grinds, this makes them look foolish. Bless them, they sing the daylights out of the song, but unfortunately, the song is just bad.
Sweden: Ooh, it’s the seaside again and this time with extra blue! Carola has an enormous train, but it still isn’t as big as the train for one of the Princesses from Poland. However, Carola’s is blue. Random thought: Carola looks a lot like Barbra Streisand. Contemplate that for a bit. Anyway, Carola’s train gets pulled and the singers come out and wave white flags. Contemplate that as well. You know what? It still isn’t as impressive as Turkey. (And I don’t even believe that Turkey is going to win it.)
Estonia: Cyclists and beer for Estonia. (But is it seaside beer, I must ask?) Ouch! Carola Jr. is really off-key. At least she isn’t letting in show in her face. The performance is basically Carola Jr. strutting about while the backing singers thrust out their arms. They vary things about by having some of the backing singers join Carola Jr. in the traditional Swedish diamond formation. Yeah, whatever.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Beaches & Capitalism for the Bosnians. Ooh, isn’t this dramatic? They’re all scattered around the stage looking like somebody shot their monkey. HMH come forward and sings. The backing performers look at him, then look away. The traditional leggy Bosnian accordion player is back. Welcome back! The performers drop their instruments and join HMH in solemn chorus. It’s like a Greek Tragedy, except it’s Bosnian/Serbian. Grindingly, I say they deserve to go through.
Iceland: Sylvia is greeted by a loud “boo.” She cops out by saying “I frickin’ win.” Anyway, Sylvia is dressed like Marie Antoinette and is accompanied by two male dancers in Mexican Wrestling Masks. Oh yes, that’s what they are. The comedy bit in the middle is well…bizarre. Sylvia gets booed at the end of the song as well. I can’t tell if that’s intentional or not.
Saz & Maz come back on. Saz is dressed in leather. This is a very wise choice, as is Maz’s purple dress. They pull out two Olympic medalists to kick off the voting. Oh boy, Saz has got a very tenuous grasp on presenting, especially when it isn’t in French.
Anyway, it’s the review, and to recap: Andorra was a letdown; La Ryan growled; Annet may very well make it through; Monaco was camp-tastic; Elenina Sky wasn’t that bad; Punch Bowl Hair made me remember my Socialist roots; Mullet Twink was talented but weird; Sibel kicked everybody’s asses and took their names; Karola was better than Carola & Carola Jr.; Lordi was more subdued than I thought it would be; Blaundabanda looked daft; LT United was asinine; Nonstop needs to kill whoever does their costumes; Carola screeched and really did nothing else of note; HMH shockingly impressed me; Sylvia managed to piss everybody in the arena off before even singing a word.
Maz coyly asks Saz to sing. Like she had to twist his arm. Like he would even want her to. (How you doin’?) Saz looks earnest as he sings some mid-tempo song with stupid lyrics. He pouts, taps his foot, stretches and that’s about it. It’s because he’s Sakis Rouvas and we are supposed to be in awe of him because he’s so pretty/handsome. I’m sorry Saz, but unless you have a gay sex tape available, you’re not always that fascinating.
One odd bit: Why does Maz pronounce “Eurovision” so oddly? That’s not how most Americans pronounce it. At least none that I have encountered.
It’s the interval now!
A woman dressed in gold with a mortar board floats up and away. A satyr (although frankly, it looks like Jay Kay) plays pan pipes while the dancers pretend to either be waves or fields. Then it’s a group of dancing women in folk costume. Jay Kay summons more folk dancers who line dance while a dancer dressed like a devil stomps about in the background. (This makes some sense. I don’t know which kind of sense, but it does make some.) The Folk Dancing Men lock arms and…folk dance. Interesting. I never knew that the slap your heel dance was done outside of Germany. Some of the Waving Fields put on skirts and pirouette. Other Waving Fields lift them up. Then everybody grabs a piece of cloth. End of Interval Performance.
Saz & Maz come back. Maz spouts out some statistics. Saz gets bitchy because he’s been in that position before. (Pun partly intended.)
Preview of the already decided finalists: Everybody will have their rear handed to them in the voting save for Norway, Germany (according to reports), the UK, Greece, and Croatia.
In probably the most asinine delay ever, they have the results handed to them via human chain. They still manage to delay them even further by doing a bunch of nonsense in deciding who says which result.
Russia gets through. Mullet Twink punches air.
Maz sings the theme to Jeopardy. Shut up, Maz.
Elenina Sky gets through. She runs about.
HMH gets through. They are understated and graceful.
Maz & Saz take forever to get to the next finalist.
Lithuania gets through. There is a chorus of boos. There’s a boo here as well.
Finland gets through. Lordi gestures aggressively.
Karola gets through. She also gets lifted by one of her dancers.
Ireland gets through. Brian Kennedy looks like he’s crying.
Sweden gets through. Carola flexes her muscle. I’m a bit surprised myself.
Turkey gets through. Thank god, I hated that wait.
Maz & Saz take ages to get to the last one.
Armenia gets through. The Unibrower pumps his fists. I am seriously astounded.
La Ryan is probably pissed as hell. I would be too, especially if I lost to the Reservoir Dogs and The Unibrower.
Jesus, those two know how to work things for maximum dramatic effect. I am now absolutely dreading seeing them slog their way through the voting.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
It's Eurovision Week: 2006 Qualifier Pre-Show
The Hikaruland Pre-Show that is.
Wherein yours truly gives the lowdown on who might be going onto Saturday, whose dreams end on Thursday, and how happy/pissed off I am about it.
A disclaimer: This is a guess based on reports, my impressions of the song, and is most likely heavily coloured by the fact that I'm in New York while all the fun is in Athens. Read it with a view to laugh.
Wherein yours truly gives the lowdown on who might be going onto Saturday, whose dreams end on Thursday, and how happy/pissed off I am about it.
A disclaimer: This is a guess based on reports, my impressions of the song, and is most likely heavily coloured by the fact that I'm in New York while all the fun is in Athens. Read it with a view to laugh.
- Armenia: The Unibrower and his unique approach to English pronunciation will not make it. Probably won't even get remotely close when the votes are revealed.
- Bulgaria: No, but will outdo Caffe.
- Slovenia: Jazz Hands won't make it, it'll be close but no. Slovenia will be in both the Qualifier and Final next year though.
- Andorra: As much as I love this song--and I really do, to the point that if I ever get the chance to do so, I'd employ it as a theme song for a film or TV show, Andorra will continue to be stuck in the Qualifier. (Conspiracy theory: There is one pissed off or deranged choreographer that RTVA continues to employ for their entries. Dump her or him and watch Andorra go to the Final. Why else would great songs be so poorly received?)
- Belarus: Po just might make it, but Belarus will be back in the Qualifier in 2008.
- Albania: The reports from Athens aren't giving The Twink a shot, but I think he'll get through if they emphasise his inoffensive sex appeal or the comedy of seeing him dance with a group of overweight men in folk costumes.
- Belgium: Won't make it. The reports say she's sounding horrible, and this isn't that hard of a song to muck up. 2 to 1 the video will be playing in Splash come August though.
- Ireland: They keep on saying the dirge will make it based on the songs preceding it. I don't think so. It'll be on the cusp of making it though.
- Cyprus: No. Just no.
- Monaco: The reports have this in the acrid category. I think it'll go through for these two reasons: 1) it's the first upbeat song after two ballads; and 2) If you're going to be a disaster, then go all out and it appears that they are. (Plus, the disaster known as Taylor is about to win American Idol, so lord knows how screwy the world of musical shows with televoting are these days.)
- Macedonia: They're going through. The Macedonian song always goes through to the Final. It never stays there, but it always goes through. Elenina Sky need only worry about possible copyright infringement.
- Poland: Punch Bowl Hair and the Princesses will go through. The song is just that cloying.
- Russia: All the reports say that The Mullet Twink and his weird approximation of the English language is going down a storm. I don't see it personally, but I'll give him a 50/50 shot.
- Turkey: Hell yes, she's going through. She's not going to win the Qualifier nor the Final, but she's going through and Turkey will be in the Final next year.
- Ukraine: The reports say that the Permanent Smile Known As Tina Karol (or perhaps just Karola) is knocking people dead with her performance as opposed to the song itself. Frankly, I don't know why they changed the song and lyrics from the camptastic "I'm Your Queen," but I see her going through, although performing after Turkey will make it close.
- Finland: All the reports have lost their ever-loving minds over Gwar-goes-to-Eurovision. It's distinctive as hell and they're going through, if not winning the Qualifier easily. Helsinki 2007 looks probable.
- Netherlands: I saw Blaundabanda (my nickname for Tremble) do a rehearsal today on "ESC TV." They were weak and chaotic. Just get the writers from "Hemel En Aarde" back and do an internal selection. Unlike Monaco, this song isn't going to be a camp disaster, and that's where the Monegasques have an edge.
- Lithuania: No, you're aren't the winners. In fact, you might not even get remotely near qualifying. Honestly, LRTV, send Saules Kilosas and then you'll escape the Qualifier.
- Portugal: The reports say they won't, I say they might get through. Some advice for RTP: Send a song that the Portugese public likes. Something that is like what one would hear on Portugese radio. Either that--and I know this is a controversial and highly unlikely option--or recruit a semi-famous Brasilian singer or band and go all Katrina and The Waves on the rest of Europe next year. A bucketload of Samba drums is all you need.
- Sweden: So Carola is now saying she was unfairly misquoted and scarred with the Scarlet H for Homophobe. Doesn't change the fact that this is rather boring song and performance...even in Swedish. So don't go courting the gay vote, m'dear. Oh yes, Carola will sail through to the Final, but Amina will have her long-awaited revenge come Saturday.
- Estonia: See you next year, Carola Jr. If "Invincible" is boring, then lord knows that "Through My Window" is practically comatose by comparison. Serves them right for not going for "Issendale."
- Bosnia & Herzegovina: The reports are mixed. Some say it's probably going to go through, others say it'll get close but not make it. I'm with the latter. That said, HMH's ballad is better than La Kennedy's, but to me that's like saying this arsenic is better than that other one.
- Iceland: Another one with mixed reports. If she goes unabashedly trashy, then yes. If she doesn't camp it up, then no.
So, in review:
To the Final
- Monaco
- Poland
- Turkey
- Ukraine
- Finland
- Sweden
- Macedonia
Lucky sods fighting for the remaining 3 slots left:
- Belarus
- Albania
- Belgium
- Russia
- Portugal
- Iceland
And I think it's going to be a threeway deathmatch between Belgium, Portugal, and Belarus.
Everybody else:
- Screwed.
Update: Well, 6 out of 10 isn't that bad. (Please don't kill me, La Ryan.)
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Tony Nominations 2006: Ehhh
For those who care. This past season is one big shrug of indifference for me. There's really nothing worth parting with $50+ for.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
It's Eurovision Week: The Glossary
What's that sound all the way over in Greece?
It's the sound of various performers and Eurovision fans descending upon the fair city of Athens for 7+ hours of music, mayhem, and camp.
Despite not being certain if TVE Internacional is carrying Eurovision this year (and they'd better--I can justify paying for QTN, but TVE-I will be vetted intensely if they don't), I'll be doing reviews/recaps of both the Qualifier and the Final Round as I did last year.
In order to avoid carpal tunnel (and for amusement purposes...okay mostly for amusement purposes), I'm going to be employing nicknames whenever possible. Here's a list.
The Qualifier
It's the sound of various performers and Eurovision fans descending upon the fair city of Athens for 7+ hours of music, mayhem, and camp.
Despite not being certain if TVE Internacional is carrying Eurovision this year (and they'd better--I can justify paying for QTN, but TVE-I will be vetted intensely if they don't), I'll be doing reviews/recaps of both the Qualifier and the Final Round as I did last year.
In order to avoid carpal tunnel (and for amusement purposes...okay mostly for amusement purposes), I'm going to be employing nicknames whenever possible. Here's a list.
The Qualifier
- Andre: The Unibrower (Why oh why did Armenian TV not go for the Cher & Colton Ford combination?)
- Anžej Dežan: Jazz Hands (Project Runway is over, so the whole "Slo-Nick" nickname holds little water now.)
- Polina Smolova: Po (If she's being lazy by shortening a song called "Mama" to "Ma," then I can do the same to her name...plus it's ironic gold, given the farce that are national finals in Belarus)
- Luiz Ejlli: The Twink (Need I explain why?)
- Kate Ryan: La Ryan (for camp value)
- Séverine Ferrer: Séverine (échoué) (Ah hell, I'll just call her Séverine.)
- Elena Risteska: Elenina Sky (If you've listened to "Move Ya Body" you know why.)
- Ich Troje: Punch Bowl Hair and The Princesses (Well that's what they look like!)
- Dima Bilan: The Mullet Twink (I'm not in any way shape or form trendy, but for pete's sake! Cut it off!)
- Sandra: Carola Jr.
- Hari Mata Hari: HMH (I was going to go for Hary Myler Hore, but he's a good egg.)
The Final
- Six4One: The International Union of Pretty Popsters or IUPP (I really have to give credit to the crew at OnEurope for this one.)
- Arsenium: Arse (It works on so many levels.)
- Fabrizio Faniello: A Twink Called Fab or just Fabbo.
- Anna Vissi: La Vissi (I wouldn't dare call her anything else.)
- Severina: Seve, aka Severina from the block
Friday, May 12, 2006
For Eurosong Addicts
My favourite in-the-thick-of-it sarky and sweet behind-the-scenes Eurovision blog, OnEurope Live is up and running.
Eurovision Rehearsals get the Television Without Pity treatment.
Stop by and give 'em a couple of hits...in the nice way of course.
Eurovision Rehearsals get the Television Without Pity treatment.
Stop by and give 'em a couple of hits...in the nice way of course.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
The View Post-Mortem: Don't Ever Forget Your Cigarette Case Again!
Frequent readers of this piece of the internet know that I smoke. I'm not a chain smoker by any means, but nicotine is in my system.
Around 1999, my mother gave me a cigarette case as a present. I cherish it to this very day. Even though on average (meaning non-writing periods) I only have 4 cigarettes a day, I carry that cigarette case with me whenever I leave the house. Call it a lucky charm or superstition or what have you, I just feel weird leaving the apartment without it even though I rarely ever use it.
Well, I forgot it this time.
It didn't really matter to me that I didn't have the case on my person until The View screened Grace Jones's "Slave to The Rhythm."
Let me explain.
I love that song, but given the fact that I wasn't even a tween by the time it came about, I never saw the video. I've always loved the song, but never saw the video until recently. Good god, that video disturbed me something chronic.
You see, this is what I used to think of "Slave to the rhythm."
However, the actual video itself, frankly disturbed me.
I guess I wasn't prepared for seeing all the variations of Topsy combined with Grace shooting herself at the end*. (To make matters even worse, The View was playing an extended remix version.)
* I might be a bit hypocritical here, since I've used a fair amount of violence in my work.
It's funny, I completely get the original uncensored version of "American Life..."
...because while it is extremely gory, I do also realise that W and his war mongering is only a brief, albeit dark, moment to deal with. (I also agree with the lyrics as well.)
The video for "Slave to the rhythm," however, reminds me of how long the images of the time when black people meant nothing are still lingering. Honestly, it's solely related to the images, because you cannot divine the images based on the lyrics, except in the most vague, abstract sense.
And no, I don't blame Grace Jones nor even the video's director. Their whole point was to be shocking.
It's just that the fact that it is still shocking to me, lo these many years later, that gets to me. So you'll hopefully understand why I was cursing the fact that I couldn't take my discomfort and frustration out on some tobacco.
Around 1999, my mother gave me a cigarette case as a present. I cherish it to this very day. Even though on average (meaning non-writing periods) I only have 4 cigarettes a day, I carry that cigarette case with me whenever I leave the house. Call it a lucky charm or superstition or what have you, I just feel weird leaving the apartment without it even though I rarely ever use it.
Well, I forgot it this time.
It didn't really matter to me that I didn't have the case on my person until The View screened Grace Jones's "Slave to The Rhythm."
Let me explain.
I love that song, but given the fact that I wasn't even a tween by the time it came about, I never saw the video. I've always loved the song, but never saw the video until recently. Good god, that video disturbed me something chronic.
You see, this is what I used to think of "Slave to the rhythm."
However, the actual video itself, frankly disturbed me.
I guess I wasn't prepared for seeing all the variations of Topsy combined with Grace shooting herself at the end*. (To make matters even worse, The View was playing an extended remix version.)
* I might be a bit hypocritical here, since I've used a fair amount of violence in my work.
It's funny, I completely get the original uncensored version of "American Life..."
...because while it is extremely gory, I do also realise that W and his war mongering is only a brief, albeit dark, moment to deal with. (I also agree with the lyrics as well.)
The video for "Slave to the rhythm," however, reminds me of how long the images of the time when black people meant nothing are still lingering. Honestly, it's solely related to the images, because you cannot divine the images based on the lyrics, except in the most vague, abstract sense.
And no, I don't blame Grace Jones nor even the video's director. Their whole point was to be shocking.
It's just that the fact that it is still shocking to me, lo these many years later, that gets to me. So you'll hopefully understand why I was cursing the fact that I couldn't take my discomfort and frustration out on some tobacco.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Thank You, La Perry
That was the last straw, Queen!
It is after 2 in the morning and I can barely sleep. I'm haunted by the image of a smirking Tyler Perry on yesterday's Good Day New York, where he shucked, jived, and oh-gollyed his way through an interview promoting his new daft sitcom.
La Perry's smarmy attitude reawoke something that I thought would stay dormant for a little while longer: my desire to get "back" into television. I say "back," since I never really was technically in it, but TV and film writing was my focus in college and quite frankly up until 2001, I thought I was going to enter the chaos that is the TV world. Playwriting came along at that time and I reckoned that it would be better to cut my teeth in theatre for several years before that. Well, my self-imposed sabbatical is now over (I took some time off after grad school) ended after seeing that interview and I'm ready to start taking names.
God help me, I'm going to write a spec script, a complete original, not just a spec episode. Though trust me, I'm going to do my damn best to stay in theatre as often as possible.
Years from now, I'll hopefully remember that sleepless May night where everything old became new again.
It is after 2 in the morning and I can barely sleep. I'm haunted by the image of a smirking Tyler Perry on yesterday's Good Day New York, where he shucked, jived, and oh-gollyed his way through an interview promoting his new daft sitcom.
La Perry's smarmy attitude reawoke something that I thought would stay dormant for a little while longer: my desire to get "back" into television. I say "back," since I never really was technically in it, but TV and film writing was my focus in college and quite frankly up until 2001, I thought I was going to enter the chaos that is the TV world. Playwriting came along at that time and I reckoned that it would be better to cut my teeth in theatre for several years before that. Well, my self-imposed sabbatical is now over (I took some time off after grad school) ended after seeing that interview and I'm ready to start taking names.
God help me, I'm going to write a spec script, a complete original, not just a spec episode. Though trust me, I'm going to do my damn best to stay in theatre as often as possible.
Years from now, I'll hopefully remember that sleepless May night where everything old became new again.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Writers, to your pens and keyboards!
From 365gay's Today in History:
"May 7, 2004 - Birmingham, Alabama police say gang of drag queens behind series of daring daylight car thefts from auto dealerships. The cars were used to make glittering appearances at drag competitions throughout the South and then abandoned. "
I'm not good at comedy writing, but there are those much more talented than I who could turn out an amazing piece with this story.
All I ask is for a thank you in the acknowledgements.
"May 7, 2004 - Birmingham, Alabama police say gang of drag queens behind series of daring daylight car thefts from auto dealerships. The cars were used to make glittering appearances at drag competitions throughout the South and then abandoned. "
I'm not good at comedy writing, but there are those much more talented than I who could turn out an amazing piece with this story.
All I ask is for a thank you in the acknowledgements.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Quote of the Season #4
"I don't know if we're meant to be the leader, the fool, or the bellwether of the nation. I wonder if the [Wisconsin GOP] politicians and people even care about the state's image outside of its borders."
Myself, in an email, after reading this article and watching a History Channel documentary on infamous canniballistic murders (of which 2/3 of the cases featured were set in Wisconsin).
Myself, in an email, after reading this article and watching a History Channel documentary on infamous canniballistic murders (of which 2/3 of the cases featured were set in Wisconsin).
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Quote of the Season #3
"What kind of world are we destroying by seeking to create homogenous children?"
From the quickly cancelled (and surprisingly good) television drama, Century City.
From the quickly cancelled (and surprisingly good) television drama, Century City.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Quotes of the Season #2
"I decided to make my part campy because I initially thought that it was going to be really dark and really intense and then it just turned out to be completely different. So instead of going in that direction, I decided to make it so that drag queens would want to dress as my character on Halloween."
"You must carry the consequences that come with the freedom you take in making certain decisions. You shouldn't risk your authenticity by saying things like 'Sure but that's not really what I wanted to do.' You should say, 'Yeah, that's what I meant!' or at least admit that you actually made that decision and you want to defend your movie because of that."
- Gina Gershon and Paul Verhoeven (respectively) on Showgirls (from the book Fiasco, by James Robert Parrish).
"What about your body?"
- Mike Woods to "Endurance Artist" David Blaine this morning, about his submersion stunt.
"Have the (HOLE) day off from work..into most scenes from mild to wild"
- Personal ad read this morning during aforementioned stunt.
"We're gonna show you how to throw a Latin pool party."
- Al Roker on this morning's Today Show
"You must carry the consequences that come with the freedom you take in making certain decisions. You shouldn't risk your authenticity by saying things like 'Sure but that's not really what I wanted to do.' You should say, 'Yeah, that's what I meant!' or at least admit that you actually made that decision and you want to defend your movie because of that."
- Gina Gershon and Paul Verhoeven (respectively) on Showgirls (from the book Fiasco, by James Robert Parrish).
"What about your body?"
- Mike Woods to "Endurance Artist" David Blaine this morning, about his submersion stunt.
"Have the (HOLE) day off from work..into most scenes from mild to wild"
- Personal ad read this morning during aforementioned stunt.
"We're gonna show you how to throw a Latin pool party."
- Al Roker on this morning's Today Show
Release-The View-Splash Post-Mortem: After Midnight
Well, I have to say it's a bit strange to go out after Midnight, but that was the challenge I gave myself last week and I did.
The night started off at Release, and curiosity of all curiosities I find myself sitting in the same spot with the same bartender that served me the week before. One would think I'm developing a crush on him, and one would be partially right. It's one of those odd mixes of lust and jealousy. He's roughly my height, but lean as hell, which is physically impossible for me to pull off due to genetics.
Before I started drooling on the counter, I moved onto The View, which was fortunately playing videos, and unfortunately, a bit crowded. The combination of which led me to have my drink and get myself to Splash.
Sadly, Doug was not there, or if he was, I didn't see him. It was probably a bit of a blessing since I proceeded to get relatively trashed. How trashed was I? I was dancing shirtless to reggaeton--frequently with this random guy who I could never manage to find off of the dancefloor, and I wound up licking the ear of one of the bartenders.
So yes, Virginia, Cinderella Hour exists, and it can happen to you.
The night started off at Release, and curiosity of all curiosities I find myself sitting in the same spot with the same bartender that served me the week before. One would think I'm developing a crush on him, and one would be partially right. It's one of those odd mixes of lust and jealousy. He's roughly my height, but lean as hell, which is physically impossible for me to pull off due to genetics.
Before I started drooling on the counter, I moved onto The View, which was fortunately playing videos, and unfortunately, a bit crowded. The combination of which led me to have my drink and get myself to Splash.
Sadly, Doug was not there, or if he was, I didn't see him. It was probably a bit of a blessing since I proceeded to get relatively trashed. How trashed was I? I was dancing shirtless to reggaeton--frequently with this random guy who I could never manage to find off of the dancefloor, and I wound up licking the ear of one of the bartenders.
So yes, Virginia, Cinderella Hour exists, and it can happen to you.
Monday, May 01, 2006
May Day: For Peace, For Respect, For Solidarity
I'm going to let the music speak for me today.
Granted, this is filed under a section called "Songs for Communist Youth," and I think the Communists are a little out there, but the sentiment is in the right place.
The other song is the (in)famous "Red Flag," whose lyrics for the most part do still ring a bit true today, especially these two verses:
"It waved above our infant might,
When all ahead seemed dark as night;
It witnessed many a deed and vow,
We must not change its colour now.
It well recalls the triumphs past,
It gives the hope of peace at last;
The banner bright, the symbol plain,
Of human right and human gain."
Granted, this is filed under a section called "Songs for Communist Youth," and I think the Communists are a little out there, but the sentiment is in the right place.
The other song is the (in)famous "Red Flag," whose lyrics for the most part do still ring a bit true today, especially these two verses:
"It waved above our infant might,
When all ahead seemed dark as night;
It witnessed many a deed and vow,
We must not change its colour now.
It well recalls the triumphs past,
It gives the hope of peace at last;
The banner bright, the symbol plain,
Of human right and human gain."
Sunday Jukebox Is Addicted
Eyeshadow overload and slightly catlike appearance aside, Laura gave one of the best performances at the 2002 Eurovision in Estonia. Unfortunately, it didn't quite burn up the scoreboard on the night.
This is the preview video version, which was fortunately free of the bizarre Finnish flag tribute ensemble she wore at the Suurhall.
This is the preview video version, which was fortunately free of the bizarre Finnish flag tribute ensemble she wore at the Suurhall.
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