First off, I was hoping to watch this later on tonight on TVE, but for some reason Time Warner is having broadcasting issues with TVE Internacional, and are not showing any picture at all. So to hedge my bets, (plus I had nothing else to do this afternoon) I watched the qualifier online.
From this point onwards it's my live reaction:
Ok, I have to wonder where Pasha took his English lessons from. He sounds like every single easy-listening DJ on US radio. Creepy.
Rather cool postcards this year, I must say. Austria starts things off. The lead singer of Global Kryner (again, what is a Kryner?) looks oddly slutty in her traditional Austrian garb. I actually think it wouldn't seem so trashy if she wasn't surrounded by men playing trombones in track suits. Her yodelling partner is quite fit in that Germanic sturdy way. Alpine-Latin fusion may not be stereotypically Austrian, but I must say that this could only be an Austrian or Swiss entry.
It's boats for Lithuania, and my question is how trashy Laura will look tonight? The answer is quite. She's in a white sparkling dress that has been selectively cut for PG-13 sex appeal. Why do I think that "Little by Little" was supposed in Melodifestivalen 2005 but caught sent to Lithuania instead? (The Swedes behind the entry, who also make up "The Lovers" might be a reason.) Eh. So-so.
City shots for Portugal. The bloggers have been saying that Luciana's hair is frightening, and I'm inclined to agree. You also can barely hear them, which I don't know if it's due to sound problems or Luciana's ropey voice. A moment to address the interesting costuming choice they have made. 2B's Club 18-30 look has disappeared in favour of shag carpeting skirts and silvery tops. I think they should've gone back to the indifferent Lusitianian look of the videos. They barely redeem themselves by ending strongly.
Moldova has been reportedly getting very good reviews from those in the hall. The wackiness that was not apparent in the preview video is now quite evident. Zdob si Zdub could easily fit in an Ashley MacIsaac video. Having "granny" in a rocking chair is cute, but not cloying. Damn catchy at the end with the "HEY!" I can forgive the lead singer's unique turn of phrase with "gentlemens" and saying "let's make love" at the end. (Ummm....no.)
Latvia's hippie rentboys next. More street scenes. (Supports my opinion of Walters & Kazha, I say.) Geez, this is dull after the Moldavans frankly blew the roof off. I also can barely hear them, although I am not complaining because the less I hear of these arrogant pricks, the better. At the start of the second verse, they get off their stools and mug for the camera like the fame-whores they are. Jesus, they're signing now. I truly could care less.
Monaco is introduced with the huge horns that Ruslana had last year and lots of landscape and folk dancing. Well, this is a song from the old school. Lise's orange dress is quite beautiful save for a tacky flower right over her stomach. I think the drama of the song is somewhat lost without the orchestra performing with her. Still, I wouldn't mind if there's a brief revival of big dramatic orchestral ballads next year.
Israel's postcard features bicyclists. Clearly NTU is doing the tourist board postcards this year. Anyway, dramatic ballad #2. Shiri looks like Israel's answer to Beyonce Knowles/Mariah Carey as she does possess a certain sexiness (read: bosom) that Glennis and Lise do not have. Her voice is stronger to boot. (You still aren't Rita, lady.) The second verse is now in English and I have to say that the transition is rather smooth, though her voice is clearly stronger when she is singing in Hebrew. I think she'll get through, but I lament the fact that she still has no crazy moment.
Sports and factory workers introduce Belarus. (Ooh, a political dig, eh?) Some audience members are clearly routing for her ("BE-LA-RUS"). Jesus wept, she thinks high of herself. Angelica is dressed literally like a queen, while her figurative queen male backing dancers dash all about. The woman is wearing a TIARA. I mean, seriously. Meanwhile, her voice wobbles like nobody's business. How odd is it that Belarus would go for the gay camp vote? (Note: there are 3 costume changes during the song. In the last one, Angelica is wearing a gold body suit. I'm just saying.)
The Netherlands get a postcard of Kiev's airport (Shout-out to Schipol!) and tulips. My god, we will be hearing those horns every damn postcard. I like them, but geez... Glennis still talks about her dream at the start of it. If you've seen the preview video, then you've seen this performance. Very little is different, which, in a way, is a good thing. The only thing I can notice is that she is vocally stronger, but I have to say that Shiri is the better belter. Again, this song really could use the orchestra because just staring at Glennis gets a teeny bit dull after awhile.
Iceland gets a quick tourist board postcard. (Nothing terribly remarkable.) Wow, they went from a little bit like a Geri Halliwell number to full-on homage. Capri pants galore in this one: Selma is in red, and her all-blonde backing singers/dancers are in gold ones with matching gold bustiers. Selma is wearing something akin to a tiara as well, but it comes across as cute and not arrogant like Angelica. I actually quite like this song now. You go, girl.
The first shot of Belgium's postcard is a lonely tree. Again, the irony is too much! Well, Nuno used to be on my list of the few handsome men at this year's contest. Now...I don't know what work he's had done, but he looks more like Johnny Hallyday now as opposed to the younger version. Oh, he's singing. I honestly did not notice. Ooh, he's having a crazy moment. A very long crazy moment. Well, at least he ended mildly outside of Dullsville.
Trees, wetlands, and happy children swinging. What a way to introduce the talent-free girls of Suntribe. I apologise to all of you out there, but their accents are absolutely hilarious to hear. ("I'm cool like watuuur.") They do indeed get loud, but they also get very annoying to anybody over the age of 12 and who can't stand Radio Disney. By the way, "boring yesterday is gone?" What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Norway's postcard starts off with a church. Oooh, contrast! Anyway, I'm certain Wig Wam can school Suntribe on how to properly get loud. According to Popbitch, the lead singer has been quite the bed-hopper this year. I think it's due to the fact that he is now beginning to look a little less like a hirsute Marilyn Manson. I have to say, they seem a little more subdued than they were in Oslo. Waving an Orange flag in the home of the Orange Revolution is: a) cheeky? b) over the top? c) cynical ploy?
Romania next and I am prepared for more over-the-top zaniness. It still sounds and looks like Lene-from-Aqua meets Safri Duo. Luminita's breasts threaten to escape at any moment. (Perhaps the postcard's shot of a church dome which looked like a breast was alluding to this?) I'm sorry Romania but a standard dance beat and some sparks do not lift this to spectacle.
Life on the farm introduces Hungary. (Is this all coincidence or intentional, I'm confused.) The bald men's jig gets a good reaction in the arena. The lead singer however, is a little harder to take. She is very nasal. I'm a little bit worried about her nasal passages. Nonetheless, she does scream "diva in heels" with her looks. I think she has whipped all the bald dancing boys into becoming her dance slaves. NOX is one gang I would not want to meet down a dark alley in Budapest.
Sailors and military men for Finland. Yeah, that makes sense. Geir starts singing and I start getting drowsy without the help of Benedryl. I do not want to be overly harsh to a "message song" (even though I doubt their claims), so I will say that they are the best-dressed Finnish entrants since 1998. Geir tries to have his crazy moment, but I think stocky men can't pull that off well. (See Poland 1999 for a prime example.)
Pasha (on WESC-FM) and Masha talk to us from the Greenroom. A word about them: Masha - pretty; Pasha - geeky. They plug the upcoming 50th Anniversary show in Copenhagen and are thankfully gone after that.
Mountains for Macedonia. Mountains and a blonde girl in a daft hat. Martin's cumbia bimbos have now been joined by two men. The two men sway from side to side and I'm seriously beginning to think that there was someone from Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic involved in the staging of this entry. He really is a big boy. Nothing wrong with stocky men, but gravity just will not allow him to be Sakis Rouvas. That being said, despite the weak singing voice, he goes up in my estimation for the cute half-joking drum solo.
Andorra gets metal workers, smoke stacks, and wetlands. (Huh?) The bloggers have reported the camping up of this song. (The video made Marian look like Stevie Nicks, how much more camp can you get?) Well, putting shirtless male dancers in tribal makeup is a start. Having three backing singers with the worst hair styles you could imagine is an even better touch. Adding Anabel Conde was a good touch, because she damn near blows Marian offstage towards the end. A vast improvement.
Switzerland is introduced by airports and cell phones. Way better vocals than the preview video. Excellent harmonies as well. These girls seriously rock. Even better than Wig Wam. This may be lost on most Europeans, but I have to say that Vanilla Ninja looks like a band full of Lindsay Lohan clones. I wanted them to qualify before, but now I want them to take the lot.
Croatia's postcard features funky music and dogs, but alas, no wolves or people dying alone. The backing singers are nasal, but in a song like this, it works. They are also dressed like the hags from Spain. Actually, I find everybody (and every part of the song) onstage vastly more interesting than Boris. Funny that. The drummer, however, verges frequently into the realm of annoying.
Funky music and people lighting candles make up the Bulgarian postcard. (Pray for the pornstars!) This actually comes across as quite cool and adequate to me. It's far from a spectacle, but Bulgarian TV was very wise to have lots of close-ups of Caffe's lead singer. Now, if he unbuttoned his shirt, they would be a stronger contender. Based on this, it's just a decent performance. His falsetto, however, it's very impressive. Go topless next time, mister.
A nightclub and a late-night diner introduce Ireland. (Explain that connection.) Joe looks less like the innocent public school boy, but he still looks too young. He also looks very funny while snapping his fingers. Donna looks less like Kelly Osbourne and more assured. Actually, this is quite an improvement from the preview...until Joe has his solo. The four women that make up the backing singers do an Irish jig, and it does pale in comparison to Hungary's Dance of the bald men. Still, remember that this is a vast improvement on previous Irish entries.
Trains (but no stop lights) for Slovenia. Omar really is trying to become Robbie Williams. He's even lost some weight since EMA. His voice is also stronger. I sense that he's trying to toady up the crowd during some points. It's very "eh." There really needs to be a guitarist onstage with him. The woman singing soprano looks like a drag queen. Alya would've kicked ass. I'm just saying.
Soccer/football game introduces Denmark, aka the Peeping Tom entry. Geez, Jacob looks and sounds so much like Ronan Keating, it's uncanny. Oh god, they have another group of dancing male backing singers (Dambs) for the Danish entry! Sometimes I wonder if DR just recycles the same entry every year. The Dambs look quite funny while shuffling side-to-side. They still aren't entertaining enough to prevent me from being bored.
Poland closes out the show with a postcard that could've been ripped from any 1960's American film set in Europe. I'm honestly looking for one thing in this entry, and that is shirtless Ivan. Whoa, they threw everything at this. There are Son de Sol-esque dancers, a blonde supermodel playing accordion, Delfin in a fedora, and Ivan in some sort of white-and-rose Dracula outfit. He actually looks like Dracula meets 1970's Elvis. This would fit in quite well in a Fellini film. And Ivan's bare torso? Very twinkish for an adult man.
Masha and Pasha again. Wow, Pasha is monotone. He sounds exactly the same in every damn language he speaks in. Masha, however, is high-pitched and says "gentlemens." They start the recap by clanking some bells without any expression on their face.
Recap: Pretty uneventful, except that I'm surprised they actually found a part of "Amar" that didn't have funny vocal glitches.
- For the battle of the dramatic ballad divas (and yes, I'm including Nuno and Geir in that group): Shiri clearly wins though Nuno has the best dramatics.
- For dueling rockers: Vanilla Ninja kicks Wig Wam's ass
- For dueling jigs: NOX beats out Donna & Joe's dancers
- For best male totty: no contest, the lead singer of Caffe
- For campest number: Angelica beats out Marian, but I tell you, it was close.
Pasha and Masha come back and make jokes about how tall Masha is. It's a horrid joke and I'm struck by the resemblance between Masha and Nicky Hilton and Ashlee Simpson.
Then we get a film of the building of the stage. Are you fucking kidding me? NTU, you cannot be this flippant with your intervals. This is not 1985. Riverdance redefined intervals in 1994.
Masha and Pasha come back to countdown the last ten seconds of voting. Pasha still shows no expression anymore. It's now veering into comedy territory.
Ok, now we're getting a proper interval. A bunch of women in red Son de Sol dresses prance around looking dramatic. It's quite visually stunning, although I'm describing it literally. Some men in red join them. And then they sing! Well, they go "ah ah ahhhh ah ahh ahhh" and then start singing in an unidentifiable language. (I only took a semester of Ukrainian, so I can't tell.) This is followed by people in big leafy headresses on stilts, who dance as best as they can without toppling over. The men in red then leap around, thrust about, and fling a pointy stick in a myriad of directions. Now the music has turned dramatic and folk like. They take their bow.
Masha & Pasha and the unveiling of the envelopes. ("Ten best tonight performance" Masha says.) Before that of course, the preview of the finalists. I now concede that "Angel" is slightly better than I thought. That being said, I still think it's hackneyed. The hags had better pull a better gimmick, now that everybody else is wearing their dresses. Likewise, Gracia pales in comparison to Vanilla Ninja and a watered down Wig Wam, but Natalya still kicks her ass. I still like Ortal, though the reports from the bloggers have me worried about her chances.
Oh lord, Masha & Pasha go on and on and take fucking ages to get to opening the envelopes. You have no idea how badly they stall.
To the final:
- Hungary (#1 in the final running order) Very deserving.
- Romania (#4) Well, they did have a flashy show.
- Norway (#5) Good song, though they are severely watered down from Oslo.
- Moldova (#7) Very deserving.
- Israel (#11) And does she lose her shit in the greenroom!
- Denmark (#13) What the fuck? Who voted for this shit?
- Macedonia (#15) See above.
- Croatia (#18) The Goth vote.
- Switzerland (#22) Finally some sanity!
- Latvia (#23) They were offering blowjobs, I tell you!
All I have to say is who the hell voted for Denmark, Macedonia, and Latvia? Although I wished Andorra had gotten through, I'm really surprised that the Netherlands, Ireland, Iceland, and Poland did not qualify. Especially if Denmark, Macedonia, and Latvia did. In fact, right now I'm declaring Jacob, Martin, and the rentboy hippies squatters for places that rightfully belong to Glennis, Donna & Joe, and Selma.
The newly minted finalists come onstage and it's over. Funky elevator music and all.
God, that result was bizarre.
6 comments:
Rita?
Rita Guerra?
She waved at the audience... she was doomed from that point on. :)
Nuno looked rather cute in the early photo I printed out from him (for prayer of course), but yeah... too much maniacal beardclipping and eyebrow-plucking.
...and what's with all the drooling over Kaffe? Every bloke I know fancies him. That's including the straight ones!
Look at Kaffe's preview video.
It is basically a softcore porn movie loaded with many shots of the lead singer dripping wet.
A man's libido is only so strong.
If you'd seen it on TV with your best sound setup instead on what i imagine to be a crackling and compressed streaming feed, you'd have heard a botch job by the audio crew as one microphone was worse than the next, this really hurt the performances. The starters had the worst going and I think Selma was a victim of it. At parts it was too loud and the vocalist had to sing low so as not to come over the top with their already nervous voices, other times it was opposite. The later starters had it much better, luck of the draw I guess.
Speaking of draw, did you notice how Pasha was really studying the envelopes and insisting to pick some, almost tearing them away from the girl? I am not saying anything but a look at the country's president is enough to be reminded how far they will go to get what they want here..
RunarB, are you implying they cheated?
There's no way with the EBU breathing down their necks.
How could I? ..But look at Ukraine's own song selection - highly suspicious. And when the presumably most voted numbers from the semi; Hungary, Romania and Norway, all were drawn to start first, its quite a coincidence don't you think..
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