Eurovision 2006 Preview Video Showdown: Part 4

N to P

• Netherlands: National Final performance. I'm really going to call this one as I see it: A bunch of blonde women beating drums and singing nonsense. It's children's music basically. Sure, it's catchy, but it's extremely saccharine. Considering that Belgium gave us the surprise 2nd place finisher "Sanomi" in 2003, I would definitely say the bar has been raised for songs in made-up languages...and this falls very short. Bring back Edsilia, Nederland.
  
  
  
  
• Norway: National Final performance. (Wow, NRK is really stingy with the money when they have a multi-week MGP it seems.) Since I've already tracked Christine's journey to her MGP win, I'll just add that she's still stunning, and the song is one of the few decent ballads (lyrically and musically) in a year full of "I-love-you-don't-you-love-me" dirges.
• Poland: Yet another National Final performance, and from TVP as well! They usually manage to come up with the most amazing videos. Tsk, tsk. Anyway, Pretty Brunette sings "I Follow My Heart;" The Rapper snarls "I Follow My Heart;" Pretty Blonde #1 sings "I Follow My Heart;" Pretty Blonde #2 sings "I Follow My Heart," and it all goes downhill from there. First, The Rapper proceeds to rap in Spanglish--and rips off the lyrics to "Gasolina" (Daddy Yankee could so take this guy.) Then Kool-Aid Hair (with added streaks of silver) and his voice of gravel and shredded glass starts singing. I must add that everybody onstage is dressed like the days of the Court of Prussia have never ended. In the interest of being positive, I will say that I like this slightly better than last year's Polish entry although that certainly had a better stage show.
• Portugal: Guess what? It's a National Final performance, but considering that most Portuguese entries get previews from their national final, I'm not as annoyed as I am with Poland. I really want to like this song, but there are a lot of barriers to doing so. For starters, the music sounds like something straight out of a Teachers' Talent Night. Secondly, I know these women can sing, but giving them a routine best suited for rural Nebraskan cheerleaders isn't doing them any favours. On the upside, the switch from English to Portuguese and back is flawless, even better than last year.
• Romania: Finally, an original video! Mihai goes through a labyrinth aided by shots that make it look like he's on PCP. Going "heeeeee-a-heeeee" in a falsetto at the beginning doesn't do any help dispel this thought. So what's in this labyrinth? Acrobats, musclemen, fire-eaters, snake-charmers, and clowns. Now, I'm not saying that this is what the director was going for with this video, but consider this equation: dance music, plenty of shots of shirtless men, snake-like corridors? They know their audience. The song still makes no sense, but it also makes me not care about that fact at all.
• Russia: I don't know if there's one person who has directed all of the Russian preview videos over the past two years, but I'm beginning to think that he or she needs to break out of their comfort zone. Why? Well, in 2004, the video featured Julia Savicheva faux-performing in front of a screaming audience. 2005, the video featured La Podolskaya doing the same. This year, Dima "Twinky" Bilan does the same. Dima is a fashion disaster--and if a self-proclaimed fashion ignoramus like myself notices, then it's bad. His hair is styled into a mullet and the jeans-white tank top combination makes him look eerily like La Podolskaya from behind. Then there's his performance. Maybe it's me, but from what I can make out from the lyrics (Dima has got atrocious pronunciation, which is a shame, because Russian-accented English can sound melodic and crisp to Anglophone ears.), he shouldn't be grinning and smiling while singing "Never let you go...flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone." This ballad is really all surface and no substance. Considering that last year, La Podolskaya kicked ass singing about school violence, a generic "why-don't-you-love-me" Enrique-Iglesias wannabe ballad is a step in the wrong direction. Still, Twinky will be in the final, just you watch.

Next Time: Slo-Nick tries to make us notice that he is "Mr. Nobody," Las Ketchup gets giddy about alcohol and duty free (and despite those being 2 of my favourite things, it leaves me cold), Homophobic religious nut claims invincibility, The "Swiss" entry try to guilt us (ha!), Turkey oozes coolness from all corners, Ukraine shows us Tina Karol's love and hair extensions, the UK raps about teenage angst, and France's time has come...despite the fact that the other song was probably better (at least to my ears).