Eurovision 2006 Preview Video Showdown: Part 5

S to U + France

• Slovenia: As Sestre's promo materials in 2002 attested, "Slovenia is the only country with 'love' in it." That said, I do not have to love Slo-Nick, except as a fey car crash. Perhaps trying to capitalise on the success of "Energy" in 2001--for many people the song didn't become a contender until they saw the video--RTVSLO has trotted out a sort of A' version of the same video. Granted it makes sense, since the writers are the same, the tempo is the same, and in some parts of the song the melody is the same. The only real difference is the gender of the person singing it. Whereas La Derenda had gothic architecture surrounding her, Slo-Nick (oh, how I so want to call him La Dežan) has fields and coastlines. His hair is spiked so much that I think it's yet another homage to "Energy." Then all of a sudden it switches to Slo-Nick in front of a blue backdrop sporting a mohawk and ridiculous blond streaks. Oh jesus, then the song goes uptempo and into camp overdrive. Slo-Nick starts switching his hips while dressed like a FIT reject's idea of pirate clothes. The poor lad even does jazz hands and pops his eyes while singing "will it be forever?" God, I hope not. (Just remember, this could have been the breasts that performed "Mandoline.")
• Spain: There is an advert running here to get people to buy diamonds. It consists of some happy-go-lucky American couple in Trafalgar Square. The man says "I'd marry you again in front of all these people." The wife expresses shock as it is soon revealed that her parents are present along with a whole bunch of other people that they know. We are supposed to think it is romantic. It is actually vomit-inducing. While the Spanish entry isn't that bad, it's pretty acrid. Let's deal with the song first: it's limp and having it "sung" (well, I would call it screeching, but that's just me) by 4 women with a vague relationship to the key, doesn't help its cause. I love the lyrics, which seem to celebrate alcohol, shopping, and infidelity: " I left him high and dry/He has the gift of gab/I can be an underground low life/But my heart has spoken:/Duty free, duty free, duty free." However, the video is C.H.E.A.P. It's the Ketchup girls--dressed like fashion disasters--sashaying in front of various watercolour backdrops like it's 1986. Ay! TVE just get Andermay and at least pretend that you're trying.
• Sweden: Melodifestivalen performance. Deranged homophobic zealot with a wind machine (again), raspy voice, and key changes. I think we've all been here before.
• Switzerland: A whole bunch of soloists walking around a palm-fringed paradise that cannot possibly be remotely near Switzerland. So that they don't feel guilty about the fact that 99.9% of this video is pretty people in a sunny paradise singing about charity, there's a shot of Tinka helping an old woman with her bags. Still, the main focus is on hard bodies and melisma.
• Turkey: Very psychedelic and one of the better songs this year. Sibel sounds similar to Madonna and looks similar to Gwen Stefani. (And yes, I know that Gwen & Madonna are distant relatives of each other.) How to describe this video? Well, it's basically a collage of very striking images (think any video from The Shamen) : Sibel on a star, Sibel in coloured lights, Sibel in a top hat, etc. Basically, it's "look at me," which is appropriate since the song is called "Superstar," and this isn't from the Karen Carpenter lonely heart's perspective.
• Ukraine: It's attack of the Bouncy Hair Woman! Watch out, she's got a throaty voice, black gloves, and step dancing skills to knock you out. To be honest, this video is pretty generic. Tina dances on the dance floor, sways about, smiles about a mile wide, and sings "show me your love." Frankly, all it's coasting on is cuteness, which given the fact that this year is full of entrants who look like they've been around the block and back umpteen times, is probably an advantage.
• United Kingdom: National Final performance. Since the backing "singers" are blatantly miming, this will obviously be different come next month. Anyway, five grown women dressed in school uniforms sing the chorus and then Daz comes out (npi). He actually is ten times more engaging than the schoolgirls. He also raps pretty quickly, so I only have the slightest inkling as to what he's saying. For some inexplicable reason, I really like this. It won't win, but it'll do well.
• France: Live performance, since she chucked the National Final song--which was pretty damn good, in my opinion. It's Virginie and a microphone. Singing a ballad. Normally, this irks the living daylights out of me, but this style of song and performance has been a part of French culture since Piaf (if not earlier) and lord knows, Virginie pulls it off. How so? She actually does an excellent job communicating the song. Lyrics are not just noise, they do have meaning and guess what, poppets? You are supposed to show in your face that you understand the meaning. Won't win, but could signal a return to the 2001-02 run of high scores for France.