A bit of an explanation for this "evening's" subtitle. Tor Endresen is in this week's semi. He previously won the lot (meaning the MGP, not Eurovision where he got zip) in 1997 with the song "San Francisco," which featured the lyric "kjærlighetstid i San Francisco" which means "time for love in San Francisco." However, to my non-Norwegian ears that sounds like "Charlie & Steve in San Francisco." Well, it's a song about San Francisco, so it would make total sense to have a refrain featuring a gay couple, wouldn't it?
But I digress...
I click on NRK's "Nett-TV" at 1955 (Norwegian time) and I'm greeted with the image of what looks to me like a doll's house. A year into doing this reviews of Scandinavian national finals, and the humour still escapes me, I tell you.
I guess I messed up on the feed, because all of a sudden Brigitte is already performing.
Brigitte Einarsen - Saturday
Brigitte is in a kimono and performing the living daylights out of the disco-influenced "Saturday." This is my fave to win it. The backing singers look like they needed the workout.
Oh my god, what is Syn wearing? She looks like some cross between a fur trapper and a WAC employee from the 1940's.
Veronica Akselsen - Like A Wind
Another high school talent show performance. Veronica is in a red debutante dress that does her very few favours. Just the female backing singers (still in their green dresses and white go-go boots) this time. (Those boys needed their rest after performing with Brigitte.) I guess I should mention what the song is like. Well, it's a dull ballad. In fact, Veronica's accent is about the only interesting thing about it.
Phung - Shut Up and Kiss Me
Sti mentions "Popstars," which I'm guessing is how the public knows Phung. Her postcard starts out with some sort medieval re-enactment. I hope this means that she's going to attack the stage even harder than Brigitte. Oh yes, she does. Hip thrusts, sways, and an outfit that probably would fit in quite well in Showgirls. I likes me rock, and she does a very good job with it. As much as I like La Podolskaya, Phung could easily teach her a thing or five hundred. Shouting works well with rock, and she certainly uses it to her full advantage, since her voice gives out trying to do melisma.
Christine Gulbrandsen - Alvedansen
Syn says Christine's name and the crowd applauds. Either she's a local girl, or they're just anxious to finally hear something in Norwegian. Christine has got a pretty impressive voice that works well with this folk song. She's dressed in some silvery dress with a shing corset. If Phung was trying to work the bad girl aspect, then Christine is really working the angel angle. Of course, since this is Norway, there is an obligatory fiddle break. Crowd seems to go wild. Good for her. Apropos of nothing, she is gorgeous. Potential Miss Norway.
Sti & Syn have a comedy moment. It bombs.
Kathrine Strugstad - Paparazzi World
A word about the postcards. They're pretty pictures of Norway and have the most drunk-sounding man talking over them. So Kathrine can sing, but this song is so ridiculously dated. "In my pa-pa-parazzi world, I'm your pa-pa-paparazzi girl." Blech. The boys are back, and this time the choreography is kinder to them. All they have to do is wheel Kathrine around, sway from side to side, and kiss her cheek. Have they castrated them? The boys are awfully high-pitched. Thanks for the nostalgia, Kathrine. I doubt you'll make it past the second chance round.
Tor Endresen - Dreaming of a New Tomorrow
Syn flirts with somebody in the crowd. Man in New York wonders about her choices in men. Oh boy, I have a bad feeling about this song. It seems like it is engineered for maximum sweetness. The happy-go-lucky man from "San Francisco" seems to have possessed by the spirit of Sam Harris. This is so damn mawkish. I'm so glad that this is the last song, so I don't have to worry about being inflicted by another syrupy sweet ballad. Ok, I'll say something nice here: Tor does have a very good deep voice. I mean "deep." He's about as close as Norway will get to having a Barry White. Final lyric: "don't close the door." Oh, but I will, Tor, I will. Crowd loses their minds, but he's from Bergen, so that's to be expected.
Sti & Syn go over the rules again. Do they think anybody has forgotten within the span of one week? Review of the songs: Brigitte rocks; Veronica needs to go back to her prom; Phung rocks harder; Christine is very talented (but is that enough?) ; Kathrine is inane and screechy; Tor makes me want to throttle the smirk off of his face.
Note to Sti: A sparkly undone tie doesn't suit you. I'm just trying to keep you as handsome as possible. The weird lady next to you is beyond any help whatsoever.
Interval seems to involve some deadly serious woman yodeling along with a man uvulating. Then all of a sudden a girl starts singing in that annoying nasal way that young kids tend to. This for some reason leads into a Norwegian chorus. Then everybody starts getting solos, and they should definitely not be getting any solos whatsoever. It's too damn painful on the ears. By the way, there is a ballerina onstage. Humour? I don't think so. A whole bunch of children come onstage and the song starts to sound like some weird offspring between Norwegian, Turkish, and Russian folk music. And if that wasn't bizarre enough, there's a break dancer.
I really wish I was drunk, because I would enjoy this immensely.
Thank god Sti & Syn come on quickly after that, um, performance. They bring the kids of many national backgrounds to deliver the results. Brigitte makes it to second chance, I think. Good god, Veronica is there too. (You know this was Christine's slot, heifer!) The Norwegians are insane. Tor looks cocky during the greenroom shots. Unfortunately, it's with good reason since he's now got a ticket to final. Even worse, I have to suffer through this insipid song once again.
Tor performs. As if the lyrics weren't bad enough, he actually puts his hand in the air and sways it from side-to-side. The more I hear this song, I really think I wouldn't have as much issue with it if it was in Norwegian. See Tor, there is a disadvantage when people do know what you're singing. The door is shut, mister. Get used to it.
So who else will be joining Tor? Christine! I would've preferred that Phung gotten to the final and Christine to second chance, but this is not that bad an alternative. Christine performs and she's pretty good and flawless to be honest. I doubt she'll win (either in Oslo or in Athens), but good on her for getting to the final. This makes up for Tor's essentially free pass to the final.
Next week, the Second Chance round, which had better ensure that Brigitte and Arlene make it to The Spektrum or there will be hell to pay.
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