* I think she's singing "look up at," but it sounds like "look up the ass," at least to my ears.
When I started working on this corner of the internet back in January 2005, I set out to do essentially one thing: express my opinion to the world and also get opinions back. It is truly a rough world out there and it is extremely easy and tempting to stay isolated (oddly enough courtesy of the internet). So hopefully in a way, this little corner helps someone feel less so.
Growing up, I was given the opportunity and the encouragement of both of my parents to form my own opinions and beliefs. In fact, I came out as a Socialist before I actually came out as gay! Yet, I don't want to devote this 1000th post to a personal political tirade. I'd like to do something I don't do much on here, which is "talk" about who I am as opposed to what I think.
Back in 2005, for the 200th post I did a Q&A, which you can read here, this time around I'm just going to talk directly, particularly about everything that has happened (personally) since 2005.
It's hard to believe that so much has happened in 3 years: I've changed apartments twice, for starters.
And it's part of the reason why I'm moving. When I was growing up, I pretty much figured that I was going to live in New York for a brief period of time. It was kind of a family tradition, my mother lived here for nearly 30 years, my father lived here for a little under a decade, so perhaps it was in my blood. I had this image in my head that I--like George & Wheezie--would find my own "deluxe apartment in sky." So what does one do after that? You go looking for new challenges.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Ever since I can remember, I wanted to spend my adult life outside the US. I'm not an America-hater by any stretch of the imagination. I owe this country my existence, quite literally, as the racial mixture of Native Americans, African slaves, and European immigrants (all groups in my ancestry) doesn't exist anywhere else. Yet, creatively, I felt--and continue to feel--that I can't reach my full potential as a playwright and a scriptwriter living here. US media is focused on profitability--even the theatre--as opposed to quality. That's why LOGO is so historic, it basically says that we (LGBT Americans) are now an audience to be catered to by advertisers, because we'll buy, and in the US you are nobody unless you are recognised as a desirable consumer demographic.
Ok, so I kind of backtracked on the no political tirades promise.
Personally, I want to be able to write without worrying about demographics. I also want to work at telling stories that aren't always vetted for how they will play in Peoria. (Look at the state of gay theatre here in New York, where plays and musicals often are excuses for buff men to get to walk around naked while catty/bitchy characters deliver a stream of one-liners. It sells tickets, but there have been very few pieces that really get beyond burlesque.) Sadly, the US is not a place for that. I do believe that will change, and oddly enough, I feel I can do my part by leaving the land of my birth.
Leaving the US, on the other hand carries its own risks: Expat's Disease, being the big one. Expat's Disease, which can happen to even the most well-rounded, open-minded person, is where someone goes overseas and starts either lionising or demonising their homeland beyond what it really is. I'm going to do my best to stave it off by coming back frequently. I pretty much have to, since my family is here, and when your family is as small as mine, the bond is extremely tight.
Now even though I have planned for quite some time to leave the US, I wasn't expecting it to happen "so soon." Yet, I met an Australian man, got engaged, and since he's ready to move back to his homeland and I'm at a point where I can move, I'm moving to Australia, which is even more of a change than I expected to make. (I was thinking Canada, the UK, or Germany when I thought I'd be making the move solo.) Isn't fate funny?
I reckon it's time for a comedy break, and I can think of no better choice for that than clips from Designing Women.
And we're back.
One thing you might've noticed is that this corner of the internet is low on pictures of shirtless men. It's intentional for two reasons:
- You can find them easily on other sites and blogs. (Some of which are in the blogroll just to the right.)
- I have little desire to put any on here.
I've mentioned it on here before, but I was anorexic for 2 years in college and I pretty much fight a daily battle with body dysmorphia. For whatever reason, there is very little discussion (at least not as much as I reckon there should be) about what images men are receiving and how it impacts their self-esteem, particularly gay men. It's like all the fanfare around The Adonis Complex never happened. It may seem cliched to say so, but I truly believe that gay men can be our own worst enemies when it comes to making ourselves feel good about our bodies. In my case, I find that my worst critic is myself. I work out 5-6 times a week at a relatively intense pace, and often afterwards, I have to remind myself that I have pushed myself to the limit and not failed in comparison to other guys at the gym, some of whom have other things (i.e. steroids) that allow them to have a certain physique. Plus--and this is the hardest pill to swallow (npi)--my body is just genetically predisposed to being a certain way.
Now here's the big struggle, how does one get to the point of liking one's body without it veering into narcissism? I'll be honest with you, I don't know. I'd like to think that having a strong egalitarian streak can put a clamp on it, but who knows?
I still have my clothes from the days when I was overweight, and I still wear them. Honestly, the fashion crowd would have a field day with me, because I do not like to wear anything that conforms to my figure, I like things baggy. By baggy, I don't mean saggy, because I just don't get that whole trend of showing one's underwear to the world--at least in public. I just like to catch a breeze through my sleeves and my trousers or shorts. Fitted, in my view, feels restricted. As a writer and observer, there's a definite advantage to this: I blend in to the background, which is perfect, frankly.
I think it's time for another music break.
That's Miho Fukuhara singing CHANGE, by the way. Killer voice, don't you think?
So I've been pretty serious for the first two parts of this shindig, so let's lighten the mood a bit.
Here's a list of small irritations--hey, I said lighten, not upbeat:
- Those damn Cablevision commercials. I think the entire Tri-State knows the number and has no intention of calling them, even if they like the concept of the Triple Play.
- The NYC tourism industry. Let me explain this: I pass by the Empire State Building often. I like to believe that my body language suggests that I have a destination in mind and I am not taking in the sights. So why do those tour bus company employees keep trying to thrust some literature in my face or convince me to take a tour?
- Being near Penn Station on Saturday when it seems the entire state of New Jersey and most of Long Island descends upon the city en masse and stops to get their bearings on 7th Avenue.
- 1 Penn Plaza. It just blocks everyone's view, and it's an ugly building.
- Tyler Perry. Yes, I consider him a small irritation, like a gnat.
- For whatever reason every single day at 5PM the fire department decides to send a truck down 6th Avenue, knowing fully well that it will be choked with gridlock. I suspect graft.
And that comrades, brings this celebration to a close. I would just like to thank everyone who has stopped by this corner since 2005, and hope that they've enjoyed their time here. I'm looking forward to bringing on another 1000 posts.
Now, since you know that I believe in opening numbers, you know I definitely believe in closing numbers, and who better to close it out than the one, the only MISIA.
