So here's my own brief fairy tale, entitled The Lord & The Trainer:
In a shining kingdom far away, but closer than you think, there lived a young lord who lived in an ivory tower. The lord's title gave him much prestige and comfort, but very little responsibility, which left him in constant pursuit of something or someone to entertain his mind. You see, the lord was smart, very smart. When he was pursuing his studies, he was often at the top of his class. Never the very top, mind you, because he always made sure to allow those higher up in hierarchy to outshine him--even if they didn't deserve it.
But those days had long since passed, and now the lord was left basically to his own devices.
One morning, while holding a spirited debate in his mind about the ethics of colonising the Moon, the lord received a flyer under his door.
"Kingdom Gym now open. Royal Membership complementary."
"A gym?" The lord pondered. "I think that might be interesting, and better for me than these mental debates."
So the lord made his way to the gym. Noticing several princes and a marquess there, the lord sheepishly hid in the back of the membership office before asking the attendant for his free membership.
"Thank you for joining, m'lord." The perky attendant said. "As a royal, you also have your pick of our personal trainers who will whip you into the shape befitting a man of your stature."
The attendant brought out three men. One was enormous, and had arms nearly as big as his head.
"This is Jett, m'lord."
The second one, was not as huge, and seemed to have no flesh on him whatsoever. He also seemed unusally twitchy.
"This is Spike, m'lord"
The third man, was shorter than the other two, but managed to actually look the lord in the face and smile...well, at least something warmer than a scowl.
"And m'lord, this is Case."
And although Case was not as big as Jett (who looked like he could crush him), nor as energetic as Spike (who he feared might drop a heavy barbell on him), the lord immediately knew that Case was the perfect choice.
The lord's hunch was correct, as Case did an excellent job in getting the lord into great shape. Indeed, in no time, the lord was getting attention from many men who never paid attention to him before. The lord, however, could see no one else but Case. Whenever he had an appointment with Case, the sun shone brighter, the breezes blew calmer, and even the dull water in his exercise bottle tasted like champagne. The lord never felt more alive.
One such appointment, after finishing a set of squats, the lord worked up the courage to ask Case out for a date. Just as the words were coming out of his mouth, a little, but sassy fairy appeared on Case's shoulder.
"Oh, m'lord. Why do you want to ask this man out? You could have any other man that you see." The fairy asked.
"Case makes me laugh. He's smart too. I would love to spend the rest of my life with him." The lord responded, more than a little bit miffed.
"But m'lord, you can't ask Case out. You will never be happy."
The lord's determination remained strong. What did this fairy know about his happiness?
"Please disappear, so I can ask him out."
"I beg you again, please don't. I will only appear one more time to warn you."
And in a flash, the fairy disappeared.
The lord managed to somehow string enough words together to actually ask Case out for a post-workout protein shake and grilled chicken. Much to his surprise, Case accepted, although the lord was not quite certain if Case realised that he was being asked out on a date.
At the local health restaurant/smoothie bar, the lord and Case found that they got along quite well outside of the gym. They shared the same interests and political views, and even their astrological signs were compatible. When Case excused himself to go to the bathroom and make a call on his cellphone, the lord started imagining what their wedding would be like. He was right in the middle of writing his vows when a mysterious woman slinked over to his table.
"Care to see your future, m'lord?"
Giddy with the prospect of seeing his future with Case, the lord excitedly said "yes."
The mysterious woman took some white powder out of her purse and blew it in front of the lord's face.
After a nasty cough, the lord saw himself, or at least someone that looked like himself except it looked like the life had been sucked dry out of him. Just to be certain, he asked the woman:
"Is that me?"
"Yes, it is." She replied with a slight chuckle.
Four children tugged at the (future) lord's pants. They were cute as cherubs, but the lord could barely keep up with them.
"Oh, that's nice," the present-day lord remarked. "Case & I will be parents."
"Yes...and no." The mysterious woman responded.
A dishelved man with circles under his eyes, a hangdog look on his face, and a cellphone virtually attached to his ear entered the room.
"Who's that," the present-day lord inquired.
"You'll see," the mysterious woman said with a slightly louder chuckle.
"CAAAAASE. Would'ja get off the phone with your ex-wife and help me here?" The future lord nagged.
The future Case let out a brief sound that was not a word, but seemed to communicate resignation perfectly.
"Stop it, I don't want to see anymore!" The present-day lord begged.
"As you wish." The mysterious woman complied, as she pulled out more white powder.
Just as quickly as she arrived, so did she disappear. Her timing was impeccable, as that was the moment that Case reappeared.
While Case remained as charming and funny as ever, the lord could not shake the image of his once flawless Adonis turned into a depressed wreck. He left in such a hurry, that Case checked his reflection in a spoon, to see if he had some chicken stuck on his teeth.
That night, safe in his bed in the ivory tower, the lord cried.
"O cruel destiny, why can't I have the man of my dreams?"
Knowing the value of a well-timed entrance, the sassy fairy reappeared. Unfortunately, she did not count on the lord's nervous nature as he let out a shriek that would scare King Kong.
"M'lord. The man of your dreams will always be there."
Confused, the lord pressed her.
"What I mean, m'lord, is that the man of your dreams, is merely the man of your dreams. You cannot expect him to come to you in reality."
"But, dear fairy, who else is there out there?"
The fairy waved her magic wand and suddenly the lord saw just how many men there were in the kingdom, hundreds of thousands indeed.
"Wow. Dear fairy, how will I ever meet all of them?"
"Patience and hope."
And he is still hopeful today.
No comments:
Post a Comment