Thanksgiving Day Parade Post-Mortem

(Well, technically it's not a post-mortem since as I write this the parade is not yet over in either the Central Time Zone, but I'm not going to split hairs.)

Every single year I watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade like religion. Perhaps it's the march of time, but the parade has truly lost its whimsy, at least to me. First off, either WTMJ or NBC screwed up the HDTV broadcast because for the first ten minutes we were watching the East Coast feed which was high-definition and already an hour into it, then suddenly it changed to the regular delayed Central feed. The upside was Rita Coolidge twice. The downside? Sesame Street's sacchrine performance twice. (Seriously, half of that cast just needs to retire. Bob looks and sounds like he needs a respirator.)

Other live observations:

• You can plug The Office as much as you'd like, NBC. I doubt it'll do any good after those horrific "water-cooler talk" radio commercials. I now go out of the way to avoid it.
• Tommy Tune looks old. Yikes.
• I pity the poor people who have to walk that route in those Pilgrim balloon heads.
• Rihanna? Go away now.
• Why oh why would they put Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on? It's closing soon.
• My mother's assessment of Jersey Boys: "Dull and that man does not look like Frankie Valli." This led into a mini-spat over semantics. She referred to it as a "play." I said "it's a musical." "Isn't a musical a play?" "Hell, no." We argued this point for 5 minutes, looked up the definition online, and I have to minorly concede to her that she is technically correct, but I will never refer to any musical as a "play." Unfortunately, she now knows that usign that term will get under my skin.
• Who are all these no-name singers on all these floats?
• In my fantasy 2005 parade: Yummy Bingham on a float performing "Come Get It." Anyone who has seen the Soca floats during Pride knows how fun that would be to see.
• It says something about the rest of the show when I actually enjoy seeing that opening number (which was censored, by the way) from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Still can't stand that Butz man.
• Matt Lauer sounds unbelievably awkward saying "off the chain." I know I do as well, but geez...This is national television.
• Does Click 5 have any credibility anymore? If they did, I think appearing on the Hess float killed it.
• Please let Al Roker lose his voice next year.
• My god, NBC is actually letting it run over now. Quelle horreur! Though I suspect that the dog show is not going to get great ratings anyway.
• I will scream if see that asshole mayor.
• To my neighbours: I send you my wishes, because Sixth Avenue is probably Hell today.
• My stone heart was moved by the Preservation Hall Jazz Band.
• "Camp Broadway." It works on so many levels.
• Those cheerleaders are on E, I tell you.
• Who the hell are the Cheetah Girls? Can't we sic a cheetah on them?
• Hands up if you want to see an all-male version of The Rockettes. (The Cockettes don't count.)
• Apparently James Dobson's homophobic cult (Focus on the Family) was soliciting during the parade by handing out "balls." He doesn't get the irony of doing so. I hope some Upper West Siders pelt him with them.
• Jai Rodriguez should stay the hell away from performing anything from the Steve Martin songbook. The lyric "my favorite honky" was surprisingly not cut.
• Four Kings: I smell "sophmore slump." Shame, because Seth Green is actually quite talented as a comedic actor.
• Are those marching band uniforms designed to give everybody a huge gut?
• Whoever scripts those Shecky Greene "jokes" for Matt Lauer, Katie Couric, and Al Roker needs to be bound, gagged, and lobotomised.
• I think Aaron Neville is keeping that mole just to piss the rest of the world off. Was that a facial tattoo of schimtar I saw on his cheek?