EMA 2006 Review: Camp Slovenia

I know I had previously stated I was a going to do a full review of this year’s EMA, but I am truly EMA-ed out, so how about a partial review?

This year the hosts are two men I’m calling Jan and Aljo. Jan’s drag outfit makes him look like a low-rent version of Bette Davis in All About Eve. Aljo is dressed like a refugee from a Dickens novel. One of the benefits of watching this on archive is that I get to skip over their painfully unfunny shtick. I get it, you’re doing Slovenia’s version of Keeping Up Appearances. Just get on with it.

Frankly, I want Peter Poleš back, because…well, he reminds me of Ryan Reynolds: funny and sexy simultaneously.

Anyway, onto the songs.

• Nuška Drašcek – Nora sem, da te ljubim

Short-haired woman in a dress that is partly secretarial, partly couture sings a midtempo pop song. EMA is notorious for having mediocre songs in the opening slot and this is no different. (The last rousing opener I can remember was Tinkara Kovac back in 2001.)

• Natalija Verboten – SOS

Oh boy, this is…um…dire. I’m thinking that the subtitle for this year’s EMA is Camp Slovenia, because between Margo and Tom Brown doing the presenting and the entries, the camp factor is astronomic. So, Natalija (who really should win one of these days just because of her surname) is wearing a Mad Hatter’s Hat and coat. She is joined by multi-coloured backing singers and a man on rollerblades. The overall effect is “Brazilian Children’s Show on Acid,” especially since the set this year incorporates two huge white sculptures that look like drops of semen. The chirpiness of “SOS” doesn’t change this one iota.

• Rebeka Dremelj & Domen Kumer – Noro se ujameva

More chirpiness this time from sparkly and scantily-clad Rebeka and her more conservatively dressed backing singers and the suit-coated Domen and his tank-top wearing muscle boy dancers. Domen looks like he’s cleaned up since his last EMA appearance, as does Rebeka. (Last year, she ran around dancing in a wig.) It still looks like something from a high school talent show. A very liberal high school’s talent show.

• Sergeja – Tu da du

Sergeja is dressed like Ruslana, but is singing a syrupy sweet song so there’s a clear disconnect with the costuming department if you ask me. Sergeja is the best dressed entrant so far, and yet she’s given the most insipid song so far. I’ll give her credit, though, she most certainly puts her heart, soul, and go-go boots into performing the living daylights out of it. The poor woman is this year’s sacrificial lamb. (And she was, this song got zip.)

• Saša Lendero – Mandoline

Last year Saša sang about butterflies in an outfit that said “look at my breasts.” This year she’s singing about mandolins in an outfit that says “look even closer at my breasts.” There’s even an instrumental break for her and her female & male backing singers/dancers (including the feline looking mastermind behind Croatia’s 2003 entry by Brit—I mean Claudia) to shake their chests at the camera. I don’t know what to make out of Saša. She’s a decent singer, and scored high with the viewers (I can think of 2 reasons why), but she’s just so…bland. I don’t know how dressing up like a belly dancer can come across as banal, but somehow she does it. By the way, Saša, if you read this, please do your breathing exercises before you go onstage.

• Andraž Hribar – Rapad tepe ipi mapam

My Slovene is very minimal, but there is no way that title translates to “I love you.” Anyway, here is the first of tonight’s two ballads. (Thank god. This is why I love EMA, 14 songs and only 2 ballads.) Arguably even more than Omar Naber, Andraž looks and performs like Robbie Williams. He even sounds like him as well. After several EMA performances under his belt, I’m beginning to think that he just doesn’t care anymore. Why? Well, having two women do some contortions on the floor while you’re singing is an odd way to attract people to vote for your song.

• Marijan Novina – V mojih dlaneh

Marijan is also an EMA vet, in fact, I think he’s been popping up each year since 2003, except for last. After somewhat cleaning himself up in 2004, he’s letting his very long hair down this time. Just like Andraž and his ballads, Marijan does rock and rock ballads, and isn’t about to go off of that path. Fortunately, he’s got a good one this year. Much to my surprise, the man can really sing harmony. In fact, the backing singers seem to be dragging him down rather than the other way around. One day, you’ll win, Marijan. Just not this year, or probably next.

• Atomik Harmonik – Polkaholik

Anything I had said previously about Atomik Harmonik sounding like the insane fusion of “polka and The Offspring” I take back. It’s more like the insane fusion of polka and Alcazar. Two peppy blond women in 1950’s drive-in diner outfits, and two men dressed in white—one of whom is wielding an accordion, sing. I cannot believe a song that opens with “I’m sorry baby, I’m a polkaholic” was considered one of the entries to beat. Scary.

• Maja Slatinšek – Vihar

I also take back my slam of “Vihar.” It’s not a dull ballad, it just starts out like one and then goes midtempo. Maja, however, is dressed like she’s going to the prom not competing for the chance to go to Athens. Maja certainly sings her heart out, but she’s ultimately upstaged by two dancers with big ratted Eighties hair and dresses that sway back and forth. I was half expecting them to start singing “Material Girl” at some point.

• Ylenia – Hokus Pokus

This was the surprise entry of the night for me. The song sounded so bland during the previews, that I was shocked at how much I liked it. Imagine Stevie Nicks performing early Madonna. Ickle blonde Ylenia sings the hell out of it, while giving the camera looks that kill. Not to mention the staging! It seems like every EMA has one or two entries that seem to have staging right out of avant-garde theatre. This is the one for 2006. It’s Ylenia in a gold strapless dress and four men all dressed in black (her backing singers are in near floor-length coats to boot). They hoist her up in the air, dip her, lean on her, and Ylenia never loses the camera or her—well, I’m going to call a spade, a spade here—fierce look on her face. It would likely not do well in Athens, but boy she deserved higher than she got.

• Anžej Dežan – Plan B

So the hirsute twink with the spiky hair won the lot, probably because he managed to be campy and yet slightly sophisticated at the same time. Natalija Verboten set the camp level so high that I doubt no one else could reach it, but Anžej came pretty damn close. This man is like Slovenia’s version of Deen, although I don’t even think Deen could even sprout facial hair. Anyway, it’s so-so dramatic upbeat synthy song, but Anžej sells it well, so congrats, even though he really has the jury disliking the breasts that performed “Mandoline” to thank for his victory. Oddly enough, Anžej has the worst backing singers of the night in terms of singing. They’re pretty capable with dancing, though. I don’t know if this twink has already got an inflated sense of himself, but I found it strange that he just walked off the stage immediately after singing instead of waiting for his backing singers/dancers or at least pausing for a bow.

• Katrinas – Najdi Me

This was the other avant-garde theatrical entry of the evening, and the theme here seemed to be “look at our sleeves as we try to sing on-key.” Out of Katrinas’ 3 EMA entries so far, this is easily the weakest. They barely sing together, the song only gets interesting during the pan-flute instrumental break, and the two fan dancers in the back are just distracting.

• Monika Pučelj – Ostani Z Mano

Irene Grandi lives! It still sounds like “Crazy for you” sped up with heaps of guitar, but god help me I loved it. Monika wears some sort of purple and white stripped blouse and shorts combination, which makes her look like an aging tomboy. That said, she does her best vocally and energetically. I can’t stress the latter enough. Monika was running around the stage like somebody gave her Meth-laced Red Bull.

• Alenka Godec – Hočem Stran

Alenka was Alenka, if her last two EMA performances were anything to go by. You will not she her running across the stage like those other girls. No way. Alenka is going to strut and she doesn’t care what you think. Appropriately, she’s in a black pantsuit, which combined with her very powerful singing voice gives her even more gravitas. Unfortunately, here is the reverse of what happened with “Hokus Pokus.” You’re expecting some Tina Turner or even Beyonce-style quick struts across the stage and some kicks, and you don’t quite get it. She’s definitely there vocally, but visually it just falls a bit short. She deserves to win it next year. Great song though.

So as we all know now, the bearded twink won it, courtesy of the jury liking him and snubbing the breasts and the polkaholics. (The televoters and the SMS voters gave the breasts-that-performed-Mandoline 12 points, and the polkaholics 10.) Considering that the jury gave Ylenia 10 points, Monika 8 points, Andraž 7 points (the only points he got), and Alenka 3 points, perhaps I should join the jury for next year’s contest.