The 2006 Jukebox Does It with Rick Astley

For starters, how come I heard nothing about Rick Astley making a comeback in 2001? He certainly gave it a damn good try.




Aquarians age well, don't we?

Of course this may just be my February 6 bias, but Rick Astley deep in his SAW days was all the upside of the 80s.



And he managed to do a pretty good ballad in '91, I reckon. (Yes, I said it: "a good ballad." This is one exception to the "all ballads must make you feel like slitting your wrists" rule.)




You think I was going to end the 2006 jukeboxes with a ballad? Ha!

The funny thing about a lot of Rick Astley videos in the 80s is that they aren't as aggressively heterosexual as the lyrics would suggest. They're pure camp fluff, and that is a very good thing.

Of course, Rick (onscreen) only seems to have chemistry with the camera, mysterious ginger that he is.

Merry Dragmas

Beyonce--with a makeup job that seems straight out of genderfuck drag--at the 2005 Oscars. (Are we certain that wasn't a country drag queen doing stand-in? I mean, mon dieu, with that pronunciation.)

Beyonce live look to your path
Uploaded by KINPING

And now to rectify the former: Grace Jones on Pee Wee's Playhouse Christmas.



The best ever rendition of "Little Drummer Boy" I've come across so far.

The Year That It Was (On Here): 2006

January

• The late, lamented QTN featured Reichen Lehmkuhl giving relationship advice with no trace of irony whatsoever.
• Christine Quinn is selected Council Speaker for New York City.
• Ralph Ellison was right, part 1.
• That damn building going up next to me starts off with a crane situation that would make nearly anybody nervous.
• Gene Shalit's milquetoast apology for his Brokeback Mountain review.
• Hardcore photo shoots and Viagra? Kind of boring.
• SVT's choice to not provide webcast this year leads to unexpected recaps of the Norwegian Melodi Grand Prix and the bizarre pair that is Syn & Sti.
• Ralph Ellison was right, part 2.
• NBC, I give you all this advice and yet, you still don't listen closely.
• Paul Martin gets his slap in the face, but unfortunately that means dealing with inanity that is Stephen Harper.
• RTVSLO? I'll forget EMA 2006 if you will too.

February

• I was bound to wake up like this one day. I just knew it.
• QTN starts its rapid slide into receivership.
• NBC still doesn't get it, and goes for the jugular.
• The Norsk MGP ends with a decent result.
• My birthday resolution? Two out of Eight, isn't bad.
• My attempt to sex up the image of playwrights starts well, but just gets a bronze in the end.
• They don't do Dansk MGPs the way they used to.
• The moral of 2006? It doesn't matter if you are rich, as long as you look rich.
• DC? Beautiful subway system. Kind of cold metaphorically and atmospherically.
• Narcissism is its own sexual orientation.
• Four questions that will probably never be answered.
• Fox will never get it, and why does anyone bother to correct them?

March

• Idiot divorce lawyer from New Berlin decides to turn Wisconsin into Bigotry Land ...and unfortunately succeeds.
• Slut Wins Dora 2006!
• Cruises can be journeys of self-loathing at work, cheap cigarette carton buying, ethical exploration, borscht belt humour, all leading up to 3 days straight out of 9 1/2 Weeks.
• 500 Posts! (Thank you, Esteban!)
• Eurovision 2006 participants? They're freaky!
• Mortality in Milwaukee.

April

• Why I shave my head.
• Steroids and guns get clubs in Chelsea shut down.
• German emigres don't get it.
• Evil building site steals the sun from my heart!
• Masturbating without porn or erotic literature? Not for me.
• When is sushi more than just sushi?

May

• Quotes. Lots of quotes.
• My vote for Post-Mortem of 2006 (and Ralph Ellison was right, part 3).
• La Ryan goes on killing spree throughout Athens or the Eurovision 2006 Qualifier. Take your pick.
• As an American, I apologise to Euroland for Grace clogging up your television screens for 3 hours. Just remember, we have to deal with her on a daily basis.
• Eulogy for QTN.
• Our idiot closet-case mayor tries to have it both ways.

June

• The La Ryan vs. Sibel vs. Severina debate continues...if only in my mind.
• Even innocent words can become slurs, and anyone with a brain and an ounce of morals knows it.
• Let's be blunt. The Tonys sucked.
• The Manifesto for Pride 2006.
• Fuddle Duddle, or why can't American politics be this funny?
• Yes, Virginia, this is the main gay newspaper of New York.

July

• The difference between independence and interdependence.
• They can get married and I can't?
• Phillip Michael Thomas can SING!
• Idiot from New Berlin is a callous bigot, part 2.
• Protect Marriage. Ban Divorce.

August

• Stop calling it HD when it isn't.
• This is the Fringe festival? More like the frayed.
• Fun with Canadian closet cases in Chicago.
• I think Morning Blend is going to be bad, and it is.
• New York local television loses one gay anchor and gains another one.
• Gay Milwaukee is invaded by the pod people.
• Chicago is even more fun without a Canadian Closet Case.
• I am not here to make you feel better, or Ralph Ellison was right part 4.
• Cruising through "happy poor people land."

September

• Dionne Warwick sings the anthem of Summer 2006.
• Luther and rewriting.
• To no one's surprise, 10% of straight men aren't straight...They're cowards.
• Sunday Morning is good...as long as you ignore Charles Osgood.
• Good Morning America: You'd think with this lineup, it'd be better.
• The Early Show: Sponsored by Unisom.
• Today: All I wanna know is how on Earth could Natalie Morales inspire such rabid fandom?
• The CW11 Morning News: Yes, we're even more boring than The Early Show!
• Good Day New York: The most gay [note: superlative here] morning show on the planet since QTN went off the air.

October

• Wisconsin's schizophrenic nature in a picture.
• A majority says the recent revival of A Chorus Line is insipid, and we're still right.
• The downside of New York? Bad gay theatre everywhere you turn.
• T.R. Knight comes out, shortly followed by Neil Patrick Harris, but no one dares come out from the leads of CSI.
• Save Deaf Theatre.
• No one cares about space anymore, not even anime science fiction shows set in space.
• The Story, The Person is born.
• The Closet returns. "(SLAP) Don't say shit to me!"
• Mike Nichols delivers the perfect North Shore smackdown to the pro-amendment block.

November

• Ralph Ellison was right, part 5.
• Vote or shut up. Fortunately, a lot of people did the former.
• My idiot home county and the paranoid retrogressive geriatrics who run it.
• Yes, there was a big sliver lining nationally, but the results from Wisconsin make me see just one big cloud.
• Boundaries & Tact? They're dead.
• Adventures in the American Healthcare System.
• Batshit crazy retired weatherman is my new state assemblyman. Is this penance for my Mike Woods jokes?
• Sarah Schulman tells it like it is. Preach on!
• The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade 2006: Only just beating out Aiden Shaw for most referrals. By the way, people get really defensive when you criticise their bland anonymous ballads.
• Why are all the men in New York smelling like Baby Powder?

December

• NBC began its slide downwards much earlier than we thought. Michael Landon "dancing?"
• I say sin all you want. It's all relative unless you hurt someone else.
• Rupert Murdoch launders his money in bad television. The rest of us just use Wisk.
• The Hudson Affair: Gay Yellow Journalism at its worst.
• Redefining invisibility, or Ralph Ellison was right part 6.
• The Finns melodically tell us that modern life sucks.
• I win Dreamgirls tickets and get pickpocketed. Balance is restored.
• Merger Fever: We'll all get it in the end, but honestly, I say just nationalise the lot.
• I told you Morning Blend was bad.
• Renato Zero refuses to walk quietly into that dark night, and teaches us all a lesson.

Moral of 2006: Ralph Ellison was right.

We Need A Little Renato Zero this Christmas

Don't you think?




Now that is the textbook definition of "fierce performance" in my book.

This Is Milwaukee...Morning Television

Sometime ago when I heard that WTMJ was doing a local chat show to air after Today, I surmised that it would be a car crash.

God, was I right.

This morning the two hosts spent the first 4 minutes going on about getting rid of the smell attached to bracelet by putting it in a toaster.

It was like watching Pirandello with thick Milwaukee accents: "Ohmigaaawd. I can't believ' dat."

Just like Live is pretty much just the first half-hour, Morning Blend really is rather dull after the opening segment.

They should embed these opening segments within Saturday Night Live.

Did I Just Blackout or Do I Just Not Watch Enough CNBC?

AirTran wants to merge with Midwest? (Hubs in Milwaukee & Atlanta? You know Milwaukee would be the loser.)

Continental and United discussing merger? (That oddly makes sense.)

Northwest and American? (TWA mark II)

The View-Splash Post-Mortem: Believe Me, I Have The Last Laugh

Let's get the big news out of the way: I got pickpocketed.

Yes, I finally got pickpocketed and in a very sly way: by a small guy with bad breath groping my crotch at The View.

All I lost was a mp3 player (which is covered by a guaranty and is only activated by a password which I only know) and ultimately no big loss.

Ironically, I also wound up winning 2 tickets to the sold-out showing of Dreamgirls this Saturday. I can't use them, but I have 2 friends who can, so it's not like they would be wasted.

The way I see it, I can now get a better mp3 player and I have now given a good friend of mine a great Hanukkah present.

All is right with the world.

Eurovision 2007: She's Back....!

Alya, that is. RTVSLO announced the shortlist for next year's EMA, which includes the aforementioned Alya as well as rock band Nude (courtesy of ESCtoday.com).

Here's a reminder of how much Alya kicks ass (and hopefully will finally get the prize this tiem around). This is her debut EMA performance from 2003 with Exploziv(no).




And remember this was the winning entry from EMA 2003, an upbeat version of The Neil Sedaka/Bette Midler/The Carpenters' "Superstar."

Modern Life Sucks

...in choral form.



By the way, Finnish is such very practical language, and soothing to the ear, isn't it?

The Splash-G-The View Post-Mortem: Am I The Same Hikaru?

I state the titular question, because tonight felt so different, even though I did the same things as I normally did any Saturday night.

The common definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different result. I pretty much expect nothing to happen, and nothing--in general--ever does...except for tonight.

I get towards the entrance to Splash and the doorman greats me with a hug and a handshake. Am I that much of a regular? I never know what to do in those situations, so I go along with it. I plop down at my usual seat in the back and as if by psychic intuition the bartender puts down a Corona--my standard for when I can't be arsed to go downstairs for a Mike's. (Not to mention the fact that Rimmed Glasses was working the bar...in boxers, rolled up to look like briefs)

After three Coronas, I get a message from the guy--I guess--I'm sort of seeing. (We're both Aquarians, so it's really hard to tell.) He's tipsy over at G, so will I go and join him. Of course, I will. Were he Joe Blow off the street, I wouldn't, but this guy is practically my doppelganger, so how could I refuse?

Over at G, I inadvertently keep on stepping on toes as my "linked comrade" goes hunting for a seat. He's very singular-minded and for that I applaud him. I also wind up having a bit of a personal crisis since the "linked comrade" is 5 years my junior. That's right, he's young and I have no idea how to deal with youth that is basically me when I was his age. He also happened to be very tipsy and eager to get home, which means that he was not a challenge.

Over at The View, I get into a conversation with someone who might as well be labelled Kryptonite, since it drives me absolutely wild. Who is this mysterious guy? A Russian. That's right along with the Adam Sessler-as-sex-god admission, I am admitting that I have got the big pants for Russians or in fact any Slav.

My bladder unfortunately put an end to that, since I scurried to the urinals in no time at all.

So that was my night, comrades.

Invisibility

I realise that I've probably skirted around a subject on a lot of my posts without necessarily addressing head on: invisibility. It's probably because on this subject, I don't quite know what to say in a direct manner. I will try this time around.

I've been rereading (albeit for the first time in its unabridged version) The Invisible Man and I forgot how much of a price everyone pays by keeping themselves and others invisible.

What's my definition of invisible? Invisible is not speaking up when you are being used like an object. Invisible is when you realise that someone who is seated right next to you is completely looking through you as if you are not there. Invisible is feeling the rage inside and trying desperately to quell it. Invisible is slinking off into the corner, watching the world pass by, and being confused by whether or not to interact in it.

All too often, I seek invisibility, but I also get incensed when I'm not noticed. I don't mean this in a vain sense, I'm only talking about not being noticed that another human being is present in your close proximity.

The old expression of "man is an island" has always left me perplexed. Yes, we are physically islands, but we are so dependent on others that it seems ludicrous to conduct ourselves in that manner. Today, while I was changing at the gym, I had elbows bump into me, conversations conducted over my head, and "pardon me"s ignored. In short, I became to those in my surroundings, a non-person.

It may seem like what I'm calling "invisibility" is just a lack of manners, but I think it goes further than that. If you look back in the history of discrimination, you'll find that people often employed slurs to dehumanise others and justify their perceived superiority and autonomy in the world. "Fag," "boy," "girl," and so on. (In respect to the last two, they might seem nebulous and are most of the time basically innocuous words, but with a certain tone of voice, they become weapons of submission.)

Modern urban life, I reckon, has forced many people to lump others into the category of non-persons. Many don't look around to see the cleaning people, subway clerk, or even junior colleagues. I wonder if there's a fear that if we accept that everybody is just as human as the rest of us, then we won't be able to function on a daily basis (the "I have enough friends" theory). As I see it, I think we can; since there's a difference between establishing intimacy and treating others with respect based upon shared humanity. We do not have to agree on everything, but there needs to be a lot less of "them" and "us" in the world.

As for me, when I go out next, I will interact as if I am a full-rank player in the world. It won't stop me from taking in the greater picture, nor observing my surroundings, but it will hopefully reinforce my sense of self and my involvement with others, because I am visible.

You Only See What Your Eyes Want To See

My opinion on the The Hudson Affair that semi-erupted this week.

I think a lot of projection went on when it came to the (now-unnamed) author of the Dallas Voice article. Hudson should've been much more explicit in how she personally feels--despite her previous statement on sin which the author called "schizophrenic." The author was clearly coming in with an axe to grind as well.

This sort of "journalism" is what got Jeff Gannon his notoriety (and a column in the Washington Blade) and one wonders if the author was interested in promoting his/her own self and opinions over the actual subject he/she was supposed to be covering. (By the way, isn't the Dallas Voice an affiliate of the Washington Blade? The same fools behind the waste of trees that is the New York Blade?)

If ego was the goal, then on some level the writer succeeded, since their piece was rocketed all over the online gay press where commentators worded out cautious statements along the lines of "I hope she didn't realise what she was actually saying." Hudson subsequently issued a statement that has hopefully put this issue to rest in all but the most hysteric fringe.

The author has apparently disappeared into the annals of cyberspace.

Now for a real clear labelling by singers of gays as sinners, read Clay Cane's excerpt from his interview with Mary Mary.

So here's my statement on religion: I don't go to church, never regularly attended church, nor do I plan on becoming a regular member of one. I am not Baptised, nor was I ever Confirmed. I was raised celebrating Christian holidays as family affairs as opposed to religious ones--although I was also thought the stories behind them. I don't currently consider myself Christian, or even Spiritual, unless being Taoist counts as a spiritual belief system. I know (which is much stronger than "believe" in my book) that people have used religion to excuse away bigotry and violence for centuries. I also know that throughout it all, sanity and logic have prevailed in the end and that naught is ultimately gained by twisting other's words to salve one's own wounds from the past.

My interpretation of the infamous quote ("man should not lay with man as he does with woman," or thereabouts) is this: I wouldn't have sex with a woman anyway, so having sex with men when you only desire men isn't violating any biblical doctrine. Of course, that same biblical book also tells people to avoid shellfish.

Okay, so I watch WNYW!

Anne Craig subbed for Rosanna Scotto on the 5pm news on WNYW, and I have to say...she's not too bad in the anchor's desk. It's a whole different feeling with her than La Scotto. It's...perky, but not annoying. You get the sense that she's definitely got a brain, but that she isn't going to tell you what to feel. (La Scotto expresses her opinion often, but she's got the personality and gravitas to back that up, which is a very good thing mind you.) It is just a touch strange to hear upspeak on the news.

Nonetheless, I am getting the sense that they are grooming her to take over someone's slot.

In other matters WNYW, the channel has picked some of the daftest stories for viewers to choose for 2006 story of the year. Amongst the candidates:

• Steve Irwin's death. (Nod to the dark Antipodean overlord.)
• Christie Brinkley's divorce. (Ego stroke, since the strumpet involved gave an exclusive interview to La Scotto)
• Ed Bradley's death. (I liked Ed Bradley a lot, but his death did not define this year for anyone outside his family and friends.)
• Howard Stern moves to satellite radio.
• A tornado hits Westchester.
• Umpteen stories about celebrities breaking up, getting together, and blah, blah, blah.

Christ on a stick, it wasn't that boring of a year.

Thursday Jukebox Says "I Love You Kumi but..."

Explain this video




You can do so much better...

The Worst Show on American Television

...has not aired yet. (We've still got at least another half century as a country, I reckon.)

One of the contenders for that honour, however; has just aired: Watch Over Me over on the strangely-titled MyNetwork TV.

If I may get all Cindy Adams on you, Children, "mother" must tell you something: If the best actors on a show are Casper Van Dien & Catherine Oxenberg, then you have got major problems.

What plot there is seems to revolve around the ex-Mrs. Marc Anthony (and former beauty pageant winner) and two men, who I'll call Light Hair and Dark Hair. Light Hair is the Beauty Queen's current boyfriend and a bit of a prick. We know that he is a prick, because traditionally bastard male characters have light hair while virtuous or purely evil ones have dark hair. Dark Hair used to be in the military or something and has lingering guilt over his dead girlfriend who was shot, and--you guessed it--Dark Hair couldn't save her. (Dark hair also means scarred by the past, you know.) Beauty Queen gets the hots for Dark Hair in some meet cute scene involving her car breaking down while off to go buy a tuxedo for Light Hair. When Beauty Queen's life is targeted, Dark Hair becomes employed as her bodyguard.

There's some business with other people, but really the show is about those three. It would be actually be tolerable if there was decent acting--even over-the-top acting--involved, but there isn't. Everyone is being serious to whatever level their mediocre acting ability will allow them. Beauty Queen's contribution seems to be utilising vacant stares whenever possible. Dark Hair does the same thing. You see, whenever they open their mouths the lack of comprehension of their respective characters comes pouring out by the bucketload.

Some would say, "well Tatum O'Neal wasn't exactly doing Strindberg an hour earlier." You're right, she wasn't. She was aware she was in trash and lept into it just like Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest. Dark Hair & Beauty Queen can't figure out how to do camp and still come across as earnest.

Guess who has to actually do the actual acting for Dark Hair & Beauty Queen? The editors. Dark Hair has to show agony? Slow-motion. Beauty Queen has to convey lust? Quick cuts over Dark Hair shirtless.

Oh jiminy cricket, this network is truly Rupert Murdoch's public way of laundering money.

The Belarus "Selection" for Eurovision 2007

Dot Eurovision has the shortlist of the 15 songs "competing" to represent Crazy Lukashenko Land, aka Belarus.

Amongst the possible contenders--which god help us all will not get selected--a song entitled "Call me (September 11)."

For anyone familiar with Spagna, it just conjures up images wrong on so many levels.

This Is Milwaukee (In The Middle of A Snowstorm)

Tim Cuprisin's blog is a frequent read of mine and his coverage of the TV coverage of the recent snowstorm is hilarious.

Milwaukee television, who knew it was so vicious?

The Splash Post-Mortem: uh...

I don't remember much except that I did wake up at home with all my limbs attached.

The only other thing that I do recall is that apparently The Brat is now subdued and that it takes forever to get a drink from a Cypriot bartender with steroid gut.

So to make up for the brevity, here is a CBS promo from 1994.

Note how passive-aggressive Dan Rather is in this. If I had known that Dan was this bitchy, I would've watched him.




By the way, talk about a network in transition: It's odd to think that this was the twilight of the original CBS comedy years and still nearly a decade away before CBS became the Jerry Bruckheimer-Mark Burnett network.

Sit Back and Cringe

It was one of the better promotional campaigns of the 1980's, but looking back from 2006, "Let's All Be There" was kind of cringeworthy.

Apparently, it also was international as well.




For maximum cringe, watch this NBC promo from 1988 featuring a "dancing" Michael Landon.



It really was just all downhill from that point on for the Peacock, wasn't it?

The View-Splash-The View Post-Mortem: What's With All These Men Smelling Like Baby Powder?

The evening actually started out with me going to go see The Little Dog Laughed,"Douglas Carter Beane's new play. Now let me be honest with you here, I really hate Douglas Carter Beane, to the point that I consider him only one tiny bit above Tyler Perry (and it really takes a lot of animosity on my end to hate gay playwrights).

As much as it kills me to type the following sentence out, I really liked the play for one main reason: Julie White. As much as I hate Beane, the guy writes spectacular female characters. He just bombs out with his gay characters, which is even more strange since he's gay himself (how difficult is it to write about yourself, mister?). For her alone, you should get your posteriors over there. It may have very well been an off-night, but Johnny Galecki was horrible (like he was looking for cuecards) and Tom Everett Scott was pretty much a non-entity through the first act, a fact made even worse by the fact that his character's actions are the main plot.

So you can imagine the kind of mood I was in when discovered that I was seated next to some actor in his "I'm-trying-to-look-cheap-but-my-parents-support-me-because-they-think-I'm-cute" gear and his fawning sycophant friend who couldn't be more obvious with his unrequited lust over him. (I wouldn't pay so much attention except the non-working actor decided to eat candy right next to me.)

I was just gagging for a drink after this reminder why I don't go to the theatre frequently. So much so that I actually took a pedi-cab: not for the thrill of being overcharged in an unregulated transport, but because it is indeed the quickest way to get to Chelsea from Midtown. I plopped myself down at The View, which has been oddly video-free the last few times I've been in. I'm hoping that the VJ is just on vacation, but if The View stops showing music videos then my nights out will be limited to 3 hours in the early evening over at Splash.

At The View I started to notice something, practically all the well-coiffed scenesters were smelling like baby powder. Now I rarely wear cologne (once a year, basically), because I figure that deodorant does the same job without being overpowering, but I can't imagine that somebody would actually come out with a scent that smells like baby powder on adult men.

Somebody must've though, because when I went to Splash--a double shot of Jagermeister made me feel the urge to dance with my shirt off (I had exhausted all my Chaser pills) --that same smell was all over the place. Even after returning to The View for a nightcap way past Cinderella Hour, I could still smell it on me from dancing. I know it's nothing in my cabinet, and the mystery--like the smell--still lingers.

Nancy Drew has her work cut out for her.